Day 1: A Great and Powerful Problem
Marissa was wide awake just after the sun had began to shine through the curtains of the penthouse suite Princess Celestia had rented for the two of them. Crossing her room to the adjoining door she peeked in to check on the Princess currently living in her brother’s body. Apparently she was still sleeping, one arm flung over her face and mouth hanging wide open with a rather unflattering trail of drool running from the corner of her mouth.
“Yeesh.” Carefully closing the door again she ran a hand through her hair dialing up room service for breakfast. She’d seen her brother asleep plenty of the time, and he never looked like that. That was all Celestia. Marissa giggled a little, imagining the princess in her OWN body laying about in such a ridiculous state.
Settling back on her bed she flipped through the menu and eyed the various meal options. One was a large breakfast platter consisting of pancakes, eggs, sausage, toast, bacon, and three different juices. Deciding to err on the side of caution the ordered the huge platter. No doubt Celestia would be up and ready to eat sooner or later.
Breakfast came. Marissa ate. Then took a shower. Then watched a little TV. Looking over at the clock she frowned seeing it was already ten o’clock. Her eyes drifted toward Celestia’s door. ‘Should I wake her up? Or let her sleep? She IS on vacation. But she said she wanted to do sight seeing and stuff...’
Several times she got off the bed and walked to the door, stopping before she opened it. Huffing a little she walked back to her bed. “This is stupid. It’s my vacation now too. I should just go make her get up.” Her face fell a little. “Go make the immortal sun goddess get up.” Abruptly she gave a firm nod. “That’s it. I’m waking her up.”
Walking back to the Princess’ door with purpose in her stride, she shrieked aloud when it burst open and Celestia bounded out evidently wide awake and grinning ear to ear. “Good morning, Marissa! Something smells good!”
Marissa followed Celestia with her eyes as she stalked over to the now stone cold tray of food. “Uh… we can ask the kitchen to heat it up or something?”
With a dismissive wave Celestia sat at the table in the kitchenette loading up a plate with a nearly alarming amount of food. Vaguely Marissa wondered why she didn’t just move the platters from the tray onto the table and eat right from those, but she wasn’t about to critique Celestia’s dining habits out loud. “I think there’s a microwave in the kitchen at the very least, Princess…”
Celestia looked from the food before her than up to Marissa with a look on her face that very much said ‘leave me alone I want to eat.’ Still a little curiosity glinted in her eyes. “What’s a microwave?”
“Oh! Duh. Hah, sorry. It’s sort of like an oven but it heats things up in a couple minutes instead of an hour or whatever.” Delicately claiming the dish over flowing with breakfast foods from the nearly salivating Princess, Marissa moved it to the large microwave oven followed closely by Celestia. A few quick taps of the buttons and the machine was humming merrily as it heated the food.
The look of childlike wonder on Celestia’s face was priceless, and Marissa had a hard time suppressing an ‘awww’ when she pressed her face to the little viewing window. “That’s amazing! And it heats it in only two minutes?! Really if I didn’t know better I’d say your world is as magical as mine.”
Now Marissa did laugh softly as she leaned on the counter. “It’s one hundred percent science I promise. I dunno how it works exactly. Alex probly does, come to think of it. He knows like everything about everything really.”
Celestia leaned away from the microwave, closing her eyes as a brief look of concentration crossed her face. “Oh. It uses microwaves. Hence the name. That’s clever.”
“Right you can rummage around in his memories. You’re not gonna dig up like… personal stuff right?”
“No, of course not.” When the microwave dinged Celestia smoothly opened the door retrieving her plate. Her eyes widened almost immediately. “It’s hot!”
Marissa laughed as Celestia rushed it to the table, hastily setting the plate down and blowing on her fingers. “Right, that’s what the microwave does.”
With an indignant little huff toward Marissa, Celestia settled in to enjoy her meal. Marissa could only watch for a few seconds before she had to look away. There’s no way she was such a pig in Equestria… right?
***
A small jolt ran through Alex’s horn and to the rest of his body as he jerked upright in bed with a soft grunt. Blinking in momentary confusion he glanced around the spacious royal bed chambers of Princess Celestia. “Guess I didn’t dream last night.”
It took a little work to get himself up and out of the ridiculously large bed. Even for his huge equine body it still felt like three king sized beds mashed together into like… a triple king sized bed or something. In the night he’d wound up rolling toward the exact center nestled comfortably between what must be like a billion thread count silk sheets. “Wonder if she’ll let me take these home…”
A small tingling had been building in the back of his head, demanding his attention as he climbed out of bed. Focusing on it for a second caused the sun raising spell to unfold into the forefront of his mind. Going a little cross-eyed for a second as the incredibly complex equations unraveled in his head he blinked to get his vision right again. Stepping out onto the balcony he looked out to the eastern horizon. Keeping the magical equations in his mental focus he just followed the mental instructions allowing the magic to well up in his core and out through his horn.
He wasn’t sure how to describe the sensation of magically connecting with Equestria’s sun. He suddenly felt very, very small as the power within him reached out and touched the source of life for the entire world he was standing on. Eyes wider and wondering he stared to the east as colors began to splash across the sky and the sun slowly rose into view. “Wow.”
