//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 (Pinkie Pie) // Story: Gryphonies // by gryphon88 //------------------------------// Spike whistled. “Dang. Man, I can’t wait to see that.” Applejack let out a harsh laugh. “Hopefully neither of us have to wait too long, sugarcube. Ah’ll se ya later.” Applejack and Pinkie bid their farewells, and parted ways. Pinkie bounced down the street, her new wings making her able to bounce much higher than before. “Hee hee hee! This is so much fun!” She began to make her way towards Sugarcube Corner. The average pony is not racist. I know, hard to believe. But despite old, long-standing racial tensions, between the tribes of ponykind and the various species that populated Equestria, it was general practice to be friendly, at least at first, to anyone you met. Granted, there was that whole seven-year-war with the Gryphon Nation, (not yet the Republic, recall) so that put a bit of a negative light on that species, in particular. Still, ponies did their best. So when Pinkie gleefully bounced down the streets of Ponyville, she was the subject of a few odd glances and stares, and many a whispered word. However, nothing more than that. She proceeded towards her home and place of work without interruption. The bell above the door to the Ponyville bakery jingled, and Pinkie Pie bounced through it. Pinkie was mainly focused on baking at the moment, because she was a little late for work and was super-duper excited to make some cupcakes because she hadn’t gotten the chance to make cupcakes today (except for her standard two-dozen morning cupcakes that she bakes for practice) (and then another dozen she made for breakfast) and had some really cool ideas on the train about how to decorate them and stage them for parties and- Needless to say, the pressing matter of ‘telling your employer that you changed species’ slipped her mind, and Pinkie joyfully bounced behind the counter, and back into the kitchen of the Cakes’ fine establishment. Mr. Alexander Nigel “Carrot” Cake, with his tall, lanky stature, sat behind the counter, waiting on customers and reading the paper. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a pink shape, bouncing into the bakery, and head directly towards the back. Without moving his head, he said hello. “Oh hey Pinkie. How was Canterlot?” Pinkie stuck her head out of the kitchen door to respond. “Ooh, it was great Mr. Cake! We spent a lot of time waiting on gryphons, then waiting as gryphons, so that’s why I’m so late, sorry. But I had lots of good ideas for cupcakes on the train! If I get em done fast, we can sell some to the evening crowd!” She disappeared back into the kitchen. Carrot Cake nodded, his eyes still glued to the newspaper. Then his thoughts caught up with him. Wait did she say ‘as’ gryphons? He looked up from his paper, and stared forward for a moment. “...Nah.” He went back to reading. Inside the bakery, Pinkie hummed to herself, putting together the ingredients she needed to make a really nice batch of cupcakes. Eggs, flour, water, all into a bowl. Wow, these hands are really nifty! It’s like I can actually grab things instead of unrealistically balancing them on my hooves! Sugar, lemon zest, green dye. Pinkie mixed the ingredients together, marveling at how fast she could now whisk, and steadily began pouring them into cupcake pans. I wonder if they’ll taste any different because I’m a gryphon now? Or will they taste the same? OOH, I wonder if there are any gryphony foods I can try?! With practiced ease, she slid the pans into the oven, and shut the oven door, setting a timer for the appropriate amount of minutes. Maybe I can ask Papa? Oh no Papa’s get really mad if he saw me like this he always got really upset when gryphons came up at dinner. Pinkie drummed her talons on the counter. There was a batch of colored frosting already made, in the fridge, so she didn’t have anything to do for the half-hour or so that it took to cook her treats. Pinkie smiled. I know! I’ll say hi to Pumpkin and Pound! They usually get up from their naps around now and they’ll be really happy to see me. Pinkie bounded up the stairs, giggling once again. In once