Our Girl Scootaloo

Part 3 of 3

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-made work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro. Please support the official release

The long, opulent looking white car pulled up to the curb and Rarity couldn't help but giggle with glee as the chauffeur came around and opened the door for her and the others. Pinkie Pie bounced in, followed by Twilight, Agent Glover, and finally, with a polite nod to the young man holding the door, Rarity.

They all made themselves comfortable as the limo got underway and Agent Glover passed the first few minutes showing them the various features of the vehicle which ranged from a full entertainment center to a mini bar.

Pinkie soon figured out how to roll down the windows, and before anyone could stop her she had stuck her head out the window into the wind, her hair blowing out behind her.

“Oh, let her have her fun.” Rarity admonished, fondly remembering her ride in the convertible.

“Wheee! This is so-” Pinkie abruptly coughed and pulled her head back inside the limo with a befuddled expression. “I think I swallowed a bug.”

Twilight couldn’t help but snicker a bit, and after a moment, Rarity joined in as well.

The conversation jumped from one topic to another as Agent Glover answered the steady stream of questions they all had. Things were generally going well until Rarity asked a minor question that had been at the back of her mind for a while.

“Your world has so many wonderful fabrics, and Scootaloo has told me that some are made from plants or even silk worms, but others are made from oil somehow. She told me so much that my head was positively spinning, but I didn’t get a chance to ask were this fabric comes from.” She said as she stroked the Limo’s leather seat. “I simply must take some back with me, we don’t have anything like this Equestria.”

Agent Glover’s face became noticeably paler and she suddenly received a very important call from someone that she had to take right then.

Rarity looked disappointed at the distraction. “Oh well, I guess I’ll ask someone else if I can remember.”

Pinkie Pie had been examining the contents of the mini bar and hadn’t heard. “Remember what?”

“Oh, I was just going to ask Agent Glover where I can get some more of this wonderful fabric. I’ve seen coats and now seats made out of it, and it’s just so supple and shiny; we don’t have anything like this back home.”

“Oh, you can probably get some at a biker shop! Some of the people at the party told me all about it.” Pinkie finished with a smile.

“Really? That’s wonderful! Did they say anything else about how to make it? I’d happily take back some plants, or even worms if it would mean a steady supply.”

“Oh, leather isn’t made from plants, silly! Leather is made from cowhide.”

Both Twilight and Rarity stared slack jawed at Pinkie as she continued to bounce up and down on the seat.

“They told me all about this! First they peel the skin off the cow, then they shave off the hair and then they treat it with a bunch of chemicals so it doesn’t rot.”

There was a moment of silence as both ponies looked down in horror as the realized what they were sitting on.

As screams erupted from the back, the phone next to the driver came alive with Agent Glover’s voice: “Stop the car right now!”

The limo pulled over to the side of the road and the doors were nearly knocked from their hinges as Twilight and Rarity sprang out. Agent Glover climbed out after them followed a moment later by Pinkie Pie.

“You booked us a ride in a luxury corpse mobile!?!” Twilight shouted at the agent.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t even think about it! We just booked you a ride in one of the most expensive limos available: It didn’t occur to me you wouldn’t know what leather is.”

“It didn’t occur to you to mention that we were sitting on…” Twilight closed her eyes and shuddered. “On the skins of dead ponies?!”

Up until this point Rarity had been frantically wiping her hooves on the ground in an attempt to make them clean again, but now, she really looked at her watch for the first time.

As she tore the watch from her hoof and hurtled it into the road Pinkie spoke up. “Hey, what did you do that for? I thought you liked that watch?”

“Pinkie!?” Twilight asked in consternation, her anger still running high. “You knew about this?!”

“Well yeah silly, that’s normal here. And it’s made from cows, not ponies. No one eats ponies, so while you probably could get pony leather, it would be, like, crazy expensive.”

Twilight and Rarity looked open mouthed at Pinkie as she continued to bounce up and down. “I learned a whole lot about this world at that party.”

“Well yeah, cows and ponies are just mindless animals here. Even our squirrels are smarter. And they don’t kill the cows for their skins, they’re just leftovers after they eat the meat.” Pinkie finished with a smile. “Besides, Rainbow and Scootaloo grew up here, and they’re not all freaking out about it.”

