Roy's Big Day
By: NotABrony (Huge thanks to Thaius for editing and tons of help)
Ah. A bright day in Ponyville. Thanks to the pegasus, the sun was shining. Fluttershy was practicing with her birds, and they were singing merrily. Applejack was busy bucking apples, and the smell of cider filled the air. It was truly a perfect day, with not a cloud in the sky. Except, of course, for the small thundercloud directly over Roy's head.
Roy was in a bad mood. Nothing seemed to go right in his life. Everyone laughed at him, and he was never invited to parties. After years of teasing and jeering, Roy had had enough. His dark thoughts had led him hear, and now his toes were hanging dangerously over the edge of a cliff. “I'll show them,” thought Roy. He closed his eyes, and hurled himself into the abyss below.
“SPLASH”
Roy emerged from the stream, water dripping from every part of his body, especially his hair.” Guess I'll try again,” thought Roy dejectedly. Roy struggled back up the cliff. It was full of sharp rocks and prickly bushes, but it was the only cliff around that was tall enough to suite his purposes. That, and it was away from prying eyes. Roy pulled a thistle from his leg and continued his climb. Soon, he was in a new spot, ready to jump. He was starting to hyperventilate, but he calmed himself, and looked down. He was at peace. Roy jumped. Again.
And spread his majestic pegasus wings. Yes, Roy the pegasus was finally flying. How good the wind felt beneath his wings! After years and years of practice and anticipation, teasing and laughter, Roy was able to soar through the sky with ease. The wind shifted, and Roy was directed back towards ponyville. Dozens of pairs of eyes looked up from below. “Look, it's Roy!” yelled one of the ponies from below. A pegasus poked his head through a cloud and gave Roy a brohoof.
Roy leaned left and began to gain altitude. He began to do advanced tricks, stuff that the Wonderbolts couldn't do. He was flying so fast that he was generating electricity behind him. Spitfire came soaring through from above, and they began to race. Each nudge further and further, sometimes Spitfire was winning, and sometimes Roy took the lead. Soon Spitfire was worn out, and Roy was the victor of the impromptu race. That was when he decided to test his limits. He turned strait up, and climbed and climbed in the air. He passed through the clouds, and didn't stop until it became hard to breathe. From his mighty spot in the heavens, Roy could see all of Ponyville beneath him. How small they looked. They could not dare match his greatness. But for all Roy was, he still didn't feel complete. And that's when he saw Her.
She was the most beautiful pony that Roy had ever seen. Her wings danced through the air with such grace and poise. The sun glistened off of her coat. It shimmered in the noonday light. Not even Rarity could hope to match Her beauty, grace and ladylikeness. Roy loved everything about her. Her derp eyes were adorable, and Roy thought that her bubble butt was the best cutie mark ever. She was truly best pony.
She spotted Roy and began to glide to him. Roy's heart was fluttered in his chest, and he forced himself to calmly make his way down to her. It was love at first sight. For both of them. Their lips met in midair. A flower shop exploded, and sent petals raining down over the two of them as they embraced. A flock of birds that were on their way to Fluttershy's cottage decided to fly in a heart shape pattern, and created a nice silhouette against the lovers. On top of that, Octavia decided to test out her ultra-loud speakers, and serenaded the town with her songs. The atmosphere of Ponyville became the most romantic place in Equestria, and Roy and Bubblebutt were experiencing perfect peace and harmony.
After the two stopped kissing, their heads separated, but they stayed locked in each other’s embrace. Even though they had just met, Roy knew that this was the pony he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Roy looked deep into her skewed eyes and decided to ask the question. “Though I don't know your name, and I have only just met you, I know that you are perfect. Will you marry me? Will you… be my special somepony?”
Her response was instantaneous: “Meep. Meep. Meep.”
“I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.”
She said it again, this time a little more audible: “Meep. Meep. Meep.”
“One more time please?”
“Meep. Meep. Meep.”
“I don't even...”
“MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!”
And with that, Roy realized that his alarm clock's alarm was emitting from Derpy's mouth. His subconscious kicked into action, and woke Roy up. Roy the human was back, in his bed, ready to start the day. More or less.
* * * Two Hours Later * * *
Roy was bored.
