My legs nearly collapsed as Kaise’s question took me by an abrupt surprise. Wait a second, Kaise sees me taking a shower and interrupts it just to ask to join in? Interrupting my shower just to ask something as trivial as this!? I just wanted to take a shower! You know, maybe if I never left the door open nobody would restrain me from entering a tranquil state of mind. I mean, how did I allow the door to stay open? I was so angry I didn’t even recognize that, huh? I won’t be ordering Chinese food anymore if that’s the case, constantly repeating my order into the phone so they get the right information.
My legs, still wobbly and heavy from reacting to the request restrained me from standing straight. I glared at Kaise sharply, preparing myself to say what was initially on my mind.
“Hell no!”
Kaise’s eyebrows arched, likely fixating her eyes on my exasperated state. “Um, what’s good with you? Why you making it so hot for?”
"No one is making anything hot, but you asked a dumb question that deserves to get treated in a dumb way!" I shot back.
Kaise frowned and continued to accost me. "How is it a dumb question? My horn is getting sticky and I would like a shower. Are you still tight cause of earlier or you're just being salty?" I didn't respond but gave Kaise a perplexed look that said 'you're not serious, right?’ "Why you looking at me like that? We took showers together all the time you sod!"
"Exactly. The thing is we were straight as guys. I don't know about you, but nothing changed about me: I still don't like men. Basically, I'm trying to say I don't want to shower with you and my mind might go off track if I shower with you."
"You are bugging ode. I just want to take a shower, boy. Outta my face with that thirsty stuff!" she cringed.
No sound came out my mouth for a few seconds, but the constant dripping of water on the floor delimited my ears. I was so deep into this argument that I forgot to turn off the shower fully, huh?
I turned the shower’s water off while locking a quizzical eye on Kaise. “Why wouldn't you? Well, I don't know... except you were a guy not too long ago! So was I, so why wouldn't I try anything on you? I want to avoid anything 'sexual' in the shower, okay?”
“Like I said, why would we? We're both girls now, dummy.”
I felt the muscles of my jaw leap as I tried to prevent my mouth from twitching. Out of all the things I was expecting Kaise to say, why did it have to be that? That's the most brainless thing I heard yet.
"And that's irrelevant, dummy. You could be lesbian since you were straight your whole life."
Kaise eyes shut. "My nigga, I doubt it. I was walking behind you all day and didn't feel shit! And remember that stallion at the police station?"
The blue stallion that wore a police uniform that couldn't fit came up in my memory. Heh, I think it was funny how he still was trying to work in that condition. That right there is type of ambition I can respect, heh. Wait, I'm getting off track!
I blinked. "What about him? You're trying to say you thought he was sexy?"
"No! I just thought he looked... never mind. Don't watch that..."
"Okay..." I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, we were ponies for the same amount of days, correct?" Kaise nodded. "Alright, and if your sexual preference changed, then shouldn't have mine too?”
"I don't know, bro, I just know we probably don't like females anymore. Not once did I see you try to mack with me." Kaise's eyelids debated while she looked at her hoof smugly.
I deadpanned. "Same for you..."
"Well, you say you still like females, right?"
"Corregir."
"Then how do I look?"
I examined the white unicorn in front of me from top to bottom. You know, Kaise looks like an average mare from the show, especially with that generic mane. I already described how Kaise looked, but I never verbalized my opinion.
"Cute. You look cute, but you... grr, shut up!"
Kaise is confusing me right now. Let me be specific: When I mean she looks regular, she really does look like an average mare from the show to me. I never found them attractive, so what am I supposed to think?
I shook my head in antipathy, thwarting the inimical thoughts. "Grr, that don't mean anything. I like females and I know it. If you don't, then that's cool."
Kaise eyes flashed like that character from the D.C. comics for a second. The unicorn eventually shimmered down and aligned her face. "I don't know if I do. I find you cute, no hom- wait, I don't need to say that anymore. Yeah, you cute, but not sexy. You got a point though, g, this ain't a good way to tell."
I closed my eyes in contempt, giving a small smile. "Glad we came to a conclusion. We don't know, so just let it rock and-"
"Let it rock? Nah, I'm curious now. Lets fuck."
My eyes jumped up quicker than a mouse dying. Did Kaise just say what I think she just said or did I just think what she just said? The floor attracted my jaw closer towards it as I was still evidently digesting what Kaise said.
“What’s the problem? I thought you wanted this?”
My jaw snapped shut and accidentally created a clash between my teeth, knocking me out of my reverie. Ow…
With clenched teeth, I continued my sentence. “Um, many things. First of all, there is no ‘no’ in sex, so you should know. Second, I’m…”
Wait, I’m in a relationship!
