//------------------------------// // Ch. 2- Twilight Sparkle's Neverending Search for Advil® // Story: The Return of Harmony Redux // by paiohelohelo //------------------------------// Squeak. Squeak. Squeak, squeak, squeak… Luna Everstar sat at her desk in her Canterlot office, diligently squeezing a small blue stress ball over and over again. A knock issued from the door and Luna’s hand became very still; she narrowed her eyes. “Who is it?” she hissed suspiciously. Her office door opened and in walked Twilight, cleaned up from the previous trouble with parasprites and dressed in her favorite pair of jeans and an untucked purple button down shirt. “You said you wanted to see me Director Luna… um, is this a bad time?” Twilight noticed that the director was looking a little worse for the wear; one of her eyes steadily twitched as she continuously handled her stress ball. Luna cleared her throat before motioning for Twilight to come in. “No, Twilight, of course, please, sit down,” Twilight closed the office door behind her and sat down in the chair facing Luna’s desk; as soon as she did, though, the door opened up again and in walked Sweetie Belle, smiling quite happily; Luna’s stress ball suddenly found itself 1/6th of its original size in less than a fraction of a second. “Hello, Director Everstar, I’m back from lunch!” Sweetie greeted brightly. “I also finished filing the city zoning ordinance reports, but I just can’t seem to find the box I left them all in now that I’m done...” “Sweetie Belle, hello,” Luna’s left eye was twitching uncontrollably as she smiled. “That sounds great, just great... now, Sweetie, didn’t we talk yesterday, multiple times, about knocking when you came in? Also, if I’m not mistaken, didn’t I also tell you before you left for lunch that you could just take the rest of the day off? As I recall, didn’t I specifically tell you to leave this building, entirely, for at least sixteen hours… preferably twenty- four?” Sweetie just giggled. “Oh, I know, you were so nice to give me the day off today, ma’am, but then I thought about you working all by yourself without me, still feeling awfully sick from eating all of that bad snipe meat last night, so I decided to use up my vacation time to help you recover as best you can… ooooh, here!” Sweetie presented Luna with a very warm bottle of sarsaparilla, “this is for you, I always find that the sugar really helps me feel better when I get really dizzy, too!” “…Thank you, Sweetie,” Luna took the warm sarsaparilla. “No problem! You, know, Director,” Sweetie Belle looked down and smiled, her hands folded gracefully in front of her waist, “I just wanted to tell you again how grateful I am for being given this job in the first place. It’s just such an honor and a privilege to be working with you, ma'am, and I can’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity,” Luna looked upon her warmly. “Of course, Sweetie, it’s the least I can do for your sister after all that she’s done for Equestria,” Sweetie Belle cocked her head and made an “awww” sound. “Well, back to my desk! I really should find that box of reports before somebody throws them all away. Call me if you need anything, m’am!” “Of course,” Luna nodded, “See you soon, Sweetie.” Sweetie cheerfully waved goodbye before leaving and closing the door; as soon as it was shut, Luna jumped up from her desk and grabbed Twilight by the shoulders, her face coming within inches of the younger woman’s; her eyes betrayed whole mountains of madness beneath each of them. “Help me,” she whispered in a low, desperate and quite pointed tone. Twilight just sat there, Luna’s hands on her shoulders, and blinked. “…I’m sorry?” Suddenly, the office door opened up again and Sweetie Belle stuck her head back in; as soon as she did, Luna immediately let go of Twilight’s shoulders, returned to her normal position, and squeezed her stress toy over and over again... Squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueakysqueak- squeak- squeak it went as it tried to hold onto its structural integrity; Luna was doing her breathing exercises and staring very intently at the office carpet. “Ooooh, sorry, forgot to knock again!” Sweetie Belle just giggled. “I just wanted to let you know, I found that box, ma’am, but for some reason it was filled with all of the other reports I misplaced last week instead… also, would you like some coffee, or anything?” “No, Ms. Belle, that will be, um, quite enough for now, thank you…” Luna looked up and tried to put on a smile again, even as all of her body’s energy channeled itself into the little blue stress ball in her hand. Sweetie smiled and nodded before leaving again; as soon as she did, Luna turned back to Twilight: “…For the love of God, you absolutely MUST help me to get rid of her, I am BEGGING you, Twilight Sparkle, please,” she pleaded again with