Some days its just not worth getting out of bed. Some days its not worth even opening one's eyes... Some days though are absolutely amazing, right up until a grand piano falls down atop you and you suddenly find out how it feels to be a pancake.
For those wondering it was one of the last kind of days for Shady, one of the first kind for Dame Smiles, and it was a fourth kind of day for Fox. For Fox it was one of those days that are just plain weird. No, not surreal weird, or even Discord is loose kind of weird, but weird in the sense that some Rube Goldberg shiz happened and you awake to find yourself not in your (not so) nice bed but surrounded by trees cuddled up with a porcupine... Yeah, that kind of weird.
Two hours prior to Fox in da woodz
"Zis... Cider jah? Cider is good. Shank you for zis Herr Shady, You make un old mare smile." Smiles and Shady were currently seated up in his office, chatting over a nice big bottle of hard cider that Shady had... acquired... earlier that day. You know, the usual business deal for his sort. Extortion and a few broken legs gets just about anything you could want from uncooperative merchants who happen to have thick walled wine cellars.
"That it is my dear. So, tell me something. How's our little cash colt doing? Haven't had to take him for one of our walks for a week." He chuckled softly, nodding to a black leash he had hanging on the far wall, one he used just to make himself feel all the more in control of the little unicorn he used for scare tactics.
Smiles frowned slightly before taking a long pull from her glass. "You call me up here for ze drinks und zen ask me about zat little... Little... Somezing or utter? I am not, how you say, surprised really, but I was hoping you vould finally shut up and be a good little boy for Dame Smiles tonight, ja? I even brought zee crop tonight." was her reply, one that brought a hit of red to Shady's cheeks and made him fidget a bit in hopes she couldn't tell that he had been thinking of doing something along those lines anyways.
"Zee little mon-stair is fine vrelly. Same as all zee other little brats. Granted all of zem haff not killed zeir families, no?" She finally said, chugging the last of her cider and swaying a little bit as her cheek flushed from the heat of the alcohol. Shady refilled her glass, only to have her take the whole bottle instead and just drink that.
It should be no surprise that the not so goodly matron of the orphanage was on the ground ten seconds later, having drunk herself into a stupor... One compounded by the fact that she kind of felt the need to say "Hello!" to the floor face first.
One hour before Fox in da woods
Shady really had no clue just why he was out at this time of night, probably something to do with boredom and a strange plot contrivance that would lead to his inevitable demise in a humorous manner... Wait what? Must have been boredom. Definitely only that.
In any case he found himself turning back towards the orphanage with a bag of doughnuts clenched in his teeth. Nothing went better with late night alcohol than sugar and grease. Fried dough had that in spades, even if they weren't really all that greasy to be dead honest. Shady was glad that Joe had learned to keep his shop open so late, gotta love back room deals... And colts who seemed to like to spread flames about like a mushroom did spores.
His musings were interrupted a cat flying straight at his face and the rather loud terrier that came following behind. Needless to say he lost his late night snack, the dog got those instead, even if it lost it's cat. Doughnuts gone, face being clawed, and none too happy, Shady went stumbling back, bumping heavily into a rickety platform, and sparking off a long chain of events that would end with this story moving on properly.
The immediate reaction to his cat-induced bump into that platform was to dislodge his clawed furry face hugger and send it running off into the night, yowling and hissing as cats are sometimes wont to do when the world refuses to give them their due... You know, namely everything they want when they want it. Shady found this satisfying, but couldn't resist yelling after it. "You better run ya pussy!"
Now his words carried over into a near by alley, timed and distorted just perfectly to get a poor innocent teenaged colt in trouble with a rather large burly stallion who took exception to those words and sent the teen flying with a rather... painful... buck.
The teen impacted a near by wall and dislodged a flower pot which fell down upon a board currently see-sawed over a stump with a half empty can of paint on the other end. Thusly red was a go, and thus flew straight and true through a window.
That window being broken startled a couple awake in a rather violent manner, Well if one considers sitting up in bed, blinking, and involuntarily discharging one's horn violent. Done twice over this had the unintended effect of undoing every knot for a three-hundred foot radius.
Now in this radius there happened to be a grand piano, currently hanging above a certain stallion who was busy scrubbing at the cat scratches all over his face. He had just enough time to think that he should've bucked Smiles before he asked her about his little attack unicorn before he was played out of this world by, of all things, chopsticks as the keys fell from the smashed piano in just the perfect way for that.
This piano falling and Shady being crushed brought about the fall of that platform, one which a crane had set, the one being used to hoist that piano. (damned irresponsible to leave that in the air, eh?) That crane fell, demolishing the front wall of the orphanage and tilting a few floors when they lost some support.
Most of the beds remained unmoved, but on the third floor, one bed wasn't nailed down like the others. Guess who's went sliding out the new giant bay window, down the crane, and came to a stop just in time to be catapulted off to land on an overnight delivery wagon bound for Ponyville by pegasus flight? Fox's of course.
Now, nopony really noticed the fact that a colt was getting a free ride because off that wagon went, Fox in tow, and the flight was smooth right up until they went over the white tail woods. Turbulence hit, forcing the flight a bit lower, low just enough for them to skim the trees. Good thing it did too, because Fox picked that moment to sleep walk for a glass of water, stepping right off and onto a tree. Now theres some unseen power that watches over fools and the brave... Or sleepwalking colts in this case, because he made it down from that tree without harm, got his water from a stream, and mistook a patch of moss for his bed.
And that's how Equestria was born... Wait what? Sorry no, that's how Fox was freed from life as a innocent little tool for a criminal stallion, a criminal empire came tumbling down, and Smiles learned never to drink again.
For those now wondering about the porcupine... Colt's are warm, and to be fair, that moss WAS it's bed first. It didn't mind sharing though, even if his new bed mate was slight hooves-y in his sleep.