//------------------------------// // Don't make me slap you with an albacore // Story: Destination: Thataway! // by Hawattie //------------------------------// Luckily, my panic upon realizing my friends could be in danger wasn't justified. Unique, the dogs, and I arrived back at the sorceress's tower to find it completely, well, mostly intact and devoid of all forms of undead. It seems Ner decided to ignore the large stone construction in favor of continuing to his final destination, wherever that is. Probably some evil lair based in a haunted castle or spooky cave system or something. I should probably find out if there's some historical place Ner used to live in a thousand years ago where we could find him... Meh, it's going on the to-do list, right behind learning how to water ski and figuring out how ponies with facial hair manage to shave but keep their coats. So many things to do... ... like receive angry glares from the sorceress while Fphant looks on with an interesting mixture of annoyance and amusement from the background. "What did you do this time?" she asked. "I didn't do anything!" was my immediate reply. "Well, nothing bad," I added after a moment. She raises an eyebrow and purses her lips, obviously skeptical. "Then how do you explain the small army of undead that passed by here a few minutes ago?" Small army!? Damn Ner works fast. "That would be the work of Ner'Ghalad," Unique interjected. Glad to have someone on my side. To my surprise, Schmoopy nodded in agreement with Unique's words. Who knew she was so smart? I glanced towards Fluffy, curious if he was equally intelligent. Fluffy was busy ignoring us all in favor of licking his unmentionables. "Ner'Ghalad..." comprehension dawned on her face after a moment followed swiftly by dread. "You wouldn't happen to mean Ner'Ghalad the Unimaginably Cruel and Evil, would you?" she asked with trepidation. "The one and only," Ner replied. When did he get here? "Although I prefer the title 'seeker of the ultimate secret', if you don't mind." "When did you get here!?" the sorceress demanded. Ner opened his mouth to reply, but the sorceress cut him off. "And how did you get here? I have the whole area warded against unauthorized teleportations. And what do you mean the ultimate secret? And why do you have his crossbow? Did you steal it? How did you come back after a thousand years? No mortal pony should be able to do something like that..." "She sure likes to talk, doesn't she?" Ner asked me as the sorceress continued to ramble, her questions getting less and less relevant. "Yup," I nodded. "It's a bad idea to encourage her." "Are you two even listening to me?" the sorceress screeched. Heh, she mad. "No," we answered in tandem, not even bothering to look at the irate sorceress. Ner's horn flashed and a bubble surrounded us, blocking all sound from getting in and, I assume, out. "So why are you here?" "Oh, you know," Ner looked around stallingly, "sightseeing and such. Meet the locals, that sort of thing." I leveled my best un-believing stare at him. "You don't believe me, do you?" he asked sheepishly. I leveled my best "no shit, Sherlock" stare at him. "That's quite the diverse collection of facial expressions you've got there," he remarked. I leveled my best "I know I'm awesome, now get to the point" look at him. "Very well, I'll stop stalling," he relented. I leveled my best- "And will you please stop making faces at me?" he snapped. Fine, be that way. "I came here to offer a proposition." "Why would I listen to anything you have to say?" I asked. "You're some sort of evil person, right? How do I know you're not lying through your teeth like you were back at Unique's bar?" Ner looked mildly offended. "I did not tell a single lie during our prior meeting, and I think you would very much like to listen to me." A subtle shift of his cloak revealed his hoof resting on the handle of the Pawner. "Or would you rather one of your friends received an impromptu tracheotomy?" "Fine, go ahead." "Before I begin, let me explain why I am making this offer instead of simply killing you and your friends before moving on." Oh look, he's entered monologue mode. "You see, when a single pony such as yourself is able to effortlessly defeat two of my mid-leveled creations almost effortlessly it tends to pique my curiosity. I ask myself 'what are the limits of this pony?' and the question just burns at me until I have an answer. "So here's what I propose." Ner's horn suddenly flashed, and a small bolt of light passed quickly into my chest. "You will journey north to the castle of the winds, bringing any equipment, help, and/or friends you deem necessary. Upon arrival the two of us will begin a duel of sorts... really it is more of a game, designed to bring you to your limits. If you impress me, I might let you live, and if not, well," he grinned, "it won't be pretty." Ner turned and began to walk away, before stopping as if remembering something. "Oh, and that spell I just hit you with?" he called back over his shoulder. "If you fail to reach the castle of the winds within seven days it will stop your heart." I turned to the sorceress, who was just standing to the side looking confused and curious. "Which way to the castle of the winds?" I asked her. "The castle of the winds?" now she just looked confused. "Why would you want to go to that old ruin?" "Ner just challenged me to a duel of sorts," I explained. "And I have seven days to get there before he kills me." I couldn't tell that well through her coat, but I think the sorceress blanched a bit. "Seven days?" she asked shakily. "Yes, why?" The sorceress gulped. "The castle of the winds is over a thousand miles from here, you'll never make it in time." Heh, if she thinks I won't make it then she's got a lot to learn. "Well then, we'd better get started." I grinned my maddest mad-pony grin. "Which way?" I asked again. The sorceress raised a shaky hoof due north. "Thataway."