“Not a bad first sunrise at all, Miss Masters.”
Alex’s ears swiveled toward Noteworthy’s voice as the mare let herself into his room. “Yeah? I did okay?”
“Absolutely. The sun’s rising and Equestria isn’t aflame. I’d say that was a good first morning.”
Smiling now Alex turned from the rising sun to give his temporary assistant his full attention. “So! What’s on my agenda? Do I have to do Princess stuff or can I find the library and start reading?”
Seeming to be pleased with Alex’s positive attitude Noteworthy’s own was perking up. “Well! First you’ll have a bath, then breakfast. After that you should move to the throne room for the day court. As Princess Celestia told you, it should be very slow your entire visit. There might be the occasional petitioner or noble to deal with, but it should all be simple matters. If something seems too big for you, just tell them you need a few moments to deliberate on it. You can contact the Princess and ask for her advice at that time.”
Alex was nodding as the mare spoke. “Sounds like a plan. Bathroom is this way right?” He indicated an archway with his wing.
“It is! The servants should have the water hot and ready by now.”
“Oh right, royalty now. Heh, okay that’s cool. Lead me to the bath Noteworthy!” Noting the less than pleased look on the mare’s face he hastily back tracked. “Sorry… joking, joking. Really.”
Her stony expression softened into a faint smile. “It’s alright. This way, Princess.”
Alex followed the small unicorn into the other room. He’d come into the bathroom in the evening to do some (very awkward) toilet related business. Having to wipe his new female anatomy, with hooves no less, was one adventure he wasn’t incredibly eager to relive. Really, that would have been almost as helpful an info nugget at the sun raising spell.
During the day the royal bathroom was significantly more grandiose. It might be that he wasn’t racing to the toilet after holding it in so long he was about to explode, or that the sunlight filtering through the windows was providing better illumination. But the olympic sized pool of a tub had steam wafting off the water, some kind of flower petals already floating in the water giving off a wonderfully aromatic scent.
Gingerly Alex placed one forehoof, then the other into the water as he slowly lowered his body into the bath. He was passingly familiar with the sensation of wet fur after his late night escapades in the clouds last night, but sinking into the steaming hot bath felt surprisingly luxurious. Releasing a heavy sigh he settled on his belly on the floor of the tub, so only his head was still above water. “This is nice.”
“So glad you approve, Princess.”
“Yah-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Alex yelp slash whinnied at the two female voices who piped up from either side of the tub, speaking in unison. The creepy factor only increased as he noted they were identical twins. A pair of seafoam green coated mares with swirling, deep blue manes and tails smiled at him from either side. Closer examination revealed one had horns, while the other had wings. So nearly identical then.
“Oh! Princess we are so sorry!” Alex’s head swiveled to the unicorn. “We didn’t mean to startle you.” Then over to the pegasus as she spoke. Both had a faint hint of laughter in their voices however.
“It’s uh… it’s alright uh…”
Noteworthy cleared her throat. “Shampoo! Conditioner! How many times have I told you not to slink around in the steam. You know how drowsy Princess Celestia is when she first wakes up.”
Alex looked to Noteworthy and mouthed ‘Really?’ at the revelation of the bath maiden’s names. Both mares tittered soft giggles. “We are ever so sorry Princess.” Alex was about to tell the pegasus, Shampoo it was alright when her sister spoke up. “Please accept our deepest apologies.”
Taking a moment to compose himself he plastered a small smile on his face. “It’s alright ladies. No harm done hm?” A small flash unraveled in his mind. “Though I’ll remember this when April Foal’s Day comes around.”
Both mares’ eyes widened a little and their bodies went rigid. For such a polite, proper, and prim Princess pony Celestia had an alarming number of potential practical joke and prank ideas rattling around in her head. And apparently she made mental notes of every pony who earned her joke based ire over the year. “Sh-shall we get to work then, Princess?”
Feeling a small amount of satisfaction for the small amount of revenge, Alex looked toward Noteworthy who nodded imperceptibly. “You may, ladies.”
He wasn’t completely sure what to expect. Shampoo went to work as her namesake might suggest, and got started on working a sweet smelling shampoo through his mane. Conditioner nudged at Alex’s left wing prompting him to fan it open wide. He started slightly as she began to nibble and tug at the feathers. She was… preening his wings his mind told him. It felt a little weird at first, but once he relaxed it started to feel more than a little pleasant.
With a heavy sigh his head sank a little lower, prompting his attendants to giggle again. “Princess, you’d sleep the day away if poor Noteworthy weren’t here to rouse you.” Shampoo commented. Her sister spoke up next. “Or for us to properly prepare you for the day.”
“Uh huh…” He was feeling so good right now he had trouble forming a more coherent response. His stomach growled audibly suddenly, and a very tantalizing scent tickled his nostrils. Without thinking he opened his mouth and scooped a mouthful of flower petals in, chewing them happily. They had a very unique, almost fruity taste that burst to life on his tongue.
“Princess, you do love your lotus petals.” The pony working on Alex’s wings moved to the other. “It was an excellent idea of Noteworthy’s to have a snack on hoof for you while you waited for breakfast.”
