Bill sighed as he walked around town, wondering who to ask.
Bill put his hoof on his chin, "Maybe I should ask Cotton. He's a WWII veteran AND KILLED FIFTY MEN!
Most of the ponies stared at him when he mentioned the "fifty men" thing. Some backed away from him.
Bill decided to head to Sweet Apple Acres to ask Cotton.
Sweet Apple Acres
When Bill arrived, he saw Cotton with a basket of apples.
Cotton smirked and said, "Hello, Fatty!"
Bill saluted and said, "Good morning sir! Permission to ask you a question?"
"Permission granted." Cotton replied.
"Sir!" Bill said. He wondered how he was gonna tell Cotton how to pull a cruel prank on two little brats. "How would you pull a cruel prank on two little brats?" Bill asked.
Cotton chuckled and shook his head. "Is this about that Diamond sumthing and Silver Whatshername?" he said as he still remembered when he first met them...
Flashback
Cotton was bored as hell as he was trying to sell apples.
"I hate selling frigging crap... Two apples for 2 bits! Ya wouldn't find a better deal somewhere else!"
"Blank flank! Blank flank!" Said a taunting voice nearby, which caught Cotton's attention.
Cotton turned around and saw a pink-furred filly and a silver-furred filly pointing and teasing Applebloom, an orange Pegasus filly, and a white unicorn filly, who were all the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Cotton raised an eyebrow at the 5 five fillies as a mare came up to him.
"Can I have 3 apples, please?" She asked.
Cotton, without looking at the mare, threw her four apples and walked towards the five fillies. "On the house, sweetcheeks." He muttered to the mare.
Cotton approached the five fillies and calmly said, "Alrighty, what's going on?"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at Cotton while the pink-furred filly, Diamond Tiara, held her nose up in the air and said, "None of your business, Gramps!"
The silver-furred filly, Silver Spoon, did the same thing. "Yeah! Mind your own business!"
Cotton let out a smirk. "Tough luck honey. I just made this mah business. And don't call me Gramps! I'm Cotton Hill! And I killed fiddy men!"
Silver Spoon snickered as Diamond Tiara let out grin. "You didn't tell me you had a crazy grandpa, Applebloom."
Cotton let out a scrowl and calmly said, "Let's get one thing straight, princess. I ain't her granddaddy. I got a grandson who can kick your ass, and he stinks at sports! Also, don't call me crazy. OK, Pinky and Silvie?"
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at each other and rolled on the floor, laughing.
Cotton just shook his head and turned around to the Crusaders.
"Ya'll alright?" Cotton asked them.
The white unicorn, Sweetie Belle, and the orange filly, Scootaloo, both nodded with a small smile on their faces.
"Thanks, Mr. Hill, for standing up for us," Applebloom said.
Cotton smirked. "No problem! And call me Cotton. Now run along, you three. I'll take care of these two."
AppleBloom smiled. "Thanks Cotton. Maybe we'll get a cutie mark just like yer cutie mark for being brave" she said as the three girls walked away.
As the Cutie Mark Crusaders left, Cotton turned to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who were walking away.
"See ya, Gramps!" Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon shouted as they let out a laughter.
Cotton grabbed an apple he had, and threw it at Diamond Tiara.
As the apple hit her head, she turned around with a furious look, and saw Cotton running away.
"See ya, Sweetcheeks!!!" Cotton shouted as he ran away, howling with laughter.
Now
Cotton let out a chuckle.
"What is your opinion on how to pull a prank, sir?" Bill asked.
Cotton sighed and shook his head. "Sorry soldier." he said. "Don't know a thing or two about pranks..."
Bill shrugged and walked away, wondering who to ask next...and he knew who to ask!
Carousel Boutique
Bill walked in the shop and was a tad bit disappointed that Rarity isn't here.
Despite that, he saw Boomhauer, standing around, looking at Rarity's dresses.
Bill smiled and waved. "Hi Boomhauer!" Bill said.