Twilight and Rarity looked from Pinkie to each other, unsure how to process this.

“I really am very sorry about this.” Agent Glover broke in. “I’ve called the limo company and they will be sending over a different one in just a few minutes. No leather this time.”

Throughout this exchange, the group of four had been standing on a freshly mowed lawn beside the city street without really looking at their surroundings. Now in the momentary silence from their loud argument, a strange sound floated to them on the wind.

A few hundred yards away, a building and a playground stood behind a chain link fence bearing the sign “Washington Elementary School”. At the moment, the fence also bore the weight of at least ten little girls who were clinging to it to get a better look.

The fence was already starting to bend under the weight and as Agent Glover looked from the kids to the Ponies to the road she snapped into action.

Pinkie happily followed as Agent Glover walked towards the school and leaning back over her shoulder she called out in a happy singsong voice tinged with worry. “What happens when you mix children and traffic?”

Rarity and Twilight looked from the children to the road where traffic was still zooming by.
“We’ll settle this later. Let’s go.”

By the time the replacement limousine arrived, Rarity and Twilight had both completely forgotten their intended destination. Each pony was surrounded by a ring of adoring children hanging on their every word as Rarity told her group all about proper hair care, and Twilight explained her studies in Canterlot. Pinkie had set off on a merry chase around the playground half an hour ago with three little girls riding on her back, and the children had instantly adopted her as one of their own.

Agent Glover was chatting with a group of teachers as they watched from the sidelines. “They’re going to be talking about this for weeks, aren’t they?”

“Are you kidding?” One teacher answered. “They’ll never forget today, not as long as they live.”

Agent Glover smiled. “I just feel bad for the kids inside.” She said gesturing to the tiny faces pressed against the inside of several classroom windows.

“Well, this next group is the last one. If you want to hang around another fifteen minutes or so then everyone will get their chance.”

She thought of their destination and smirked. “That’s fine; I think we can leave our hosts waiting a little longer.”

Some time later, they said their goodbyes to the children and teachers and made their way back to where the limo waited, this time without any trace of animal products.

“I know we sometimes seem so different, ponies and people,” Twilight said as she waved goodbye to the children, “but your children are so much like our own…”

“Oh my goodness, weren’t they simply adorable?” Rarity added. “I must have taught most of a class the proper way to care for your mane, er, hair.” She looked puzzled for a moment. “It does work the same way, doesn’t it?”

Agent Glover laughed. “As long as you don’t try to dye it. For some reason, Scootaloo has a rough time with that.”

After a brief search of the school ten minutes into their visit Pinkie had returned with an enormous box of party supplies and as they walked to the limo she was still picking streamers out of her mane while grinning widely. “That was a great party! I just wish I could have found some cake.”

Twilight put a hoof on her shoulder. “Are you kidding? The way you had those kids going I was afraid someone was going to faint!”

“They’ll remember this day all their lives.” Agent Glover added. “You are all very special to them.”

Later that evening after their return from the diplomatic engagement Scootaloo had caught up with Twilight to teach her a bit more about computer use and programing. It was in the middle of this discussion that Twilight drew her attention to the small tab on the side of the screen. “What does ‘safe search’ mean?”

Scootaloo smirked. “It’s a tool that keeps you from seeing… questionable content. It’s turned on now, so the filter is active.”

“Wait, this thing is screening what I get to see? Why would anyone want that? I’m searching for information about us in your world.”

Scootaloo gave her a deadpan look. “Really? You didn’t learn this lesson well enough on that first night outside the theater?”

“Well, it’s not like I would find that kind of thing while searching for information about ponies.”

Scootaloo thought about it. “True. I never have found that particular example done with ponies. And most of it is pretty harmless – people drawing you guys as snuggly married couples and such.”

“Oh yes. If you look you can find drawings of almost anyone with almost anyone else, though there are the occasional weird ones like that animation of Pinkie Pie being triple penetrated by a blue tentacle monster from outer space.”

“Oh the one with me is way worse. Leave it on or turn it off, you’ll be fine either way.” With that Scootaloo turned towards the door. “Now I have some things to hash out with the Princess, so you’ll have to excuse me. Call if you need anything.”