quick movement, she was at the door the the twins’ room, peering inside quietly. A children’s room greeted her. Blue carpet, strewn with many toys and packages of diapers and things. Walls papered with a whimsical repeating design of animals performing pony tasks, such as a rhino brushing its tusk or a lion braiding its hair. Cup Cake was asleep on the large armchair, her face planted into a picture book. The twins were on their backs in the crib, rolling about, flailing their little legs as though they had just awoken. Which, Pinkie assumed, they had. Careful not to wake the sleeping Mrs. Cake, she leapt towards the crib, and looked inside, grinning like a cheshire cat-bird. “Heeeey little guys! It’s your Aunt Pinkie!” The twins looked upwards. There, they beheld the Great Pink One of Yore, Giver of Smiles and Things To Chew On. Seeing her, they smiled, giggled, and raised their tiny arms. They noticed that the Great Pink One looked a tiny bit different, and maybe sounded a teensy bit different, but there was no disguising that bubbly energy in her voice. Pinkie swept the two babies up in her arms, being careful not to get them anywhere near her sharp talons. They gurgled and laughed, and otherwise did normal baby-like things. Pinkie smiled. “Oooh, look at you cuties. You recognize Aunt Pinkie, yes you do!” She bounced them a bit. “Did you guys have a nice nap? Hmm? Does somepony need a diaper change? Huh?” Pinkie sniffed them. “No? Wow, you guys are the best! Cutest little babies ever!” Pinkie declared, swinging them around. “Though I have the weirdest urge to preen you both. Hmm.” While Pinkie was coddling the two youngsters, Mrs. Cake decided that right then would be the perfect time to wake up. The blue mare’s eyelids flittered open, and she yawned, stretching her limbs wide. “Ooh, what a nice nap. It’s always a relief to catch some sleeping time with these two-“ She fell short as she saw her two children. In the claws of a gryphon, who was smiling like a maniac. Remember when I said most ponies aren’t racist? Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Most of them are a tad racist. Well, a lot racist. But they try not to act on their racist tendencies, and, in fact, do their very best to prove that they aren’t racist, because that will get you fired. As such, a little bit of Cup Cake’s mind was a bit scared of gryphons. Not a lot, mind you, (she did throw a party for one in her own bakery) but enough to make her heart quicken a teensy bit when she saw one. Then, she saw one holding her children. Granted, if she only took a second she could probably figure out that this gryphon was her employee, given the coloration and gleeful smile, but her children were at stake, Celestia dammit! She wasn’t in her right mind! She was also a little bit racist. Teensy weensy bit. “Let go of my children!” she bellowed, quickly rising to her hooves. Pinkie turned to see Mrs. Cake awake, and smiled even wider. “Oh, hiya Mrs. Cake! I saw you were asleep, so I thought I’d take care of the-“ “Put them down, gryphon!” she spat. Pinkie’s face fell for a moment, before remembering. “Oh, right! Silly me! I forgot to tell you! When I was up in Canterlot, there was this-“ “Put them down!” Pinkie flinched backwards at the sudden ferocity of her employer. Silently, she deposited the two babies back into their crib. The children cried out and reached up for Pinkie again, but she did not comply, her eyes still fixed on Mrs. Cake. “...Mrs. Cake?” Mrs. Cake was trembling. “Now get out of my house, you monster! Why were you touching my children!?” Pinkie’s voice wavered. “...Mrs. Cake, it’s m-me, Pinkie.” The elder mare blinked. “...Pinkie? Why would you claim-“ Then, suddenly, Cup Cake had a revelation. The gryphoness in front of her was PINK, with CURLY HAIR FEATHERS, and was very SMILEY and was currently BEGINNING TO CRYoh dear Pinkie’s crying. Mrs. Cake’s face softened as regret washed over her. She beheld Pinkie, who, (despite being a gryphon) was sitting on the ground, tail wrapped around her paws, looking up at her with drooped ears, watery eyes and a trembling beak. “Oh, Pinkie! That is you!” Pinkie sniffled, and hung her head