//------------------------------// // Chapter VIII: Politics (Part II) // Story: The Legend of the Titans // by Silent Bob //------------------------------// Ponyville One Day Later 10:00 AM "Goooood morning, Central Equestria! This is your host DJ-P0N3 - bringing you the hottest news and tunes from where it blooms! Today I'm going to start with a very special shout out to the greatest storm to hit Equestria since Discord's chocolate rain! Discord, if you can hear this - that part wasn't so bad, by the way. Just give me a forecast so I can set up some collection buckets, baby!" Anyway, ya'll have probably heard of the Titans by now, right? I know I've mentioned them on this show a few times. Some of you may have even heard of the legends! Still - if you haven't, GET OUT FROM UNDER THAT ROCK! I've even got a very special guest here to give us the lay down. How ya doin, Princess Sparkle?!" "Not too bad, Vinyl - er, 'DJ-P0N3', thank you!" "Haha, it's no biggie, girl. You haven't been on the show for a bit, so let's start by hearin' a little about you. Watcha been up to these days, aside from pushing some awesome new bills through parliament, of course." "Hehe, well - the Vigilante Tolerance Act practically pushed itself with all that's been happening lately. Other than that, I've mainly just been continuing my studies, new and old. I've also been visiting Canterlot a lot more lately. With all that needs to be done in regard to me, sometimes I wonder if Equestria getting a new princess is worth the hastle." "Pfffft - you know it is, and Ponyville's always got your flank - in a totally non-sexual way! Still, pshhhht, if you ever need a Royal DJ, you know where to find me, right? Hehe." "You'll be first on the list! And thank you, by the way." "No problem, no problem! Ahem. Anyway, word on the street says that you were there when the first Titan arrived- our main man in tights - Robin!" "Mmmhmm. That I was. I just wish I could have been more helpful towards him. I have to admit - I was a little cold at first." "So first impressions weren't that great?" "Oh no, his reaction was perfectly understandable. I just wish I had been more empathetic at the time. Imagine winding up in a completely different world with a new body as well... it'd be quite the shock." "Heck - I'd say. He was once a human, right? Any idea if he's from the 'mirror world', as you called it before?" "No - I don't think so. That world seems to just be a parallel world to our own. He came from somewhere... far more distant. Another, separate universe. If what I can ascertain is true, it may have been a universe that came even before own own - one that eventually collapsed." "I'm not sure I'm following..." "Well, think of it this way. Universes seem to be like phoenixes in a way. They live, die, and from the ashes comes a new one - though slightly, or even radically different from the first." "Oooooh. I think I getcha, now. Woah... that's friggin' crazy!" "It baffles me, too. I wish I could explain the details, but this is far beyond what anypony could understand." "Heh - well, you dumbed it down enough for me! I get the jist of it. But still - do you think it's a good thing the Titans were brought here? What do you think of them?" "Well, it's kind of a mixed bag. On one hoof, I feel bad for them, I really do. Their home is gone, everything they knew is just... gone - and they had no control over this. But still - I'm glad to say they're making a difference right here, right now. When the bill was being pushed, some were concerned that vigilantes may actually attract criminal attention. Self-proclaimed 'supervillains' and egomaniacs trying to share some of their glory in all the wrong ways. " "And there was a small increase in crime in Ponyville, Canterlot, and the surrounding cities when they first came out of the woodwork, right?" "Correct, Vinyl. It seems that the fear was actually justified - though only at first. Once the Titans truly began their work, even without the resources or even bodies they were used to, they have stopped, and I quote, 'twenty-seven armed robberies, twelve attempted murders, five hostage situations, and have rescued twenty-three kittens from trees.' Whenever they battle crime, there seems to be a ninety percent success rate with minimal collateral damage." "And with one hundred percent awesome entertainment! I was actually there yesterday when they stopped that bank robbery! It was something else. To tell the truth, and Octi, if