It was nine in the morning, and he still lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, reflecting over his life. It was so boring compared to what he had just experienced. Nothing would ever be able to compensate, everything seemed mundane now. Roy rolled over, and gazed vacantly at the posters on his walls. Even they had lost any sort of meaning. They, like the rest of Roy's life, were now just there, existing, without any real purpose. Roy needed something new. Something like his bubbled pony.
He decided it was finally time to get up. His foot stepped on one of his lego sets. Roy spent the next few minutes preforming a little dance that he called “ERMYGERSH I JUST STEPPED ON A LEGO.” Roy crashed onto his bed, and let the pain subsided. “Why was that even on the floor?” Roy asked himself. Perhaps it was because his room had gotten even more messy than usual.
With nothing better to do, Roy logged onto his computer, and opened Facebook. There was a messege from Sam, asking if he was ready to record that night's Brony Bookclub podcast episode. The theme this week was Derpy. Of course.
Roy typed his reply, then logged off. He decided to clear his head; the dream was still haunting him, making his life bland. Coffee sounded good. Roy decided to walk, that way he could put more brainpower into thinking. As Roy walked, he spent less time feeling what was going on around him, and spent more time concentrating on the dream. Why was he so attracted to Derpy? Why did the dream still play over and over in his head? Why was there a car honking at him as he crossed a crosswalk? Why did everything go dark, and WHY did he feel a lot of pain in his side?
* * * Unknown Time Later * * *
Roy regained his hearing before he fully regained consciousness. All he could hear was “...Eeyup. I saw h'm fly'n through the sky and th'n he landed here.” Roy felt a hoof poke him in the head. He looked up and saw a small pony with a bow in her mane poking him with her hoof. “Y'all ok mister?” she asked concerned. It took Roy a few moments to figure out what was going on, and finally responded “I think I just got hit by a car.” This statement registered confusion with the group of ponies. Murmurs of “What's a car?” and “Probably should get him to the doc.” reached his ears. Finally something clicked, and Roy realized where he was, and who was before him. He was in the Apples' orchard, and Applebloom, Applejack, and Big Mac where standing before him. His brain nearly exploded with happiness.
“You’re the Apples! Oh man, this is awesome! I can't believe I'm here. Am I dreaming again? Better pinch myself. Ouch! Nope, this is real! YES!” The words spewed from his mouth as he vigorously shook each ponies hoof. The three in front of him gave him weird looks, and they decided that it was best that Big Mac escort their “guest” down the hill to the doc. Soon Roy was in the Helpinghoof clinic.
Soon the nice Doctor was shining a weird blue-purple flashlight in Roy's eyes. It made a funny whirring noise. “Are you sure he wasn't launched out of Pinkie's cannon again? That would be the third one this week alone.” said a nice pony with an hourglass on his flank. Big Mac shook his head “Ee-nope.” Roy decided that he wanted to leave. “Hey Mr. Hooves, am I good to go yet?” The Doctor gave him a quick look over, then set Roy on his merry way.
Roy knew that there was so much to do. He could try the restaurants. He could visit with any of the Mane 6. He could learn of the many mysteries of Equestria, and explore a huge and unknown world. Or he could find his dream pony, convince her that he was the one for her, ask her out, get engaged, get married, then settle down and live a long, happy life. Roy decided to go with the last option.
So off Roy trudged, deciding that he would check the post office first (it’s not like he knew where Her house was, it was never mentioned in any of the episodes). Alas, sad news: Derpy was not working today. She would be back tomorrow, but Roy couldn't wait that long. The post master told Roy that he could not give out employees’ addresses, so Roy had to find Her by himself.
After hours of searching the town, Roy gave up and sat down outside of the SugarCube Corner. Just when all seemed lost, Roy remembered that he could fly. What a silly pegasus he was. Rather than just take off in the middle of town, and risk humiliation, Roy decided to walk to the cliff from his dream. He remembered the way, and was soon at the base of the mountain. The climb up was painful, and soon Roy had over 9000 (!) cuts on his legs and belly. Finally he reached his choice spot. He spread his wings. He looked towards the heavens. He stamped his hoof. And then....he jumped.
And flew on the first try. “Wow, this is a lot easier than in my dream,” thought Roy as he flew back towards Ponyville. “I wonder if I am as good at flying as in my dream?” After a few moments, Roy had his answer. In short, he was much, much worse than in his dream. He could barely do a backwards loop. Still, he could fly. And that was a lot more than his human self could do. Now, it was time to find his special pony.