Alex started working his way slowly along the tub scooping up as many of the sweet flower petals as he could. His bath attendants following along patiently performing their duties as if this were a daily routine. And judging by what he was hearing of Princess Celestia, it very well may be.
Soon his coat, mane, and tail had been thoroughly cleaned and rinsed out. His wings were feeling surprisingly refreshed. He hadn’t even noticed they weren’t in pristine condition until the sister’s went to work over him. Slowly climbing out of the tub he stood feeling a little silly as Shampoo magically dried him with a towel. Both mares bowed low and retreated from the room.
Shaking his mane out a little he spread his wings slowly before turning to look at Noteworthy. “How’d I do?”
“Very well in fact. If you had demanded a pastry or two while in the tub I’d never know you weren’t the real Celestia.”
His stomach again made it’s presence known. “Speaking off…”
Laughing lightly Noteworthy nodded. “Of course, Princess. Right this way.”
Alex followed his aide from the bathroom and out into the palace proper. Every pony he passed from the servants to the armor clad guardsponies had a polite greeting for him. One he returned with a smile and a nod as often as he could.
He kept close to Noteworthy as she guided him through the palace. At first it seemed like some sort of impossible to navigate labyrinth but the longer he followed the little mare the more confident his steps became. Soon he was the one walking at the front, with Noteworthy falling in at his side. A pair of servants hastily opened the dining room doors as Alex approach, both of whom he thanked.
The dining hall like everything else in the palace was enormous. A table large enough to seat at least fifty ponies was heavily laden with enough food that he imagined it could feed that number as well. Glancing about and finding himself alone with Noteworthy he lowered himself to the head of the table eyeing the spread. “Are we early?”
“Ah… no. Princess Celestia has an incredibly healthy appetite. Raising the sun alone requires a massive amount of magical energy. A unicorn’s magic will replenish on its own over time but…”
Alex received another flash of recognition. “...but caloric intake speeds it up? Interesting. So basically you burn calories by casting spells? I guess that’s how Celestia can eat so much and not weigh a thousand pounds.”
He was rewarded with a genuinely warm laugh from Noteworthy. “Oh goodness! You’d think right?! But no, she’ll go on these huge cake benders and put on like twenty pounds! And whose fault do you think that is?”
Feeling the levitation spell unfolding easily in his head he drifted a small pile of pancakes to his plate dolloping some syrup atop them. “No way.”
The other mare nodded as she sat down at Alex’s left. “Oh yes.” She cleared her throat affecting a tone of voice similar to the one Alex had. “Noteworthy! Look at this cake flank! You let me binge again!” Noteworthy rolled her eyes. “As if she listens to me about anything.”
Using a knife and fork with magic was shockingly entertaining, but he managed to focus on the conversation at the same time. “Is it really that bad?”
His aide sighed softly as she helped herself to a donut. “Not that bad. But it’s not easy being Princess Celestia’s personal assistant. The Princess loves Equestria. She loves her subjects dearly and is always on the lookout for way to improve life in the Kingdom. That being said… the Princess has a tendency to… wander. She loathes paperwork of any kind. She’ll raise the sun then try to go back to bed. Some mornings I have to actually levitate her out of bed and into the tub. After she inhales her breakfast and sits through the day court she tries to sneak off to the gardens or out into the city.
“And who has to chase her down? Who has to sit her down and make her do her paperwork hm? Is it her sister? Oh no. Princess Luna, bless her heart, has her own duties. And she’s so diligent! Reports always filled out and filed on time. She attends the night court which has been growing in popularity a good deal lately. Then once her work is finished she’s free to do whatever she likes with her evening. Oh what I’d give to trade jobs with Night Shift. Now that’s one lucky stallion.”
Throughout the entirety of her rant Noteworthy had been almost violently attacking the plate of donuts, eating one after the other. “And her little pranks! They’re harmless enough MOST of the time! But when she thinks it’ll be funny to turn the floor to ice in the kitchens and the royal chef spills hundreds of bits worth of rare and expensive imported spices all over the floors, who has to fill out those budget reports? Who has to fill our requisition requests? It’s not Celestia. It’s Noteworthy!”
By now Alex had stopped eating and was staring silently as the smaller mare worked herself up more and more. “Oh, Noteworthy, this is an easy little thing. I trust you to take care of it. Oh, Noteworthy, would you mind running to Donut Joe’s for some of those jelly donuts.” Blowing a heavy breath through her nostrils Noteworthy crushed the donut she was in the midst of eating with her magic into a tiny ball. “I attended Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, you know? I graduated near the top of my class with honors! And this is what I’m doing with my life. Cleaning up after the world’s oldest filly and running into the city to buy her snacks!”
Noteworthy’s sides were heaving as she sucked in deep breaths of air by the time she’d finished. Alex waited a long moment before speaking softly. “...feel better?”
A sudden grin split the mare’s face as she barked a short laugh. “I do! Oh my goodness I’ve been bottling this up for so long. I mean you can’t say these kinds of things about the Princess to anypony in Equestria. They’d think I’d gone mad. But you’re, you know… a stranger. You don’t have the same awe everypony has for her. Well, everypony who doesn’t know her has for her.”
