and with that... everything

by The Anonymous Writer

Chapter One: Everything

I'm holding a piece of paper when I come out of the doctor's office. I'm also frowning. I don't like doctors, and I sure as hell don't like people assuming that there are things that are wrong with me. Twilight Sparkle is waiting as I step into the warm summer afternoon. Her smile reassures me, but only for a moment. She takes one look at my mug, and I can see her muzzle fall.
My feelings on the matter are irrelevant. Who are they to say that there aren't ponies with me? I can see them, I can hear them, and I can touch them. Just because these assholes can't, shouldn't be any reason to make the claim that I'm insane.
Medical examination after medical examination, and in the end there is nothing that suggests there is anything wrong with me. Just other people's opinion, that's all; absolutely nothing proof positive.
"What did the doctor say?" she asks as I move to stand beside her. I catch her trying to read the paper I'm holding.
"The same shit they always say," I tell her.
"I don't like that word, Tommy."
"Sorry."
The sidewalk is hot and getting hotter, so I do my best to distract her by suggesting that we get something to drink before we take the long walk back to my apartment. Twilight gives me that smile again; the one from earlier that ended too soon, and can now come back out into a full radiant beaming glow. I love that smile on her the best.
As we make our way down the Houston sidewalk, Twilight enjoys complete and total freedom. No one questions her presence, and no one pays her any mind. To everyone there, she is more or less invisible. She can interact with people, but it's as if she is nothing more than a strong gust of wind, or a figment of their imagination. She can come and go freely in my world, and that is the foundation of my condition.
The linchpin of the whole issue regarding my sanity, is how Twilight Sparkle and her friends can be in my world and not attract attention; and how I can be in their world and be completely seen and heard. I try to be a good sport whenever I'm in Ponyville, but my inability to share or offer the same experiences of welcome and worldly interaction are driving me bonkers. Maybe that was the wrong word to use.
Oh ha ha. I'm not off my rocker yet. Four months of being able to do what I do, and see what I see haven't made me go into any kitchen and start pulling out sharp things to stick the pointy ends into anyone... yet. If I were of the mind to start, though, then the doctors would be the first on my list of special victims.
Twilight is right on my heels when we enter a coffee shop and get in line. She's learned to stick as close to me as possible to keep from bumping or brushing up against anyone. After several accusations of inappropriate physical conduct thrown at me, I've made it my mission to keep her close. So, when I say that Twilight was "on my heels," I damn well mean it. She was all but stepping on the sons of bitches.
While we stood in line, I noticed that Twilight kept wanting to see what was written on the note that the doctor had given me, but I wasn't ready to let her see it yet, and I nonchalantly stuffed it into the back pocket of my jeans. No point in worrying her unnecessarily.
When it was our turn at the counter, Twilight tapped me on my leg and said that she wanted a caramel blended iced coffee. I made the mistake of turning to look at her, and nodding. I looked back up to see the barista looking at me with an odd expression and taking quick glances at the spot on the floor where Twilight was standing.
When she raised her eyebrows in a questioning manner, I said, "I thought I saw something purple on the floor." I flashed her a quick shit eater grin. "Must've been my mistake."
"Eww," she said, "it's probably somebody's gum."
"Either that or it's a purple pony that follows me around everywhere." Then I gave an Academy Award winning laugh, and tapped my palms on the counter. "Two blended iced coffees please. One caramel, and the other dark chocolate with extra whipped topping."
"I didn't know you were a comedian," I heard Twilight mumble from next to me.

Two blended iced coffees later and we were on our way back to my apartment. It was a nice apartment on the west side of Houston; expensive and loaded with art. The truth is, it was my brother's apartment before he died in Afghanistan or Uzbekistan or some stan in the fight against global terrorism. In his will he had left everything to me, and I didn't see any reason to redecorate. That was two years ago.
Twilight held her coffee, using her magic to levitate it close to her. And before you go off pumping your fists into the air saying, "Ah hah! People would be able to see the cup!" I need to point out that, that isn't the case at all. Once Twilight or any of the other ponies take something it literally vanishes. People don't see it. I could hand her a briefcase full of money, or the arming codes for a bunch of nukes, and no one on earth would be able to see that she had them. So, there. Take that you picky bastards.
All the way back to the apartment, I knew that Twilight was wanting to ask about the doctor's visit in more detail, and I did everything I could to distract her from the question. She wasn't the sort of girl to take that kind of thing lying down. Of course, when I say "girl", I really mean "pony." I knew she was wanting to ask, and by the time we reached the steps of the apartment, she was irritable. She wouldn't come right out and tell me she was angry, she would just sort of seethe with inner turmoil and then at some point everyone would hear this sound like a popping cork; and that would be Twilight fizzing out in the corner, because she couldn't handle keeping it to herself anymore.