“I’M IN A-“
“Wait, hold up!” Kaise interjected, “I don’t mean it like that but what I’m tryna say is that us liking each other won’t be a problem. I’m not saying we should do it, but I do think-“
“Would you let me finish?” I broke in with a hiss. I rolled my eyes and began to recall my thoughts. “Anyways, second of all, I’m kinda in a relationship right now. It’s a little edgy, but I don’t cheat.”
Kaise grimaced. “You mean Jessica? Boy, that’s a dubb! She ain’t going to be attracted to you! You trying to say she is lesbian?”
“Kaise… it’s a long story. I’m not sure if I want to talk about ‘sex’ right now. Let’s just say that things are kind of weird right now.”
Trust me, it really is. If we build our relationship back up, I’m not sure who would wear the pants in the family.
Good thing you don’t wear pants.
Kaise’s right eye twitched. “Boy, this is my problem with you: You can’t finish your sentences or stories! You sound like that Jamaican pastor at my church! How can I help you if you won’t tell me? You and Jessica need to call it off; it ain’t gonna work obviously.”
“How about you-“ I bit my lip and inhaled deeply, ending my sentence before I accidently melt my ice. I closed my eyes for a second and shot them back open instantly. “How about you drop the topic and get off my beef? It’s hilarious how you’re coming at me with this, especially since I was angry not too long ago! This is like telling me my mother died a day after I came from my grandmother’s funeral!”
Kaise ears dropped in despair. “Aww, that’s a shame. We always took showers together when we were bros. I mean, we still could be bros, but you know what I mean.”
“That’s so true, but this is different. You might be a mare, but you were a guy not too long ago. So was I,” I chuckled while flicking a wet piece of mane out my face. “It’s been that way since… we were born. You can’t ignore the facts, Kaise.”
Kaise paused and stared at the floors for a couple of seconds, likely pondering a counter argument. Nah, I don’t think so! I’m gonna kick this bitch out like Pam! Alright, now I just need to-
“I feel you, Shawn. But, why can’t we test it out for?”
My mischievous smirk ripped apart and sewed back into a curvy cringe. “What?”
“Exactly. Let’s take a shower together now because I prolly ain’t feeling you, regardless.”
I smacked my forehead with my hood. “What are you trying to say, Kaise? Stop with the circumlocution and spit it out!”
Kaise shot me a look of disbelief. “You know I’m telling the truth, which is why you aren’t going to take a shower with me.”
Scared? No, I’m not scared, I’m just not comfortable taking a shower with someone who will try to take advantage of me. That’s like taking care of an animal until their healthy again so you can eat them. But, Kaise clearly claimed she isn’t interested in me, which is very plausible. I remembered what happened to Jessica, and like it or not, she described her sexuality changing as spontaneous. I still feel that’s absurd because we were ponies for an equal length of time. Does that mean my sexuality has changed? No, that’s impossible. I haven’t had any weird fantasies at all.
Well, I am still a little eerie about being a pony unlike Kaise and Jessica. Maybe that’s why it happened because they are fully committed and I’m not? Oh boy, even if it’s true, I still don’t know how that explains Kaise sudden interest in my sexuality.
Maybe because they don’t want to feel alone?
Yeah, Kaise just wants me to go down that road to not feel alone. Kaise needs to get the motto that we are all in God’s pictures, but we have different poses!
“Kaise... how are you gonna come to me about this when I just finished killing someone? Are you trying to make me crazy or something?” I snided while keeping my tone in check.
“It’s better to know then not, huh?” Kaise snorted.
I sucked my teeth in defeat and stepped back, creating a small space between us.”Why do you have to bring me into this? Why can’t you just go on the internet and see who you can clop to?”
“Because… I don’t know. I thought you would like to know if you were still into girls.”
“I already know I am, Kaise. We don’t need to ‘experiment’. And personally, this is quite freaky,” I stuck my tongue out, emphasizing my sentiment. “Plus, I still think I’m in a relationship. I’m not doing anything with you at all.”
Her mouth gaped. “Boy! Stop with the excuses and-“
“What excuses? You’re not gonna tyb me, or should I say you’re not gonna tyb Jessica?” I muttered. Oh yeah, tyb means ‘take your bitch’. Kaise got me talking like that now, grr.
Sardonic chuckles retreated from Kaise's lips. “You’re dumb. I’m suggesting to you let’s take a shower together but you’re making it mixxy as hell by playing hot potato like a BITCH! You said you like females but you ain’t down about going down on me at all! I don’t care if I’m really a guy, man, if it looks real then it should feel real!”
I opened my mouth as if I was about to reply, but the only thing that came out my mouth was hot air. If I could respond to that, I would. Kaise is right… I should be somewhat curious. This is actually kinda my fault because we could have just taken a shower together, but now I’m forced to have another episode in the shower. I could have just said ‘Oh, come on in!’. But no, I’m being stubborn again. Am I in my right mind or what?
