//------------------------------//
// Pneumatic Death Bunnies From The Ninth Realm!!! Oh, and a chapter. 
// Story: Destination: Thataway! 
// by Hawattie 
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	Getting the repairs for the sorceress's tower was surprisingly easy. We walked into town, dogs in tow, and Unique led me to the building with a large hammer stuck to the front. The ponies inside took one look at Schmoopy and Fluffy before saying, "She blew it up again, didn't she?"
I tried to assure them that it wasn't her fault, but they'd just laughed at my explanation of the foal mafia and magical hoof-lasers.
"How much of their business comes from the sorceress?" I asked Unique as we watched a couple workers load a wagon from a large pile of stone blocks which seemed to be tailored to match the sorceress's tower. The pile was at least three times bigger than the rest of the stored stone combined and even had a little sign declaring "reserved" hanging above it.
"She single hoofedly keeps them in business and then some," he told me without hesitation. "Any other work they get is considered a bonus." 
I looked at all the stone laying around. I counted about seven ponies who looked like they worked in the shop, and guessed that there were more who weren't working at the time. "How does she get the money to pay for all that?"
One of the mason ponies stopped what she was doing to answer me. "Nopony knows," she trotted over and took a drink from a bottle of water. "Some say she magics the bits out of thin air." That'd be a handy skill to have. Free money! Who cares if it completely wrecks the economy? "Others think she's got some fancy research grant from the princess or some such."
"And what do you think?" Unique inquired.
"I think that I don't care," the mare said nonchalantly, "so long as her bits 're good. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to work."
"So..." I fished for a conversational topic as Unique and I walked away from the mason. Town hadn't changed much since the last time I was there. No new shops, no new people. Unique's tavern was still going strong, one of his employees had taken over for him while we were off doing whatever it was we did.
It'd been a while since I'd first walked through those doors, drunk some magical concoction and proceeded to pass out. In my book two days constituted "a while".
Good times.
"Want to get a drink?"
Unique considered my question for all of zero seconds before giving a prompt reply. "Sure thing, we've got some time to kill." Is it just me, or did he sound eager to get drunk?
With all the eagerness of a child in a mixture toy/candy/high-yield explosive store Unique grabbed my hoof and bodily dragged me across the street to his bar. He didn't even wait until we were inside to begin ordering, shouting loud enough that both the temporary bartender and every noble in Canterlot could hear. "Oy, Cobbler, get a couple'a Flamin' Homers rea-"
For some unknown reason Unique cut himself off mid-sentence. The reason became known as soon as I poked my head into the bar. Yeah, I'd say the tall, flaming - he was literally on fire, the bits of his coat I could see looked like some sort of strange hairy candle - unicorn in the dark robe flanked by a couple of armored skeletons with swords is a pretty damn good reason to stop asking for a drink.
"I'm afraid that ah, Cobbler, was it?" I followed the burning unicorn's gaze to the bound and gagged form of a mare with a pastry cutie-mark in the corner. "Is a bit indisposed at the moment,"  the tall, dark, and not-that-ugly pony said in a surprisingly normal voice, I'd expect it to be all evil and spooky. "I'd be happy to get you a drink, but I doubt that anything I can make you is the type of poison you were looking for."
"Who the hay are you?" Unique demanded angrily. Really Unique? You're going to get angry at the obviously powerful, and probably evil, burning unicorn with the undead bodyguards? Smart. I give it a ten of ten on the smartness scale.
The mysterious unicorn didn't seem to be put out at all by Unique's hostile tone. On the contrary, he seemed rather overjoyed. "Why, I'm delighted you asked," the unicorn grinned, revealing... perfectly normal teeth. What, were you expecting me to say fangs? "I am the great Ner'Ghalad, liberator of the fourth tribe and the original discord's advocate, at your service." Ner'Ghala... you know what. That name is too long. I'm just gonna call him Ner. Ner stooped into a quick bow with a flourish of his dark robe. "I'm sure you must have heard of-"
"Nope," Unique cut him off. "Never heard of you."