Stopping short of entering the building, I regarded Twilight for a second, and then told her, "Ask me."
"Ask you what?" She batted her eyes at me in a coy manner, and I was sure that she was just pretending to not know what I was wanting her to ask me.
"C'mon," I said. "I know you've practically got the William Tell Overture playing at full volume in your chest. So just ask me about the doctor's visit already."
She gave me the look. I don't know if it's ingrained in every female in the universe, but the look is definitely something that they must be genetically born to dispense onto men at a given time; and it was my time to get it.
"What?" I asked. It was my turn to give off the ignorant look. Except in my case, it just made me come off as looking stupid.
"I'm worried about you, Tommy. I wanted you to tell me earlier. I've been on pins and needles since you came out. And don't think that I didn't see you put the paper in your pocket at the coffee shop."
If she could have, she would have stood up straight and placed her hooves on her hips, and then dove into a lecture on making a woman wait.
"Look, I'm sorry." I pulled the paper out of my pocket, and passed it to her. "You want to know what it says? It's a prescription for medication, is what it is."
"Medication?"
"Yeah, medication." I couldn't help it. I felt really weird. I wanted to go off by myself and just not look back for a long time. "It's a remedy for a condition that the doctor says makes me see hallucinations. Only he says they aren't hallucinations; that you and Applejack, and everyone else that I see are all just mental projections from my own broken subconscious."
"He thinks that we're all in your head?"
"He thinks that whenever I supposedly go to Ponyville, I'm really just standing in my shower instead, mumbling to myself, pretending I'm talking to you. Then when it's time to go to bed, I climb out of the shower, go put on my PJs, and sleep."
I was shaking my head as she looked over the paper. I was positive that she couldn't understand the scribble that is inherent in almost all medical practitioner's penmanship, but she did at least try.
I realize that it does sound rather fishy. A portal into a magical world appearing in my shower. How original, right? I mean seriously, I'd probably want to slap cast iron restraints on my ass and haul me to the local funny farm too; if it wouldn't look like an even more convincing case of my lunacy. Portals, ponies, and oh yeah... my shower.
I was pretty sure that my brother didn't install a magical portal to Ponyville when he had the shower built. Upon several inspections by plumbers and remodel specialists, there was nothing wrong with the shower, the drain, or the fixtures. When they stepped in and cranked the knobs for the cold or hot water, they got just that, cold or hot water. When I stepped in and turn the knobs I get the whole back wall opening up and showing me the realm of Equestria on the other side. Screwy weird shit, man.
Naturally none of those assholes can see into the realms of Ponyville, so once again, I'm the odd duck that see things that other humans can't.
Now, I bet you're wondering if I even knew what Ponyville was the first time that it happened, and the answer is: yes. I'm not internet illiterate. I know what bronies are, even if they creep me the fuck out on a scale of five score divided by four. I mean, I've seen the memes, the remixes, and the holy terror that they love to unleash on the unsuspecting idiots loitering furry sites and the regular sites as well. And, before you ask me, no, I was never a brony. I still am not one. I'd just as soon pull out my little stun gun and have them screaming, "Don't taze me bro!" while I laugh with unholy glee.
Okay, that's a bit harsh. There are some nice ones out there. Like, uh... uh... damn. Never mind. Anyway, I was super shocked the first time I got naked, stepped into the shower, and turned on the faucet. I turned the faucets and expected water to greet me from the shower head, only there was no water, instead I was greeted with a huge gaping portal. So imagine my shock and awe, standing on the other side of a huge honking window into a world of ponies, cradling my goodies with one hand and steadying my self with the other, praying that I wasn't cracking up.
As she stood there scrutinizing the paper, Twilight scrunched up her face and heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm sure he's just full of shit."
"Says the pot calling the kettle black."
"What are you going to do?" she asked, passing me the paper back. She was looking at me too intently; it made me uncomfortable. The last time someone gave me that sort of look, it was to tell me that someone had died. I really hoped that wasn't what she was able to decipher from the prescription sheet.
"I don't want to take any medicine. There is nothing wrong with me. So I see ponies; big deal." I was waving my arms around as I turned to enter the apartment. I was glad that no one saw me. I didn't want to look like a loon.