“You… fine! You want to get jacked? Come in the shower right here!”
Without elaborating any further, Kaise hopped in the shower. Sadly, Kaise had to squish in the shower slightly because our bodies were still too long for this type of shower. “Can you back up, please?” I grumbled.
Kaise obliged and walked backwards, smiling. “Anyways, you’re about to get a gay test. Or should I say straight test? God damn, this is confusing, and that’s word to me, bro.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Just hurry up, will you. I don’t want to be in here forever, especially with you since you’re acting like some... never mind.”
“Haha, okay. Just let me get in position,” she said in a too giddy tone. “
Wait, get in position?
Next thing I knew, Kaise turned her entire body around and shoved her entire flank near my face. It was like one or two inches away from it, looking like a white pillow with a huge wrinkle in the middle. You know, you would have thought Kaise would make me ‘reach’ for her butt, which shows you how obsessed she is.
“Kaise… I said we aren’t going to-“
“Oh, shut up! Just look!" she commanded while her tail almost repeated smacking against my face.
Without further protest, I focused my eyes on Kaise’s flank. My main focus was her tail though, due to it swinging ever so slightly. I was thinking she was going to lift it, but I’m relieved she didn’t. Man, I don’t know what I would do if I saw Kaise’s-
“Surprise!” Kaise shouted eagerly in integration with her tail casting up. Because of how close I was, the white tail accidently brushed against my face and forced me to stumble back slightly. I lifted my head up, averting my eyes from Kaise’s private spot.
“What the hell are you doing, Kaise!?” I bellowed.
“Shut up and look!”
I bit my lip and tilted my head down. I peeked for one second but then had second thoughts and squeezed my eyes shut.
Wait, this isn’t going to get me anywhere. I forced my head towards Kaise’s rear end while I convinced my brain that opening my eyes is mandatory.
Oh crap.
Well, this is interesting. Man, I already established how dirty this felt, but watching it from up close seals the deal! I gulped as I continued scanning Kaise’s marehood. If I could describe it… one word to describe it that it’s … damn. My right eye twitched. Um, what do I do now? Did Kaise just want to see my initial reaction or something? I already saw this before, so how am I supposed to react? Is this really supposed to test my sexuality or what?
Kaise twisted her neck around, looking at me with brooding but bemused eyes. “What do you think?”
I blinked. “I think it’s…hot,” I lied. In fact, the more I looked at it, the more sick I started to feel in my chest. No, I mean stomach. It’s like my intestines are twisting or something. It’s like… I’m not enjoying this close up experience. I’m… detesting it?
Kaise frowned. “You’re fronting.”
I grimaced. “No I’m not! What, I’m supposed to get turned on by seeing this? Hello, I seen it many times! This isn’t working out right, so I think it would be great if you put that away, because you’re making m-“
“Lick it,” Kaise broke in.
My eyes shot open. “What?”
“You heard me!” she repeated with more vitality. Kaise twisted her neck away from me while grunting. “I thought you said you are about that life?”
I frowned. “Screw you, Kaise! I do everything I say!”
“Then stop chatting and do it you derelict.”
“Alright, let’s do it!” I said while sticking my tongue out, my cheeks flushing. That sounds like a challenge and Kaise knows that I back down to no challenge!
Wait, Kaise tricked me! Damn, so much for being incredulous.
Well, now that I’m on the verge of doing it, I should make a cemetery since I’m dying to get in by doing this!
Okay, Jessica shouldn’t kill me since this isn’t cheating, right? It’s just a small experiment and even if I’m correct, there isn’t going to be anything between Kaise and I. Yeah, Jessica won’t even know and even if she does find out, she will be able to emphasize I bet.
I abandoned my thoughts and decided to not abandon Kaise, keeping my tongue motioning forward. Before my tongue could even connect with anything, my tongue froze in motion while my body was still functioning and moving regularly. Once again, the sight of Kaise got the best of the worst side of me. Why can't I do it and get it over with? It's just a quick in and out… it's just a quick-
You don't want to do that. Trust me.
My eyes stayed wide as my tongue rolled back into the depths of my mouth. Funny, I remember my tongue executing the exact motion when I first attempted to do this, except I had an obligation the first time! Now, it feels like I'm not obligated but brainwashed into believing I am.
Kaise turned around and narrowed her eyes in bemusement. “Damn Shawn, you must have a really dry tongue, because I ain’t feel nothing!”
Maybe it’s the fur around ponies body, maybe it’s the way it’s shaped, or maybe Kaise is correct and the inner object mares posses is not satisfying at all! The sight of that usually feels like cupid shot an arrow in my chest, but now it feels like... nothing. Nothing was in my chest while looking at that, except my heart, which is probably stuck in the north pole season right now.
