After receiving that distress call from Poni, I rushed straight to Little Hoovana to go help him and the boys out. When I got there, there were broken pieces of robot everywhere, and some of the boys were laying on the down, screaming in sorrow, with mustard stains on their tuxedos.
“NOOOO! The pain! My tuxedo is ruined!” one of the mobsters yelled. “Please…. tell my mother….. she’s a pain in the flank!” he said to his friend who was leaning over him with tears in his eyes, and then the mustard stained mobster passed out on the street.
“What the hay is happenin here?” I asked.
“Herb! Thank Faust you’re here!” Star said in relief.
“Star, Wing, what’s goin’ on?” I asked.
“It’s that pig, he wants his supplies.” Bright Wing said.
“Who, Swinebutt?” I asked.
“No, the OTHER pig.” Wing said sarcastically.
“No need to be a wiseguy ‘bout it, Wing.” I rolled my eyes.
“Poni got a warnin’, sayin’ that he’s sendin’ his best robot troops over here to retrieve those supplies.” Star said.
“What can we expect from a coward like him?” I asked. “Why not face us himself?”
“He’s a scientist. Scientists don’t fight; they send their inventions to fight for them. You know that, Herb.” Wing said.
“So what’s with the water guns? Thought you said words are our weapons?” I asked.
“Sometimes it’s necessary to be armed with somethin’ non-oral.” Star said.
“Heh! Oral.” Wing chuckled.
“Shut it, Wing.” Star said to him annoyed.
“ALERT! HERE COMES THE NEXT WAVE!” one of the mobsters yelled.
“Here you are, kid. Take this water gun and help us defend the area. Time to teach that pig a thing or two what it means not to steal.” Wing said, hooving me over a water rifle. “Head over to the roof of that pointed, and provide coverin’ fire. Nopony’s layin’ a hoof into Friendship Mob territory and get away with it!”
So I did what Wing said; I climbed over to the roof of an apartment building nearby, and got myself into position. This building was 4-stories high, and I wasn’t comfortable in a high area without there being railing for support. Some of the mobsters moved their carriages to the sides of the neighborhood to provide covering support. I got myself some extra water up here in case I needed more ammunition. A couple of carriages arrived at the neighborhood, and more of Swinebutt’s robots came out and they started firing more cantonments at the mobsters. We outnumber them 5 to 1. For every 5 robots that short-circuit after we fire the water at them, one of our guys gets hit, but that wasn’t always the case. After a while it turned into 8 bots getting destroyed out of one mobster.
The wave was over after several minutes. “How many of us were hit?” Wing asked.
“Umm, there are 4. 3 of them got hit in the face. They’ll be able to get back into the battle once they clean up. The 4 that were hit, they’ll need to get new tuxedos. It’ll take them at least 10 minutes to change.” One of the mobsters said.
“Well the next wave will be here any minute.” Wing said.
“I got a word from Sentry. They’re sendin’ in choppers.” Star said.
“With those choppers they could flank us. You four, guard the entrance.” Wing ordered four of the mobsters on the street. “Herb, I want you to keep coverin’ fire. If you need more ammo, call in Phil, he’ll give you some more.” He said to me.
“Will do, Wing!” I saluted. So we were ready for anything, well, almost. What we didn’t expect is to wait around for hours.
“Hello, Sentry?” Star asked on his phone. “Yeah, you see anythin’? No? Hmm…. he must’ve given up. Yeah we’ve been waitin’ for hours for the next attack, now we’re all gettin’ tired. No, stay there, Sentry. You’ll never know what might happen. Alright, ciao.”
“What’s happenin, Star?” Wing asked.
“Perhaps Swinebutt’s troops retreated.” Star thought.
“I don’t think so. He’s up to somethin’ big. We’ve gotta stay in position, and get ready for anythin’. You too, Herb. Stay there.”
“I ain’t goin’ anywhere. I have nothin’ better to do.” I said. Out of the bloom, a couple of helicopters showed up over the neighborhood.
“Oh finally! What took you so long?! We’ve been waitin’ for ours for our date!” Wing yelled at the swinebots in the chopper. But just then as we were focusing our attention to the choppers, a bunch of swinebots popped up out of nowhere and surrounded us.
“AMBUSH!” Star yelled.
“Uhh… no, really?” Wing said to him sarcastically. Everypony including me started firing at all the robots, and even though we took out the ones that surrounded us, the ones in the chopper were all water-proof.
“They’re waterproof!” Star yelled. “We can’t take them out! Everypony fall back to the buildin’! You too, Herb! Get down here and help us out!” But before I was able to run off the roof, one of the choppers was hovering over, and one of the robots in the chopper started firing at me. I dodged all the condiments sprays, and took cover behind the vents on the roof. I looked down at the ladder and I saw some of the swinebots walking towards it. I was surrounded, but I couldn’t give up. I grabbed onto the water spout on the side of the roof, and used it to swing inside an apartment window.