you give me crap about this I swear to Celestia... ahem, anyway- when that trio of weirdos broke in, I... I was actually scared." "Quite understandable. Who wouldn't be?" "Seriously, though... I thought I was about to have a heart attack. But - heh - once the Titans burst into the scene, it was like a one-eighty degree turn. I went from 'I'm screwed' to 'this is friggin' awesome' in a manner of like two minutes. The Titans took some hits, sure, and one time I got really worried for Raven, but for Celestia's sake, seeing them at work was something else. They dropped those guys in like fifty seconds flat - makin' these little quips and jokes all the way. They have fun with what they do, and that fun translated onto us in the bank!" "Honestly, I think they're just fun in general, though all in different ways. I've actually become decent friends with Raven: she's quite the intellectual, and I love when she comes to the library. Even if she's only been here for two months, I can already discuss Equestrian culture and poetry with her. It's astounding. Even our voices are almost identical." "Hehe, I'm partial to Cyborg myself. He was at this club I was DJing at the other day, partying it up! Guy didn't mind chattin' with people, too. But yeah - you're the Titans' official government contact, right? Any idea what they'll be up to lately?" "Kicking flank and taking names?" "Hahaha!" "No, but seriously, I know for a fact that two of them will be heading to Canterlot with me this weekend. Though the bill is passed, according to Equestrian law it has a two month period where it can be veto'd. Prime Minister Slade Wilson is leading a charge against it. He's actually garnered a bit of support, including from Prince Blueblood and even my own brother, Prince Shining Armor, which I'm still going to beat him for, by the way. Shining, I hope you're listening to this!" "Woah! Seriously?! Slade Wilson is entering a political battle with the Titans?" "I know, it's a bit strange that he shares the same name as the Titans' number one enemy on their homeworld. However, I don't believe there's any connection - he merely comes from a traditional family where unusual names are still used. I happen to know him, personally, and I assure you he isn't a bad person. He's actually quite charming. I just hope we can convince him and his followers that the Titans' are a good thing, and not a bad thing, for Equestria at whole..." "Is this hearing going to be broadcast live, per chance?" "Mmmhmm... tune into channel 97.5, Canterlot News. Equestrian political dealings are now required by law to be broadcast to the people. Radios are such an amazing marvel." "Heh - you got that right, don't forget who you're talking to. But uh - by any chance could you convince one of the Titans to come on the show? I don't want to bother them - they seem pretty damned busy, but... if they have time..." "I'll put in the good word!" "Right on! Still, we're running out of time - and I'm sure you need to get going too. Have fun in Canterlot! Hope everything goes smoothly." "Thank you, Vinyl - that makes two of us! Thanks for having me." "The pleasure is totally mine, baby! Now then - onto my favorite portion of the show, Tune Time! This week we're gonna be doin' something a bit different - music from the Titans' lost world of Earth, provided by Cyborg himself! That's right, you heard me! You're gonna be listening to friggin' alien music! Now let's give it up for a legend among legends, the oldest of oldies, You're An All Star by Smash Mouth! Hehe! Gotta say, I love this band myself! Rest in peace, my brothers from another universal mother!" "Ugh, seriously, Cyborg?! Smash Mouth?!" Beast Boy groaned, sitting at the kitchen table of the small, but adequate house the Titans had been provided - until the completion of the Neo Tower, of course. Cyborg merely chuckled, ignoring him, as he sang along with the radio: "Hey now! You're an all star! Get your game on - go play!" The green Titan rolled his eyes, taking another bite out of a sunflower sandwich. "No wonder you like this so much. It probably plays in your head every time you play video games." "Huh - what was that, Beast Boy?" Cyborg smirked. "Couldn't hear you over the sound of musical beauty." "You could have at least suggested something we all like!" Beast Boy mumbled. "Like Linkin' Park!" Cyborg gave him a blank look. "Beast Boy - only you like Linkin' Park! And this is before our universe went kaput, too." "Hmph - even that stuff Robin likes - Muse, right? - is better than this," he groaned. "At least they're kind of epic. Smash Mouth just makes me think of Shrek." "... And what's wrong with Shrek?" "Nothing! It's just why I can't take Smash Mouth seriously!" "They're a fun band, BB!" Cyborg huffed. "They're not supposed to be taken that seriously. I'm surprised you don't like them, to be honest! Seriously - just be lucky I didn't give her my Biggie stuff." Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. Cyborg rolled his pony eye. "Yo, I may be sixty-percent metal, but I'm still one hundred percent black, you know. I just didn't want the ponies to get the wrong idea about us, though." "Hahaha, next you gotta lay down some Tupac, then, 'yo'." "..." Cyborg glared at him. ... "Alright, too far," he eeped. Cyborg chuckled. "It's alright - I know you didn't mean anything by it." At that, the kitchen door opened, and in came Robin. "Man you guys talk loud - I heard your conversation from upstairs!" "Good morning to you, early bird," Beast Boy chuckled. "Need some coffee?" "Yeah yeah. But about that - why not just put The Beatles on next time?" he shrugged. "Everyone, save for Raven, likes them - I'm sure the ponies would, too!" Beast Boy and Cyborg squinted in thought, before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, that's true." "Why not?" "Annnnywaaay," Beast Boy grinned, changing the topic. "Any idea who you're bringing to Canterlot with you? It wouldn't happen to be the Princess' number one Titan, would it?" "Ugh - will you shut up about that, already?" Cyborg mumbled. "Not til you admit you're jelly, jelly-face!" Beast Boy smirked. Robin quickly shook his head. "Sorry, Beast Boy, but you're not coming." His jaw nearly hit the table in sorrow. "W-Wah?! But duuuuude! You know how much I want to go! Canterlot is the city that everyone talks about!" "You've been to Canterlot, before" Robin sighed. "But that was for Titan stuff!" Beast Boy cried. "This is for Titan stuff..." "B-But long-term Titan stuff!" Beast Boy frowned. "I'd totally have time to tour the town, scout out the prettier mares, hang out with Princess Celestia, maybe..." "Yeah, if you want to lose her as your number one fan," Cyborg smirked. "Dude - shut up, the mares here love the fuzzy man! There's no resistance anymore!" He then gave him a look of mock seriousness. "All of them. Save for Raven." Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "The fact that you want to date ponies is kind of making me wonder what you get up to in your animal forms back on Earth..." Beast Boy gave an offended look. "What?! Dude, that's friggin' wrong!" ... And Robin face-hoofed. "I'm sorry Beast Boy, but I need Raven for this. She's been studying up on Equestria since we first got here: she knows a lot more than me on politics, history, and culture, and I'm going to need to bring her to beat..." He narrowed his eyes. "Prime Minister Wilson." Cyborg shook his head, his eyes closed. "It's just a name, man. Don't get hung up on it..." Robin sighed. "It's just bringing back some old memories... I know it'd be a pretty big coincidence if it somehow was him." "Though picturing Slade in pony form is kind of hilarious!" Beast Boy giggled. "I honestly wouldn't be able to take him seriously anymore. 'Yes, Titans, today is your reckoning. Nopony will be able to stop my bombing of the horse-shoe factory. Buahahahahaha!.!.!'" "I'd probably be more creeped out than humored to be honest," Cyborg said, raising his eyebrows. "Whoever he is," Robin sighed. "We need to make sure he doesn't appeal the Vigilante Act. I wasn't sure at first, but I'm positive the Titans are making an impact already. Crime will just go up again if the Prime Minister has it his way..." "Not to mention we'll be out of a job," Beast Boy coughed. "And a fancy new tower." Cyborg chuckled, shaking his head. "Well - good luck, man. That's all I gotta say." He then brought a hoof to his mouth, squelching a chuckle. "Oh and- nice suit there, Jeeves." Robin shot him an annoyed look. He happened to be wearing a very fancy, black suit, his face-mask included. "Rarity made it for me," he muttered. "I think it's nice, to be honest!" "Mmmmph..." a new voice groaned. The trio turned, before bursting out in laughter. At the door stood Raven, wearing a beautiful, (though somewhat girly), formal, black dress. "Damn, Raven!" Cyborg giggled. "Trying something new, are we?" "The black really brings your purple fur!" Beast Boy