The sky is eternal. Long after all of us are dead, it will remain, unchanging and unchangeable. Or so we all thought. Welcome to Ponyville.
Urgent news, listeners: the night is dark. Not the light and silvery darkness we all know, when all the sky is a void except for the moon. No, this is the heavy black darkness of that can only be found underground, or inside our own heads. I can see it pressing down on the windows of the studio even now, listeners. It has swallowed the sky itself, or perhaps it is the sky itself, descending upon us all after so long spent silent. Spent waiting. Waiting for what? I do not know, listeners. I do not know.
It's that time of year again, Ponyville: the local chapter of the Cutie Mark Crusaders has once again been deputized by the inquisitors of unknown allegiance and will be hunting down members of the community who display tendencies towards heterodox thinking. Of course, as the mysterious inquisitors' purpose remains obscured to all, no one knows what is heretical and what is not. So, there is no list of activities to be avoided or concealed. Instead, it is recommended that you treat all foals, including any children you may or may not have with a mixture of suspicion, resentment, and fear.
After all, it's how they think of you.
Best of luck to the CMCs, and especially to all the new members looking to earn their pogrom merit badge.
The Ponyville Philharmonic Orchestra is announcing its fall concert series, listeners. The theme for this season is “Contemporary Classic,” and the Orchestra's founder, Octavia Melody, says that the focus will be on notable compositions of the last hundred years. Currently scheduled performances include “Autumn Whispers,” by Morning Glory, “Dying Lights and Cold Nights” by Fallow Fields, “First Frost Cantata” by First Frost, “Red Leaves Concerto” by Crackle, and “The Stars are Dead and Hope with Them,” by the Unspeakable Truth Living Silently Within Us All.
A bit of good news, listeners: Fluttershy, out on the edge of town, just called in to say that this new darkness which has engulfed us is not universal. She said that, from her place on the edge of our little city, she can see lights in the distance. Not the silvery glow of the night, nor even the red lights, fiery and shrouded with smoke, that pass overhead regularly, particularly on Tuesdays. But she can see the amber lights in the forest, just as she can every night, and even the golden glow of distant and treacherous Trottingham. So you heard it here first, listeners: lights still work. It's the sky that seems to be the problem.
At this time, Ponyville Community Radio would like to issue a correction, and an apology. After our last episode, we were contacted by Lady Rarity, out near the roundhouse. She informed us that we had neglected to update her style and titles when announcing the arrival of the crystal ponies. Ponyville Community Radio would like to apologize for the oversight, and I, personally, would like tell Lady Rarity that I'm sorry. I don't know how it slipped my mind. So, listeners, in the interest of accuracy and good reporting, Lady Rarity's current style and titles are: Lady Rarity, Empress of Equestria, Sovereign of the Serene State of Carousel, Arbiter and Architect of silks, velvets, satins, but not linens, Ambassador to the Crystal Ponies and the Realms Beyond.
What preceded was the full style and titles of Lady Rarity, may her gems be ever bright.
And, your Ladyship, give me a call sometime. We never talk anymore, and that's a terrible shame.
I've just received an emergency bulletin, listeners: the Dread-wings announce that there is a fugitive at large in the Ponyville area. Said fugitive was apprehended at the train station, when he attempted to pass a bouquet of wilted peonies and a desiccated wasps' nest off as a ticket to Fillydelphia. When Dread-wings questioned him, he first produced a falsified ID, then fled south, over the hills, traveling in great bounds and leaps and leaving puddles of warm treacle where he landed. The suspect has been described as “tall,” “scaly,” and “literally an ancient spirit of strife and ruin from the dawn of time.” The name on the ID given to authorities was “Apate,” but Dread-wings have determined that this is the name of an ancient of spirit of strife and ruin who died several years ago in Manehatten. Therefore, the suspect, whose exact identity remains unknown, has been charged with criminal mischief, impersonation, resisting arrest, and littering. Citizens are asked to remain vigilant, and report any unscheduled distortions of local reality to the appropriate authorities.