The door closed, leaving her alone in the room and after a moment of stunned silence Twilight resumed her browsing but after a while, curiosity got the better of her and she reached out with the mouse and clicked the safe search off.

Aside from a few saucy drawings the results didn’t really change much, and she soon found what she was looking for regarding the history and background of the show.

With the information in hoof she found herself staring at the search bar as she tapped her hoof on the floor in indecision.

She entered the search terms and the animation jumped right to the front and automatically loaded. She stared dumbfounded at the image of a smiling Pinkie being held by four blue tentacles as more hovered nearby. Scootaloo had not been joking, and worse yet, it wasn’t a video, it was some kind of ‘video game’ with different buttons bearing alarmingly descriptive labels.

“Oh! They showed me this one at the party!” Pinkie commented from over her shoulder where she seemed to have appeared out of thin air.

Pinky grabbed the mouse and selected six different options, several of which really didn’t work well together and pressed play. Moans and squelching sounds mixed with goats bleating and baboons shrieking poured from the speakers as Pinkie tilted her head, scrutinizing the… thing… before her.

“The animation is pretty good, but they didn’t get that dark patch on my thigh right. Oh well, points for effort I guess.”

Without a backward glance Pinkie turned and bounced out the door humming as she went.

Scootaloo was deep in conversation with Celestia when one of the agents came running by, interrupting them as he flagged down a group of his fellows.

The second agent grabbed a fire extinguisher while a third just muttered something under his breath and they all ran back the way they had come.

Celestia was about to follow when Scootaloo put a hand out to stop her. “Trust me. You don’t want to be part of this.”

Celestia still looked concerned. “But I have heard that the internet is large and valuable? I do not know if I have enough money to pay for a new one.”

There was an audible slap as Scootaloo face palmed hard enough to leave a mark. “You know? You really don’t have to worry about that.”

A thought struck her and she moved her hand enough to look up at the princess.
“Can Twilight set things on fire with her magic?”

“Good, because we may be about to have one.” Scootaloo deadpanned. “Why don’t we step outside for a moment?”

They found a convenient third floor balcony with stairs to the ground should they need them, and once they had each taken a seat on the patio furniture Scootaloo picked up where she left off.

“I know you have your reservations, but it would really make a difference if you came with me to the medical exam. The volunteering doesn’t hurt much and it has meant the difference between life and death to a lot of people.”

Celestia looked uncomfortable as she shifted in her chair which creaked under the strain. “I know this means a lot to you, but I do not yet know this world well. I do not really understand who I would be helping, nor whether they deserve to be helped.”

Scootaloo sighed, but before she could reply their attention was drawn to a white pony who came walking out the main doors three floors below leaving a trail of white hoofprints. As they watched, she shook herself and an explosion of white powder erupted around her, revealing her usual purple color underneath. With a sneeze, Twilight walked off in the direction of their hotel and before she was completely out of sight, a team of three agents stained with more white powder emerged carrying the burned out husk of a computer monitor which they dropped in a nearby trash can.

Celestia's eyebrow was still raised as Scootaloo turned back to her. “Even if you haven’t decided on the full exam yet, could I please ask for your help on a few smaller things?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, but plucked a couple of loose hairs from her main and held them out to Scootaloo with her magic. Scootaloo produced a zip lock bag and tucked them away before continuing. “Thank you, that means more than you might imagine. I was also hoping you would be willing to help me read something.”

Scootaloo took out her tablet computer and loaded the list of possible translations of the DNA 'read me' file. “This was found coded into a section of my DNA when I was young and we think it's an instruction book of some kind from whoever created us. We’ve been trying to make sense of this for more than a decade and we have lots of possible interpretations, but none of them seem to make any sense.”

Celestia looked at the page of gibberish text on the screen then shook her head. “I am sorry, I cannot read this.”

“That’s okay, don’t give up yet. We have almost a hundred possible combinations to try; just keep looking at the pages as I flip through them and stop me if you see something that makes sense.”