Boomhauer smiled. "Yo." he said.
"Hey Boomhauer." Bill said. He wondered how he was gonna tell Boomahauer how to get revenge on two bullies. "How would you get revenge on two bullies?" Bill asked.
Boomhauer blinked. "Bullies, man? Dang o' don't know any bullies, yo man. Wait a minute, I tell you what. You mean, those two lil' fillies, man. You know dang o' it don't, sumthing Tiara and sumthing Spoon, or something, I tell you what, man yo, yeah."
Flashback
Six mares were running around, in search of something.
As they ran somewhere else, Boomhauer, who was hiding in a trash can, came out and sighed happily.
"Man, dis dang o' Dawn of the Dead and Land of Beautiful Women, man. I tell you what, women want a piece of dang ol' Boomhauer man. Yo, Viva La Equestria, man, heh heh."
All of a sudden he heard something.
"Blank flank! Blank flank!" Said a taunting voice nearby, which caused Boomhauer to turn in the direction the voice was coming from.
He saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon teasing the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Boomhauer shook his head and ran to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
"Goddamn, man, what in goddang you two girls doing man? Dang ol' misbehaving lil' gals is something I just don't like man, I tell you what."
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stared at Boomhauer and started to giggle.
"Hey Silver!" Diamond Tiara said, giggling. "Duh! I tell you what! Der! Duh! Dang ol' Blah!" she said, intimating Boomhauer's voice. Silver Spoon started to laugh.
Boomhauer started to get angry. "Hey man, what in dang ol, think ya doin' man!-?" He shouted to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. "Who in god dang told ya two about manners, man? I tell you what, man, parents didn't raise you right man. Man, mah parents like I don't know man, raised me right yo. Dang ol' take me to your parents man, I wanna have a lil' chat wit them, I tell you what man. Dang ol', I don't know, man dang git, teach you some god dang manners, man yo, I tell you what man. God dang man, ya two girls making me mad yo. Just like that one time, I tell you what, when that social worker man., leaves me cause I kept talking man. I tell you what the Mason 2500 man, didn't dang old listen man. Fire chief blamed Chet Elderson and Old Smokey man, it was dang old Gribble, I tell you what, plagiarism yo. Dang ol' whopping crane killed, WOO-LOO-LOO, man, ranger didn't check damn cooler, yo. 1000 dollars that this incident gonna happen again, I tell you what, phoenix man. Then that dang old one time..."
As Boomhauer continued talking, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon just shook their heads and laughed.
"C'mon Silver." Diamond Tiara said to Silver Spoon. "Let's leave dang old weirdo to himself, I tell ya what!"
They started to giggle and walked away.
As Boomhauer continued to talk, AppleBloom and Scootaloo looked at Sweetie Belle.
"Hey Sweetie Belle." Scootaloo said. "You know this guy, right?"
Sweetie Belle nodded nervously. "Uh yeah..." she said.
AppleBloom smiled. "He's actually pretty cool!"
Sweetie Belle was surprised. Scootaloo nodded. "We should get cutie marks for talking funny and making ponies laugh!"
Sweetie Belle smiled. "Yeah, we should. Thanks for the idea Mr. Boomhauer!" she said as the Crusaders left.
"Then that dang ol' light came on mah bedroom and, I tell you what..." Boomhauer stopped talking when he realized he was all alone.
He shook his head. "Yo." was all he said.
Now
Boomhauer shook his head.
"How would you pull a prank on them?" Bill asked.
Boomhauer put a hoof on his forehead. "Damnit Dauterive. What you dang old pulling pranks man. Don't play on dem level man. Dang old YOU becoming the bully, I tell you what."
Bill sighed. "You don't know? That's OK. Thanks anyway."
As Bill left, Boomhauer rolled his eyes.
"Dang old idiot man." He muttered.
Bill decided to ask one last person before giving up.
Fluttershy's Cottage
Bill looked around and was more disappointed that Fluttershy wasn't there.