“Oh, wait.” I said to myself. I took out a paper and a pen and wrote down a message for the owners of the apartment. It reads: “Dear Sir or Ma’am, I apologize for breakin’ the window, there’s an emergency situation goin’ on outside, and I needed to take necessary precautions. I promise to pay for any damages. Signed, Herb Leafhorn – Friendship Mafia.” I placed the note on the desk, but I didn’t know why I had to write down my accent on it. I closed the shutters to the apartment so the robots wouldn’t follow me, and I ran out and ran downstairs where the mobsters needed me.
“What took you so long, Herb?” Star asked.
“I needed to write a note to the ponies who owned that apartment upstairs. I broke their window.” I said.
“Good colt, Herb!” Star said, tapping my shoulder. “You sure are Friendship Mob material!”
“Thanks, man. Now let’s finish this!” I said as I aimed my water gun over at the barricaded door.
“Whoa, Herb! Water guns aren’t going to help. These swinebots are water-proof. We’ll need something else.” Star said.
“Here, are some gasoline cans. Use them in your water gun, fire at them, and them light a match to light them on fire.” Wing instructed throwing me over a gas can. “For those who are in control of the fire extinguishers, be sure you take out the fires before this whole place burns down.”
I got myself into position, replaced all the water in my gun with gasoline. For water-proof robots, I hope they’re not fire-proof too. The swinebots were pounding on the door real loudly. A couple of the mobsters were holding the door back, and all the furniture that was help holding it back as well.
“What have we gotten ourselves into?” one of the mobsters asked.
“Pipe down; this is what we signed up for!” Wing said.
“I signed up for helping ponies out of reason, not violence!” one of the mobsters yelled.
“If I signed up for this group long ago, Cherry Pop would still be with me!” I mumbled to myself.
After all the pounding, the swinebots started cutting through the door using a sawblade. Since most of the furniture was wooden, we couldn’t stand a chance; it was the only vending machine, but I believe they might be able to cut through that too. From the hole on the door, we started firing the gasoline at the robots and lit them up from the outside, so with the fire not inside the building, the building won’t be at risk of burning down. It was a mistake though, because the fire got on the door, and the furniture blocking it. Two of the mobsters that were holding fire extinguishers extinguished the fire before it was too late, but unfortunately the door and the furniture got weaker by the fire, and the robots that weren’t hit by the gasoline were still attempting to get through.
“Wing, what do we do now?” one of the mobsters asked.
“Hold position. They’re not through yet.” Wing said.
“Really, Wing, why did Poni make you capo?” Star complained.
“How about we quit the chatter and concentrate?” I suggested. One of the robots hit the vending machine with its blade and a soda can popped out of the machine and hit one of the mobsters on the forehead, and they passed out.
“Holy mackerel!” Star yelled, but then he smiled as he saw the soda and picked it up and started drinking it.
“What the hay is wrong with you, Star?” Wing asked.
“I’m thirsty.” Star said. Wing walked up to Star and smacked the soda out of his hoof. “Yo, man, what’s the big deal?!”
“We don’t have time for this!” Wing yelled.
“Ok, ok, jeez!” Star said.
The robots were able to make a big enough hole on the door to get through. “Fire!” Wing yelled.
“Yeah, literary!” Star said. So I started shooting the gasoline at the robots, and some of the other mobsters threw the matches at them. Once the robots short-circuited, we extinguished them. We kept fighting off the swinebots until none of them were coming through anymore. “Phew!” Star said feeling relieved and taking deep breathes. “I think…. I think we did it.”
“Nice job, boys!” Wing said.
“Wait, wait, wait. Doesn’t anypony else think that was a little too easy?” one of the mobsters asked.
“Yeah, somethin’ ain’t right. Herb, can you head over to the don and see how everything is goin’ with those supplies?” Wing asked.
“Sure.” I said.
“Yell out if somethin’ is fishy up there. We’ll be up there as fast as we can.” Star said. I ran upstairs to the third floor, where Poni was hanging out in with the supplies, but once I got in the room, he wasn’t there.
“Poni? Poni Cipriani, you here?” I asked. Out of the flash, I got hit by a paralyzing dart, and I fell on the ground. “OW! Well, this counts as somethin’ fishy. STAR! WING!” I yelled.
“Herb Leafhorn; care to explain why you haven’t given me those supplies?” Swinebutt asked, standing outside the door.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” I said. Swinebutt nods at one of his robots, and the robot kicks me in the back real hard. “OW!” I yelled.
“You think I’m an idiot, Leafhorn? You think I didn’t know what you’re all about?!” Swinebutt yelled. “You think it’s alright to rat me out like this?”