Taking a sip of his orange juice Alex resumed his meal. “Well, maybe this week could be a vacation for you too?”
Noteworthy eyed him curiously. “How do you figure?”
Alex shrugged. “Well I’m not about to run around pulling any pranks on the ponies here. I’m definitely not going to be sending you into the city to buy me snacks. Why in the world wouldn’t I just go myself? Plus if there’s paperwork to do I can sit at a desk and sign my name on some stuff. Uh… it’s not much paperwork is it?”
“No! That’s the worst of it! It’d take her maybe an hour tops if she’d just sit still and do it. Instead she comes up with any excuse at all to wiggle out of it.”
Coughing uncomfortably Alex hid his sudden discomfort by taking another bite of his pancakes. That was sounding a little too close to home for comfort. It was with some surprise he realized he’d eaten maybe thrice his usual amount in one sitting by the time he’d felt full enough to call it done. “Well. I do this day court thing. Do an hour of paperwork, then I get the rest of the day to myself yeah?”
“That’s right. Oh, a whole week of a Princess doing the ‘un fun’ part of her job without my badgering. This WILL be a vacation.”
Alex’s smile was back full force. “Alright then Noteworthy. It’s time for court I believe.”
His aide’s smile matched his own. “Right this way Princess.”
***
“...this is so weird.”
Celestia admired herself in the mirrors outside the dressing room. “It’s not ‘weird’. Just because I’m not quite in the body I was expecting doesn’t mean I have to trudge through this week dressed in those baggy rags your brother insists on wearing.”
The two were in the middle of Manhattan’s upper crust shopping district at. Celestia had been trying on Armani silk suits for the past half hour. “I think this is the one.”
Marissa had to admit he brother had never looked better. She wanted to stick up for him but just about every one of Alex’s t-shirts was minimum five years old. His jeans just as bad, and most had been showing their wear and tear. Seeing him standing there adjusting the suit and eyeing himself in the mirror, she could actually imagine he was a real adult.
“You know most people don’t wear several thousand dollar suits out and about for a day on the town.”
Celestia flashed a toothy grin. “Most people probably aren’t magical interdimensional princesses with massive amounts of funding at their fingertips.”
“Fingertips. Way to pick up the lingo.”
Celestia wore her new suit up to the counter, handing the clerk her card. “I familiarized myself on the taxi ride over.”
Marissa choked a little as the price for the suit flashed across the register, but Celestia didn’t bat an eye. She thanked the man for his help, pocketed her card and stepped out with Marissa. “So! Where to now?”
“Well, we’re in Manhattan already. We could check out the museum of modern art I guess? Maybe do lunch after?”
“Sounds like we have a plan! I’ve made an entire list of things I want to do while I’m here.”
Marissa smiled. “Yeah? Let’s have a look.”
The pair made their way down the street, content to walk to their destination. Celestia fished about in a pocket before withdrawing a slip of paper. “Here we are.”
Marissa took the list with a small smile as she looked it over. “See the Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, visit Central Park… okay those are all really doable. See a Broadway show. With your big budget we could probably see a few. Lots of food you wanna try, huh?”
Celestia offered a sheepish smile. “I like to eat.”
“Oh I noticed.” The young woman went back to the list. “Drive a car? We might be able to arrange that… I… this can’t be right.”
“Which one?”
“Under… under drive a car.”
Celestia peered down at the list. “No, that’s right.”
Grabbing Celestia’s arm, Marissa tugged her off the sidewalk into an alley. “It says you want to have ‘sex as a human’!?”
Celestia’s eyebrows rose at Marissa’s tone. “Is that a problem?”
“I… w--well I mean… yeah! You can’t just… sleep with some stranger!”
Now the Princess tilted her head in confusion. “I was under the impression your people typically did so. Generally after becoming heavily intoxicated at a bar.”
“W--well yes that does happen but it’s not normal!”
“Marissa, I think you’re overreacting just a bit.”
“I… wh-what if you got some girl pregnant huh? What if you had switched with me and gotten me pregnant?!”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “I know where babies come from Marissa. When sunshine and moonbeams meet overhead in the sky they give some lucky mare a foal all of their own.”
Marissa’s eyes boggled and her mouth fell wide open.
“Gotcha.” Celestia winked. “Of course I know about contraception Marissa. And one of the spells I added into the swap was to ensure there would be no ‘accidental’ pregnancies on either end.”
“On either… you thought I would be sleeping with a stallion?!”
Celestia shrugged. “Or a mare. I don’t presume to tell anyone who they can and can’t find happiness with.”
Marissa gnawed on her lip as she stared at Celestia. “...how can you be so blase about sleeping with some stranger?”
Resting a hand on Marissa’s shoulder, Celestia guided her out of the alley and back onto the sidewalk resuming their trek. “You’re familiar with the television program, so you know that Luna and I are extremely long lived, yes?”
Slowly the woman nodded. “Sure…”
“When King Eternum and Queen Galaxia created Equestria, they created us. Luna and I have existed since the dawn of time for our world. Many thousands of years. Do you understand?”
Again Marissa could only nod. “Yes ma’am.”