the young Unicorn scientist. “…Um, I really don’t think Rarity would be very happy about that,” Twilight responded. “You know how much she loves her little sister-” “Do I look like Rarity Belle to you?!” Luna snapped through grit teeth before sighing and calming herself, somewhat. “…Siiiiigh… I honestly don’t know how Dr. Belle puts up with her, I mean, I’m barely holding on as it is with Sweetie… she’s such a kind, thoughtful, sweet girl, really, and Lord knows that she tries, hard, but…” Luna ended in a sort of animalistic growl. Twilight chuckled nervously. “Come on, Director, I mean, she can’t be that bad…” Luna gave Twilight a look that made her blanch slightly. “Oh, you have no idea… earlier today, I sent her out to make one copy, ONE simple little copy, and, not five minutes later, she returned to inform me that she had somehow managed to destroy all of the working copy machines in the entire city of Canterlot in the process… I mean, what am I supposed to do with that, Twilight Sparkle, just what am I supposed to do with that, exactly?!” Luna didn't appear to be making a point; instead, it sounded to Twilight like she was actually asking the question in earnest. Twilight thought that it would probably be a good idea to change the subject when she could. “Ummmm… Luna? about the reason why I’m here…” Luna cleared her throat again and gave Dr. Sparkle some personal space, a good foot at least. “Of course, Twilight, ahem, please excuse me…” Luna tried to smile again, but her little blue stress ball was still being brutalized by the surprisingly fierce grip of her hand. Luna neglected her ball long enough to touch her EGO; her desk emitter lit up and began displaying information and schematics about some other ancient Equestrian site in another part of the world. “Two days ago, The United Nations lost contact with the ancient Equestrian outpost located deep inside of the Amazon River Basin; yesterday, The UN received an emitter message from an international group of terrorists informing them that they had taken control of the outpost and were now holding the majority of the personnel working there hostage,” Luna explained. “My God,” Twilight responded, quite shocked. “The UN has decided that, for now, it would be an unacceptable risk to storm the outpost, given how much collateral damage would undoubtedly ensue in either a conventional assault or a by- the- books rescue attempt...” “But… who are those people?” Twilight asked, watching holo clips in the air of what looked like black PALADIN- clad ninjas holding hostages in front of the camera and forcing them to read statements. “Professional mercenaries working for an enigmatic international criminal organization that the UN has been tracking for nearly a year,” Luna explained as the relevant data and images popped up on her emitter, “from what we know, they seem to be drawn from the most politically and economically powerful, not to mention unscrupulous, elements on the entire planet… their main goal seems to be controlling as much Equestrian knowledge and technology as they possibly can, for whatever purpose… for lack of a real name, the intelligence community has gotten used to calling them ‘The Diamond Dogs’,” Luna clarified. “What, like… is David Bowie The Sovereign, or something?” Twilight threw out offhandedly, and Luna frowned at her as she often did when Twilight wasn’t firmly entrenched in “Serious Mode” and The Director herself was; Twilight grinned back apologetically. “Need I remind you, Dr. Sparkle,” Luna continued sternly, “that the Amazonian Outpost is one of the few Equestrian sites in the world with an actual Level 1 Artifact on its premises? And also, that lives are currently at stake here?” “Yes, of course… sorry, Madam Director,” Twilight looked embarrassed; she also felt, surprise, surprise, another migraine coming on. “Please… continue,” “Quite unexpectedly, the Diamond Dogs seem to be making no demands, and they’ve asked for no sorts of ransom… all they’ve asked is that UN military forces keep from storming the complex. To be honest, Dr. Sparkle, the US government has had very little luck in digging up a whole lot about The Dogs over the last year, although we seem to have been successful in identifying a few of the key players in this current drama unfolding right before us as we speak…” Luna pulled up a new emitter image and Twilight’s heart froze; she didn’t think that she’d ever forget, let alone forgive, the very familiar man whose image now towered over her in her chair, not in her entire life... “Oh, you have got to be kidding me…” Twilight muttered in disgust as a whole lot of old emotions sprang up from deep within her, suddenly appearing alongside something that she could only describe as the purest aura of pain in the general whereabouts of her own forehead region. “…Oh, Good Lord… not him again…” “Yes, I’m