The random pages of mixed text appeared on the screen one after another as Celestia kept watching. She was just beginning to yawn when something caught her attention. “Wait. Go back one.” Scootaloo did so and looked at her hopefully. “I recognize this. The spelling and grammar are not correct in many places, but this is the language of magic; both Twilight and I can read this.

Scootaloo jumped up from the table. “That’s great! Let me get our language expert on video chat! He’s been working on this off and on for years, and he’ll be ecstatic to hear you can read it!

The link was set up, and over the course of the next few hours, Celestia taught the professor how to read and speak the language of magic. Five minutes in, their conversation was already being viewed live by over a hundred cryptography experts, and as she critiqued his poor spelling and grammar the number of rapt viewers only grew. After so many years, the message in the DNA would finally be translated.

That evening as they all gathered in the hotel lobby before dinner, Pinkie pulled Rainbow Dash off to a quiet corner. “Rainbow! Did you hear what happened with Twilight today?”

Dashie snorted with laughter. “Yeah, I heard she tried to 'burn down the internet'.

“Yup. That didn't work out so well; she still smells like that white ammonia powder, but it gave me a great idea for a prank!”

“I was going to slip this into one of the books she's taking to bed tonight.” Pinkie said as she produced a stapled document and passed it to Rainbow.

“It's called 'Clop fiction', sexy stories about ponies.” Pinkie grinned wider as Rainbow's eyebrow attempted to lift off her face. “Someone at the party showed me this one, and while the writing isn't great, its perfect because Twilights the main character! I'll explain the rest tonight, just try to read it before bed and don't let Twilight see you.” Pinkie finished with a grin as she turned and trotted back to the group.

“At any rate, that's what happened. Oh! And Twilight, I wanted to ask if you could translate this?” Scootaloo finished as she pulled her tablet from her prosthetic and showed a picture to her.

“Um..” Twilight muttered as she examined the photo of Scootaloo's flank, which had two lines of writing on it. She looked back and forth between the photo and Scootaloo's flank in front of her, which remained blank.

“The linguistic team tried, but the best they could come up with was 'problem' followed by a string of numbers.”

Twilight was feeling very confused by this point. “This looks like a cutie mark, but what happened to it?”

“Oh! Well this one faded out in less than a minute, but if flashed into existence in just the right place and with the same bright white light we've seen in the show. It happened this morning right after I saw the memory Celestia gave me.”

“It sure looks that way.” Twilight answered. “And your friends were close, but it doesn't say 'problem', it reads 'Error 842'.”

Pinkie looked confused. “Scootaloo's cutie mark is 'Error 842'? That doesn't make any sense.”

“Oh! I almost forgot, could you do this one too?” Scootaloo slid her finger over the tablet screen and a very similar image appeared, this one showing a bare human hip... and a bit more...

“Um...” Twilight answered as she blushed. “Who is this? And why isn't he wearing any pants?”

“Well if you were a medical researcher trying to get through the TSA and your butt suddenly flashed what do you think would happen? They took this photo before it faded.”

“Well, no. Every foal gets their cutie mark as they grow up. I was wondering how you got to be an adult and still had a blank flank but... well, you didn't seem to mind, and I didn't want to be rude.” Twilight finished.

Scootaloo smiled back at her. “Well, I don't normally spend a lot of time talking to strangers about my backside, but since this happened I don't seem to have much choice. The prevailing theory is that my synthetic cells need the 'magic' component of whatever system this is in order to display cutie marks and perform higher-order functions like memory transfers and object manipulation.” She added as she spun a pen on the end of her hoof.

“Well how else to you explain all these abilities coming online only after I caught magic from Celestia?”

“Sorry, I didn't mean it that way.” Scootaloo apologized. “But many hundreds of millions of people on this world were already using my synthetic cells for their health benefits and among them, magic is spreading like... well, like a disease. I couldn't do any of this before you got here so whatever magic is, apparently it didn't survive the trip that brought me to this world as a child.”

“You got it. There has been some panic, but for the most part it seems to be going over well... Though I'm glad I don't own stock in Master Lock or Brinks right now.” She added with a smile as she recalled the chaos at home brought on by her two little locksmiths.

Our Girl Scootaloo 3 of 3

by Cozy Mark IV

Ch 3.13 The Internet is Non-Flammable