//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 – The Hangover // Story: Dude, Where's the Party? // by Digodragon //------------------------------// If the mining industry ever needed a tool more powerful than a jackhammer to pulverize stone, they should use whatever it was that pounded against Pinkie’s skull. The curly-maned earth pony rolled off the chair she awoke on and landed on the floor with a hard thud. A small cloud of confetti kicked up around her. Pinkie opened her eyes and looked around the room. She was in the Cake’s living room above Sugar Cube Corner and it was a complete disaster. Streamers covered every piece of furniture, leftover cake was stuck to the ceiling, and there was a guitar embedded into the wall besides a crude drawing of some pony’s butt. Either she was attacked by a gang of disgruntled garbage-ponies, or she had thrown the best party ever last night. Unfortunately, she couldn’t remember anything due to her painful hangover, so disgruntled garbage-ponies couldn’t be ruled out just yet. A low groan emanated from the couch. “Ugh, can some pony please tell the sun to shut up?” Pinkie sat up and saw Rainbow Dash sprawled over the hard-cider soaked couch cushions. The couch frame itself was not there, however. Instead there was a sketchy chalk outline of a couch on the floor. “Dashie?” Pinkie asked with a hushed tone. “Did we throw the best party ever last night?” “Can you remember any of it?” Dash replied in question. “Nope.” “Then yes, best party ever,” the blue pegasus concluded. Dash picked up a bottle and held it over her tongue. It was empty, save for a single drop of warm hard cider. She sighed and sat up to survey the damage around her. It was pretty massive, but Dash felt somewhat proud of it. “Wow, Mrs. Cake is going to kill you when she sees this mess,” the pegasus muttered. “Me?!” Pinkie shouted back. “You helped cause it! In fact, I bet the whole town was probably here trashing the place.” Rainbow Dash let out a disbelieving chuckle as she stood up. “Yeah, well right now I need to cause a pot of coffee to happen.” The blue pegasus hobbled over to the kitchen. It too was in complete disarray. Food covered the floor, one of Rarity’s fine dresses was nailed to the wall as a dart board, and the sink was filled with green gelatin. Pinkie’s pet alligator lounged on top of the bouncy dessert to catch the morning sunshine from the open kitchen window. Dash approached the metal coffee pot on the counter and found it had been flattened with a hammer. Now there was the real crime here. With a sigh, Dash turned to the fridge and opened the door. She was hit with the cold scent of alcohol that came from a giant wedding cake smashed and stuffed inside. The cake was decorated with a blue bottle of rum and Princess Celestia’s crown jewelry. Sobriety quickly returned to the pegasus. “Uh Pinkie, I think we have a problem,” Dash said worriedly. The pink pony hurried to the kitchen doorway. “I’ll say! I can’t find my party cannon anywhere!” Dash pointed to the crown that was partly embedded in the cake. “No, we have Princess Celestia’s jewelry in Mrs. Cake’s fridge!” she shouted with concern. “Why do we have the royal crown in the fridge?!” “I don’t know,” Pinkie confessed, “But it looks like we crashed some pony’s wedding too. Or maybe we hosted the reception and Celestia left it behind?” At that moment a wisp of green magical smoke flew in through the kitchen window and transformed into a sealed scroll. It landed on an oily patch of dried nacho cheese on the ground before Pinkie Pie’s hooves. The two friends glanced at each other with apprehension before Pinkie picked it up and opened it. She read it aloud— Dear Pinkie Pie, I know you have them. You think you can hoard the goods from me and then skip out at the last minute? I don’t think so. I have ways to make you give them up and then I will give you what for. Prepare to lose the game! Love, Twilight Sparkle “Oh my gosh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Maybe we stole the princess’ jewelry! Twilight is going to give us what for and I don’t even know what the first three were!” “Calm down Pinkie,” Dash interrupted. She put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder to keep herself steady. “Twilight is our friend. I’m sure we can apologize for whatever it was we did and just return the jewelry. They just need a little spit and polish.” “Yeah, I suppose so,” Pinkie