Brain, stop playing tricks.
No, I got no magic. Seriously, it isn't me. I can influence your thoughts but not control them. You use your initiative and I'll use mine. You are thinking that, not me.
I was afraid you would say that.
I let out the air that got lost in my lungs. “Kaise… I’m sorry, but I can’t do it!”
The corners of Kaise’s lips curved into a bright smile as her tail flew back down. “Really?! I told you!” she hooted while pointing a hoof at me. I deadpanned at Kaise's unnecessary dramatics and slapped the hoof out my face. The slap didn't slap the expression off of Kaise’s face unfortunately.
“What are you so happy about?”
“I told you already! Remember my ‘facts only’ demeanor? You didn’t, but now you know!"
“I’m not attracted to stallions, Kaise," The sound of my teeth clenching became crisp to my ears.
“Then what are you attracted to, hmm?” Kaise taunted while shaking her head in a feline pace. “I know it’s not mares.”
“No, I am. I’m not into mares I guess… but I definitely am in love with human females! In fact, I am-“
Oops, I just admitted it. Okay fine, I’m not attracted to mares, but I definitely still got something for human girls! It’s the only logical explanation!
Kaise eyes rolled upwards to the ceiling. “Shawn, you get no work anymore. Just face it. Put a dude in the shower with a skinny thot or a fat one; I guarantee you they will try to hit that! Now, can we take a shower together already?”
My eyes narrowed. “See, the problem is you’re focusing on me. How do I know if you’re not attracted to stallions?”
“Never said I wasn’t, but I’m not sure. You on the other hand are in the closet. Luckily there isn’t a closet big enough to hold you.”
My eyelids half way closed in annoyance. “Really? How am I in the closet?”
“How are you not?” Kaise asked while her tail was rubbing against my face. I immediately smacked the tail away from my face, cringing in process. “See that? That right there proves my point further! You’re making this too easy on me, man.”
“Just… shut up and take a shower with me…” I said faintly while covering my face from embarrassment. In fact, it isn’t just embarrassment, but it’s also disbelief and resentment.
“Kaise-W, Shawn-L,” she replied.
“No… you didn’t win…” I uncovered my face and glared at Kaise. “Look, I’m telling you I don’t like men. If you don’t want to believe it, then that’s your dumbass fault.”
“My dumbass fault? Alright, bet.”
“Bet!” I growled while jerking my head away. I didn’t hear Kaise respond, which mean’t I finally made her shut up. Geez, I never saw someone so obsessed about someone’s love life. Now I know how Mc Lyte felt when people thought she was a lesbian. I turned the shower water on and decided to keep my mouth shut too. I didn’t have anything important to say anyways.
What if Kaise is right? If I’m not into mares… then I must be into stallions? Which means I could be with Jessica?
I thought you want to be with Jessica?
I do… but not like this!
But then again… I could be with Jessica… It’s worth it… and it’s not worth it…. And… I don’t know!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
After Kaise and I finished taking our collective shower, we dried off and entered into ‘my’ room. I mean, it technically still is my room since I don’t pass the torch to Dante officially until night time. It doesn’t make a difference since you can see Dante’s prints everywhere though. My first impression on this room is that it’s a mess. I was pretty messy, but Dante is upper echelon at this. Speaking of Dante, he isn’t here. Katie still isn’t back either so it must be early in the afternoon. That’s great, because if I stuck the ‘news’ on Mom while she's in a disturbed state from worrying about where I’ve been, she would've probably passed out… and enter into a coma. The only thing we would have is faith, except our 'Faith' won't have healing powers!
“Damn Shawn, you’re room looks like an elephant destroyed it just to look for its peanut,” Kaise quipped, finishing scanning the wasteland of my former room.
That's a pretty accurate statement. Looking at the room, I see clothes lying around the room, numerous cd cases scattered across the floor, and the closet door was creaked open, displaying my collection of unorganized clothes. The sheets and covers on my bed were also missing, but the worst part was that I smelled a glimpse of raw sewage, but I think it's just me over exaggerating again.
I rolled my eyes. I feel embarrassed that a guest had to come see a disheveled part of my house, but it’s worse that the guest is a blunt individual. “Don’t mention it, dude. I am fully aware. The thing is this isn’t my room anymore.”
“Why not?” she asked while walking further into the unkempt area.
“Dante and I had a bet. I lost and now I sleep on the couch.”
“Word? That’s crazy. What was the bet about?”
“Basically, Dante dared me to eat meat, which I stubbornly did. I ate it and couldn’t digest it properly. Not only did I throw up, but I threw up on his lap,” I summarized, my body shaking while recalling that lurid instance.
“Really?! Dead ass?”
I nodded while pointing my muzzle upwards. “Eeyup.”
