There, that should keep them busy for a while. Sorry about the wait, I went over to the airship docks and made a mess of things. They probably think I stole a balloon and hightailed it out of here. I hope they think that, at least. Taking the pressure off of me here can only lead to good things.
Right, right, I get that you're curious. Don't worry, I'll get to it eventually. Skipping straight to the exciting parts is all well and good, but without the context all it will be is meaningless action. Fun, but empty. This is my story, this is my life. I'm not going to trivialize any part of it.
Except, maybe, my farewells to Twilight's friends. Celestia had mandated it, so it had to be done, but that doesn't mean I looked forward to or enjoyed the experience.
On the plus side, I was riding high on the fact that I'd fooled Celestia herself. If Twilight's beloved monarch and teacher couldn't tell that I wasn't her, then I had a good shot of pulling it off with the rest of them. I had the vague notion that I would talk to each of them alone, explain that I needed to take some 'me time' in Canterlot, and head out without making a big deal of it. That plan didn't last past my front door, because they were all waiting for me.
Say what you will about Twilight's friends –and I intend to, at length– but they do care about her. They were all as worried as Celestia had said, and in their own way they each wanted to help. How that help manifests, however, is where the trouble lies.
Pinkie had strung a banner proclaiming 'happy house-leaving' across the street and had organized a parade complete with confetti, fireworks and a marching band. Yes. Thought you'd like that.
There are levels of embarrassment where you just stop caring, sit back and enjoy the ride. Then there are levels where you are trapped, caged by the outrageous circumstances into utter inaction, furious and terrified and unable to express any of it. Pinkie is a past master of bringing ponies to these depths. I thought Twilight had known all there was to know about it, but the problem with having a greater range of emotion than her is that, well, none of my emotional expectations are true.
I did not enjoy that parade. I started crying by the time the float shaped like my head with a big glass smile plastered on its face went by. I couldn't help it, I just wanted to curl up and disappear. I couldn't bring myself to stop it all from happening, either. I was paralyzed
On the up side, Celestia was apparently as surprised as I was by Pinkie's exuberance, and when she noticed the state I was in she draped a wing over me and drew me close. There's a feeling of safety in that, the strength of her wings, the warmth of her side. I balk at describing Celestia as 'motherly' considering neither I nor Twilight have that kind of relationship with her, but there's very few other places one can go with that description. Fluttershy saw my distress too, and pressed in to give me a hug. Applejack, well, she knew. So did Rarity. They gave me space and let the comfort experts handle it. I don't think Dash noticed how I was doing, she was busy arguing something with Pinkie.
Pinkie... when she noticed I was crying she practically freaked out. I'll give her credit for this: her ability to think ahead may be stunted to the point of non-existence, but when she accidentally hurts somepony she catches on quick and does everything in her power to make it better.
At that point, though, I didn't want her to make it better. I took the whole thing as a personal assault, as if the parade was a barb aimed specifically at me. As if Pinkie knew my insecurities and had decided to lay them out for the entire world to see. I hated her for that.
I don't hate her anymore. I've grown since then, and I've forgiven her. But that's kind of a recent development. Right then and for a long time afterwards, every time I thought about her all I could feel was a vengeful rage. In the black corners of my heart, I wanted her dead. It's surprising I didn't act on that. Maybe it was some vestige of Twilight's friendship holding me back. Or maybe the better angels of my own nature won out.
If so, it's too bad they didn't keep up the good work.
The parade was broken up in short order. Confused ponies were thanked for their efforts in cheering me up and sent on their way. Then it was me and Celestia and Twilight's five closest friends.
"Hey," I said, sniffing back the last few tears. "Sorry."
"It's okay, Twilight," Applejack offered. "We know you've been in a bad way."
"Yeah, Spike said you're the one who knocked him through the wall," Dash said, brash and insensitive and wonderful for it. There's no caution with her, no pretension or falsity. She doesn't put on airs or masks. She's learned to be a bit more polite and less self-centered over the past few years, but she's still so beautifully her.
Yes. No, don't even give me that look. I know exactly what you're thinking. And you're not wrong. But you're not completely right either. Just let me tell the story, okay? It'll all come out. Everything.
Where was I? Oh, right. Dash was asking me: "What's up with that?"
"Something happened," I said. "I lost control. I didn't even think about it. I hurt Spike."
"But you didn't want to," Fluttershy said.
It hadn't been a question, but I answered anyway. "No I didn't. I didn't even realize he'd been hurt for... I didn't want to hurt him. But I did."
"And y'all thought you couldn't tell us?" Applejack asked, incredulous. "You know we wouldn't blame you, sugarcube."
"I... I didn't think about it," I replied. "I just... I feel so bad about it. And what if it happened again? I could hurt somepony else. I could hurt you."
"You wouldn't hurt us, Twilight," Pinkie said, with a big, friendly, forgiving smile on her face. I felt like she was leering at me, could barely suppress the urge to flinch back. "I know you wouldn't."
"I understand," Fluttershy said softly in my ear. "I've felt the same way before."
"Oh, darling, how terrible it must have been!" Rarity bleated at me. Yes, I know, that's an unfair description, but that damned tone of voice! I wanted to smash her stupid face into the ground until I got all the fake off of her. "I simply cannot imagine awfulness of the past couple of days for you."
"I... I'll be okay," I told them, forcing a smile. "But... but I need to take some time. I'm going to visit Canterlot for a few weeks. See my family, just... just relax for a bit."
"Sounds good to me," Applejack said. The rock of sensibility. She was probably also swayed by the mention of family. She puts a lot of stock in that stuff.
"But... what if you need us? Like, for a big group hug of friendship to remind you that you're not a bad pony?" Pinkie asked, the question comically serious coming from her.
"I'll know where to find you," I replied.
"Yeah, if Twilight wants some space, she can have it," Dash said. "Just a couple weeks, right?" I nodded. "Great, it's about time you took a vacation." I could have hugged her. I mean, it wouldn't have been awkward or anything, since that's kind of what Twilight would have done too. I didn't, but it wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because I was already getting hugged by Celestia and Fluttershy. Why am I rambling about this? Never mind.
"Of course, darling," Rarity simpered. "Anything you need, just say it and we shall jump to provide!"
Augh. Gag. Just remembering it makes me want to... Okay, enough about Rarity. Heck, enough with that entire conversation. It only gets sappier from there. Besides, the actual important part came later, when I went to see Spike.