Roy flew as high as he could, and surveyed the town. Let's see now. Twilight, nope. Nurse Redheart, nope. Flufflepuff… awesome, but no. Ah there she is, the perfect pony. Derpy was busy rolling around in a dirt pile. She looked adorable doing so. She was as perfect as he remembered.
Roy flew down, and tried to think about how he would first talk to her. Should he ask her out right away, or should he try and become friends with her, and then ask her out? Roy had settled on the second option when She said “Well, are you just going to stand there staring, or are you going to ask me out?” This puzzled Roy, so he asked “how did you know?” Her reply was quick “Well, you were staring at me from above, and then you flew down here and were staring at me. You had your face all scrunched up and you went crosseyed. Plus, you where muttering to yourself. So are you going to ask me out?” It took Roy a whole half of a second to think of his reply. “Alright, ehem, Miss Derpy, you are the prettiest, best pony I have ever seen. Though we have just met, will you go out with me?” And with that, Lyra popped out of a plant “I will!” she screamed. “I know what you are Roy!” Then Pinkie Pie popped out of the next plant “Bad Lyra! Only I can have fourth wall breaking powers!” The next few minutes of Roy's life where spent watching Pinkie throw cupcakes at Lyra, while chasing her around the town Benny Hills style.
After the commotion had settled, Roy looked around to get his answer from his derp princess. She was gone, but a note remained. It read “meet me at the restaurant tomorrow morning*.” Roy's heart leaped with glee. Tomorrow could not come soon enough!
* * * Six Hours, Twelve Minutes, and Fifty-Two Seconds Later * * *
Roy found Derpy sitting at one of the outdoor tables at Chez de la Pony, the fanciest restaurant in Ponyville. After both ponies had placed their orders, they spent the next few minutes gazing into each others’ eyes. The waiter found them that way when he brought them their food. Derpy and Roy knew that they would be perfect for eachother. That day at the restaurant started a beautiful relationship, which bloomed, blossomed, and grew over the next few months.
* * * Six Months Later * * *
The marriage of Derpy and Roy was the talk of the town for weeks. Everything about it was exceptional. Rarity set up the wedding decorations, Pinkie planned the after party, with Vinyl DJ-ing. Octavia played during the ceremony, accompanied by Fluttershy's birds. Rainbowdash made sure that it was a sunny day, and Twilight added a bit of magic flair to the evening. Applejack provided the best food available. The bride and groom said their vows, and where happily married. They settled down in Derpy's house, and began to live their lives.
Nine months later Dinky was born.
This was based around a “Match the Event to Your Birthday” facebook post, where Roy slept with Derpy. The monster.
There is an optional epilogue. Be warned.
Roy the human woke up in a hospital bed, with a nurse standing over him. His side hurt so bad, and he had a massive headache. “What happened?” he groggily asked. “You were hit by a car,” she replied. “Luckily that car happened to be a First Responder van, and they rushed you to the hospital. You have a cracked rib, but you can decide what you want to do next. You can stay in the hospital for a few days, or you can go home, and rest for a while. We would want you to check in with us in about a week if you go home.” Roy decided that he wanted to still try to record that week's Bookclub, so he went home.
As soon as he got home, he felt like he had forgotten something. Didn't he just have a grand dream? What was he thinking about before he got hit by the car? Oh well, he might remember it later. Time to record.
“Hello everyone, welcome to the Brony Bookclub. This week, our theme will be about Derpy.” Roy began. He was soon cut off by Sam, who said “Hey Roy, I have a last minute fanfic that is relevant to tonight's topic. I think you might find it interesting.” And from there, lulz ensued as Roy read what was possible the worst shipfic in the history of brony-kind.
*This is where I realized that I had no more time left. I had to get this to Sam quickly, and since I was working this summer, I could only write this one hour at a time, from midnight to 1 AM. Long story short, work was about to get a lot harder, so I had to finish a good portion in one night. Rather than leave a massive whole in my story, I summarized. I wanted to into great detail about Rorpy's first date, the courting of Derpy, Roy begging the Mane 6 to put on a wedding, the proposal, the wedding, and a week after the wedding, but (like I said) I had no more time. Maybe one day I will be able to write it like I would have liked to. One day.
-NotABrony