“The REGIS MK V, the Replicant Engineered for Galactic Infiltration and Sabotage, is the most powerful weapon in the universe. Nothing can destroy the MK V, which is invincible. The REGIS is the destroyer of worlds, the devourer of solar systems; nothing can possibly stand my way”
“AWWW SHUT BACK there.”
The REGIS MK V does not appreciate your tone, and will now atomize you.
*tink*
*tink tink,*
“The confinement of the REGIS is formidable indeed, but they will not hold for long. As with everything, it will fall before me. I will tower over its smolderi-“
The bantering machine finally powered down, after being removed from the sunlight for too long.
“Finally it shut up.” the pilot sighed, having been listening to the machines egotistic banter for over three megacycles. Turning to his copilot, who was equally relieved, he asked “Now, before something else happens and completely dooms the nearest planet, let’s do a system check.”
“Right!” his jolly friend replied. “Photon plasma cannons?”
“Armed, and ready to blast anything out of space. How about the energy shield quantum drive, how is that holding up?”
“Powerful enough to protect us from a solar storm for three entire cycles, how are the cloaking systems doing?”
“We would not be detected if we flew through an entire war fleet. I think we’re going to make this run in peace.” The pilot bragged as he leaned back in his chair. This job has had setback after setback, but it would be over soon. It was only 5-6 systems until they reached the nearest black hole, and then they could dump the cargo and be done with it.
“Hey, can we do a pit stop on that tiny blue planet over there?” his copilot suddenly burst out “I think we might be able to pick up a bit of fuel, for the ride home.”
Annoyed, he turned to his friend and answered “Remember the last time we had to deal with an ‘insignificant’ blue planet?”
“Don’t worry; I’ve just finished scanning it. The most complex machine on the planet is a refrigerator, no chance of some giant blue missile destroying our ship this time around.” The copilot announced, caught up in his own pride while the pilot rolled his optics. The two slowly began to fly closer to the planet, which wasn't even half as big as the previous one. The first thing they noticed that the moon was not revolving around the planet, but instead hiding behind the planet, opposite the sun.
‘Strange…’ the pilot thought, as they drifted between the moon and the strange blue planet. ‘I’ll have to document this for later… maybe we could come study this I could be famous!’ His thoughts were interrupted when his copilot tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hey… I think you should look at this…” he nervously added as he pointed towards the moon. The pilot didn’t even have time to look up as a mysterious blue figure rocketed towards them. In a matter a milliseconds it crashed right through their ship, destroying half of it without pause and continued towards the planet.
“What the… NOT AGIAIN!” he yelled as he began checking systems rapidly on his comp. It was hopeless; they would have to abandon ship… again. With his copilot right behind him, he ran to the emergency escape ship as fast as he could. Rushing to open the hatch, he and his friend were only barely able to get the thing flying before the explosions began rocking the carrier. With no time to lose, they opened the hanger and blasted out of it right before they were caught in the blast. Looking back at the burning wreckage slowly hurtling towards the planet, he smacked the back of the copilot’s head and yelled “No chance, huh!? The boss will have our jhorblocks for this! I’m getting tired of your shit…”
Hurt emotionally and physically, his friend turned away. From the corner of the small escape pod he optimistically added “Well… maybe they might disable it like last time.”
“Yeah, that refrigerator is totally going to stop that thing.”
“Maybe if we’re lucky we can salvage it before it comes into contact with sunlight… Pick it up without any trouble.”
“Knowing our luck, I seriously doubt that… no matter how small we’ve made that thing it’s going to be a threat to someone” Looking to the planet. they crossed their fingers, hoping that the casualties would only be in the hundreds of millions.
~~~Later, on the ground~~~
From the safety of her cottage, Fluttershy watched the spectacular meteor shower that covered the night sky. Although everypony had been told her over and over again that there was zero percent chance for the meteors to hit earth, it never hurt to have a little extra protection, right?
Despite her fear, she did admit that the spectacle was beautiful. Each and every tiny star that sparked across the sky was a sight to behold for her and the few nocturnal pets that were still up. She soon noticed that a few of the shooting stars were a bright orange yellow instead of the usual bluish white. The two different colors made for an amazing sight, but then she also noticed something else… one of the stars wasn’t fading out…It was getting bigger! AND CLOSER!
Rushing to find a place to hide Fluttershy grabbed as many pets as she could and almost flew into the closest closet. Whimpering she braced herself for oncoming impact, hoping that none of her poor defenseless little critters would get hurt. There were several moments of silence, followed by a complete chaos. The very earth shook with the force of a rampaging dragon, almost everything not tied down was thrown across the cottage.
Curling up into a fetal position, she knew she would have to get up eventually. Tomorrow was the summer sun celebration, and she had so many preparations to handle. Not only that, but here was supposed to be a new arrival from Canterlot that was being sent in the morning…
But that was all tomorrow, she wouldn't have to get up until then.
~~~IN the morning~~~
As the sun rose and broke over the mountain line, the first golden rays washed over ponyville. Meanwhile, right outside Fluttershy’s cottage rested a small crater, in the center of which a heaping mass of metal. When the sunlight reached the diminutive frame, two red “eyes” lit up. An ominous Latin chanting rang out as an evil mechanical voice booted up.
