//------------------------------//
// The Shooping of the Whoop. 
// Story: Destination: Thataway! 
// by Hawattie 
//------------------------------//

	It turns out the hard part of the procedure was cutting me up. With that out of the way it took the sorceress less than thirty seconds to do whatever it was she did.
Best part is it didn't even tickle.
"How do you feel?" Unique asked as I emerged from the bomb-proofed experimentation area. An excellent question! Just how do I feel? Let's go through a checklist.
Legs, a little heavy, but fine.
Tail, no discernible difference.
Flank, still sexy.
Barrel, looks good. I was a little worried the sorceress would make me pregnant or something.
Withers, same as the legs.
Neck... I rotated my head a bit trying to get a look at my neck. Needless to say I couldn't do it. I did however get a few satisfying pops to sound out.
Face. Again I can't see it, but I'm going to assume that it's just as sexy as it was before.
Checklist complete I thought it was time to answer Unique, who had waited patiently throughout the process. "I feel fine, a little stiff but fine."
"That's wonderful news!" the sorceress chirped. "I'm delighted to see my procedures went off without a hitch."
"Speaking of procedures," Fphant said, "what exactly did you do to him? He looks a little... green."
"Well that would be because he's photosynthetic now!" Unique looked stunned. Fphant looked impressed.
I cocked my head to the side, gave my best "I'm confused" look, and asked, "Photonsynthewah? Use smaller words please."
The sorceress deigned not to answer my question. Instead she chose to facehoof - rather epicly, if I might say so myself, - and levitate a bottle of some amber liquid out of a nearby cabinet. "I go through seven years of university and this is my reward?" she grumbled into the bottle.
"Yeah, it's a pretty awesome reward," I agreed. The sorceress glared at me and took a long drink from the bottle before replying.
"I shouldn't have given him better hearing."
"I dunno, I think it's pretty useful," I said, missing the sorceress's tone completely.
Fphant and Unique, only being privy to half the conversation, looked very confused. "Uhh, mind filling us in on what you're talking about, exactly?" Fphant asked.
"The sorceress is regretting giving me super-hearing," I told them. "Now shush while I pester the sorceress to find out what else she did to me."
The sorceress visibly paled at the word "pester".
"Where were we?" I wondered aloud. "Oh yes, photowhosity and super-hearing. What else did you do?"
If it was possible for the sorceress to hide inside her bottle I think she would have. Why is she so scared? I'm not scary, just curious. "There's a list of changes over on my desk," she said shakily.
I looked to where she was pointing. Since when was there a large mahogany desk in here? I certainly didn't notice it earlier.
Sure enough, a sheet of paper titled "experimental and highly dangerous procedures to run on that fool" rested atop the desk.
At the top of the list was "cure pain allergy", at least she remembered what the original purpose was, that's good. Below that was a list of several dozen various things. I saw "photosynthetic skin" and "highly acute hearing" near the top of the list, but a few other items caught my eye.
"Magnetic hooves?" I wondered aloud, then my eyes wandered lower. "Regeneration talisman? Toxin filter? Skeletal reinforcements? What am I? Some sort of unkillable cyborg from a post-apocalyptic wasteland? Why do I need this stuff?"
The sorceress, apparently she calmed down when she realized I wasn't going to pester her, was prompt to answer. "You don't technically need any of these alterations, per se, but you're such an interesting subject. I would hate for your stupidity to get you killed before I had the chance to study you."
"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence." I rolled my eyes. Why is she concerned about my safety? I don't go charging into dangerous situations recklessly or anything!
"You're very welcome," the sorceress said with a grin. Can't tell if missed the sarcasm or simply messing with me.
"I, for one, am surprised you were able to do all of this in such a short amount of time," Unique put in while reading the list over my shoulder. "What does "Excess energy expulsion system" even mean?"
Did the sorceress just blush? I think she just blushed. Why did she just blush? "Well," she explained, scuffing the floor with a hoof, "I'll admit I got the idea for that one from a comic book." Really? I quirked an eyebrow. This sounds good. 
"Basically your body will produce more energy than it needs to survive, and I thought to myself, 'what can I do with that excess energy?'" I think I see where this is going. "I got the idea that the energy could be stored in a sort of battery, then fired out in a blast of telekinetic force through the host's conduits of magic." Telekiwhat?
"You lost me a bit there," I said. "Could you put it in simpler terms for me?" Ah, good "your a moron" look, we meet again.
"She said you can fire lasers from your hooves," Fphant stated. Really? That's so cool!
"More or less," the sorceress agreed. "Judging by the look on your face you're wondering how you do it, am I right?"
I nodded eagerly, lasers are cool! I wanna know how to do them!
For a moment it looked like the sorceress wasn't going to tell me, but she finally relented. "Fine, if I'm going to give you an ability I might as well teach you how to use it. Just, try not to hurt anyone with it, okay?" She glared at me.
I put on an innocent look. I totally wasn't miming shooting Unique in the face or anything. Nope. 
The sorceress's glare held up for a few more seconds before abating. "It's rather simple, really, since I took the liberty of hooking up your new additions to your central nervous system." Is it just me or does she like to hear the sound of her own voice? "To activate your excess energy expulsion system just thrust your hoof out as if you were to strike something and imagine you're trying to hit the air beyond your reach."
Alright, sounds easy, let's do this. I immediately lifted a hoof up and thrust it out. To my amazement and utter glee a bright beam of energy shot out from the end of my hoof towards where I was pointing.
I also happened to be pointing towards where the sorceress's head just was. "Whoopsie," I chuckled, smelling burning hair as the sorceress stood back up, "guess I should look where I shoot, huh?"
"Indeed." She looks rather mad. "Next time you test something like that, would you mind not aiming for my face?"
"Sure thing, boss. Where should I test it out?"
The sorceress thought for a moment, then her horn flashed. "I've moved an old archery target into the basement. It should be able to take anything you can throw at it." 
"Thanks," I smiled. She'd gone from trying to kill me to letting me fire lasers in her home in just a couple of days. At this rate she'd soon be handing me the key to Equestria or something. I started to head out when I realized one very important fact. "Where's the basement again?"
She sighed, she facehoofed, and she wearily waved a hoof towards a staircase. "Thataway."