“Damn. Ain’t that some-“
“Shit?” I interrupted, “Indeed, it really is. Funny thing is it took like twenty seven minutes for me to vomit. It’s like the meat was so bad it froze my intestine.”
Kaise snickered. “That’s grimy. What did Dante do to you? If someone vomited on me I would murk them.”
“I know, right? He didn’t do anything. He yelled at me but didn’t hit me or do anything wicked. Don’t know why, but I’m glad.”
In fact, Dante has been acting peculiar lately. I wonder what is going on in his head. Whatever it is, I hope it continues and don't stop because I could see a bright future between us. Heh, yeah.
I approached my computer’s desktop and climbed on the seat, carefully making sure my hooves don’t slip off any edges of the chair. I turned on the monitor's power button and waited for the computer to boot up. After our quarrel, Kaise and I regained our composure and came to an agreement. I have to see if I’m still attracted to males by looking up pictures on the internet. Yeah, even though Kaise presented vast amount evidence that I ‘switched up’, I still wasn’t convinced.
“There isn’t any sheets on the bed,” Kaise piped in.
I looked at the bed and noticed the bare white cushion was indeed in full display. It sucks that no one put a new sheet on there, but Dante probably was too dormant to care. He just wanted to go to sleep in a ‘blood’ free bed.
I shrugged. “Sorry Kaise, you can sit in the seat-“
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll just sit on it,” Kaise insisted.
“Kay. Can you see from here?” I asked while turning my head around.
Kaise, now on the bed, squinted her eyes. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I nodded. “Good.” I turned my attention back to the computer monitor and started to navigate the mouse. The pointer on the screen was moving around awkwardly, probably due to me not holding it properly. The first time I used a computer with my hoof felt a little weird, probably due to the fact I can’t form a firm grip . Now it doesn’t feel weird at all. In fact, the lack of a tight grip feels natural now, but it is still uncomfortable. I know the statement sounds kind of contradictory, but it’s true.
Kaise and I were pretty quiet while I was setting up the internet browser. My computer is usually quick but today it felt peculiarly slow. Oh well, it’s no problem. I’m not in a rush, right? It's not like looking at a picture of someone is like asking someone to be their Valentine before someone else gets the opportunity.
I sighed and slammed my hooves on the desk. “Kaise… shouldn’t we be looking up something more important though? Like, try to research more about these ‘aliens’?”
“Nah, boy. You were talking too much shit earlier today. Don’t pussy out,” she sneered.
“Whatever."
I can’t believe I’m about to do this though. Funny how the ponies I used to look up on the internet could now possibly be a part of my twisted fantasies. Yes, I always searched pony pictures online. Even though I never considered myself a brony, I was a wind turbine. Get it? It means I was a hugeeeeeee fan!
I let out a sigh in distress. Kaise took notice of the sound and asked, “You good?”
“Yeah, I am. I’m just feeling weird, that’s all.” I looked at the lower corner of the left screen and saw the time on the toolbar. Oh, it was 1:18. That means it's been like… five hours since I left the house. Man, time sure goes by quick.
“Why? Cause of me?” Kaise persisted.
“Nah, not really you. But, if you were right… then how am I supposed to feel? Please tell me since you actually like your ‘body’.”
“Well...” Kaise mumbled, pausing for a few seconds, “I guess you’re supposed to feel normal.”
I face hooved. See, short answers like that pisses me off. Sounds so pompous but also sounds like the person is talking to me like I’m overreacting. I'm not overreacting!
“How? Do you remember who I used to be?” I turned my whole body around on the chair just to glare at Kaise.
“Yeah, you used to be Shawn, and you still are. The only difference is you are bi-polar heifer.”
“Smd.” I closed my eyes and blew my cheeks into the size of two small balloons. Without looking, I pointed to the dresser next to me, trying to imply it symbolized something. “Do… do you know what’s in there? Men undergarments. I can’t fit that anymore…” I opened my eyes and tried to intimate the face of Fry from that Futurama meme.
“That’s my style, but I can’t rock it anymore. This was my room, but I can’t use it like I want to anymore,” I fussed while throwing my hooves up while looking at the ceiling. “I was closer to the ceiling, and now I’m closer towards the floor! This transformation made me a freaking leprechaun! Do you get what I’m saying? THIS SHIT IS RIDICULOUS!”
“Okay, calm down! It was a little joke, but look, you shouldn’t feel weird. You shouldn’t feel normal, but I thought you would.”
“I always told myself that I was going to probably go through a ‘shift’.” I turned my head away from Kaise and paid attention to the computer again. I clicked on google images when the browser finally started up, contemplating what to add to my tirade. “And oh my god, I actually did! You want to hear something else? I kinda did acknowledge being a mare earlier today, but I never said anything about liking dudes! You can basically say I allowed this to happen!”
