//------------------------------// // 1: "The Button of DOO- I Mean, Rainbows and Lollipops" // Story: The Biography of a Transdimensional Brony // by The12GageKid_Bron3 //------------------------------// Biography of a Transdimensional Brony It was a normal day for John, same small dog, same old house, same parents, same freakishly annoying sister. He reflected over this, and smiled. He liked ruts, they meant that everything was in order. Ruts are good. But like so many ruts he had once been accustomed to, this one was soon to be destroyed. "Oi! John!" John's overly British stepfather, James, bellowed up the stairs. "What?" John called back, keeping his computer on standby, hoping that he would be back soon. "Get down here!" James yelled in response. "Okay..." John sighed. It was Saturday, the ONLY day he got to be free, what with church on Sunday and marching band on Friday. You see, John was always busy on the weekends, but had ridiculous amounts of time during the week. "What?" John asked James. "We're going to clean." James replied, and then delegated jobs to John, as his sister was at school, and his mom at some meeting. John did as he was told, and as he was cleaning behind the couch, he saw a shiny red button that had 'Don't panic' written across it in large, white letters. It couldn't have been in the house very long, as it wasn't torn up yet. "Hey Jame! Get up 'ere!" John yelled to his step-dad, who was cleaning the basement. A large thudding sound came up the stairs, signaling James' arrival. "What happened?" James asked, out of breath. "Look what I found." John said, triumphantly raising up the button. "A button. You made me almost have a heart attack for a button." James said, running his fingers through his near-nonexistent hair. "Yes." Replied John, sheepishly. "It's probably something your mom brought home from the thrift store." James responded. "But, it just feels different, like it's magical." John answered, hands cupping it. "Here, I'll press it when your mom gets home, but you have to clean first." James said, taking the button, and putting it on the island. The day after that was uneventful. It was cleaning, but he got to play his computer in the down time between cleaning and his mom arriving. Then his sister burst through his door. "I'm home!" She yelled. "You know, that's why my door can be opened just by pushing on it, no need to turn the handle." John reflected. He had once nailed his door to it's frame, just to keep his sister from barging in on him like she just did. "Get down here!" James yelled up the stairs, John then put his headphones on his desk, leaving his computer on. It took bloody ages to get internet, he once spent twenty minutes attempting to log on. John walked down the stairway. "Hey John." John's mother, Renee, said amiably, hugging her son. "How was your day?" She asked, releasing the boy. John stepped back slightly, smiling. "You know, we cleaned." "I saw." Renee observed. "Also, I found that." John said, gesturing to the button. "Did you get that, per chance?" "I-I don't remember getting that." John's mom answered, with a look like she was racking her mind. "Told you." John retorted to James. "Alright, alright." James responded, looking defeated. "Press it then." John suggested, striking a Vana White-esque pose. "I promised him I would." James explained to Renee, as he began to press the red hemisphere. Nothing happened, then a loud crack and a rainbow portal appeared in the wall, big enough for a small bus. "Well, that just happened." James declared, eyes wide. "Who- wher- wha...?" James stammered. "Where does it lead?" Renee asked, dumbfounded. "I have no idea." John answered. "I'll go get Holiday." James stammered, backing up, towards the stairwell that led upstairs. "I vill get Sasha." John slipped into a Russian accent and followed James. John burst into his room and turned his computer off, unplugged it and his monitor. He then dug a solar generator out of his closet, along with some large batteries. "Thank goodness for Radio Shack." John muttered as he assembled his electronics and a backpack full of school items. "If I get bored, I'll have a math textbook." John chuckled at how absurd that sounded for most kids to say. You see, John actually liked to learn,to him, it opened whole new worlds. "I'll need this." John said, stuffing a survival book into his backpack. Then he went down the steps, before running back up and grabbing some paper, a pencil, a sharpener, and a clipboard. "Never hurt." John explained to himself before packing one last time and heading down to the kitchen. "Alright, let's go." Instructed James. "I'll go first." And go he did, right into the portal, along with a cooler. "Holiday, follow me." Renee was holding Holiday's hand, while both donned backpacks, no doubt filled with nonessentials. They followed James through the portal. "Am I the only one..." John muttered to himself, striking a pose like the infamous meme, before grabbing the button and heading through, his dog following right behind. There was complete darkness except for a small bubble of dim light around the boy and his dog. "Hey boy, how are you?" John asked his black mutt, expecting no response. "I'm good, where are we going?" Jack responded. "Why are you talking English!?" John exclaimed, taken aback. "I don't know, but who cares, we get to go to a new place, pee on new trees, sniff new butts..." Jack was lost in a daydream. "We'll see." John sighed as a bright white light enveloped the boy and his pooch. The pair were thrown into the clearing of a forest of some sort, the trees seemed eerily dark. The nearby bushes rustled. The boy was the first to recover due to panic. "Who's there?" John screamed, looking around. "Be thee friend or foe?" A blob of shadow asked from behind John. "I be friend." John responded. "What be thee?" "I be friend." A small equine walked out of the shadows, revealing his beige coat, horn, and a picture of a black pen writing in red ink on his flank. John remembered something that might help him. "Where's Ponyville?" He asked. "It lay on the other side of these trees." The pony stated, gesturing. "Have you seen an overweight Englishman, an annoying little girl, and one overprotective lady?" John questioned. "Yes, I walked them here." The equine reported, pulling aside a part of a bush, revealing John's family. Jack woke up and started growling at the pony. "Oh, shut up Jack." John said wearily, and Jack did