“Well. When someone lives for such a long time it becomes… difficult to form attachments. Friendships and romantic relationships are fleeting things for immortal beings such as myself. I’ve had a husband or two, a wife, several children. It is a very difficult thing for a mother to see her own children grow old and die as she remains static… unchanging for eternity.”
“They weren’t um… alicorns like you?”
Celestia’s shook her head. “No. In a very real sense we’re as close to divinity as a pony can come. I don’t know all and see all of course, but I am immensely powerful. So much power can only be wielded by a very specific sort of individual. None of my children… proved worthy.” She paused in her speaking to swallow a lump forming in her throat.
“Princess, I’m so sorry…”
“Thank you for your kindness, Marissa. I look back fondly on my time with my family but I long ago realized that forming long lasting romantic relationships only opened myself up for great pain. Pain I no longer wish to endure. And so from time to time I’ll disguise myself as an ordinary mare and venture into the city to find a partner for the evening.”
Marissa shook her head slowly. “Just… thinking about Princess Celestia trolling Canterlot for late night booty calls is so… so… dirty.”
Celestia laughed at that. “Marissa, just because I’m an ageless princess doesn’t mean I don’t have needs from time to time.”
“And now you want to do that with my brother’s body… I dunno how he’d feel about that.”
“Fair enough. Does Alex have a girlfriend?”
“Uh, no. Alex is kind of a loner. He does his volunteer work, and he reads. That’s about it.”
“Alright. Then I’ll meet a nice girl at one of your bars. That can wait however, there are plenty of other things I want to do as well of course.”
Marissa just sighed eyeing the list again. This might be a bit more of a stressful week than she was expecting.
***
Alex shifted uncomfortably in the throne. It’s not that the throne itself was uncomfortable. But it was a really big throne. And the throne room itself had these enormous stain glass windows depicting heroic moments in Equestrian history. It was a little intimidating being in charge of a whole kingdom. All of it was starting to hit home as he sat upon the massive seat looking out over the room.
He did feel a little more comfortable with Noteworthy dutifully standing off to the side of the raised dais his throne sat upon. The morning had been going smoothly as well. One of the guards had reported his partner missing from their morning patrol, and Alex’s first royal decree had been to have somepony ‘find him’. An hour later he was found sleeping out behind the barracks apparently.
Honestly it had been pretty boring. Initially he was stressing about having to sit there and make these big decisions for a foreign, magical kingdom but Celestia hadn’t been exaggerating when she promised it would be a slow week. “How much longer is court going to be open, Noteworthy?”
Noteworthy smoothly levitated a pocket watch from the breast pocket of her blouse. “Fifteen minutes, Princess. We can probably call it an early day if you like?”
Alex nodded. “Sure. It doesn’t seem like anypony else is coming by.”
At that precise moment the doors swung open startling the pair of mares. Vigilant Watcher, the recently appointed Captain of the Guard trotted in with a pony mare trailing behind him, her head lowered. “Princess Celestia, I apologize for the sudden entrance but a matter that requires your immediate attention has come up.”
Alex had to fight down a sudden onset of nerves. This is exactly what he didn't want happening. Still he had a role to play. He forced his face to remain pristine and unchanged. “Oh? What is this matter, Captain?”
The burly unicorn stepped aside thrusting the mare behind him forward. Alex got his first good look at her as she stumbled and tripped over her shackled forelegs. She hit the floor with a grunt. The mare had a pale, almost icy blue coat with a striking silvery colored mane and tail. A horn peeked through the front of her mane, but it had an odd metallic ring settled around it. Focusing on the ring an image formed in his mind. It was a dampening ring, used to make a unicorn prisoner’s magic inoperable.
“Captain, why is she shackled? Surely the dampener is enough?”
Vigilant grunted loudly in response. “You’d think so, but no. She pulled some kind of flash power out of her cloak when we apprehended her, blinded a few of us and made a run for it. Dunno if she has anymore tricks and we didn’t want to take any chances.”
“I see. Well who is she that’s caused so much trouble then?”
Alex caught the flash of concern on Noteworthy’s face a moment too late. Vigilant narrowed his eyes in confusion as he regarded his diarch. “She’s Trixie Lulumoon, Princess. The mare who terrorized Ponyville with the alicorn amulet? You personally instructed us to apprehend her and bring her to the castle.”
To his credit Alex did an amazing job holding his composure. “Oh! Oh yes of course… I just didn’t recognize her…” The name brought memories and images. A young unicorn filly enrolled in Celetia’s prestigious academy. Forced to drop out because her parents couldn’t afford the tuition. She learned stage magic from her grandfather and took up his mantle as a travelling performer. “...without her cloak and hat. They’re quite distinctive after all.”
The Captain seemed to accept this explanation and relaxed. “Yes well, as I said she pulled a fast one on us and we felt it safe to relieve her of her belongings before bringing her before you.”
“Well she’s here now, Captain. Thank you. I’ll send for you if necessary.”
Seemingly wanting to protest, but recognizing Celestia’s ‘stern’ tone of voice the captain bowed his head and backed from the throne room. The mare still prone on the floor flinched as the doors slammed shut. Alex looked from the shivering Trixie to a concerned looking Noteworthy at his side. He leaned in close dropping his voice to a whisper. “What do I do?”
