Season 2 Episode 20 – It’s About Time
Ponyville Library, Ponyville
The Agenda:
1. Preparing for impeachment. [ ]
2. Win Election! [ ]
3. LONG TERM: Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ]
GALLOP POLL: HEARTSTRINGS (EQE) 42%/BUSTER (EQA) 33%/MARE (IND) 2% (±4%)
Lyra Heartstrings’ voice crackled over the radio. “I have to say, during this debate with Mr. Buster, we haven’t agreed on much- “ Yeah right, Mayor Mare thought as she scrunched up the piece of paper and tossed it into a bin. “ -but I agree whole-heartedly that Mayor Mare has to be punished! As the pony who might have set loose the Cerberos onto Ponyville’s hapless populace, she should really withdraw from government on principle alone… but no matter. Ponyvillians, your Legislative Council will impeach this proven criminal in a few days; this is a concrete promise!...”
Councilor Twilight Sparkle tuned the radio down, worry written on her face. “They really are pulling all the stops, Mayor.”
Her political mentor shrugged. “Well, it’s not like I can defend myself. You heard the moderator on the phone: ‘you’re not relevant enough in the election to be on this debate’.” The tan pony pulled a face to emphasize her point.
Twilight giggled despite herself.
“In any case,” the tan pony got straight to the tantalizing point, Iron Will’s exhortations for hope - Hope is Dope - perhaps coming true. “You said you’ve thought of a way to delay the impeachment?”
Lavender ears perked up. “Oh yes, Mayor.” Fine china was levitated out; hot tea and milk. “It’ll do more than delay the impeachment, I expect. It’s be best if I had your permission, though.”
“That depends on the plan.”
Twilight coughed politely. “Ah, well, you see… there’s the problem.”
Always a catch. “What problem?”
The bookish mare took a sip of her brew instead.
The radio regained its pre-eminence within the Library. “…I will say to my dear friend Lyra Heartstrings, that while we don’t agree on much, I, Councillor Filly Buster, support one hundred percent the impending deposition of Ponyville’s criminal Mayor!...”
“What is the plan, Ms. Sparkle?” the tan pony repeated.
The bookish mare started as if she had been suddenly turfed out of her thoughts, accidentally spilling a bit of brown liquid onto her coat. “What? Oh!... yes, Mayor Mare, uh, the plan… ”
Mayor Mare wasn’t having any of these delaying tactics. “Ms. Sparkle,” she pressed, gently yet firmly. “What is the plan?”
“Ah,” the magical unicorn tried to compensate with a cheesy grin and a nervous chuckle. “Well, you see, it involves… you know, I don’t think you’ll like it on paper, Mayor. But t’s not illegal, I’ll tell you that.”
Must be some plan if Twilight expects me to hate it. “Ms. Sparkle. Tell me about the plan.”
Her interlocutor shook her head anxiously. “You really won’t like it, Mayor.”
“Twilight, if I’m impeached, I’ll be disgraced at the very least. They’ve literally cornered me. I have nothing left to lose.”
The pained groan of a unicorn who had run out of good excuses. “Alright, Mayor. The plan involves- “ A sudden flash of inspiration. “Actually, Mayor, I think somepony may be listening in on you.”
The bespectacled mare groaned, her reward denied. Why was Twilight being so reticent?
“There is nopony else in this room, Ms. Sparkle.”
“No, no. I meant ponies listening in on you magically or through receivers. You know how technology is!” Twilight chuckled nervously, holding on to this last straw for dear, dear life.
“Ms. Sparkle, that’s the silliest- “ Mayor Mare halted mid-sentence. The Princess’ protégé wasn’t about to reveal her secrets soon, and it probably isn't the best of ideas to pressure a would-be savior – especially if not knowing meant not taking responsibility (and frankly, who was going to blame the Princess’ student for anything, anyway?).
“Fine,” the tan pony gave her assent. “I’m sure that your plan will work, in any case. Thank you, in advance.”
Twilight replied with a grateful smile. “I’ll get that impeachment off of you, Mayor. I promise.”