said with a nod. “Unfortunately Mrs. Cake’s kitchen is going to need a bit more than spit to clean up.” A second wisp of magic smoke flew in and turned into a second scroll. Dash caught it and opened it up inquisitively. She blinked a few times, her vision still blurry from her hangover. Pinkie leaned in to read it— Dear Pink Horse, You think you can fool my star pupil by reneging? Not in a thousand years have I seen such an unscrupulous pony! You may have defeated Nightmare Moon once, but I shall take you down personally! Yadda yadda, just cut and paste the same threat to your partner in crime, Rainbow Dash. Prepare to lose! Peaches, Princess Celestia “Okay, maybe an apology isn’t enough,” Dash said with a surprised expression. Pinkie grabbed the blue pegasus by the cheeks. “What are we going to do, Dashie?! We’ve got two princesses angry at us now and they’re coming to get us! Game over, ponies!” she shouted. The pink earth pony turned to the blue bottle of rum in the fridge. “This is all your fault, you evil drink of evilness! Why I…” Pinkie’s anger trailed into remorse. She lifted the bottle and held it lovingly to her cheek. “Aww, how can I stay mad at you?” Dash grabbed the bottle out of Pinkie’s hooves. “Look, this is what we’re going to do,” Dash said with resolve. She put the bottle back in the fridge and grabbed the jewelry out of the wedding cake. With a slam, the blue pegasus shut the fridge door. After a moment of hesitation, Dash opened the fridge, grabbed the blue bottle of rum, and then slammed the door a second time. “We’re going to wash the jewelry, contact Celestia, and return her stuff with the biggest apology we can muster,” Dash listed in a matter-of-fact tone. She picked up a saddlebag off the counter and placed both the bottle and the jewelry inside. “Great idea!” Pinkie shouted. “Oh wait no… why don’t we just put on some ninja outfits, secretly break into the castle, and put the jewelry back on the throne before any pony notices?” “Because with our luck,” Dash explained, “Our crazy scheme will run right into a wall of crazy happenstances that’ll just get us into trouble.” Pinkie glanced at Rarity’s dress nailed against the wall. “Okay, more trouble then we’re already in,” Dash corrected. She raised a hoof before her pink friend could ask another question. “And no, we will not involve Tank this time. My poor turtle is still afraid of cheese spread from your last crazy idea to get us out of trouble.” “Alright, we’ll try it your way,” Pinkie said with a huff, “But first, we should totally find out what happened to my party cannon.” “Uh huh,” Dash said skeptically, “And what does your cannon have to do with my plan?” “Absolutely nothing,” Pinkie replied. “Well, the jewelry isn’t getting any cleaner.” The pink pony hurried out through the living room and into the hallway. Rainbow Dash was about to exit through the kitchen window when she heard Pinkie trip and fall down a flight of stairs, along with the large object that tripped her. The blue pegasus quickly flew into the hallway and looked downstairs to check on her friend. “Are you alright, Pinkie?!” Dash called out from the second floor. “I found the couch!” Pinkie exclaimed happily. There was a knock at the front door. Pinkie jumped to her hooves, but didn’t respond vocally. She looked nervously toward Dash, who floated quietly down the stairs. A second knock rapped at the door, but this time there was a familiar male voice behind it. “Hello?” the voice asked. “Is Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash here? I have some questions about the jewelry they have in their possession.” The two friends looked at each other in shock and then to the saddlebag Dash held. “That sounds like Soarin’,” the pegasus whispered. "He knows we have the crown." The Cake family was not home and neither pony wanted to find out why Soarin’ was looking for them and the jewelry. They did the next best thing they could think of—escape from Sugar Cube Corner! The two friends snatched a couple of muffins and bolted out the back door. They raced through the alleyway without looking back. ~ ~ ~ Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie cautiously wandered around Ponyville. The earth pony wore the saddlebag with Celestia’s jewelry and the bottle of rum hidden away in a blanket. Dash flew low to the ground and kept an eye out for Soarin’ or any other pony that might be looking for them. With the Cake family