Noteworthy shuffled closer to Alex, keeping her eyes on Trixie. “Did the Princess’ memories tell you her crimes?”
Alex nodded slowly. “The super powerful amulet thing she used to rule over Ponyville for a day right?” At Noteworthy’s nod he ruffled his wings. “So… what’s the usual punishment here?”
Now his aide was frowning. “Well… Princess Celestia likes to be creative with her punishments. There are very few rules written in stone regarding that sort of thing. Community service is her favorite… usually ironic or unpleasant community service.”
Yet another answer he wasn’t pleased to hear. Finally he cleared his throat turning his attention to Trixie. “Miss Lulamoon?”
Trixie flinched but slowly lifted her face to look upon her Princess’. The showmare’s ears splayed back and her tail tucked tighter between her legs. “Y… yes, Princess?”
Alex’s horn shimmered as the manacles around the mare’s legs fell to the ground with a loud metallic clunk. Trixie rubbed at her aching forelegs slowly, keeping her movements clear and precise. “I was hoping you could explain your actions in Ponyville.”
“I… well I…” Trixie’s head lowered further. “...I can’t, Princess. There’s no explanation for my actions.”
Alex wasn’t terribly familiar with how courtroom sentencing and prisoner conduct usually went, but he was pretty sure most insane criminals didn’t look so incredibly contrite. “I see. I would still like to hear in your own words exactly what lead up to the event, and what occurred after it if you don’t mind.”
Trixie in fact looked like she very much did mind. Recounting the tale of her greatest embarrassment and failure wasn’t her favorite past time. After some hoof scuffing she launched into the story of arriving in Ponyville. Beginning her act and dealing with the hecklers in the crowd.
“It sounds as if you were simply performing, and some of the townsfolk took offense? Doesn’t every performer stretch the truth when they’re on stage?”
The ghost of a smile flashed across Trixie’s muzzle, but it was very brief. “Yes, most do. Though most don’t embellish quite as much as I did. Some of the fault was my own. I certainly reacted more harshly than was necessary.”
Alex nodded slowly as he mulled this over. “True. Though I can’t entirely fault you. But while they did start it, it wasn’t very mature to stoop to the level you did.”
Trixie sighed. “I know. And I considered apologizing the next day. Then those… colts decided it would be a good idea to lure an ursa minor into town. So that I could prove how ‘great and powerful’ I was.” The mare snorted in exasperation. “My talent is in magic but I’m not that powerful! I didn’t think anypony was until I saw Twilight Sparkle. P--Princess Twilight Sparkle, I’m sorry.”
Now that was a name that elicited a response in Celestia’s memory. Years of tenderly watching over a little filly as she blossomed and grew eagerly absorbing every little magical tidbit doled out by the Princess. A warmth stirred in Alex’s chest… a pleasant sensation that spread out to his entire body. It was. He couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose a little as the sensation took a name in his head. It was motherly love. Celestia cared for this Twilight Sparkle almost more than she did her own sister.
Love and pride mingled as Twilight rose to every seemingly ridiculous challenge Celestia laid before her. All in the hopes that she’d be worthy of joining she, her sister, and her niece in ruling Equestria. The feelings multiplied exponentially as the memory of Twilight’s ascension and coronation surfaced.
Both Trixie and Noteworthy looked concerned as tears started running down Alex’s face. “P--Princess I’m so sorry if my story has… has offended you somehow…” Poor Trixie looked torn between hiding in the corner and trying to console her Princess.
Noteworthy was about to approach when Alex straightened his back and dried his eyes. “No, it’s alright, Trixie. I was… lost in my memories for a moment. Please, you were telling me how you came by the amulet?”
Nodding slowly the unicorn shuffled a little closer. “Yes. I offered the shopkeeper an incredible amount of bits for it…”
Alex raised a hoof. “I’m sorry to interrupt. You simply walked into a store and bought this insanely powerful and dangerous magical artifact?” He turned an incredulous look on Noteworthy. “Is this sort of thing common?”
Noteworthy blinked at the abrupt question glancing from Trixie to Alex. “Well… not common but it does happen. These sort of things slip through the cracks, Princess.”
“Slip through the cracks? If I understand her story correctly Miss Lulamoon purchased this cursed artifact in a shop in where was it?”
“Canterlot.” Trixie quickly supplied.
“In my OWN city right under my nose? The amulet has been HERE in Canterlot for who knows how long? How long has it been missing Noteworthy?”
The mare stammered as she flipped through some papers. “I… I w--well I’d have to do some research, Princess.”
“For that matter, how many other incredibly dangerous artifacts are floating around that could potentially fall into the hooves of my subjects?”
Noteworthy winced. “More than you’d like, Princess.”
Alex nodded slowly, a faint frown never leaving his muzzle. “Trixie Lulamoon, while you’re not entirely blameless in this entire affair I believe you have already suffered a good deal for your actions. That doesn’t excuse them however. You will report to Princess Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville, and serve as her personal assistant much like Noteworthy does for me for no less than two years. You will also be required to put in ten hours of general community service in the town a week. I’ll be expecting reports from Twilight each week on your conduct and how things are going. If I don’t like what I hear, the sentence will be harsher. Do you understand?”