Twilight made a sound as if she wanted to say something, but then she fell short. Perhaps she thought I was tired of talking about it. She had accompanied me on my last three doctor visits, and each time she would wait on me, hoping to see if I'd come out and declare that I was the one person on the whole planet imbued with supernatural powers, and each time I'd come out and give her the disappointing news. I was either physically healthy and they thought I was mentally ill, or I was physically healthy and suffering from some sort of psychosis. Which still equals two plus two in my book.
I took the stairs to the fifth floor, in case Twilight wanted to talk, where I could carry on a normal conversation with her and not have to worry about anyone seeing me talking to the floor. Unfortunately, she was silent the whole way up, and I didn't help matters, because I was just as closed mouthed.
We made it to my apartment and I unlocked it, expecting to find streamers and confetti all over the place, but to my astonishment, I found it clean and smelling fresh. Twilight entered ahead of me and trotted into the living room where I heard her speaking to another of our pony friends.
I took the prescription sheet that I got from the doctor and put it on the table in the kitchen. I was confident that none of the other ponies would see it and want to grill me over it.
Dropping the keys to the apartment on the counter top next to the wine rack, I rotated my shoulders to let out some of the stress. I wanted a warm shower, but that wasn't going to happen; not with the magic portal condition of my bathroom.
I heard what sounded like a small gruff voice coming from the living room, and I stepped from the kitchen into the large area. I saw Twilight talking with Rainbow Dash as she reclined on the sofa. In front of her she had a plate of what looked like nachos, and she was crunching loudly. Twilight immediately stopped talking and turned to face me when I entered. I knew she was filling Dash in on our outing.
Rainbow Dash waited until I was comfy on the sofa next to her, then she brought her left hoof back and planted a firm punch on my shoulder.
"Ow! What the hell, man?"
"See, that's not the reaction of someone that's having nightmares," she said with satisfaction, then brought another nacho chip to her mouth.
"It's not nightmares, it's hallucinations," I corrected her.
"Pfft, same difference." To show me that my intellect was no match for her might, she chewed up the chip loaded with cheddar cheese and then showed me her food in her mouth, opening her jaws wide. Then she frowned when I rolled my eyes and reached for one of the chips, hastily cramming it into my food hole.
"So what happened to Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?" I asked between smacks of the nacho.
"Shy remembered some sort of errand for her bunnies that she needed to go on," Dash said, "and Pinkie Pie was trying to decorate your bedroom with party favors because... well, I have no clue why. So I told her to tag along with Shy." Rainbow put another chip in her mouth and chewed slower. I watched her sneak a glance at Twilight, who was now sitting in the armchair in front of the TV. "So... are you going to take the medicine?"
"No!" I said, letting a hint of frustration show in my tone. "I am not taking the chance."
"That we really are just hallucinations?" Twilight said, finishing my train of thought.
"Yeah, exactly. I don't want to take the risk." I slouched further into the sofa and extended my legs.
I felt a sudden sharp pain start working its way into my temples. I didn't want to have that conversation then and there, but like good friends, they know how to push in just the right ways.
"Maybe there is something wrong with you," Twilight said. She had a tone to her voice that betrayed a bit of sadness. "You once said yourself that people don't usually see ponies like us in your world. And from what I understand, before you actually saw us face to muzzle, we only existed on a cartoon show."
"No!" I said with more force. "I don't want to take the medicine. Don't you two understand that if I do, and you aren't real, then I will have ruined one of the best things in my life?"
Rainbow Dash was looking at her plate of nachos silently. I didn't want to hurt their feelings, but I needed to make my case as plain as I could.
Twilight let out a deep breath. If she were wanting to say more about my issue, she chose the safer path and let it alone. Instead, she roused up a little from the chair and motioned back toward the bathroom. "I have a great idea. Why don't you come have dinner with me at the library this evening? You can get cleaned up at Applejack's house, and when you're good and hungry, you can come eat."
It actually sounded like a hell of an idea. "Okay, deal. So long as I don't have to eat grass or hay." I gave her a wink to show that I was playing around.
"Don't worry, I won't make you eat oats tonight. I'll have one of the girls bring us some pasta; I'll make some of that All Fred-O that you like."
I chuckled at her, and then scooted closer to Rainbow Dash, and threw my arm around her. She squirmed and protected her plate of nachos. "What the hell, dude?"
"You wanna come eat pasta, Dashie?" I teased as I mussed her hair, and stole another nacho.
"Fine, I'll eat with you, dweeb."
When the nacho plate was cleaned and put away, we all went to the shower, and I activated the portal to Equestria. It erupted with a blinding blue glow, and one by one we stepped into the swirling vortex.
And with that... everything.