out somewhere, the two friends hoped they had enough time to get the jewelry polished before they had to hurry back and clean the mess upstairs. The town was unusually quiet today as the two ponies passed through the market. The streets remained almost empty of ponies and many of the shops were closed, including the jeweler. Although the quiet atmosphere helped alleviate the two ponies’ headaches, the eeriness of the empty streets bothered Dash. “Where is every pony?” Dash whispered as she looked around the town square. Pinkie shrugged. “Maybe they’re all at home nursing their hangovers?” “Well, that might make sense for our friends if they were at the party,” Dash said slowly, “But every pony? I doubt you had the entire town crammed into that little upstairs house last night.” The bushes beside the jewelry shop’s front door rustled without warning. Pinkie leaped into the air with a frightened scream and landed in Dash’s fore-hooves. “Look out, it’s a snipe!” the pink pony warned. The jewelry store owner stood up from within the bushes and looked around in bewilderment. “A snipe?! Where? Don’t let it eat me!” The sepia-colored earth pony scrambled out of the bushes and checked his tail for signs of bite marks. Rainbow Dash sighed and dropped Pinkie unceremoniously onto the ground. “There’s no snipe,” she explained, “But I would like to know why you were in the bushes?” The jeweler thought for a moment. “Uh… well I wager I passed out here after drinking too much last night.” “Were you at the party too?” Dash asked with great interest. She hovered closer to the jeweler. “What do you remember? Did you see Princess Celestia there?” “Uh, no I didn’t go to any party,” the jeweler replied. “I remember you two came by to have some gems fixed to a tiara. You were both pretty buzzed and we got to talking about gemstones and then you offered me a drink… My memory is too fuzzy after that.” “We had some gemstones?” Pinkie asked. Dash patted the saddlebag on the pink pony’s back. “I think we did.” “Oh,” Pinkie muttered. “Wait, if we had them before the party, then is this Celestia’s jewelry or not? And if not, where did these gems come from?” The blue pegasus raised an eyebrow. “That’s a good question,” she admitted. She looked back at the jeweler. “Did you see which direction we came from?” “The town hall I think,” the jeweler answered with a grimace. “Can I go now? I need something for this riveting headache I have.” He stumbled away in a random direction and left the two friends alone. Dash looked over at the town hall. It was also closed despite the fact it should have been opened up early this morning. Dash pondered an idea that came to her. She hovered closer to Pinkie with a renewed smile upon her face. “Pinkie, are you pondering what I’m pondering?” “Nope, not at all,” the pink pony replied. Dash rolled her eyes. “Look, if Celestia was at our party last night, then the mayor was likely there as well.” “Okay,” Pinkie said with a confused expression, “But why?” “Well we both know the mayor can’t resist hob-knobbing with Celestia whenever she’s in town,” Dash explained. “If the mayor was at last night’s party, then she can tell us what happened and if these jewels are Celestia’s or not. Come on; let’s go talk to the mayor.” Dash led the way to the town hall. She flew up to the main entrance, but a group of three stallions dressed in turtleneck sweaters picketed the doors. The group held up signs that read ‘New Lunar Banana Republic!’ with drawings of Celestia and bananas underneath the words. Pinkie caught up with the pegasus and looked curiously at the oddly dressed protesters. “What’s a republic?” the pink pony asked the three stallions. “Well, it’s like a monarchy, but you get to vote for the ruler,” the tallest one answered. “So it’s like the mayor?” Dash said simply. The protestors shook their head. “No, no! We’re protesting Celestia, the monarch ruler,” the tall one corrected. “If we wanted to protest the mayor, we’d have drawn Mayor what’s-her-name on our signs.” “Mare,” Pinkie happily corrected. “Yes the mayor,” the tall protester added. “Mayor Mare,” the pink earth pony continued. “That’s what I said, the mayor mayor!” the stallion reiterated. “Is there another kind of mayor around these parts?” Dash swooped in between the two ponies. “Alright, enough of that! If I have to spell it out for you all, we’ll be here all day.” She turned her sights to the protesters. “We need to go