sorry to inform you, Dr. Sparkle, but it looks as though General Iron Will Armstrong is very much alive and, unfortunately for everyone’s sake, very much a major player for The Diamond Dogs now that he’s been on the run from military justice for over a year,” Luna pulled up the last known pictures of Iron Will on her emitter, images of him discussing matters with a Somali warlord. “As you know, in order to save face in front of the other Security Council Members, The US Government's report on The Nightmare Incident to The UN purposefully left out a couple of minor details in its entirety: mainly, that General Armstrong did indeed survive the Shadowbolt attack on Canterlot, and also that The United States was finding it extremely difficult to track, let alone capture, their very own rogue general. That knowledge is, again, known only to you and the other Mane Six, along with the President, myself and a few other key personnel throughout The Equestria Initiative.” “Ohhhh, and just how is President Celestia doing these days?” Twilight asked as she performed her now familiar temple massage on herself, curious to find out about her favorite teacher and trusted mentor’s current state of affairs, but also kind of wondering where the nearest bottle of Advil was, as well. “Well, apparently Twilight Sparkle, there is a world beyond Equestria, or so I’m told…” Luna could smirk exactly like Celestia could, on occasion. “Hahahaha, that was a joke,” Twilight replied as she continued to squeeze her temples. God, could it actually be possible to get TWO simultaneous migraines at once, sort of like a… migraine à trois? was the pressing issue that she was actually concentrating on at that very moment. “…Yes, well… anyway, my sister seems to be quite all right at the present moment, current state of affairs with the Amazonian Outpost aside,” Luna continued. “Good… Gooooooooood… Gooooooooo-” “Twilight Sparkle, are you all right?” Luna frowned as she continued to watch Twilight rub her aching head and moan in quite audible (not to mention quite visible) misery. “Huh?” Twilight snapped to attention, blinking. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Luna, I’ve just been having the worst migraines ever since I quit drinking coffee… you know, GERD and all, Fluttershy’s orders… hahaha, um, speaking very generally in the direction of the field of medicine, buuuut… you wouldn’t happen to have any Advil in that desk of yours, maybe, would you? Maybe? Please?” Twilight finished up in quite a different place than where she originally intended to be. Luna sighed, clutching her predominant stress ball- squeezing hand with her other hand. “Unfortunately, I do not, Twilight, just Aleve, I’m afraid… siiiiigh… bottles upon bottles of Aleve… would you care for a 2- pack, perhaps?” “Um, I think I’ll be ok, for now, thanks…” Twilight politely responded. Oh, you’ve got some Aleve, do you? Then you’ve got NOTHING she thought to herself quite impolitely. “Well, Iron Will is not the only Diamond Dog associate you may remember, tell me,” Luna pulled up a picture of another person on her desk emitter, “do you recognize this woman?” Twilight squinted at the next hologram; a very pretty young woman, about her age, popped up, with long, wavy dirty red and blond hair and a smile that was just a little more than devious; Twilight just shook her head. “Sorry, Director, I don’t,” “Really?” Luna raised a brow. “Because she was in the same class at Harvard as you and Dr. Belle,” She pulled up a Harvard graduation photo next and, sure enough, Twilight was standing there, complete in her mortarboard, gown and that ratty old pair of prescription Wayfarers that she had thought, at the time, made her look so much cooler, giving her less- than- warmly- received Sophie Freund Prize speech along with a very innocent- looking, younger version of the woman in question, smiling sweetly as she sat nearby, hands frozen in eternal applause for the prodigious, more talented upstart before her; Present Day Twilight squinted to also see both Celestia and Luna standing there in ceremonial gowns as well, the future POTUS looking very proud of her favored pupil but the future Director of Canterlot displaying a sort of unchanging dourness to her facial expression, even as she was clapping; ironically, Twilight also discerned the blurry likeness of a slightly younger, then much less stressed out Rarity sitting in the background behind them all, as well. Twilight frowned again at the new woman’s visage. “Hmmm…. Well, I’ve always been quite bad with names, Luna, you know that…” “Well, this one just so happens to be Lucia Van Mara,” Luna continued, “One of Celestia’s prized former political pupils, she graduated summa cum laude right behind you, Dr. Sparkle,” Luna continued pulling up more images and data regarding Van Mara as she spoke. “A former