Kaise deadpanned. “Shawn… it isn’t that serious, b.”
“Yes it is! Can’t you see that I’m going through some… ugh! How can you act like that?”
“Act like what?” she raised an eyebrow.
Before I replied, I typed in ‘sexy men’ on google because I have no idea what woman consider sexy. “Act so calm! You lost your manhood and you don’t even care! If the opportunity to change back was knocking at your door, I bet you would run out the back door!” I finished my assertion.
Kaise stared at me with genuine confusion for a few seconds, but surprisingly let out a stifled giggle. “Hell yeah! I don’t take opportunities, I earn them.”
Like a broken needle, your friend misses the point. That’s your friend right there, not mine.
Shut up, brain.
I face hooved once again. Damn, if I keep doing that my face will look redder than a- wait, I already made a red simile. Hmm… my face will bleed like the color… red? I suck at this.
“No you moron, I’m trying to say that you’re acting weird. You were a misogynist and even though you were a fake gangsta, I thought you were pretty hard. You also told me you love yourself more than anyone! Let me add everything up… IT DOES NOT CALCULATE! You became the thing that you hate the most and all you can do is act like it’s okay but can't react properly? Who indoctrinated you? WHERE DID YOU HIDE KAISE AT YOU MONSTER!”
“Shawn, you the bro. I love you, man," Kaise smiled gently. "But, you don’t know what the FUCK you are talking about! I wasn’t a ‘misogynist’ or whatever you like to call it, so watch your damn mouth before I rip it off and paste it on your big ass eyes! ”
“Um, you pronounced it correctly,” my right eye trailed away from Kaise awkwardly. “Anyways, you definitely were.”
"How? Tell me how was I, you Homer Simpson colored motha-"
I deflected the insult by laughing, but my laughs quickly subsided as I my eyes took another sharp turn. "Well, let’s start it off that you were disrespectful to them. Like, every time you said 'bitch' I think you used it in a disrespectful way instead of a pet name. You think I was calling girls bitches because I thought they were dirty felines? Chill."
"Geed you!" Kaise denied, "I mean, only to certain types I was, but other than that you're bugging."
I smiled sweetly, which secretly was representing sarcasm due to the circumstances. “Which types? Because to me, it seemed you hated on anything that had tits. No, I’m not talking about man boobs because you were scared of those.” My eye color grew duller, despite the laugh factor of my quip.
"Why are you trying to press me? You wanna shake?"
“I’m not pressing you, Kaise, I'm just wondering. You are faring at this very good but you're indifference was... it's just confusing. Even though sometimes you piss me off to the point I want to punch you till your fucking face caves in, I don’t want to lose my best friend…” I said softly.
“You need to chill. Did I hate on Katie? Jessica?”
I took a second to remember every time Katie and Kaise interacted with each other. Oh yeah, I need to recall the time when he talked about Katie behind her back, because people are fake. Yeah, a lot of my friends insult each other when they aren’t looking.
Now that I think of it, Kaise was just being typical. I mean, my school is filled with a plethora of beautiful girls, but being hot makes you a slut apparently. I'm not gonna lie, I thought that too... especially since a hot girl is most likely to be on her grind every night. It's just the ignorance of being a teenager I guess. Plus, being a simp teenager is a position that holds up no scrutiny whatsoever, so who am I or anyone else to judge? Kaise never had any luck with the ladies either, so yeah, I understand Kaise better but that doesn't mean I condone that type of behavior.
I closed my eyes and sighed. “My fault, Kaise. Still, it’s just shocking. You really-”
“-I feels you, dawg. But, just remember I’m keeping it ’100’. Besides, I can use magic. If you could use magic, would you give it up? A wise man once told me, ‘You’re your own worst enemy’. A wise man also once told me that ‘Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity’.”
My eyebrows blazed up. “I don’t… follow?”
“Shawn, you're slow. If Kangaroos can jump six feet in the air, then anything can happen. That’s why the phrase ‘shit happens’ was invented.”
“Yeah, I guess so. I just wish you would stop with the analogies because you just contradicted yourself.” My expression turned stolid. “How are you gonna say fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity when you said anything is possible? That does not compute, son.” Kaise didn’t respond to the question but replied with a ditsy snicker. I don’t know why, but I started to laugh in accordance with the white pony. "Haha, you're a clown."
After we shared a laughed, I turned back to the task at hand, finally gaining the courage to hit the search button and verify where my sexual attraction lies. Once again, this feels weird, but it’s better to know than not know I guess. The first picture that popped up was a guy with black hair standing (floating) sideways with a blue jean jacket on, leaving it unzipped to showcase his abs. He was wearing black pants that was sagging down his hips in the front, exposing it clearly in a picture with superb clarity. The pose itself made me want to burst out laughing. It’s so… corny!