so. "Oh, and what be thine name?" John questioned, going back to middle English. "I be Black Quill." The pony stated. "And you be?" "I be John." John responded. "So about that Ponyville, can we head for it?" "Yep." Black Quill answered, then motioned for the group to follow him. They traveled through the dense deciduous brush, which got thinner and more spread out with each passing step. "Not much farther, come on." Quill encouraged. Soon, the forest gave way to a meadow, on which, a town was seen. "That's Ponyville." Quill stated, gesturing again. "Thank you Black Quill, we owe you." John said, motioning for the group to follow him. "You're welcome." Quill said, fading back into the Everfree. The group soon arrived at a normal, albeit cartoonish town. The rest of the group wanted to stand and gawk, but John marched them to a tree house, and knocked on the slightly too small door. "Ye-" Was all that the lavender unicorn got out before she saw the group. "Hello, we mean you no harm, we are humans, and we would like your assistance." John explained slowly, as to not startle the mare more than she already was. "H-hi." The unicorn said shakily. She bolted inside, then motioned with a hoof for them to come with her. The group crammed themselves through the door, only to find a ridiculously big room on the other side. "Mighty fine place ya got here." John observed, putting his packing on the floor. "Where are we?" James asked, still gawking in the unicorn's direction. "If this town is called Ponyville, and, small horse, what country are we in?" John delineated. "Equestria." The mare stammered, unsure. "Aha! If that's true, then you must be Twilight Sparkle, the forest we were in was the Everfree, tell me Twilight, do you know of one Equestria High?" John deducted, in true Sherlock Holmes style. "Y-yes, I went there to get my crown back." Twilight shakily stated, looking worried. "Ah, so we're here post season three." John stated, raising a finger triumphantly. "So, Miss Sparkle, where are your wings, as you were crowned an alicorn princess at the end of the season." "I-i don't want to talk about it..." Twilight murmured, looking down. Holiday ran over to comfort her, John still thinking, as a faint sound, not unlike clockwork, could be heard. "There there Twilight..." Holiday whispered into her lavender ear. "Alright, so some convoluted plot happened to make Twilicorn temporary. Therefore, we are in an altered universe, from which we can conclude what?" John asked James and Renee, and Jack responded. "That we're in a fanfiction." Jack answered, making John give him an affectionate pat on the head. "I knew I taught you well." John remarked, going right back into detective mode. "So Twilight, where are your other five friends?" John asked. "Fluttershy's in her cottage, Rainbow's at her house, I think. Applejack is over at Sugarcube corner, planning Applebloom's party with Pinkie. Rarity is off in Canterlot, attending a fashion show or something." Twilight listed, ears perking up at the mention of her friends. "Why?" "Because, if this is a fanfiction, which it is, then some evil must be readying to assault Equestria, or already has. Get Spike in here, if you would kindly." John explained. "Spike, can you please come down?" Twilight called up the stairs. John's heart twinged as he remembered his home, the home he left, perhaps permanently. "Yeah... Wha?" Spike gawked at the gathering from a perch on the stairs. "Spike, I need you to take a letter." John stated, and he started to plug his computer in to the solar and battery array. He hooked up his monitor and such afterwards, still at blinding speed. Spike fetched paper, a quill and a ink well as John did his thing. "Spike, you'll need more paper than that." John reminded Spike. "How many letters do you want to send?" Spike asked rhetorically, fetching the extra supplies. "Address them to Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy." John listed. Spike did so. "Write on each; 'Meet at Twilight's house. It is imperative that you do so quickly." Spike mumbled as he spoke, until he got to 'imperative'. "How do you spell that?" Spike asked. "I-M-P-E-R-A-T-I-V-E." John spelled out for Spike. "Thanks." Spike remarked, and returned to his task, still mumbling. "Now, if you could send it please." John requested after Spike had completed his duty. Green flame burst from the small dragon's mouth and burned the letters, the ashes carried into the distance. "Now we wait." John stated, and booted up his computer. A Windows XP logo appeared, and the infamous startup melody played through his headphones. He looked at his desktop, and saw that all his programs were still there, he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he noticed something. Something that shouldn't have worked... was working. He had internet! He effing had internet! John jumped a bit with pure excitement. "What's going on?" Renee asked. "I! HAVE! INTERNET!" John screamed. "How?" James asked, coming over to look at the screen. "The network is called 'We all sink up here', it doesn't have a password, and full signal at one hundred eighty two megabits per second." John stated. "That's odd." James remarked, surprised. "Yeah." John added, double clicking on an internet icon. A familiar home page popped up, with a very familiar favorites bar. "Alright, let's see which fanfiction we're in..." Mumbled John as he went to FIMFiction. He clicked the 'human' tag, and it was the first thing to pop up. "Seems that we're in a fanfiction entitled 'Biography of a Transdimensional Brony.' written by The12GageKid." John read. He then read into the story slightly, trying to find out what's going on. He found nothing helpful, as anything that hadn't happened wasn't there. "Great." John sighed. Everyone seemed to have gathered around him as he was reading. Twilight seemed perplexed. "What is that?" "This is a desktop computer. The thing I'm reading from is called a monitor, and the whirring thing is the computer tower." John explained. "Oh, how does it work?" Twilight asked. "It works by using electricity to interact with the hardware inside the tower and monitor." John elaborated. "What's electricity?" Twilight inquired. "Imagine tiny lightning bolts that can be controlled, to an extent." John droned. "Oh." Twilight noticed the change in tone and stopped asking questions. The monitor went black, then five words, shown in red and followed by a quill, popped up. You are not alone here.