The rule of Princess Celestia was a good and benevolent rule, graced with peace and harmony. Crime was down, happiness was up, and the law was applied rather casually, because few ponies really meant any harm. Even as such, though, there were a few things you just didn't do in Equestria. Breaking into the palace was probably one of them.
Not that the Doctor really considered this fact all that much, as he closed the no-longer-quite-so-locked rear entrance to the gardens behind him and peered around. Rather, he was just too fascinated with his search at hoof. He trotted swiftly and uninterestedly through the gorgeous garden, the most beautiful in all of Equestria, with barely a second glance. The tan earth pony with the dark brown, slicked back mane and the hourglass cutie mark only stopped once to look up at a statue of some past notable who had been of service to the kingdom. "Nose is too big," he mused, then kept on towards the palace.
He slipped in through the kitchens, his head down, peering at grates, and at drains, as if they were far more interesting than any of the glamor and glitz surrounding him. He wandered out into the hallway, following along, peering down at the floor with intense interest. He paused at a grate in a corner, and let out a satisfied *ahhhhh*. He leaned down to it, and examined a cobweb at one corner of the grate. "And what are you?" he asked himself thoughtfully.
The brown pony stuck out his tongue and gave the web a little lick, then lifted his head, clucking his tongue in his mouth as he tasted it. "Oh, yes, yes. There you are. Found you!"
After a progression of time, there was the sound of hooves coming up behind the intruder, including a few indignant and perhaps irritatedly surprised snorts as two plated Pegasi guards stared at the pony with narrowed eyes. The personal bodyguard's of the glorious sun princess. That was a good indication she probably wasn't far away, and if you were to guess that, you'd be right.
The two guards stared him down as the long legged lady followed up behind the pair and blinked in surprise at the trespasser, not showing any anger despite her guard's irritation that somepony had so easily slip past their defenses. But Celestia simply pondered the brown Earth pony for a moment or two.
"I knew the castle garden was beautiful, but I didn't realize ponies would so happily break into my home to see it."
She took a few steps closer to the the pony, her guard's following suit beside the alicorn lady as her mane and tail flickered weakly in the breeze-less air.
"Perhaps an explanation is in order?"
Doctor Whooves leaped up and spun around, the motion seeming to leave him just on the edge of falling over, but not quite. He peered at the three ponies staring at him with an expression of mingled excitement and surprise. "And of course!" he cried, "Of course you'd want an explanation! Reasonable thing to want, an explanation!" He pointed a hoof upwards as he emphasized the reasonableness of the request. He leaned in and said, in a lower, very casual way, to one of the guards, "Wouldn't you want an explanation?"
He then trotted up towards the princess, cheerfully declaring, "And of course, I'd be willing to give you an explanation!" The two guards cut him off, extending their wings with an almost metallic sound to cross before him. Unfazed, Doctor Whooves stared one of the guards in the face, from only inches away, his head lifting up, down, left and right, peering at the guard from small differences in angle.
"Oh, yes, an explanation, that I can give! I don't suppose you'd be convinced if I told you I was a Castle Inspector and showed you a slip of paper to prove it? No, no, of course not, because that would not be a reasonable explanation! No, I have an explanation, and what an explanation it is! An explanation so wonderful you'd wonder why I didn't give it already instead of babbling on like somepony trying to think of an explanation!"
He paused, furrowed his brow as he tilted his head to the side. "Blimey, but these blokes are serious. No expression at all. Do they train that? How do you train that? Stand there for three hours a day as ponies make faces at them? I tell you, very impressive. Job well done!"
"But yes, an explanation! Because otherwise you'd have to throw me in the dungeon,and you wouldn't want to have to do that because the dungeon hasn't been used in centuries and it's all dark and dank and deteriorated and you'd have to send somepony in to tidy up a bit, clear out the mold, build new doors, make sure it's not all rusted out, and that'd just be faaaaarrr too much work, wouldn't it?” He nodded as the words just kept spilling excitedly out of his mouth, filling the hallway with a nonstop flood of near-nonsense.
"It'd just be terrible, especially with what I've been hearing lately from the guards... guards going sick, not showing up for work, not being seen at home, wellllll, with a ponypower shortage, why make more work for the poor blokes?"
"I'll tell you what I found, though, and that'll be the truth—missing food! Food gone missing! Ponies foodless! Well, not exactly foodless, it was only a little of their food, so just food-light. But one wonders, who took it? And why all over the city, all of a sudden? One might think foals, but why would foals nick healthy food and leave the sweets? One might think a sire feeding his foals, but so much food? And he didn't even nick a little of the sweets for a treat? But really what caught my attention was the cobwebs, ah, what a mess, even in neat and tidy stores, bam! Cobwebs. Who leaves cobwebs? well, I tell you, that intrigued me, so I followed the cobwebs, and where do you think that led me? That's RIGHT!"
He pointed his hoof upwards again, emphasizing as he cried, "NOT to the palace! No, it led me to drainage pipes! Great big pipes, with greaaaaat biiiiig grates keeping folks out!" His mouth stretched out, drawling the words as if to emphasize that the pipes and the grates were just too big to fit into the words he was using. "And when I see a greaaaat biiiiig grate keeping me from seeing what's on the other side, well, I just GOTTA find out what's over there! And these pipes led into the palace, so naturally I just slipped in!"
"Also, if you happened to notice anything unusual, such as myself eating a spiderweb, I would like to inform you that I did not, in fact, eat a spiderweb. Why would I? Silly thing to do, of course, I wouldn't even lick a spider web, disgusting. And you know why that's wrong, and I did no such thing? Because it's a very good question, a very good question indeed, and I will tell you WHY I did not lick a spiderweb!"
He paused dramatically, taking a deep breath, and then let out a triumphant, "BeCAUUUUUUSE! That would imply a spider made it!"
He spun around again, walking down the hall away from Princess Celestia and the guards, confident in the absolute reason and logic of his argument.
Watching on with a faint blink, the Princess had to arch a brow in slight confusion as she watched her guard's simply grow in their irritation as the Earth pony turned his back on them. She heard a snort from the guards, and they were about to approach the intruder when they were cut off, The Princess stepped forward and gently dismissed them, motioning for them to stay at least a few feet behind her.
A few delicate hoof steps and she glanced over the pony with a curious crease in her brow. She thought she understood everything that was told to her, but it didn't sound that good at all. Lowering her head slightly, she looked to the brown pony and smiled patiently.