I enlarged the image and studied his face. My first comment is: I’m disappointed. Yeah, he was good looking, but sexy? Hell no. Okay, maybe he is sexy, but when I say 'sexy' I mean it like it came from a guy’s point of view. Right now, I am still looking at men the same way I did when I was a guy, meaning my attraction for them is zero times zero. That's great.
“Maybe it’s because I think this guy is a prick, but I don’t find anything sexy at all. If you ask me, I looked just like him. Not to say I wasn't sexy though.” I smirked.
"Geedd you! You looked like that bearded guy from Brave," Kaise snorted in between giggles.
I glared at Kaise, pausing while pondering a comeback on the same stature of disrespectful that sentence was. "Don't be jealous, Kaise. How many times got 'some'? Four? Four compared to my what... 20?!"
Kaise's cheeks puffed. "You have a girlfriend, idiot. Ofcourse you gonna beat the crease up more."
"DID A GIRL EVER TOUCH YOU DOWN THERE? " I growled.
"Yes. Of course she did."
"Whatever, man."
I exited out the picture and clicked on another one. This picture showed another dude's six pack, the light from the camera reflecting off it. He was wearing a collared shirt that was un-buttoned and colored white, matching the rest of his outfit which consisted of white pants and sneakers. He was also rocking some shades, which was another item that boosted his confidence and 'swagger'.
Kaise and I exchanged a look, staring at each other ineptly with no spoken words, letting our eyes talk. Kaise is probably thinking what I’m thinking but nixing those thoughts. After no words were said for a couple of seconds, I decided to break the ice. “What do you think?”
Kaise lips pursed. “I think this guy is a cornball.”
“Exactly.”
We continued searching through google for pictures. Every picture had the same result: A man who was fresh as hell and probably photogenic, but didn't meet the requirements of our agreement . There was an odd picture we ran into with an old man with teeth that resembled wood. It was… weird. I also saw a picture that showed someone with their penis sticking out, and the rest was history. I would tell you what type of history, but that would be a long story.
Hey, no one said this search wouldn’t be acid fluxing.
I scowled. I didn’t even bother getting worked up but continued to try and rationalize the situation instead. How though? I’m at a dead end right here.
Here’s an idea: How about you type up stallions instead?
“Maybe… maybe I should type in stallions. Not regular ones, but ones from the show.”
Kaise shrugged apathetically while swinging her legs on the bed. “Whatever, Shawn. Just hurry up so I can eat.”
The first thought that came in my mind was Big Macintosh. Besides the fact that his name is a sexual innuendo, I seen so many fics where he is hailed as the sexiest stallion in Equestria, so it makes sense since he must be liable evidence. To be honest, I don’t know why people hype up Big Mac so much. The only thing he says is ‘eeyup’ and the whole fanbase gets excited. And when he talks everyone faints. Haha, that’s funny. Even in the cartoon no one faints, haha!
I entered in his name and waited for the results. You know, I wonder why the fanbase thinks every mare likes him though. I doubt Cherliee was thinking about him like that in that one episode. Or maybe she was? Why do I even care? In what way is the ponies in real life set in the canon universe of FiM?
“Who is Big Mac and how do you know him?” Kaise inquired.
“He’s a pony from the show that I told you about.”
“Oh,” Kaise muttered, “Why did you specifically search him up though? Did you always think he was hot?”
Blushing, I turned around and thrusted my head up while my knees kneeled on the chair.“No! It’s the general consensus in the fanbase that he is hot! I’m just going from that.” My left eye wiggled for a split second but eventually twitched.
“Oh, I feel you. Hehe, I'm chatting,” Kaise chuckled.
“Indeed. Besides that, I do kinda agree. I mean, Big Mac is big, strong, and kicks trees. Though, this MLP world basically rips apart any gender stereotype society manifested, so who knows?" I sat back down on my rump, turning my head back to the screen.
The pictures of the red earth pony finally loaded. The last time I searched google for Big Mac was when I was looking for an avatar, but that’s about it. Who would have thought Big Mac would be so decisive to my life right now?
From far away, nothing really stood out to me. There was this one picture where Big Mac was in a pretty erotic pose. Something told me not to click, but something told me a big surprise was waiting for me.
Let’s do this.
The picture was now in full screen. The first thing I noticed was how similar Big Mac looked to Kaise and I, but marginally different. While Kaise and I had the same exact style as the show, we looked more vivid. Like, color wise, we really stood out from anything else in the world. Remember how Space Jam looked? Yeah, that’s what I mean.
Second thing I noticed is my perception of the way he looked was the same… some what. I can’t explain, but Big Mac looked the same. He had the same big fur, the same muscular build, the same green eyes that never scintillated yet appeared so shiny. The same brawny, angular snot that made him stand out… which was also husky looking. I bet he could do chin push ups.