inside and see the mayor.” “The-” “Yes, the mayor mayor. Of Ponyville!” Dash interrupted. “Now stand aside, you language-challenged idiot.” “Tis but a pronoun disagreement!” the tall pony retorted. “A what?” Dash asked angrily. “Your grammar is off!” “No it ain’t!” Dash pointed at the stallion’s face. “Then what’s that contraction you just used?” “I’ve said worse,” the protester rebutted. “You lie!” “Come on, you pansy!” the tall pony shouted. Dash darted into the stallion and the two ponies hit the ground with a hard thud. They rolled around the dusty ground as hooves pounded each other. Pinkie and the other two protesters watched in bewilderment, unsure if they should intercede or place bets. The shortest protester held out a hoof to Pinkie. “The name’s Shortie. This is Midge, and the one fighting your friend is Alto.” “Pinkie Pie,” the pink earth pony replied as she shook his hoof. “That's my friend Dash. You must be new here, because I don’t recognize any of you.” “We’re from out of town,” Shortie admitted. “We came here on a mission to protest.” He glanced at Midge, who only grunted in agreement. The pink earth pony nodded despite her lack of understanding. She dodged a stray kick from Alto meant for Dash. “So why are you protesting against Princess Celestia?” Pinkie asked. “We need her attention,” Shortie admitted. He ducked as Alto flew over his head with Dash clinging to his friend’s tail. Shortie put his sign down. “See, Celestia is hard to get ahold of, so we thought it would be a great idea to get her attention with these signs demanding that the princess give into the will of her subjects.” “Like what?” Pinkie asked as dodged another stray kick from the nearby tussle. “Banana suits,” Shortie replied. “Celestia refuses to dress like a banana, and I think any self-respecting leader would consider such a simple request, so this protest is to make her citizens aware that she will not wear certain articles of clothing.” The stallion jumped up to avoid Alto who slid across the ground. “So the jest of our protest should get Celestia’s attention,” Shortie summed up. “Then we’ll be able to ask for her crown jewels and we’ll go on our merry way.” “Hey, funny you should say that,” Pinkie stated. “Dash and I actually have her-” Rainbow Dash bucked the tall protester through the front doors of the town hall. She then turned and grabbed Pinkie around the waist. “No more chit-chat, let’s go!” “Oh okay,” Pinkie said. “Well, goodbye Shortie! Good luck with your troubles!” Dash limped into the town hall with Pinkie in tow. The pink pony noticed that her friend was quite roughed up from the fight and bled from several acquired scrapes. Pinkie tapped Dash on the shoulder. “Maybe we should take you to go see a doctor?” she pointed out with concern. “I’ll be fine,” Dash said dismissively. The pegasus stopped abruptly and her eyes went wide. Snuggled together under a blanket in the middle of the hall’s auditorium floor were Mayor Mare and the town doc, Doctor Stable. The doctor slowly awoke and rubbed the ache on his unicorn horn. As his senses sharpened, he jumped up with utter confusion on his face. “Ah, why am I still here?!” Stable stammered as he pointed to the sleeping mayor beside him. “Ah, why are you two still here?!” “What,” Dash replied flatly. Mayor Mare awoke from the doctor’s screaming and rubbed her head. “Doctor please, my head is splitting enough as it… is?” She looked around with a confused expression upon her face. “Oh, let me guess what happened!” Pinkie exclaimed with glee. “The mayor had a sleepover party? She’s wearing your stethoscope, so were you two playing a game? What’s it called?” The mayor looked at the shocked doctor and frowned. “It’s called ‘nothing happened’, because the doc here passed out after just one shot of liquor.” She turned her attention to Pinkie Pie. “You two, however, are barred from bringing alcohol into the town hall ever again. Those curtains are going to have to be bleached.” “What,” Dash flatly repeated. The doctor quickly distanced himself from the angry mayor. “What did you two put in that bottle last night?” he asked. “My head feels like you threw a party inside it.” “Oh, there must be some mistake,” the pink pony corrected. “Dash and I were at Sugar Cube Corner last night throwing the best party ever. We all couldn’t fit inside your little head. Isn’t that right Dashie?” Rainbow Dash responded by abruptly passing out onto the floor.