//------------------------------// // What are the best states? I'd say solid, insanity, and Colorado. // Story: Destination: Thataway! // by Hawattie //------------------------------// The short journey from the sorceress's tower to the town's train station was rather uneventful. Nothing of note happened... well, unless you count both Fphant and the sorceress shouting at Unique to shut up about how we were going to be late and needed to hurry up something of note. Despite, or perhaps because of, Unique's insistence that we needed to move quicker we actually arrived at the station five minutes early. The sorceress, with her apparently limitless supply of bits, booked us a private car complete with what they called "en-route food services". I hoped they had blueberries. I really had a hankering for blueberries. ~~~ They did, in fact, have blueberries aboard the train. There was a little plastic bin filled to the brim with the little balls of awesome. They also had bins of strawberries, blackberries, cranberries, boysenberries, flosenberries, shenaniberries, madeupnamberries, and every other kind of berry imaginable. And that was only the berry section of the car! I made sure to sample every single type at least once. My favorites were the flutterberries, little yellow heart-shaped things with pink tips that tasted like happiness and love, but the blueberries were still pretty damn tasty. "How did you manage to eat so many berries?" Fphant asked, glancing at the dozens of empty berry bins. "I think a normal pony would have puked, passed out, exploded, or all three from this much berry intake." I glanced up from my current culinary victims - a bin of little purple berries that tasted like silk - at the incredulous mirage. "To be honest, I'm pretty close to those first two, and that last one, well, exploding's always a possibility with me. But these berries are just too good to pass up!" I gave a very berry-stained grin, "I didn't even know berries came in this many varieties!" "They don't," the sorceress said from the door. "At least they don't in nature," she elaborated. "Most of these berries were magically altered in a lab somewhere for a specific taste, coloration, or texture." She lifted a pink and green berry I'd somehow missed in my consuming frenzy to her mouth. "And if you'd actually paid attention to me, you'd know that I augmented your digestive tract with several converters which magically store excess food as energy in several batteries for later use." Good to know. "So I can eat as much as I want and not get fat?" I asked. "You could make a killing selling that to mares all over the world," Fphant remarked. "In theory, yes," the sorceress said, pointedly ignoring Fphant's comment. I reached for another bin of berries but my hoof was stopped by a magical glow and a sharp glare. "However the process is completely untested and may have unexpected side effects. I would advise against taxing your systems unnecessarily." "So you're saying I should stop eating berries?" The sorceress gave a long-suffering sigh before covering her face with a hoof. "In short, yes." I gave a wistful look at the few remaining bins of berries. Then I glanced at the sorceress, her eyes still covered with a hoof. For a moment or two my gaze drifted between the food and the pony trying to decide if I should listen to my friend's perfectly reasonable advice or to the siren's song of the berries waiting to be eaten. In the end I took the obvious plan of action. I scooped a hoofful of berries out of the bin as surreptitiously as I could, all the while keeping an eye on the sorceress to make sure she didn't see what I was doing. I wonder why she felt the need to cover her eyes like that for at least a good fifteen seconds? I couldn't have choreographed it more perfectly; as soon as the berries were safely inside my mouth the sorceress dropped her concealing hoof. I allowed myself a small grin of triumph as I slowly chewed my prize, savoring the sweet, tangy flavor before quietly swallowi- ~~~ I woke up with a groan in a cramped space with a splitting headache and smelling of fresh vomit. I groaned again as I stumbled to my feet. Cautiously opening my eyes revealed my surroundings to be comprised mainly of vague blurs and bright lights. Either I was hung over or whoever designed the place had a sick sense of humor. "Well I'll be damned," an unknown male voice said. Using my astounding detective skills, I determined the source of the voice to be the largeish darker blob that was moving closer to me. "If I didn't know better I'd think that old teleporter dropped me off in front of some sort of technicolor horse thing." The haze dominating my vision cleared enough that I could vaguely make out the speaker. He was some sort of bipedal species I didn't recognize, although that's not saying much considering my knowledge, or lack thereof, of the world. The skin of his face appeared pinkish and he had a rather long and ragged reddish-brownish mane that went down to the base of his neck. Speaking of his neck, everything from there down was covered in some form of armored clothing and I could see the handles to what I assumed were weapons poking out of various places. I, being the sane, reasonable, and rational person that I am, took the most logical course of action when cornered in what I could now identify as the train's bathroom by an unknown, possibly armed, biped with unknown intentions. "How ya doin'?" I greeted as casually as possible. "Gah!" the biped jumped back a pace. I saw one of his hands reflexively move to one of the many weapons he was carrying. "It talks!" "Yeah, I talk." I rolled my eyes. "Most people complain that I talk too much." The biped's hand slowly eased off of his weapon now that the shock was wearing off. "And it's generally rude to call people 'it'." "Sorry," the biped rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "just startled me is all." "Happens to the best of us," I agreed. "I mean, I've seen some weird stuff in my time, but it ain't every day you meet a colorful talking horse after messing around with some centuries-old teleportation tech." "I could say almost the same to you," I replied. That got a raised eyebrow from the biped. From the look on his face I doubted he believed me. "Technically," man, you know things are weird when I'm talking in technicalities, "I'm a pony, not a horse." "There's a difference?" he asked. I shrugged. "So I'm told. No one ever explains it to me though, always just look at me like I'm crazy." The biped took a seat on the toilet, resting his head against the wall of the train. "What, and who, are you anyways?" The biped smirked. I can't imagine he got asked his species all that often. "It's funny," he said, "when I was a kid I used to love readin' stories about first contact with alien species. No matter the author or when the story was published, the hero'd always say 'I'm what's called a human, or 'homo sapiens' if you want to be specific'." The newly-dubbed human shook his head. "Don't know if it was some sort of conspiracy or what, but it seemed like everyone used that line. Especially the amateurs. As for who, you can just call me the Courier. Courier Six if you prefer." "Alright Courier," I said, "I get that you were messing around with things you didn't quite understand, but do you know why you showed up here?" I waved my hoof at the inside of the bathroom. "Your guess is as good as mine," the Courier shrugged. "Where is here, by the way? Feels like we're moving. We on a train or something?" "Yeah, we're on a train. As for where in the world, I couldn't tell you." The Courier raised his eyebrow again. "I don't know myself," I continued, "suffering from a minor case of amnesia." "I can relate," the Courier said. Something in his tone told me he was being honest. "Do you at least know where we're headed?" I grinned. There was a question I could answer. I took a moment to gather my bearings before pointing towards the front of the train. "Thataway."