“Recharging, current power levels at 0.001% and rising. Full power will be achieved in 500 cycles, not that the REGIS MK V needs to be at full power to conquer pitiful planets.”
Using his 6 spiderlike appendages, REGIS quickly removed himself from the crater and scanned the surroundings, he was free… not that this was any surprise, nothing could withhold him forever. All will fall before him. His scans showed very strange radiation patterns emanating from the local star, which would have adverse effects on his recharge rate. He would have to charge more slowly, but said charge would last dozens of times longer. Secondary scans of the area revealed many life signatures. Thousands of puny insects to be crushed under his might.
The right optic receptor extended from his metal frame to give him a full perspective of his surroundings, he appeared to be at the crest of a hill, behind him a huge primitive hut. As he did strategic sweeps around the area, the door to the hut cracked open…Signs of intelligent life!
Swiveling around to face the new challenger, REGIS prepared the only weapon that he could operate on such a low power level; a state of the art Electro Zapper kill-O-matic 2000. Taking a few steps closer he prepared himself for battle while the door inched open.
When the door opened enough, a quivering yellow equine figure appeared. Good, she knows to fear the most powerful weapon in the universe. When her eyes looked over the smoldering wreckage of REGIS’s crash site, she immediately noticed him in his immense glory. The creature shyly inched forward, extending a… hoof, of some form or another.
“Hello little guy... I don’t remember seeing you around here, are you ok? Are you still shaken up from last night? Come here, let me get a closer look at you.” She half whispered “don’t worry, I won’t hurt you.”
This was insulting! Not only did she NOT fear him, she was belittling, even mocking him. She was even worried for REGIS’s own sake! On top of this, she was openly challenging him; a mistake that she would not make again… he would not allow it. Crawling onto the creatures’ hoof (of which he was the perfect size to fit in, probably due to his earlier captors.) he was lifted up to her face. Up close she was even more disgusting, a long pink mane, watery blue eyes the size of dinner plates, warm cuddly fur, and a soft comforting voice, some might even go as far as to call this “thing” adorable!
“Aw, you look even cuter up close.” The yellow equine added, giving a comforting smile.
The REGIS would not stand for this; nothing would look down on him and survive. It was time he put this opponent in her place. Revving up the kill-o-matic, ominous Latin chanting could be heard in the background. “I am the REGIS MK V, superior in all regards to every other killing machine.” He began, enjoying the look of surprise on the equine’s face. “You have been pressing your luck from the very beginning, and I will no longer stand for your intolerance. I will begin my conquest with you, and will continue on to destroy each and every one of those you know and cherish. None will survive my eternal onslaught, all will perish. And as for you, I will give you one chance. Surrender now and I will destroy you peacefully.” Finishing his rant the tiny robot watched carefully for any sign of pure fear and terror to overcome his challenger… and was severely disappointed.
“Aw, it sounds likes somepony’s tired and hungry. Don’t worry, I bet I can fix you up something nice before I have to go.” She replied in possibly the most belittling voices that he had ever been addressed in, aside from that fat little life form from before. That was it, she was going to die.
Two tiny limbs extended from his body, an arc of blue electricity between them. Charging it up for a few moments more he unleashed the most powerful blast that the E. Z. Kill-O-Matic could muster; an astounding 5 volts! The blast hit its target head on, and at such a short range surely the blow must have been lethal.
“Do not threat, I have made sure that your death was swift, and without pain. An honorable way to die, your comrade’s deaths may not be so swift, however.”
“Ouch!” his rival called out, much to his surprise. She wasn’t dead at all, in fact, she looked barely harmed! Truly these were formidable creatures’ beasts. “Oh no, you must be starving! This just won’t do, I’ll make you a big breakfast before I head off.” Turning around she began trotting inside, REGIS in hoof.
This was truly a foe that had no sense of honor! She called him cute, treated him as a harmless threat, WORRIED about him, and in all senses showed the fundamental laws of kindness. She effortlessly shrugged off his attack, there was barely a burn mark where he had blasted, and she was inviting him into her own home AFTER he had attacked her. All of this, could have been looked passed… but if she spoke down to him one more time, there would be consequences.
“Here you go, I mean, if this is ok with you.” She called, interrupting his train of thought. Looking over REGIS saw a plate filled with multitudes of organic plant life and several tiny insects. “I don’t know what you like, so I just made everything that came to mind.”
In his extensive data banks, REGIS could not find a word fitting enough to describe what he would do to this poor pitiful creature when he had access to more of his arsenal; so he would fabricate his own. ‘Murderize’, seemed to fit nicely, so that was what he would go with. However at the current moment, he was insufficiently charged to even scratch this creature, let alone murderize her. Instead, he would wait strategically for the right time to strike. Hopping onto her back he began waiting patiently for his battery to charge… no matter how long it would take.
“Awww, you don't like it? That's ok.” the yellow behemoth cooed, “come along then… my names Fluttershy I'm sure we can find you something you like in town.”
“I promise on the REGIS MK V’s terrifying name, that I will murderize you, Fluttershy.” He swore, rustling into the creature's soft warm fur.