*
Meeting Room 2, Town Hall, Ponyville
SPECIAL MEETING OF THE PONYVILLE HAY BOARD
Category: RESERVES
Topic: BUYING AND SELLING
Issue: A REQUEST TO SELL A PORTION OF THE PONYVILLE HAY RESERVE IN ORDER TO ALLEVIATE GOVERNMENT FINANCES
Members Present: FINANCE SECRETARY BIT COIN (CHAIRING), COUNCILOR TWILIGHT SPARKLE HP, COUNCILOR LYRA HEARTSTRINGS, COUNCILOR FILLY BUSTER, MS. APPLEJACK
Finance Secretary Bit Coin was wrapping up. “So to conclude, because of some… unexpected disaster-proofing expenses- “ a dirty glance at Twilight- “the Ponyville Government has found itself short of funds. Selling 5,000 hay bales at market rates should get us through until the new budget is drawn up by LegCo. Now, I need not tell you how important this action is to the citizens of Ponyville, so please weigh up the pros and cons carefully, and vote for the passage of this motion. Questions?”
A purple hoof rose up. “Yes, Councilor Sparkle.”
“Ms. Coin: I’m compiling the latest statistics,” the bookish mare began, toting a rather fearsome-looking folder, “and it says here that our election budget is at least double the size of all our remaining budget obligations. I was wondering if Ponyville would be better served if we simply used the election budget… “
A derisive laugh from Councilor Filly Buster. “Oh, you are not going to do that, Ms. Sparkle! I’m making darn sure that your corrupt political patron and her sniveling lackeys play fair this time ‘round!”
“Ignore him,” Twilight muttered to an embarrassed Applejack.
The chestnut pony shook her head in response to Twilight’s question. “You must know the answer, Councilor Sparkle. The Ponyville Government is legally obligated to do one thing, and one thing only – hold elections. Anything else can be defunded, but not that..”
The bookish mare sought clarification. “So we can’t even skim election funds to pay for the important needs of ordinary Ponyvillians?”
“That would be breaking the law, Councilor Sparkle; and we don’t break the law in Ponyville.”
Twilight lowered her head in pretend-thought. “Right,” she murmured.
The financial bureaucrat took the advantage to look around the room. “More questions… no? All done, then!” she announced happily. “So, fillies and gentlecolts, let’s have the votes: all those voting ‘yes’, raise your hooves!”
Two hooves immediately went up. Filly Buster and Lyra Heartstrings.
Score one for Bit Coin, the Finance Secretary congratulated herself. Correctly identifying voting inclinations was the only thing that kept the chestnut pony going through these boring meetings.
Meanwhile Applejack looked uneasily at Twilight, the country mare fidgeting uneasily in her chair. “You sure about this, Twi’?” the orange pony asked again. “I-I mean, all that to save the Mayor?”
“Well, Lyra and Filly aren’t playing fair, either.”
“I know that,” the honest mare whispered. “But still, sounds like a mite too far… “
The purple unicorn placed a comforting hoof on her friend. “Applejack. It’s fine. Go vote the way you want.”
The orange pony’s lower jaw trembled slightly and she gazed back onto the floor, her head a clouded mess. She really wanted to stand by Twilight, but with what she was planning to do, it seemed…
The Finance Secretary smiled smugly at the little charade the two friends were playing. “All those voting ‘no’, raise your hooves!”
A defiant purple hoof shot up in the air.
Applejack closed her eyes and followed suit, after a few seconds, with her tepid orange hoof.
Ever the bureaucrat, Bit Coin decided to follow protocol to the letter. “And all those abstaining, please raise your hooves!” she announced. “So the voting tally is: two for, two against!”
“So the result is a tie. Therefore, according to custom,” the chestnut pony began filing away her documents, eager to get off work as soon as possible. “I shall cast the deciding vote. ‘Yes’- “
“I don’t think so!”
Twilight Sparkle’s echoes rang throughout the deadened air.
Councilor Lyra burst out laughing. “Oh, Ms. Sparkle,” she explained condescendingly. “Maybe you’re still new to Ponyville: but here, if there’s a tie for a Board Resolution, the Chair gets to cast the deciding vote.”
Twilight began her retort with the most innocent smile she could fix up. “Actually, I think it’s you who doesn’t understand Ponyville, Councilor.”
That upturned the smile on the lime-green pony pretty quickly.
“You see,” Twilight got up and began pacing around, gesturing aimlessly with her hoof like a Canterlot professor in the zone. “I’ve always argued that all potential politicians need to be tested on their knowledge before entering government: and here’s the reason why!”
“Just cut to the chase, Twilight,” a darkening Filly Buster drawled.
“That’s Councilor Sparkle to you, Filly,” Twilight scolded the disrespectful stallion, having had enough of his little putdowns. “Anyway. You see, Ponyville’s Hay Reserve is a different animal compared with anything else in the Government. This is because it deals with the municipal stockpile of hay – the basic staple for our citizens, and the fundamental basis of the economy.”