Wait, what? What did I-Wait, what’s so bad with that statement? I gritted my teeth while I continued to stare at the pony image. Okay, Big Mac is just a red pony from a cartoon show who says ‘eeyup’. He sure does sound cool when he says that though…
Brain, stop it. I know that’s you making me think that you hack.
Fine. I’m not gonna influence your thoughts this time.
I sighed. Get it together Shawn!
I looked at Big Mac again and started to judge him again, albeit with the absence of my brain. Okay, he definitely is husky looking and is one hundred percent worthy of being a pimp. Honestly, I bet if I flinged his ass it would ring.
Okay, I’m gonna be serious… he’s cute. But… I do not… want to have… sex with him! I repeat in pig-latin: Ixnay off his ick-day! If that makes sense!
You do want to.
No! I don’t! I’m not sexually attracted to him at all!
“He is not special,” spilled out my mouth tensely. I waited a few seconds for Kaise to reply, but the time never came to my surprise. I gulped. This isn’t going to end well.
Yeah, cause when someone doesn’t respond, it means they are lost in astonishment.
Exactly! You know what’s up.
“Kaise…” I repeated, albeit more high pitched, turning my head stiffly as if it was being turned with a ratchet or a similar tool.
“I’m not gonna front, Shawn, he looks pretty good. Does all ponies look like this or nah? If so… then damn, these ponies are eating!” Kaise purred. I started at Kaise abruptly with my eyes rivaling shock distress and confusion. Wait, Kaise loves the pic but I don’t? Wait, hold up! How is Kaise gonna like him while I’m… gah!
Well, that seals the deal. Kaise is attracted to equestrian males but I'm not attracted to neither, huh? I can appreciate Big Mac’s looks but I don’t feel the need to lay down with him, huh? That’s strange… I thought it was inevitable I would due to the way my day has been going.
In other words, if that happened, you would need a psychiatrist so you won’t be like Sybil for the rest of your life.
Ironic, since I have a female and male brain fixing a broken bridge in my head!
After exiting my house of introspection, I turned back towards Kaise. "Well, you wanna hear something funny?"
Kaise looked at me hesitantly, but indulged me and proceeded to nod. "Go on..."
"H-how... how would you feel if you're girlfriend became a stallion the same time you became a mare?"
"How would I feel? Man, I would feel some type of way.” Kaise vaguely or even lazily answered.
"What would you do though?"
Inquisitiveness took her face. "What do you mean? Boy, I would teach her how to run up in someone the right way! I would teach her something I call 'road kill." Get it? Because you crash into someone's coon.”
I deadpanned. Who the hell would come up with something like that?
I held my head up and groaned. Yeah, I had to count on Kaise for advice. Instead of giving me a concise answer, she brags. It seems Kaise can make light of any situation these days. I mean, unless it's a cop, then yeah. Kaise can probably make light of a city blowing a fuse in the middle of the night, but cops can apparently crack the water fuse inside of Kaise.
"Yeah, I had a feeling you would say that..."
"Why would you ask me that though? Is Jessica supposed to be-"
"A stallion? Yes, she is. And guess what? She likes mares!" I exclaimed with false excitement, feeling my lungs sore up as the slightest mention of that irked the fervent side of me.
Kaise paused for a second. "Word? Boy, are you dumb? This is great, you two can cuff all over again! Hit Jessica up right now!"
My eyes closed, kicking out all the light that entered into my vision. "I can't..."
"..Why?"
I hate coming to this conclusion, but the process of elimination calls for this to be done.
"Because... I think I’m asexual…" I said softly, glazing at the floor. A taut silence filled the room. Taking a quick peek at Kaise, confusion was traced all over her face. I chewed and rolled my eyes to the ceiling, looking aimlessly at the top of the house while my thoughts began to drift off. I began predicting how the future of being asexual will shape out for me.
Maybe it won’t be that bad. Sure, I'm gonna be by myself while Jessica will probably move on... which means she is safe. That’s all the matters. Yeah, she is gonna be living the good life and socialize everyday while I’m gonna be anti-social, anti-cool, anti-liberal, aint I? Man, I'm gonna be cooking for myself for the rest of my life! I don’t even know how to make eggs!
In the words of Kaise: That’s a dubb!
"Wait, Shawn...." Kaise muttered, "What does asexual mean? Does it mean you are attracted to yourself?"
I turned my head towards Kaise apace with my eyebrows squishing against each other. Kaise scrutinizing me so well earlier today tells me she is a very meticulous individual, but it doesn’t mean she is the brightest light bulb. If I had to dish out recognition, it would be the whitest one.
I shook my head. “It’s better to be thought of as ignorant instead of opening your mouth and removing all doubt.”