Ner looked quite put out. "I should have expected that jealous nag to exclude me from the history books..." He heaved a great sigh. "Ah well, I guess I'll just have to make the world remember me. But first," he directed his gaze to me for the first time, "I believe you have something of mine, little pony."
"What?" How could I have something of his? I just met him! Wait... I followed his gaze to the crossbow slung across my back. "This is yours?" I asked.
"Indeed it is, and I would be much obliged if you would return it to me without any fuss." I believed him that he didn't want to cause any trouble, but one look at those armed skeletons showed that he could cause a lot of trouble if he needed to.
"Sure thing, buddy," I said, unslinging the Pawner and holding it out, because appeasement is always the best option, "here you go!"
Ner took the weapon in his magic and placed it in an empty holster he had concealed beneath his cloak. "I thank you, young one. I do not wish to harm those who do not need to be." He seemed happy to be reunited with his weapon. "If I may ask, how did you come across my crossbow?"
"That's a funny story, really," I said. "So there I am, deep in the bowels of the Foal Mafia's base." Ner raised an eyebrow and mouthed the words 'foal mafia'. "When I'm led to their armory. There I meed this guy named Bond, nice guy, you should meet him sometime. And he lets me pick out any weapon I want from their collection so I could do a mission for them."
"This 'Bond', he wouldn't happen to be the legendary James Bond, would he?" Unique asked.
"Yeah he is, why? You know him?"
Both Unique and Ner gave me a "your a moron" look. "Dude, that guy's a legend. He's been around for longer than either of the princesses and became a national hero over a thousand years ago for... what was he famous for again?"
"I have no doubt that he became famous for his role in the defeat of the Dark Lord of the Damned who attempted to overthrow the crown," Ner supplied.
"You know, now that you mention it I remember Bond gave me a little history lesson back in the armory. Said something about someone called 'the unimaginably cruel and evil'." I struggled to remember the details, it was hard since I had been so focused on his cool title at the time. "I think Bond said his name was something like Ner'... Ghalad..." I slowly looked towards Ner.
Ner looked back at me, a grin like a shark overtaking his features. "So you've finally remembered who I am. Again I give you thanks for returning my weapon to me, now prepare to die!" 
Only Unique's quick thinking saved me from being blasted by a magical bolt from Ner's crossbow. I say quick thinking but I mean he shoved me bodily out of the way of the magical bolt of death. It was a good thing too, since the bolt disintegrated half of the wall behind me
I recovered from being knocked over in time to see Ner disappear in a puff of magic and his two skeletons charging at us, weapons raised. That jerk he'd used me! He'd made me think he was nice until I gave him the Pawner and then he tried to kill me!
Ooh, I'm mad now. And those two skeletons are so gonna get it!
With a jerk of my hoof I sent a magical death beam of my own into the first skeleton. The laser obliterated most of the skeleton, leaving only a set of hooves behind and a sword to clatter to the floor uselessly.
Unfortunately, my distraction left me open to my second attacker. By the time I'd turned to face it, it was already swinging its blade towards my neck. Faster than I'd thought possible, I raised my forehoof to intercept the attack.
With a solid 'Thwack' sound, the sword dug into my foreleg up to the bone.
Surprisingly, it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it should. It was just a minor sting instead of a crippling agony, and when the skeleton pulled his sword away I was amazed to see a faint glow the color of the sorceress's magic kniting the wound back together. After a few seconds it was as if I'd never been hurt at all. And the best part was that I didn't break out into hives!
The shock soon gave way to glee, and with my patented madpony grin upon my face I swiftly dispatched the skeleton by way of laser to the face. I may have had it forced on me, but hot dang were the sorceress's enhancements helpful!
Unique had busied himself with freeing Cobbler during my fight and both of them stood off to the side, jaws slack in awe. I am pretty awesome, aren't I? "You alright, Cobbler?" I asked. The mare nodded dumbly in response.
"Unique, you wouldn't happen to know where that jerk ran off to, would you?" I asked. I hoped I could find him quick and pay him back for playing me like a fool.
"No," he gulped and lifted a shaky hoof towards the sorceress's tower, " but we can probably find out thataway."