Too late, Bit Coin began frantically searching for her copy of the Hay Board Regulations, mane growing sweatier by the second. Oh great oh great oh great-
Lyra was less alert. “So?”
Twilight smiled. “So,” she levitated over her own well-worn copy of the Regulations. “So, with such an important task entrusted to it, you’d expect the voting measures to be slightly different.”
Having flipped to the offending page, the Finance Secretary was now cursing and cursing under her breath, her dreams of a lovely holiday in Marejorca slowly fading into dust.
The purple pony began to read. “Here it is: Pursuant to the Harmony Act 12, all decisions made by the Ponyville Hay Board regarding the Strategic Reserve must be approved by unanimous consent.”
Jaws were fast dropping.
The lavender pony kept up her smile at her befuddled co-legislators. “I freely object to this action, fillies and gentlecolts, and therefore Ponyville is not allowed to sell from its Hay Reserve!”
Filly Buster felt distinctly light-headed, nauseous and all the terrible words that associate themselves abject and complete disaster. “B-but… that’s outrageous! That’s impossible! The law… the law can’t say that! It can’t be true, it can’t be… ” he swiftly turned against the Princess’ protégé. “Ms. Sparkle, you’re putting every Ponyvillian on the line for… for your own personal vendetta, Twilight! How… how dare you! I… I thought better of you- “
His rantings were cut short by Lyra Heartstrings’ snicker, her mind still firmly in control of her emotions. “Oh, you think you’re so clever, Twilight,” she cooed. “But I see through your little trick. You’re trying to get the Legislative Council shut down so the Mayor doesn’t get impeached, aren’t you?”
“Perhaps,” the bookish mare admitted.
The lime-green unicorn leant in, ready for the kill. “Well, that’s not going to work for long, Councilor Sparkle. I’m going to have a judge overturn your silly little veto, and then I’ll personally make sure nailing the Mayor’s going to be the first thing on our new list.”
Twilight serenely glided back to her seat. “Oh, Councilor Heartstrings… where are you going to find a judge to overturn my veto?”
Lyra frowned, suspecting a trap. “By going to the courts, of course… “ her voice faded away in realization..
“Any court that has jurisdiction over us will be closed due to a lack of funds,” Bit Coin elaborated through gritted teeth. “Because, thanks to Twilight Sparkle, the Ponyville Government will be shutting down.”
A long pause as everypony let this new paradigm sink in.
“So… what now?” Applejack concluded at last.
*
Mayor Mare’s House, Ponyville
Day One of a government-less Ponyville. The Sun still rose, the lights still worked, water still came out of the taps. But then again, these things weren’t in the day-to-day responsibilities of the Ponyville Government.
“I’m going, Mom,” Cheerilee announced as she descended the stairs. “For a whole day of unpaid work,” she further stressed.
Mayor Mare had not much room for sympathy. “Don’t go, then.”
“Union hours,” the cherry pony grumbled as she opened the front door. “I can’t not go.”
The door slammed shut. Mayor Mare turned back to her house guest. “Well, Councilor Sparkle,” she continued, turning the resignation letter over and over again in her hooves. “This has been most unexpected.”
“Well I’m hardly going to win re-election,” the lavender pony observed quietly. “I knew you’d be unhappy at this – and that’s why I didn’t tell you about my plan beforehand.”
The gray-maned mare nodded in unspoken agreement.
Twilight was feeling pensive, in any case. “I think I was too naïve when I decided to try politics, anyway. Thought that I was going to change things, help Ponyville’s citizens, perhaps even leave a mark within Equestrian law.” she chuckled bitterly. “Now look at what I’m doing. Strange, huh?”
The tan pony refilled Twilight’s teacup apologetically. “I’m sorry if I forced you into shutting down the government.”
“No, no,” the magical unicorn was quick to dismiss the Mayor’s atonements. “I mean, you were in the right here, Mayor – for the most part, anyway. Lyra and Filly were just telling lies about you, and ponies lapped it all up: hook, line and sinker. It’s as if they need disharmony in order to get elected. It’s been worse ever since you created the Legislative Council.”
Mayor Mare didn’t really know what to say. “That’s democracy, Twilight.”
Twilight looked out into the glorious morning outside. “Well, if this is democracy, then maybe… maybe- “
The unicorn let her thoughts fade slowly into the ether.