It was about midday when I finally awoke. Not that being awake was any better than being asleep. I much preferred being asleep. I don’t know what to do with my day some days. I could only read so much. So I just laid in bed for a bit, unable or unsure what to do. Might as well get up. Take a shower; maybe see if I can work at the bar tonight, just anything to keep my mind off everything.
Shambling to the shower, my head pounding, it’s hard to stay focused. Even as the warm water flows over my body, my mind is adrift in thought. How could I stay focused? I got out of the shower as quickly as I got in; it wasn’t helping to think about everything. I don’t bother is dry my hair, not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon. But I should at least get into some clothes, might as well. I mean, it’s only 3pm. Let’s at least look decent for no one.
I guess I’ll make myself a cup of coffee. I can’t start the day without it. Walking to the kitchen and see the mail accumulated by the door. I just usually stepped over them I start the coffee marker and walk towards the door. Picking up most of the letters, it’s no surprise that most are for Toby. It’s only natural, I mean he does, or did, live here. I flip through the letters, just to see what they are. Bills, a magazine, bills. One addressed to me, curious, why would that be? Setting down the other letters, I open this one. There was two letters in the envelope, so i decided to read the first one.
“Oh no,” I gasp. I knew what it was I just didn’t believe it. I knew the moment I saw his handwriting on the envelope. Fighting myself, I knew I had to read it.
My Dearest Twilight,
If you are receiving this letter, then something terrible has happened to me. Though I can’t say exactly what has happened, but by now you might have an idea. I’ve been killed in the line of duty. It’s tough to write something like this, but I had to, every time I am out there, I’m at risk for anything, so it was only natural for me to write this.
I just want to say, it’s been an honor being with you. The time I got to spend with you was the best time I’ve had since forever. I’ve never been happier. I only wish we had more time. If I got to hold you one more time, to kiss you one more time, to have an extra moment with you. If I only had the chance to tell you what you really mean to me, I think my life would’ve been complete. Though that chance was cut short. So, I will tell it here.
At this point I was on the floor in tears I couldn’t help that. This was only confirming my worst fears. And now? Nothing left but to read on.
Twilight, I love you.
I don’t think there was anyway I would spend the rest of my life, but with you. You’ve shown me so much. You’ve cared so much. I wish there was only way I could repay you for all that you’ve done. Though I may be gone now, not ever stop living to the best of your abilities. You’re a bright and amazing girl. There’s so much for you achieve. The whole world is at your fingertips. Just waiting for you. There are reasons for everything that we do in life, no matter how backwards that reason may be. There are reasons; you’ve just got to find yours. Believe. Life is easier with a little bit of hope.
For all these times, Twi, I thank you. Now and forever yours,
Toby Miller
I cried out. I couldn’t help it. Tears flowed down my face, “WHY, TOBY?” My cries were mostly incoherent, drowned out in my sobs. “I know you had to go, but why couldn’t you have told me? I loved you too…” Read the second letter, my brain told me. Why continue, my heart said? Flipping to the second letter, it was someone else’s handwriting. So. I guess I’ll read it. Maybe it tells a different tale. I can only hope that the new tale sheds new light on the truth of this matter. I can only hope for that, I can only wish for him to be here now with me. But I’ve got time; I’ve got all the time in the world.
To Ms. Twilight S.
It pains me to write such a letter. It pains me to see such a valuable asset, such as Sgt. Toby Miller be put out of action. But as of this time, we do not know if he will make it or not through his procedure. He sustained massive injuries while in the line of duty. Though before sustaining his life threating injuries, he saved the life of Cpl. Sam Cooper. Cpl. Cooper was able to live because of Sgt. Miller’s actions. I wish I had more men like Sgt. Miller; his self-sacrifice makes me proud to be serving where I am at now.
But at this time, the condition of Sgt. Miller remains to be determined. Whether he will pull through or not, but I ask that he remains in your prayers and wishes. Everyone here at Bravo Company who knew the Sergeant send his or her condolences to you. I’m working on a recommendation of commendation for Sgt. Miller for his actions and his service. I did include his last letter, because as of recently he has not been doing too well. I understand that you were close with him, so it was only natural to write this letter to you, I was told to write this by Sgt. Miller himself, and I only want to honor his wishes
My best wishes and my prayers,
Captain James Gordon
Commanding Officer, Bravo Company
I don’t know what is worse at this point, the fact that I don’t know if that Toby is alive or dead, or the fact that I can’t do anything about it. I cried in anger, I cried in sadness, I cried because my friend… my love… is in a state of limbo. Between life and death. Checking the date, I realized it was from a week ago I threw the letter away from me. Damn that letter, why can’t I get a straight answer? Come on, Twi. Focus a bit, there’s still hope, right? Well, let’s go Twi. You’ve got work to do. Grabbing my coat and the letters, I walk out of the apartment and head to the bar. There’s a need to occupy my time. I’m thinking too much, and that’ll probably do me over in the end.
It’s raining, how the weather seems to match the mood I’m in. I don’t mind it too much. If it rains hard enough, it might as well sweep me off my feet and take me away.
Entering the bar with less of a coughing fit, more looks from the crowd, I know it’s just going to be another interesting night. Bill, from seeing the look in my eyes and letters clenched in my hands, sighs. He already has guessed what has happened. Sitting at the bar, he puts a hand on my shoulder.
“Kid, I already know what that is, and I’m sorry.” He’s solemn; it’s hard for him to believe as well. “Come on, kid. Let’s get you to work.”