“I was heard that you’re bad news Swinebutt, bad news!” I said. “You stabbed Flare Gun in the back!”
“Under your command.” Swinebutt added and snorted.
“It was wrong of me. I should’ve never made in contact with you, Swinebutt!” I yelled.
“Well, words like that, you must really have the guts to try something, huh Leafhorn?” Swinebutt asked. “So be it. I don’t have time to deal with you as well. Flare Gun’s in Ponyville right now, and after I sent my Trixie bot over there for testing, I saw him standing up to his new friends. I got research showing he’s got a lot of them now, and a new pizza shop.”
“Well, I’m glad he’s happy now. He doesn’t have to worry about traitors like us anymore.” I said.
“Oh I don’t think so, Leafhorn. He ruined my years of research, and my reputation, I have to make sure he stays miserable in order for my research to grow stronger.” Swinebutt said.
“I’m not gonna let you do that!” I said.
“You ain’t gonna stop me, Junior. Your dad’s looking for you, and if you get in my way, I’ll send him for you. He knows you’re part of the Friendship Mob, and he’s coming. I think you have better things to worry about than me, Leafhorn. Flare has a newer happier life, and he must be stopped. Hope your dad finally takes care of you, sonny. He works with me now.” Swinebutt explained and snorted. “Farewell, Herb Leafhorn.” Swinebutt’s robot kicks me in the head and I pass out. After some hours went by, I woke up on the bed in my safehouse with my friends hovering over me, well… not literary.
“Is he alright?” Turnip asked.
“I’m not sure, holms; he’s been out for a while.” Annabelle said.
“Man that was some messed up battle he was in, man.” Angel said.
“Hang on, I think he’s coming to use his senses.” Annabelle said.
“Rise ‘n shine, brother!” Clay said.
“Ugh! What happened?” I asked.
“You were in some battle with a bunch of robots, my brother, and you were passed out on the third floor of some apartment project.” Clay said.
“Yeah…. yeah I was.” I said rubbing my head, but as I came to my senses it hit me. “Wait, where’re the supplies? Where’s Poni?”
“Right here, kid.” Poni said, walking out of the shadows along with Star and Wing.
“Why didn’t you call for us if you were in trouble?” Star asked.
“I did!” I corrected him.
“Well we didn’t hear ya.” Wing said.
“How did you guys know where I was?” I asked my friends.
“It was actually them who came in at the last second, and saved us after the next wave of robots showed up after you were passed out. They tried to come through from the windows of the other apartments.” Poni said.
“Yeah, tried to cheat themselves inside.” Star said and chuckled.
“I’ve seen what your friends are capable of, and they too also want to join our little mob.” Poni said.
“Of course, man. Gotta bring peace to the streets!” Angel said.
“Herb, my boy, after your bravery against Swinebutt’s swinebots, I’m makin’ yous an official capo of our group.” Poni said.
“Really? Does that also mean I’m in?” I asked.
“I thought yous knew that?” Poni asked.
“I wasn’t told.” I said.
“Well then, welcome to the Friendship Mafia, Herb!” Poni said.
“Thanks, man!” I said.
“It’s great to have you with us, kid!” Wing said.
“Yeah, you sure proved yourself worthy after taking out those robots!” Star said.
“But wait, what about the supplies?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, Swinebutt was able to get the supplies. I heard they were supplies for makin’ some sort of hologram projector for stoned statue prisons of some sort. Doesn’t actually free them, but let’s their spirit roam free.” Star explained.
“But regardless of the loss, you sure are Friendship Mob material, Herb.” Annabelle said. “I think you’re getting to that point where you’ll redeem yourself. Time to redeem your name, and with the mob’s help, you can teach your papi a lesson about revenge.”
“But if he’s teaching him a lesson, doesn’t that technically mean he’s also avenging?” Turnip asked.
“Regardless, this mob may be your best chance of getting your papi not to hunt you down anymore, or cause anymore trouble throughout the city.” Annabelle explained.
“But it’s not just him though. Flare is startin’ to gain a better life in Ponyville. Swinebutt’s tryin’ to ruin him AGAIN!” I yelled.
“If he has a lot of friends, then he’ll do fine, and someday he’ll return, and you can finally tell him how you really feel.” Turnip said.
“Well, that takes care of everythin’.” Poni said. “Now my boy, I want yous to go take your friends and give them a little test, just like the one I gave yous! Make this city a better place, and when the time comes, your pa will get what he finally deserves: JUSTICE!”
“Sure thing, Poni! Right away!” I said.
“Time to clean the streets, man! The Friendship Mafia will soon be at the top!” Angel said.
“You got that right, Angel!” I said. So the five of us went out and we started to bring peace in the streets. I haven’t seen Swinebutt anymore ever since the day I saw him last, but I have the feeling my papa’s going to be coming after me soon. I just know it.
(Herb's new outfit)