Trixie nodded rapidly, eyes wide. “O--of course Princess! I won’t disappoint you again! I promise!”
The stern look on Alex face eased as he nodded. “See that you don’t my little pony. When this is all over I think I’d like to see one of your shows. Your grandfather was a remarkable magician and was invited many times to perform here at the castle in his prime.”
Trixie’s eyes shone with tears as she bowed her head. “You’re too kind, Princess. It would be an honor to perform for you.”
Alex used his own magic to remove the ring from Trixie’s horn. “I’ll be sending a letter to Twilight this afternoon. I expect to hear that you’ve arrived in Ponyville, ready to begin your duties by this evening.”
“I’ll leave right away! The first train I can catch!”
“See that you do. Have a pleasant afternoon, Trixie, and try to enjoy your time in Ponyville. It really is a lovely little town.”
Trixie backed out bowing the entire time. Noteworthy looked up at Alex once she’d gone. “That was amazing! If I didn’t know better I’d think you were REALLY the Princess! And the way you talked about her grandfather and Ponyville, it sounded like you knew it all from memory.”
Alex offered her a faint smile and shrugged. “I dunno how to explain it. As I was talking it just felt… right. Everything I was saying, I guess.” His smile didn’t last long. “Who’s in charge of stuff like these missing magic items?”
A look of distaste crossed Noteworthy’s features. “That would be the head of the magical item research and storage bureau.”
“Alright. And who’s that?”
“Princess Celestia’s nephew, Prince Blueblood.”
“Hm. Can we schedule a meeting with him tomorrow? Or do you think that’s out of bounds?”
Noteworthy shook her head. “It’s not at all. The fact that something like the alicorn amulet was just sitting in a shop in Canterlot itself and nopony noticed is slightly appalling. The Princess gave her nephew the position mostly to shut him up and give him something to do.”
“Hm. Well he’s doing a crappy job. Let’s have him in and see what he has to say about all this.”
“I’ll make a note of it, Princess Alex.” The mare smirked as she jotted a note down in her planner. “Well then! That was a very successful first day of court I think!” She almost looked to be dreading the next part. “Time for your paperwork?”
The relief the little pony showed in her body when Alex nodded was enough to make him laugh. “Lead the way, Noteworthy.”
***
“Well I had thought Wendy made the finest hamburger in your world, but I fear Serendipity 3 may have her beat.”
Marissa just shook her head with a rueful grin as the Princess polished off her three hundred dollar hamburger. “Most people get stuff like filet mignon or something when they spend that much money. She herself had just finished a seventy dollar hotdog. If Celestia wasn’t footing the bill she’d never even set foot in a place like this.
“Well then they’re missing out let me tell you. So! Dinner is seen to. And our show begins in less than an hour. Perhaps we should make our way to the playhouse.”
“Yes sir!” Both shared a little laugh at that. “I’ve heard amazing things about Wicked. This is gonna be a blast.”
“Mmm.” Celestia eyed the write up for the show as they walked. “It’s certainly a unique concept. To be honest nine out of ten plays in Equestria are incredibly dull. Most are about Luna or myself, the rest are just rehashed versions of the Hearth’s Warming play or similar historic events. I’m afraid my little ponies have very little in the way of unique ideas. I go every week in the hopes of something new but alas...”
Marissa walked at Celestia’s side, wearing one of her nicer dresses and a pair of heels. “Are you sure that’s why there’re never any new plays? I mean maybe ponies don’t write new stuff because they think they’re perfect and beloved Princess loves all the classics.”
Celestia frowned as she considered that. “Come to think of it the headmaster for Canterlot’s Academy of the Arts was asking for my advice on a direction for some of his instructors. I might have been a trifle dismissive with him and said whatever he was working on now was fine. He may have taken that to mean I didn’t want anything changed.”
“I have to say you’re… very different than the you from the show.”
“Am I? I’ve watched all three seasons. I’m very rarely depicted aside from reading Twilight’s friendship reports or attending the occasional function. None of my private life is delved into save my love of cake. Luna’s had more character development for goodness sake. I’m just depicted as the perfect pristine mother figure for the whole Kingdom.”
“And… you’re not?”
Celestia sighed softly. “In a way I suppose I am. At least in the eyes of my subjects. It got so irksome one year, all the bowing and scraping and such that I began wearing the most tacky, obnoxious gowns covered in gems.”
Marissa’s eyes widened. “No!”
“Oh yes. It’s still considered high fashion today even though I quit on that years ago. Recently however trends have turned toward darker more subdued colors. Silvers, blues, blacks… that sort of thing.”
“...oh yeah?”
“Yes. Particularly with the younger ponies. Luna’s been growing steadily more popular as she’s been back. She has her own holiday coming next week. More than a few foals were dressed as a night pony, or Luna herself for Nightmare Night.”
The young woman chewed her lip, hesitating to say what she was thinking. “Princess, are you… jealous of your sister?”
“What? No! No of course not. That’s absolutely ridiculous. Luna deserves some popularity as well.”