down, looking at the floor. Mrs. Cake’s heart broke into a thousand tiny little pieces. She immediately went down on the ground beside the hurt gryphon, wrapping her hooves around her. “Pinkie, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that.” Pinkie leaned in on Mrs. Cake’s hug. “Th-thanks, Mrs. Cake. I’m sorry, I-“ “Oh no no dear, you have nothing to apologize for!” Mrs. Cake assured. “I’m the one who overreacted. I was just surprised, that’s all.” She chuckled. “You look quite a bit different, my dear.” Pinkie managed a weak smile. “Hehe, yeah. There was some sort of magical swirly accident thing up in Canterlot. We uhh...” she trailed off. Mrs. Cake frowned. “What’s the matter sweetie?” Pinkie sniffled, wiping her beak with one claw. “Are you like my papa? He always gets mad when ponies mention gryphons or the w-war and maybe-“ “No.” Mrs. Cake affirmed. “Pinkie, listen to me. You are still you, and nothing is going to change that, okay? No matter what you look like, you are you.” She pressed a hoof on Pinkie’s feathered chest. “Nothing matters but that. Understand?” Pinkie nodded. Mrs. Cake smiled. “Good. Now, come on. You have baking to do and I have mothering to do.” Mrs. Cake remained upstairs, while Pinkie Pie happily returned to her baking, downstairs. The lemon-lime cupcakes were turning out fantastically, and she set them out to cool on the kitchen counter, before frosting them. Mr. Cake walked in through the kitchen door, newspaper tucked under his arm. “Heya, Pinkie, are those lemon-lime? They look deliiii...” He trailed off, staring at Pinkie. The pink gryphon noticed and, not wanting a repeat of upstairs, looked Mr. Cake in the eye. “Mr. Cake. It’s me, Pinkie.” “...Pinkie.” “Yup!” She beamed, and returned to cleaning up. Mr. Cake nodded, silently, before continuing. “Well, okay. We open for afternoon in an hour. Can you man† the counter?” Pinkie nodded. “Yupperooni!” “Good, I’m going to fill out an order for a wedding cake back here. Call me if you need me.” Pinkie smiled and began to decorate her cupcakes. She was very pleased to find how remarkably easy it was, to squeeze the paper cone with the frosting over the cakes, using her talons. She gave them a very decorative, white-and-green design, and arranged them artfully on a plate. Pinkie, do you know what the best number is? Pinkie thought, eyeing the cupcakes happily. No, Pinkie, I don’t. What is it? Baker’s Dozen! Pinkie Pie grabbed the thirteenth cupcake and popped it into her beak, chewing happily. The cupcake was warm and moist, the limey cake mixing delightfully with the sugary frosting. She munched on the treat for a moment, discerning the flavor. Hmm, a bit too sweet for the lemon, but that’s okay! I’ll just do better next time. Pinkie arranged the cupcakes onto a platter, and slid them into the display case. She then set about the busy, satisfying work of cleaning up the bakery for the afternoon hours. You see, in a bakery, there are many odd hours in the day. Generally, they open very early in the morning, to sell morning pastries, coffee, and the like. The bakers themselves have to get up even earlier, just to get all these treats ready, so they’re hot and fresh for the morning crowd. These treats generally last until a few hours before lunch, give or take. When the last of the morning crowd finally clears out, the bakers begin to work on the next batch of treats, for later in the evening. They don’t make as many, as there isn’t as high a demand as there was in the morning, but they continue to make a small amount of treats, to satisfy the slow but steady flow of customers. In the intervening hours, many bakeries stay open, serve coffee, maybe some stale doughnuts. The Cakes, however, have two small children to contend with, and instead close their doors for a small amount of time, to deal with work and raise a family. Pinkie was preparing for the second shift of the day. Mr. Cake had already cleaned the tables, just after closing, so Pinkie went around and refilled napkin holders, pushed in chairs, and swept the floor. It wasn’t a hard job, but it made her excited to open Sugarcube Corner for business. As she was sweeping, a pony