Season 2 Chapter 17 – Hearts and Hooves Day
Mayor Mare’s House, Ponyville
The Agenda:
1. Restore Momentum. [ ]
2. Win Election! [ ]
3. LONG TERM: Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ]
GALLOP POLL: HEARTSTRINGS (EQE) 27%/BUSTER (EQA) 25%/MARE (IND) 5% (±5%)
“Snng, Mng… hi, Mom,” Cheerilee mumbled as she backtracked through the front door, mouth dragging an oversize heart. “Oh and before you ask, no. The fillies at school made it for me.”
Mayor Mare spun round in her seat, sending the daily piece of paper drifting onto the floor. “Huh- ? Oh. Right.”
The schoolteacher wrinkled her nose as her mother hastily turned back to her government papers. “So you’ve come home early- ”
“Not now, Cheerilee.”
Eyes narrowed. “I’m just making conversation, Mom.”
The gray-maned mare sighed. “Well with these numbers, who wants to go back to Town Hall?”
The cherry pony went over to the staircase and began estimating space with her forelegs. “Just treat it like any other job, I guess. Who cares?”
Another huff. “You try working when everyone below you is expecting a boss change. Even the cleaners now have the gall to talk back at me.”
The schoolteacher chose not to reply. She hauled the shimmering artwork over to the wall.
“Big heart,” the Mayor finally commented.
“I’ve told you; it’s not- “
“I know, I know… but then again, you really should be- “
“Stuff it, Mom.”
Mom frowned. “Right. Anyway, I was more wondering if you had- “
“Registered it as a gift; yes.” Bang bang bang. “Last thing I want is to be charged with corruption.”
“Indeed.” A pause for consideration. “Can’t afford another scandal with these numbers.”
Bang bang bang. “But really, this isn’t the Pona Lisa, so it’s not like anypony will notice… ” Cheerilee drew back, the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ labor of love now hanging proudly off the wall. “Anyway. What do you think, Mom?”
“Oh, it’s great,” the tan pony mumbled, eyes firmly fixated on her papers.
*
The Secretary for Administration’s Office, Ponyville
Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon had left early – “I am most assuredly NOT busting my chops for a lame-duck government” – as had most of the office staff.
Finance Secretary Bit Coin had, foolishly, been distracted by a particularly engrossing novel. Which was why she was now shuffling through the shelves, grumbling and muttering dirty curses all the while.
“There,” the chestnut pony slapped down a copy of the Register of Gifts onto the oaken desk. “Now can I leave?”
The two suited ponies opposite her – agents of the Equestrian Anti-Corruption Bureau (EACB) – began to riff through the contents of this latest document. “Not quite yet, Ms. Coin,” the balding black stallion – Senior Prosecutor, probably – mumbled. “We might require more documents for our inspection.”
Next time, Bit Coin was definitely, definitely leaving her trashy books at home.
“There’s got to be something in there,” the shapely orange mare – Junior Assistant, maybe? – remarked off-handedly. “Come on.”
The Finance Secretary took her revenge. “Well we’ve cleaned up a lot since the last Administration. Especially since most of the perps are now in jail.”
“Yeah, well, that’s good for you,” Senior growled unhappily, tapping his hind hoof in irritation as he flipped through the Register again. And again. And again.
The ambrosia of revenge receded as the chestnut pony accrued more and more unpaid overtime.
Finally – slam.
“Darn it,” Junior observed. “Nothing?”
“By Celestia,” the black stallion couldn’t resist re-opening the thin ledger for the umpteenth time. “I can’t believe we’ve found nothing! No false valuations, no procedural errors, no vague descriptions: nothing!”
The smug smile from the Finance Secretary. “As I told you earlier. Ponyville’s cleaned up a lot since- “
“Ah, Tartaros,” Senior grumbled, flipping callously onto a random page and tapping randomly. “This, this and this. Let’s investigate them.”
“ –and we’ve instituted new procedures for- “ Bit Coin’s mind skidded to a halt. “Wait. You’re randomly investigating ponies?”
Junior shrugged. “Why not?”
The chestnut mare blinked dumbly. “But… you can’t assume guilt without any evidence or suspicion!”
Senior joined in with the shrugging. “If they’ve done nothing wrong, our investigations won't harm them.”
“That’s not how it- for Celestia’s sake, you’re the EACB, not a secret police!”
“Yeah, we’re the Anti-Corruption Bureau, all right,” Junior nodded sarcastically. “And do you know what will happen to us if there is no corruption to fight?”
“A decade ago, I used to nail, like, ten perps every time I was in Ponyville,” the red stallion added. “And now we’re getting none? If Rich Industries showed that kind of growth, Filthy would be ousted before the day was over.”