CIA agent, she was codenamed ‘Sunset Shimmer’ and, indeed, Van Mara used to be very highly regarded by the agency, one of their top agents, in fact; however, she and her operative cell were officially disavowed by the service after they viciously tortured a suspected terrorist insurgent to death… the CIA later found out that the man had been, quite unfortunately, nothing but a completely innocent civilian,” “Good God,” Twilight muttered in horror as she looked over the relevant data and the entirely gruesome autopsy photos of some very unfortunate third world farmer who had clearly been in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Yes, well, Sunset Shimmer would’ve known that had she done just a little more scrupulous intelligence work on her part, which is one of the many reasons that the CIA eventually decided to cut her loose, not to mention the fact that Shimmer has sundry other, oh, let’s say, altogether violent and troublesome tendencies of her own, as bright and as skilled an agent as she was,” Luna finished up on Sunset Shimmer, who was posed over the emitter in various disguises and shown working in far flung places all around the world, in many instances armed with rather large automatic weaponry. “At any rate, her fellow operatives were recalled to the states pending a congressional hearing, but Shimmer herself managed to escape American custody and, along with our favorite little general and the former military commander of Equestria, Iron Will, seems to have been sheltered and protected by the Diamond Dogs in exchange for the commission of her very valuable, albeit very bloody skill set.” “Well,” Twilight laughed, quite unexpectedly, “Summertime Shimmer may think that she’s just all that and a bag of potato chips, Director Luna, but she’s never gone up against The Mane Six before, now, has she? I mean, I don’t really mean to toot my own horn here, Director, but- coooome onnnn-“ Luna sighed and shook her head. “I’m sorry to inform you, Dr. Sparkle, but it appears as if The Mane Six will be sitting out on this particular government mission, at least for now,” she informed Twilight, whose jaw dropped. “…What?” Twilight looked somewhat peeved. “Why, exactly?” “Unfortunately, Twilight, knowing what it does about the current situation, The Security Council has unanimously decided that it would be entirely unacceptable to risk The Elements of Harmony in an unnecessary manner,” Luna responded matter- of- factly. “Thus, The UN is instead sending in a team of trained American intelligence agents to infiltrate the base and rescue the hostages, operatives who are already quite… experienced in dealing with international situations involving Equestrian technology…” Twilight violently shook her head in protest. “Oh no, no, no, no, Luna, no, anybody but him, pleeeease,” Luna sighed. “I’m sorry, Twilight, but it would seem as if your brother is simply the best person The UN could find for the job, at least according to The Security Council he is. He also has the armed combat experience outside of Equestria that we need for this particular mission, unless you have some other jungle warfare anecdotes of your own that you’ve somehow forgotten to tell me about?” Twilight looked down. “Well, maybe if you had just asked…” she responded sarcastically, of course. “...Still, I don’t see why you have to keep putting Shining Armor Sparkle in mortal danger every time The UN needs a photogenic James Bond stand- in for one of their little errands outside of the colony,” “Unfortunately, Twilight Sparkle, that’s not too far from the truth…” Luna sighed, shaking her head. “… however, regardless of what my subordinates think of me- well, except for Sweetie Belle, I suppose- I am most certainly not “The Princess of The World” and The United Nations are most certainly not as amenable to my will as both you and Celestia would like to believe... I’m sorry, but Agent Sparkle will be the lead on this mission, that’s just the way it is, The Initiative just doesn’t have the leeway to say otherwise this time around,” Luna offered her a sympathetic but still characteristically grim look of support. “Then…” Twilight frowned, “…why did you even want to speak with me in the first place?” “Twilight, you and your friends are still the world’s premier experts on dealing with Equestrian technological mishaps, just because you won’t be rescuing the hostages yourselves this time around doesn’t mean that The Initiative doesn’t need your help,” Luna explained further, “I want you to analyze the situation, Dr. Sparkle, research all that you can about the Level 1 artifact at the Amazon Outpost, and then get back to me as soon as you're able to… give me everything Shining Armor needs to fix this very unfortunate situation before it really has a chance to get out of hand,” “Understood, Madam Director,” Twilight nodded in