walked in the door, the bell above the shop door jingling. “Hey, Pinkie, here to drop off those orders.” Pinkie looked up to see Bonbon, occupied with carrying a large brown paper bag, bulging with candies. Pinkie smiled, bouncing over to her. “Oh, neat! I’m going to use those cherry caramel thingies on a cake order we got. Angel-food cake and caramel-butterscotch drizzle. What’dya think?” Bonbon spat out the bag on the table, breathing a sigh of relief. “That sounds delicious, actually. Maybe I can work off the pounds I’ll get from it if you order more-“ It’s a bit of a routine, you see, when someone discovers that the pony they’re talking to is no longer a pony at all. They glance at the pony in question, cut off in the middle of their sentence, then have some sort of amusing reaction. “...you’re a gryphon.” Pinkie blinked. “...Yes?” “Huh.” Bonbon sat down on the ground. “How did that happen?” Pinkie waved a claw. “Some sorta magical thingy when we were up in Canterlot for the survey.” “Survey?” Bonbon asked. “Like that one Applejack does every year?” “Yeah!” Pinkie grinned. Bonbon whistled. “Freaky.” She shook her head. “Man, that must be weird. How does everything taste?” Pinkie frowned. “Taste? What do you mean?” Laughing, Bonbon began to remove the individual packages of candy from the brown bag, working as she spoke. “Well, gryphons can eat different things. Things should also taste different, right?” Pinkie shook her head. “Well, I haven’t noticed any-“ Suddenly, the pink gryphon’s eyes shot wide open. “Wait, gryphons can eat different things?!” Bonbon nodded. “Yeah, didn’t you know? Gryphons are omnivores.” Pinkie’s jaw dropped. A million ideas raced through her mind at once, while Bonbon continued talking. “Though I can’t imagine why anypony–excuse me, anyperson–would want to kill another creature just to eat it. And it’s interesting, actually, all evidence says gryphons should be carnivores, but their stomachs have-“ She was interrupted as Pinkie grabbed her by the arm and began to pull her across Ponyville. “Uh, Pinkie? Where are we going?” Pinkie laughed. “Fluttershy’s, dummy!” “...Why?” “There’s a whole new world of flavors that has just opened up to me.” Pinkie smiled wickedly. “I have to try everything.” Fluttershy’s cottage was literally the most idyllic place in the world. A humble shack, but clean, with a sod-grass roof, and charming wooden structures. It had a tiny bridge over a creek, and several willow trees around it, which supported various nests and burrows for all sorts of cute and friendly creatures. Songbirds of various colors often roosted there, to sing their whistling tune. Sunlight filtered through dust in the trees, and visitors often found themselves admiring nature where they would not have thought to look before. In fact, Fluttershy’s cottage was SO idyllic, that it came under investigation by the Equestrian government. EBI officials suspected some sort of magic at work, or perhaps a foreign influence, or even a foreign spy, casting a spell of non-suspicion. However, whenever agents were sent out to scope the cottage, they began to feel like they were talking too loudly, discovered some antique architecture on an overgrown veranda, graciously accepted some green tea from Fluttershy, and before they knew it they had been there for three hours, enjoyed many cups of tea and even a pastry, and walked out wishing they could get a painting of the place. When said agents returned to Canterlot to give a report, they reported nothing of interest, aside from a small recommendation to start a window box garden with some mint, as it was easy to grow and will make your entire apartment smell nice. Bonbon pursed her lips nervously, as she walked alongside Pinkie Pie to the front door of the picturesque home. “Pinkie, you can’t just barge in and ask for meat products. That would be a bit intrusive.” Pinkie bopped her friend with a wing. “No, of course not! That’d be as out-of-place as a bunch of forced jokes about recreational drugs.” My weed jokes are funny, none of you understand. “And besides, once I explain it to her, I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to help.” Bonbon shrugged. “Alright, alright. But how do you even know she had any meat to begin with?” “I’ve seen her!” Pinkie gestured to the fields around the cottage. “She has all of her animal friends over, and she feeds them when they’re sick, and she has a bit of this slimy red stuff to feed them.” “I guess that makes sense.” Bonbon sighed. “Just, try not to scare her.” They arrived at the door. Pinkie raised a knuckle and rapped it on the wood, then stepped back and awaited a response. A few moments later, the door slid open. “Oh, hello, who is-“ Fluttershy’s eyes connected with Pinkie’s and Fluttershy screamed and closed the door. Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Heya, Fluttershy, it’s me, Pinkie!” “Go away!” Fluttershy shouted. (and by ‘shouted’ I mean ‘managed to say kind of loudly’) “You’re not Pinkie Pie! Pinkie’s a pony.” “Nnnnope!” Pinkie giggled. “Not anymore! There was some sort of magical doohickey incident up at Canterlot, and now I’m a gryphon!” Very slowly, Fluttershy peeked her nose out the door. “...Really?” “Yeah!” Fluttershy looked her friend in the eye, then quickly looked away again. “Prove it.” Pinkie Pie hummed, drumming her claws on the pathway. “Well, I know you keep a picture of Iron Will in your-“ ‘Okay!” I believe you!” Fluttershy practically shouted, jumping out of the door. (Practically shouted.) Bonbon raised an eyebrow, a small smirk playing across her face. “Where do you keep that picture?” Fluttershy blushed. “Nowhere! I don’t have a picture!” “Rrrright. And I don’t make candy.” Fluttershy shuffled her hooves. “Oh, excuse me, where are my manners? Please come inside.” She escorted Pinkie Pie and Bonbon into her cottage, where they sat down in a pair of large, comfortable armchairs. Fluttershy disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a tray of green tea, which she set on the coffee table before them. “So, erm, Pinkie...” Pinkie bounced in her seat. “Yes?” Fluttershy bit her lip. While she wasn’t racist, (I know! Big surprise.) the only other time she had met a gryphon, it hadn’t gone down well. There had been tears. As such, she was a bit nervous around Pinkie Pie’s new form. “...You seem to be handling this well?” “Oh yeah!” Pinkie nodded. “Everypony seems to be fine with it! I mean, they’re all surprised at first, but then they realize it’s me and it’s fine!” Her seemingly eternal smile faltered a bit. “...Except for Mrs. Cake, she got a bit angry when she saw me with the twins. B-but it’s fine now!” Fluttershy cast an inquisitive glance at Bonbon, who merely shrugged. “Well, that’s nice. But don’t Sugarcube Corner’s afternoon hours start soon? What are you doing here?” “Aha!” Pinkie declared. “Well, I was getting ready, when Bonbon walked in and told me that gryphons are omnibus!” “Omnivorous,” Bonbon corrected. “Yes, you see, Pinkie Pie is under the impression that you can acquire some meat for her.” Pinkie nodded. “Yupperooni! I’ve never had it before because I don’t think I could digest it but now I can and I’m eager to try!” “...Oh.” Fluttershy quietly took a sip of tea. “Well, um, I don’t think I have any for you, Pinkie. I’m sorry.” “Aww.” Pinkie pouted. “Why not? You had some to give to that bear.” Fluttershy shook her head. “No, that was Mr. Bear’s own supply of meat, that he collected himself. I got some of it when he was sick, but that was part of his own store.” Pinkie scratched her chin for a moment. “Hmm... Alright, where do I get meat?” Fluttershy sipped her tea quietly. “Well, I don’t think there are any markets in Ponyville that sell that sort of-“ “No no,” Pinkie rebuffed, waving a wing. “I mean I’ll just get my own! Naturally!” Bonbon and Fluttershy exchanged a panicked look. “Umm, Pinkie,” Bonbon inquired, “I’m not sure-“ “Where does it come from, anyway? Meat trees?” The two ponies let out a sigh of relief. “No, Pinkie,” Fluttershy informed her. “Meat comes from animals. Didn’t you learn that in school?” “Really?” Pinkie asked, scrunching up her face. “Do they leave it on the ground? Should I check Gummy’s litterbox for it?” Bonbon slammed a hoof to her face. “No, Pinkie, meat is animals. The muscles of any animal are meat.” “Ooooooh.” Pinkie