Bit Coin wasn’t buying. “But no corruption surely is a good thing for Equestria?”
“The good of Equestria won’t get me commendations on my annual review,” the orange mare explained. “Indictments, Ms. Coin. Five per year, minimum.”
“I still think… ” the chestnut pony’s eyes suddenly widened in horror. “You get promoted on the basis of indictments?”
The agents nodded as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.
The Finance Secretary was quick to act. “Ah. Well!” she said, scrambling around the shelves for more data. “Now, agents, remember I’ve been more than helpful here… so would you mind not randomly picking my name out of your lists?... ”
*
Mayor Mare’s House, Ponyville
Knock knock knock. Mayor Mare sighed and went to the front door.
“Cheerie, I’m not eating lunch out- “
The tan pony’s eyes darted to the black and orange ponies on each side of the cherry schoolteacher.
“They’re agents from the Anti-Corruption Bureau, Mom,” Cheerilee explained, annoyance unmistakeable in her tone. “They want to have a few words regarding that heart.” Her head gestured towards the new addition to the wall.
“As your daughter said, Mayor,” the senior red stallion continued. “Can we come in for a simple conversation?”
“You have a warrant?” the gray-maned mare challenged.
“No,” the junior orange mare replied sweetly. “Do you need one?”
Sigh. “Alright, come in, come in,” Mayor Mare conceded as she stepped aside.
The agents headed straight for that slightly-gawdy wall ornament. Cheerilee sat next to the Mayor and moped. No lunch for her today, it seemed.
“Didn’t I tell you to REGISTER that?” Mom hissed.
“I did! I have no idea what I’ve done wrong!” Cheerilee whispered back. “The heart is CLEARLY within the gifting limit!”
“So you’re sure you’ve done nothing wrong?”
“Pretty sure.”
Mayor Mare glanced uneasily at the two ponies, who were still examining the heart as if there was some treasure map on it. “Alright. Maybe this is just a huge misunderstanding. Tell them what you know, and maybe they’ll go away.”
Cheerilee nodded. “Alright, Mom. Um, agents – officers – you want tea?”
“Coffee, please,” the agents replied as they took their places on the table.
“I’ll go, then.” Mayor Mare got up and headed for the kitchen.
That was the cue. “Um, yes… so anyway, officers, what did you want to know about the heart? How I got it? What happened before I got it? I’m more than willing to help, you know… ”
*
Cheerilee’s long explanation started with that heart, wound through the twists and turns of the Love Poison Saga, up and down the troughs of her family’s history with the Apple family, and finally ended with her occupation and her students.
“…and so, you see, that’s the reason why I now have that heart hanging over there.” The schoolteacher forced out a smile. “It’s really nothing more than a symbol of appreciation, officers.”
Mayor Mare continued the futile combat with her drooping eyelids. Another swig of increasingly-tangy coffee was in order.
Senior, seemingly impervious to any nature of boredom, poured out another blackish liquid into the china. “Right,” he muttered. His assistant looked forlornly at her own cup – though that could just be her fighting off the temptations of sleep as well.
A couple of minutes’ silence as each sipped their drink. The cherry pony had explained everything in excruciating detail; yet these agents were not leaving.
Trouble.
“Miss Cheerilee,” the black stallion finally sliced through the quiet as he dragged his chair outwards, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to come back to the police station with us to explain yourself further.”
She had anticipated it; yet Mayor Mare’s heart still skipped a beat.
A clatter as a ceramic cup fell onto its saucer. The schoolteacher’s pupils grew as large as saucers. “B-but I’ve… already told you everything,” she stammered.
“All the same,” Senior declared as he strode towards the heart. “You are under suspicion of corruption.”
Cheerilee’s panicked eyes darted towards the artwork. “But I registered that already!” she burst out.
The black stallion turned towards the orange mare, who nodded pensively.
“So you did,” he commented.
Mayor Mare quickly intervened in an attempt to limit damage. “So where’s the problem!” she exclaimed. “Surely that piece is well within the 500-bit-limit!”
A polite throat-clearing from Senior.
Now it was the Mayor’s eyes that were widening. “How.”
The black stallion gently took down the heart and cradled it in his forehooves. “Even to the most unknowledgeable of ponies,” he chatted idly, “even they would see that this heart is worth, at least, a thousand bits.”
“B-but… but… Oh Celestia, that c-can’t be true!” the schoolteacher spluttered. “My students don’t have a thousand bits to spare!”
“We make no assumptions about the financial capabilities of your students,” Junior quickly piped in. “Evidence, Miss, is what we work on.”