chortled, before saying in his mock, fashion savvy voice: "You look gorgeous, darling!" "Not... another... word," she said menacingly. Even without her magic, it was enough to make them shut up. Robin tried desperately to hide his giggles. "Heh- D-Don't listen to them, Raven. You look... um... professional!" "Shut up," she snapped. "I thought I told you to tell her not to go overboard! Why couldn't we just wear our costumes?" "It looks fine to me," Robin shrugged, finally finishing his giggles. "Seriously, we have to look professional for this. As much as I hate to admit it, our costumes would stick out like a sore thumb in that kind of setting." "I just wanted a suit!" she cried. "This... just feels wrong." Robin gave a shrug. "Sorry, Raven, but you're going to have to get used to it. We don't have time to get something else made for you." "... I might just go naked, then." Robin rolled his eyes, sighing. "Come on... we need to get ready to go. The princess' were nice enough to let us stay in the castle, and Twilight's got a chariot waiting for us..." Raven took a deep breath. "Yayyy...." "Robin!" Starfire beamed, zipping into the room. "Oh good - I'm glad I caught you before you had taken your leave!" "Heh - sorry, Star," Robin smiled. "Didn't want to wake you..." "Oh, it is fine, Robin," Starfire winked. "Last night was quite eventful!" "Oooooooooooo," Beast Boy said in a child-like tone. "If I still had fingers, Beast Boy, ya know which one I'd raise?" Robin mumbled, before turning back to Starfire. "But yeah, sorry you couldn't come, too, but I need you here. Still, it's gonna suck leaving you for a weeEEEK-" Naturally, Starfire gripped him in a killer hug. "It is fine, dearest friend! Please take care of yourself while away!" she gulped. "And may X'Hal smile upon you in this noble endeavor!" "H-Heh... Starfire..." Robin gasped. "I love your hugs, but... pony backs... are weak... too..." "Eep!" she squeaked, "Sorry, I need to remember not to do that..." Robin forced a smirk, cracking his back with a few, painful sounding 'pops'. Cyborg winced. "Ouch." "Oh no! I didn't induce harm, did I?" she squeaked. "I'm so so so so sorry!" Robin shook his head with one last pop. "H-Heh - it's no problem. I don't think I'll need to see the chiropractor again... well... m-maybe not..." Stafire tilted her head. "Shall I attempt to administrate the Kulfko Pressure Technique again?" Robin's mask widened in horror. "NO!" Robin cried, before coughing. "I mean uh- well... we can try it when I get back, I guess?" "Joyous!" Starfire bounced. "I shall continue to practice it while you are away!" "Ooooh he is so screwed," Beast Boy chortled. "A volunteer would be useful to have," Starfire continued. "Beast Boy - would you like to assist me?" He quickly gulped, shrinking into tortoise form. It slowly shook its head. "Robin, you're the one who wanted to be punctual," Raven moaned, glancing at a clock on the wall. "We're about to be late..." Robin couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, alright, we gotta get goin' - but seriously, I'm going to miss you guys. Hold down the fort while we're gone." Cyborg smiled. "You too, man. Kick some butt for us. I just hope Equestrian politics aren't as boring as the Senate's." "I've actually read they involve duels," Raven smirked. "Of the magical variety." Suddenly, Beast Boy was a changeling again, his eyes widened in glee. "Woah, that's friggin' awesome! Imagine it - Harry Unicorn Obama versus Draco Unicorn Romney!" "Er- She's being sarcastic, BB," Cyborg smirked. Raven nodded, smiling deviously. Starfire giggled. Robin stifled a laugh. "... Yo, not cool," Beast Boy grumbled. "Getting my hopes up like that..." "But, yeah - you sure you guys are going to be fine alone for a week, right?" Robin asked. "I could figure out some quick way of transp-" "Robin..." Raven sighed. "Do you want this thing to stay passed or not?" "Right! Leaving now!" he nodded. "But um - Cyborg, since you're in charge for a bit, and no offense, but you're familiar with the guard's policies and laws right?" He rolled his pony eye. "Yes, mom. We'll be fine, seriously!" "I doubt I can say the same about Robin," Raven said, already half-way out of the room. "Come on, Boy Blunder..." Robin nodded again. "Right, but just one more thin-" "Robin!" Finally, he gulped. "C-Coming..." The Titans broke out into laughter as the Boy Wonder winced, turned about, and followed Raven out of the room. Soon, they would be in Canterlot.