Marissa shrugged. “Well I can’t argue that. But you’ve been ruling alone for a thousand years. That’s a really long time to not have to share the spotlight. Now your little sister is home raising the moon again… nightlife in Equestria is booming. I’m not saying you’re going to go all Tyrant Sun or something, but still.”
Celestia snorted. Then took a deep breath and blew out a heavy sigh. “Ugh. I’m jealous of Luna. I’m just the worst person in the world.”
“You’re not a bad person, Princess. You’re a normal person. One who’s lived a lot longer than most, but you still have the same kind of feelings we all get. I don’t think humans and ponies are all that different really. On the inside I mean, on the outside we couldn’t get much more different from each other.”
Celestia laughed softly at that. “You may be right, Marissa Masters. And please, just Celestia is fine. Or even Alex I suppose if folks are close by. We might get a few interested looks if you called me Celestia.”
“Can’t argue with that. So what’s Luna doing that makes her so much more popular with the ponies?”
The Princess sighed as she walked. “She’s been throwing herself into modern Equestrian culture with abandon. All the nightlife has her so excited that she got over her shyness rather quickly. Luna’s always been rather blunt. When she wants to do something, she does it. If she wants to learn something, she apparently starts asking anybody who crosses her path about the subject. This has made her seem more normal and approachable than I, who is supposedly all knowing.”
“Which you kinda are, right? Isn’t that the whole point of your week long getaway?”
“True enough. There’s very little in Equestria that holds mystery for me any longer. Luna has a thousand years of missed history and advancement to occupy herself with. Not to mention all the parties she’s been attending.”
“You can’t go?”
Celestia shrugged. “I can, but my presence tends to be something of a killjoy to the common pony. They feel that if I’m there they can’t relax and be themselves.”
“So show them they can. Go… be a party animal like Luna. Heck have Pinkie throw a “Princess Celestia is a regular pony too!” party. You know she would.”
Now Celestia quirked a little smile. “I suppose she would. That might not be the worst idea in the world either. Thank you, Marissa.”
Marissa flashed a grin of her own. “Anytime, Celestia.”
The pair walked in companionable silence after that. The playhouse soon coming into view.
***
Dear Princess Celestia,
While I was initially apprehensive at the idea of essentially being Trixie’s jailer, Spike reminded me that my increased workload is stressing not only myself but him as well. Another pair of hooves around to help out can only be a good thing, even if I do have to put up with the Great and Powerful Trixie.
I’ve had Spike prepare a room for Trixie. We have several in the library’s upper floor that aren’t in use. Even more, now that everypony in Ponyville has insisted it become the site of my very own palace. Something my protests about have gone entirely ignored, by the way. Still, the old tree is looking pretty magnificent, and I’d love if you could come out and see it soon. Princess Luna’s been by several times for tea, I know you’re very busy though and don’t wish to impose.
Rest assured Trixie is in good hooves here in Ponyville. We’ll find plenty for her to do to earn her freedom.
Always looking forward to your next visit,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Alex set the letter aside with a small frown. If Twilight was so important to Celestia, why did it sound like she was avoiding her? Shaking his head at his lack of understanding he went back to the book he’d been reading before the letter dropped from the air overhead.
A gentle knock at his door drew Alex’s attention away from ‘A Foal’s Guide to Beginning Magic’. The children’s magical primer was laid at his hooves as he called out. “It’s open!”
Noteworthy stepped inside. “Just wanted to make sure you were all settled in before I turn in for the night, Alex.” She raised an eyebrow as she spotted the cover of the book. “A little simple isn’t it? You’ve been doing magic all day.”
“Well I have but I don’t know how I’m doing it. I’m just borrowing the Princess’ memories on how to levitate or raise the sun. That’s not the same as understanding how I do it. I want to learn about magic, not just mooch off of Celestia’s powers. Does that make sense?”
“It does in fact. I suppose I’ll leave you to your studies then. Just don’t stay up too late hm? Early morning and all that.”
“Yes ma’am! I promise I won’t be up much past my bedtime.”
Noteworthy snorted and thumped him in the back of the head with a pillow using her magic. “Hey now that’s cheating.”
The little mare wore a grin as she backed out. “Enjoy your rest, Princess. I’ll see you tomorrow. ...and Alex? You did very well today.”
“Thanks Noteworthy. I’ll see you tomorrow. And I won’t stay up too late, promise.” He watched her go, turning his attention back to the book at his forehooves. Completely ignoring the niggling memories of magic in his head he focused on the formula for forming a light. As far as he could tell, according to the book at least… magic required no verbal component. A unicorn needed to formulate and focus on a very complex formula consisting of the magical alphabet in their head.
Spells were split into seven different schools of magic. Each school had a sort of base formula each spell was developed from. So to conjure a light, he needed the basic formula for conjuration magic mixed with the formula for light. Developing new spells seemed as simple as adding more complexities onto a formula. So if he wanted a green light he would do conjuration, plus light, plus green. It was surprisingly simple at its core. The trick was memorizing the various symbols to create the formulas.
He was nearly finished with his little primer book, and on the other side of the bed unseen from the door was a small stack of more complex magical tomes. He definitely wouldn’t stay up too late though.