Senior deftly brushed the surface of the artwork with his hooves, sending a shower of glitter cascading onto the floor. “This glitter, you see; obviously bought from Zebrica, very much in demand there… two hundred bits per kilogram, I recall.”
“No, no, no… ” The cherry pony lunged at the heart, prompting Junior to jerk the fabric away from her desperate hooves. “You must be m-mistaken… Ms. Belle and Ms. Applebloom would have bought the glitter from our local arts store; it sells for only five bits there-”
“The Anti-Corruption Bureau judges the value of items using our own metric,” Senior clarified. “We can’t have ponies just lying about the value of their goods, can we?”
“But- you’re using ridiculous valuations!” Mayor Mare hollered. “You’re basically inventing facts here!”
The red stallion ignored the politician. “The paints here – the finest Whinnypeg colors – three hundred bits per bucket, obviously.”
The schoolteacher half-heartedly resisted the urge to cry. “B-but that’s not t-true!” she stuttered. “Please! I’ve done nothing wrong!”
“ …and the ermine fabric here,” Senior concluded, gently stroking the rough remains of some rug that Applebloom had refashioned into the heart. “Five hundred bits per roll, I recall.”
Cheerilee sank to the ground, silvery tears spewing from her trembling eyes.
Mayor Mare was determined not to go down without a fight, if only to save her campaign from yet another scandal. “Motive, agents, motive!” she accused. “Why would my Cheerie… I mean, Ms. Cheerilee here accept such a bribe?”
Senior shrugged. “It’s classified.”
“Well, I am the Mayor here- “
“You know we are an independent body responsible only to the Princess, Mayor,” the orange mare warned. “You know that local governments cannot interfere.”
“But as Mayor of this town, I have a right to demand the crime you are accusing our schoolteacher of,” Mayor Mare shot back. “I will not jeopardize our foals’ futures based on your whims!”
The agents looked at each other, constructing their case in a split-second.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Junior asked.
“What is obvious?”
“The reason,” Senior extended his foreleg at the sobbing wreck of the mare between them. “Miss Cheerilee here’s already told us about how close you and the Apple family are, the whole affair about the Love Poison, and how it’s such a big thing here that their Mr. MacIntosh doesn’t have a marefriend. It’s obvious that the Apple filly was offering Ms. Cheerilee here a bribe, in order to entice her to date and marry Mr. MacIntosh.”
The cherry pony was too drowned in her own terror to respond.
Mayor Mare’s mind shuddered to a halt. “That is the biggest piece of… that’s the wildest conspiracy I’ve ever heard.”
Another shrug as Senior grasped the schoolteacher’s withers. “The evidence fits. Now come along, Ms. Cheerilee; the sooner you co-operate, the better.”
There wasn’t much that the politician could do now, besides suggesting that Applebloom should be arrested too; and that was hardly going to endear the Mayor to anypony.
“Mom… “ Red-eyed Cheerilee barely had the time to look back before she was shunted ahead of the agents, head lowered, tail limply dragging behind her.
The gray-maned mare was speechless, helpless, motionless gawping as her own daughter was being towed away for interrogation…
“…wait,” the tan pony croaked weakly.
The two agents stopped.
Mayor Mare gulped. She hadn’t really considered this before, but-
“Agents… what will it take to let her go?”
Senior and Junior looked at each other. Then they looked back.
“As an agent of the Anti-Corruption- “
“Please.” The politician silenced them with an upheld hoof, trying her darnedest to mask her fearful trembling. “Y-you know I have a direct line to Her Highness – Miss Twilight Sparkle… ”
That shut them up. The agents looked at each other once again, a flicker of uncertainty travelling past them.
“You really want to upset Her Highness?” Mayor Mare advanced.
Another mutual glance. Cheerilee hiccupped impotently.
Senior looked back at the Mayor. “Six thousand.”
“Five thousand.”
“Five thousand five hundred.”
The gray-maned mare had no heart for haggling. “Deal.”
The agents regarded each other once more and nodded. “We’ll still need to bring her into the station for an, ahem, interview. You can get the money, meanwhile.”
Mayor Mare quietly acknowledged. “So you won’t charge her?”
“We can get quite impatient real fast.”
A small victory was better than nothing. “Thanks.”
Cheerilee had stopped crying.
Senior nodded sagely, his hoof pressing down on the door handle. “A good deal, Mayor. We’ll hush this up and nopony will ever know what ha- ”
The door swung into a crowd of paparazzi, lightbulbs flashing and machines desperately clicking away. Tomorrow’s headlines were set in indelible ink.
Senior turned back to a distinctly light-headed Mayor. “Oops.”