Remember, keep your flare guns close at hoof, and remember the correct flare colors for each emergency: red for crimes-in-progress, yellow for accident or injury, blue for improperly implemented extreme weather, mauve for unwelcome thoughts, and green for spiders.
In happier news, Ponyville Community Radio is now accepting applications for our internship program. Application forms can be picked up from our offices at the west end of Market Square, or from any of our sponsor businesses around Ponyville. Applications should be submitted using the usual ritual, the ashes and candles necessary for which can always be obtained from the nameless hooded figure, under the bridge, in the dead of night. Interviews of applicants will be held next week.
The Ponyville Friends of the Sky would like issue a statement, regarding the recent alteration of the night sky above our lovely city. They state emphatically that this change was unscheduled and in no way connected to the recent opening of the Ponyville Observatory and Planetarium. They remind the community that the Observatory is already facing enough trouble attracting stargazers while dealing with a complete lack of stars, and note that the removal of the only source of nighttime illumination can only result in further decreased revenues. Additionally, they would like to ask at this time for pegasus volunteers to take to the skies above the Observatory while carrying lanterns of intriguing colors, to add a bit of life to night now as cold and dead as the abyss. Community assistance in this matter is appreciated.
Applejack (you know, the farmer) reports that a strange howling has been troubling her orchards over the past few days. She says that it echoes down from the mountains, shrieking loud and piercing over the little hills of our little city. She says that her trees tremble when they hear it, and that the soil around their trunks is curiously disturbed, as if they were attempting to uproot themselves, and run away. She says that the sunsets were never this loud before. She says that her sister has been keeping notes of everything she says in a notebook, and then hurrying away privately to the scrying circle behind the barn.
Foals, right? Whether it's a school project or a new pet or reporting their family for heresy, they get so into things. It's adorable, it really is.
And now a question for you, listeners: are you happy? Do you wake each morning full of the promise of a new day? Or do you wake before the dawn, to sheets that are cold, despite the fact that they have spent all night tangled around your warm bones? Do you shrink from the cold, and the silver light of our glorious moon? Do you draw into yourself, and find darkness there, waiting for you? Do you feel the weight of it, pressing on your ribs, your lungs, your heart? In that moment, all alone, do you feel happy? Or do you feel afraid?
If you do: that's what it means to be alive. And you had better get used to it.
This has been Community Tips for a Healthy Lifestyle.
Okay, listeners, you'll never guess who just called into the studio: Twilight Sparkle! That's right, Twilight the magician, with her silken voice and perfect mane, called to offer the magical perspective on the recent departure of light from our night sky. She said the occasional disappearance of the moon is no cause for alarm, and in fact occurs as regularly as once a month in most of Equestria. She said that an eternal, unchanging moon is far more unusual than an occasional night of absolute darkness. She said that she is eager to study our sky, and divine its mysteries. She said that she's not sure of the reason for the sudden, change but that she and her team would look into it.
And, most important of all, listeners, your humble reporter was able to actually speak to her this time! I was able to say “hello,” and ask her how she was doing, and even make a few interested noises while she was explaining that whole thing with the moon. I didn't make it quite as far as “goodbye,” or any actual questions, but still. Progress!
Oh, my.
Listeners... oh, listeners! Outside the studio window, there is a strange glow, over the roofs of Ponyville! It outlines the sign of Pinkie Pie's Bakery and Arcade Fun Complex, and its color... it is a little like the glow of morning sun on wheat fields, and a little like lantern-light on rough seas, and I have to say that there is more than a hint of the color of secrets whispered into a mirror. But now it is rising, listeners, rising into the sky, and...
It has returned to us, Ponyville. Our moon has returned to the sky.
Well, I assume that's the moon we all know. It's about the right size, certainly, but it is certainly much redder. Well: I for one am simply happy to have some light back in our sky. Thanks to Twilight and her team for returning the moon—or some moon, at least—to its proper place. And with that—reddish, it is true—light shining down on us all, all I have left to say is:
Good night, Ponyville. Good night.
Proverb: Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. The fire must be lit if the ritual is to be completed by dawn.