"Ah man." Bill groaned. "I really wanted to see one of my favorite ponies..."
All of a sudden, he heard a crash inside the cottage.
"God damn it Angel!!!" Kahn shouted. "Eat yer goddamn carrots before I shove them up yer ass!!!"
Bill walked inside as saw Kahn chasing Angel around the house.
Eventually, Kahn got tired and stopped running. Angel stuck out his tongue before running away.
"Fine!" Khaahn said as he took a big bite of the carrot he had. "I'LL eat the carrot! Oh yeah! That's good! That hits the spot!! That..."
He stopped when he saw Bill standing there.
Kahn spit out the carrot and glared at Bill. "Dauterive! What do you what?!"
"Uh..." Bill said. He wondered how he was gonna ask Khan how to teach 2 girls a lesson. "How would you teach 2 stupid dumb meanie girls a lesson?"
Kahn blinked. "Wait a minute. You mean that pink and silver ponies teasing those Crusaders or something?"
Flashback
Kahn was in town, taking a good walk.
"Thank God I'm out of that house. Fluttershy's a good girl, but I would rather have Hank mow my lawn with his hillbilly lawnmower than to get along with Angel..."
"Blank flank! Blank flank!" Said a taunting voice nearby, which caused Kahn to turn his head around.
Kahn shrugged it off. "Not my business" he said. Just when he was about to walk away, he heard somepony running towards the taunting voice.
Kahn turned around and was a surprised to see Dale running at Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and the Crusaders.
"Hey!" Dale shouted. "What do you two girls think you're doing?"
Diamond Tiara looked at Dale and smirked. "Hey, didn't you break that fire hydrant that one time?"
Khan chuckled to himself. "Gribble broke a fire hydrant? I gotta remember that one" he said to himself.
Dale let out a glare and even took out his glasses. "That's it. Prepare to be annihilated by a lethal combination of martial Tai Chi, Kung Fu, Ba Gua, Krav Maga, and Taekwondo...Shi Shawwww!!!" he said as he got in his unique fighting position "Now grab my arm, one hoof on my wrist ,and one hoof on my elbow, and it's gotta be right on the elbow or it won't work."
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon just stared at him and then looked at each other before they exploded in laughter, falling to the ground.
Dale just shook his head and turned to the Crusaders.
"You girls OK?" He asked.
Scootaloo smiled. "Yeah. We're fine. Thanks again Mr. Gribble."
Ever since Dale came to Ponyville, he was like a father figure to Scootaloo and a close friend to AppleBloom and Sweetie Belle.
"No problem. And please call me Dale." Dale said with a smile.
Dale frowned at Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. "C'mon girls," he said to the Crusaders. "Let's leave these two alone."
As Dale and the Crusaders left, Kahn just shrugged.
"Waste of time," he said to himself. "Though that pink girl and silver girl kinda remind me of those Canterlot ponies. Man I still wanna 3-hole-punch that pony..." he said as he walked away.
Now
Kahn just sighed. He needed a 3-hole-puncher.
Bill scratched the back of his head.
"So any ideas?" he asked.
Kahn shook his head.
Bill just shrugged. "Uh...OK...I guess." he said as he left.
As Bill left, Angel quickly threw a carrot at the back of Kahn's head.
Kahn felt the impact of the carrot and furiously rubbed the back of his head.
"Someone's gonna be a bunny dish..." Kahn said in a cruel tone as he slowly grabbed a lamp.
Bill sighed. He still doesn't have a plan.
He headed for Sugar Cube Corner.
As he got there, he noticed that no pony was there.
He scratched his head in confusion.
"Hello William Fontaine de la Tour D'Haute Rive"
Bill suddenly stopped and almost had a attack attack.
He turned around and saw the source of the voice, who was walking towards Bill.
"You're...YOU'RE...!" Bill said as he began to sweat.
"The one and only..." the stranger said with a smile.
Bill let out a weak, hearty laughter. "I finally met Discorrrr..." he muttered weakly as he fainted humorously.