earnest seriousness, “I’ll do everything I can to help you and my brother get this sorted out as quickly as possible.” Luna nodded as well. “Good, Twilight, that’s what I was hoping to hear… I’m sending you over to the new Head Archaeologist’s workstation, I think Genzebe should be able to give you a sufficient primer on the Level 1 artifact at the outpost, this Draconequus Statue…” Twilight sighed, very quickly touching her hand to her forehead. “Do you, um, think that you could maybe send me somewhere where they have Advil instead, Director?” Luna leaned forward in her chair and gave Twilight a cool, calm, collected look. “Well, Dr. Sparkle, you did win the Sophie Freund, so you tell me… innocent lives are still hanging in the balance, at this very moment… so, Doctor… what do you think?” Twilight sighed, massaged herself in a feeble manner, and nodded again. “Ok, ok, geez, Luna… I’ll get right to Zecora’s, then… happy?” Luna just smiled at Twilight; her stress ball’s brutal treatment suddenly took on a calmer, more even rhythm in its movement. *********************************************************************************************************** Apple Bloom had spent most of her life on a farm, but she still couldn’t help but feel a certain measure of awe as she took a leisurely stroll alone through the fields of the new Sweet Apple Acres. It wasn’t exactly Canterlot, but Apple Bloom still felt like she was squarely on another world; all around her, what appeared to be android- like automatons encased in brass parts performed all the work normally done by humans in the field, harvesting the fruits and vegetables, watering the plants, and cutting back any invasive weeds. Apple Bloom watched as a bright brass man handed a basket filled with apples to a waiting, hovering brass robot in the air who then took the basket and flew up to one of many large zeppelin- like drones flying high overhead that were temporarily holding all of the collected bounty until they were dropped off in storage at the other end of the property. Applejack walked up and put her hand on Apple Bloom’s shoulder, her grin now assuredly much brighter than that of the setting sun behind her; Apple Bloom smiled as she turned to her. “Wow, sis, jus’… wow,” Apple Bloom giggled a little as she motioned to the almost fantastical scene playing out right in front of their eyes. “Pinkie Pie designed ‘em,” Applejack explained, still grinning. “Part of, as Twilight calls it, “a bold new experiment in agriculture without people”, or somethin’… eeyup, that there’s the biggest bumper crop that I’ve ever laid eyes on, I tell ya what, but I promise you, lil' sis, I'm a- gonna get every last one of those apples off- a these here trees this applebuck season, all by myself, even if it kills me...” Applejack swore, looking quite serious, indeed. Apple Bloom looked at her sister as she cocked her head. “So, things really are gettin' pretty bad around here, huh?” Applejack sighed heavily, the weight of what felt like the entire world resting upon her shoulders. “Yup, The UN is running outta of all them food rations currently sustaining the camps, ‘tho they keep promisin' they’ll send more, reeeal soon… no two ways about it, sis, if I don’t get all a’ these crops harvested before they all get ruined, there’s a reeeeal good chance that a whole lotta families n’ their lil’ ones gonna starve before the next season comes in, n’…” she sighed again, feeling quite fatigued just talking about it, “well… we jus’ can’t let that happen now, can we?” Applejack noticed that Apple Bloom was staring up at her, looking extremely worried about the grave responsibilities that her older sibling was now in charge of; Applejack, not wishing to worry her little sister any further, smiled again and tried to laugh, “hahaha, yup, mah very own Sweet Apple Acres, right here in Equestria, all by mah lonesome… ya know, growin’ up, I never thought I’d see the day when Big Mac’s lazy ass wouldn’t have ta get up so dang early n’ cranky too, if I ken recall, all ta plow them fields as much as he possibly could before sunrise…” she gestured to all of her mechanical laborers, “…who would’ve thunk it, honestly?” “Oh, Applejack, you’re not all by yer lonesome anymore, remember?” Apple Bloom smiled again as she hugged her older sister. “Ya got me now, big sis!” “Only ‘til yer next semester starts, remember that,” Applejack laughed as she tousled her sister’s fiery red mane; Apple Bloom just smiled back in return. “Well, supper’s about ta get cold, what’say you n’ me head in ta eat now, alright?” Apple Bloom nodded as Applejack led her towards the farmhouse, her arm still draped around her younger sister’s shoulders; Apple Bloom was no longer smiling as she began to feel a little conflicted inside, thinking to herself: oh no, oh no, oh geez… jus’ HOW am I gonna tell her now?