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// Why do people like pretty numbers? 978 is way better than 1000. 
// Story: Destination: Thataway! 
// by Hawattie 
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	The inside of the sorceress's testing chamber looked absolutely nothing like I thought it would. Instead of the cold steel walls and technological apparatuses I was expecting, I was faced with what looked like someone's living room. Carpeted floors and a plush-looking couch with a side table and lamp next to it.
To say I was confused... well, more confused than normal, would be an understatement.
"Hey, am I in the right room?" I asked the walls. If the sorceress can talk to me when I'm miles underground she can talk to me when I'm in the next room over.
"Yes, you're in the right room," the sorceress replied. I could almost hear her roll her eyes. Almost. "The room is designed to make you feel more comfortable. Take a seat on the couch and we can begin."
I did as she asked, finding the plush-looking couch to be just as plush as it looked. "The more relaxed you are the easier this will be for both of us," the sorceress told me. I settled into the cushions a bit more and plopped my head onto one of the couch's arms.
It might have been my imagination, but I thought I heard a faint hissing noise, like the kind a valve makes when it leaks gas into a room. Probably nothing to worry about. If something was going wrong, then the sorceress wouldn't be telling me to relax, right? She'd be telling me to do something, like... I dunno, panic? Evacuate? Dance?
Potential emergency procedures aside, that was a really comfy couch. I think I would have had a nap on it if given the chance.
"Now count backwards from ten in your head." Oh look, more instructions. Albeit strange instructions; it almost sounded like she was trying to anesthetize me. Well, the sorceress hasn't steered me wrong yet, so I complied with the odd instructions.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Uhh, what comes after seven again? Oh right! Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
"Done!" I declared. That wasn't too hard.
"What?" the sorceress sounded taken aback, like my answer was unexpected or something. Geeze, she tells me to do something and then acts confused when I tell her I've done it? And people call me oblivious.
"I said I'm done with your task," I repeated. "I almost got stuck in the middle there, but I pulled through." Really, it was quite the accomplishment. I feel proud.
A moment passed before I heard Fphant's slightly-muffled voice, "He can't see you, you know."
"I know," the sorceress said, "but I need to do something while I figure out what happened."
What would I need to see her fo- Oh! "Is she giving me the 'you're a moron' look?" I asked.
"Yep," Fphant said. Booyah! Point for me! "Honestly, I would too if I thought it would help. Really, how do you almost mess up counting from ten?"
"Carefully."
"..." I think Fphant's giving me the "you're a moron" look now, despite his previous words. "I'm going to stop talking to you now." Probably for the best, I'd hate to see him hurt himself by thinking too hard.
"Say Unique," the sorceress said, "do you have any documentation on the effects of your thunderbrew?"
"Sure do," my bartender friend replied. The voices were replaced by the sound of shuffling papers for a moment. 
Wait, where'd Unique get those papers from? He doesn't have a bag or anything and he sure wasn't carrying them around with him... Am I not the only one who can break logic around here?
"Alright, that explains why my knockout gas didn't work," the sorceress declared after a bit. Knockout gas? She was trying to anesthetize me! And they say I'm not observant. "Let's see if this works!"
A large panel opened up in the ceiling and several spindly metal arms lowered down towards me. My first reaction was to try to shy away from the scary-looking contraption, but I found my efforts to escape thwarted by several thick metal bindings which shot out of the comfy couch at the first sign of movement to hold me securely in place. Just to drive the point home, the spindly arms suddenly sprouted various sharp and point implements from their tips. One had one of those spinny circular saw, one had some sort of drill, and another had what looked like a bolt cutter.
I was a tiny bit scared at that point, unable to move away from the slowly approaching contraption. Really, that's the sort of thing which happens in a sci-fi/horror flick. "What the hay is that thing?" I asked frantically. No matter how much I struggled the metal bonds held fast. I really need to work out more.
"Say hello to the ponyviscerator-seventy three," the sorceress announced with more than a hint of pride in her voice. Fortunately the arms halted their advance at her words, allowing me to calm down a bit.
I gulped. That's a rather intimidating name. "Hello ponyviscerator-seventy three," I shakily greeted the machine. It didn't return my greeting. I would call it rude, but I don't think it would care.
"I suppose you're wondering what it is the ponyviscerator-seventy three does," the sorceress stated. Well not really, the name kinda speaks for itself.
"Uh," I interrupted timidly, "I hate to interrupt..." I heard a funny sounding cough from Fphant which probably contained some exclamation of disbelief hidden within. "...But could you stop saying its name so much? It's making me nervous."
The sorceress heaved a great sigh of consternation. I could picture her rolling her eyes. "Fine, but only because you asked so nicely."
"Thank you," I let out a soft sigh of relief, "please, carry on."
"As I was saying," the sorceress continued. "This device used state-of-the-art technologies to take a pony apart to their individual components while specially made magical fields keep the pony alive. Once disassembled, any problems there may be with the pony, whether natural, unnatural, or otherwise, can be treated and the pony is reassembled when done."
"That sounds complicated," Unique said. And dangerous, I mentally put in. "Why not just perform normal surgery?" I completely agree with Unique, why do we have to use the big scary machine?
"Well we could use the boring method," the sorceress said. "But I haven't got the chance to use this yet, and I wanted to give it a go."
"You're sure this is safe, right?" I asked. I didn't really want to be the test run for some unused piece of equipment... not that I really had a choice.
"Of course I'm sure it's safe!" Despite the sorceress's immediate answer she didn't sound too sure of herself. "Well, more like eighty-six percent sure, but who's counting? Beside's, it'll be fun!"
"You and I have a very different view of fun," I mumbled.
Either the sorceress didn't hear me or she didn't care. "Enough dallying!" The arms resumed their approach. "Let's get this show on the road! We've got Science to do, and it's going to come from Thataway!"