nodded, slowly, looking off into the distance. “...wait, really?” “Yes.” “...But that means I’d be eating dead animals?” Bonbon nodded fervently. “Yes! Yes, Pinkie. Meat is dead animals.” Now, Bonbon was hoping, wishing, with all her might, that Pinkie would realize what a disgusting thing it is, to be eating the flesh of brutally murdered, innocent creatures. That Pinkie would forever give up the idea of eating meat, (which she very much regretted accidentally giving to her) and go back to making pastries. Dear readers, I am not a vegan. “Sounds good! Say, Fluttershy, any of your friends die recently?” Bonbon’s eyes widened, and she gripped the arms of her chair with her hooves. Fluttershy glanced around nervously. “Umm, I’m not sure.” “Aww, come on!” Pinkie smiled, leaning in close to the pegasus. “Pretty please? I’m sure you have lots of dead animals, just sitting around, waiting to be eaten!” “Uhh...” “It’d be better than just burying them, maybe?” Glancing around nervously, Fluttershy made a decision. She had grown accustomed, long ago, to the idea of carnivores, and the fact that many of her adorable animal friends ate her other adorable animal friends. However, she would only tolerate the loss of life in such a way when it was necessary. In a fit of self-confidence inspired by a large, rugged, and particularly dashing minotaur, Fluttershy put her hoof down. “I’m sorry, Pinkie, but no.” “No?!” Pinkie responded. “No. I’ll feed meat to my animal friends, but I only do that when it’s necessary, and I won’t do such a thing when you can be perfectly healthy eating fruit and vegetables.” “Aww!” Pinkie whined. “Pleeeaaase?” “No.” “Pretty Please.” “No!” Pinkie got on her knees and clasped her hands together, looking up at Fluttershy with pleading eyes. “Pleeeeaaaa-“ “No!” Fluttershy daintily threw a dainty hoof onto the coffee table in a dainty fit of anger. “No is no, Pinkie. I’m sorry, but I feel very strongly about this.” “Ugh, fine.” Pinkie crossed her arms, faking anger. “I guess I won’t eat meat.” Fluttershy’s angry face dropped, and she reached over and gave her friend a hug. “Oh, I’m sorry Pinkie.” Pinkie smiled, throwing her new, clawed arms around the pegasus. “I’m not really mad at you, silly! I understand.” They broke off, and Pinkie smiled again. “Welp, we’d better be going. Need to start for afternoon hours, and all that. Come on, Bonnie.” “Well actually,” Bonbon replied, “I was hoping I could finish my-“ She was interrupted as Pinkie once again grabbed her and dragged her out the door. “Thanks, Fluttershy! Seeya later!” “Bye Pinkie! Bye Bonbon!” Fluttershy waved at them out the door, as the gryphon and pony disappeared over the hill. Bonbon, (once again moving under her own power) shook her head. “Well, I’m glad this whole ‘meat’ thing is over with. I know you were excited, but-“ “What?” Pinkie said, shaking her head and smiling. “This meat thing isn’t over with, silly filly.” “W-what do you mean?” Bonbon shivered, nervously eyeing the pink gryphon. “What do you think I mean?” Pinkie slid in close to Bonbon, rubbing up alongside her. “We’re gonna find something dead, even if it kills us.” She looked Bonbon directly in the eye, a manic grin overcoming the fierce, pink face, the focused yellow eyes piercing their way into Bonbon’s soul. “I want to taste flesh.” Bonbon began screaming. She screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and ran away, screaming and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and I’m typing each of these out individually y’all better be grateful and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and- Pinkie looked on in disbelief as Bonbon ran into the distance, screaming. “Huh. I guess she had some important candy-making business to get to.” The pink gryphon looked forward with resolve. “Alright, let’s see. I bet I can do this, right? I just have to find somepony with a dead pet or something. This should be easy!” Knock knock Pinkie smiled, as the door to the small house opened. “Heya, Sunflower!” Sunflower, a brown earth pony, peered carefully at the gryphon before her. “...Pinkie?” “Yup!” Pinkie smiled. “Sorry to bother you, but do you have any pets that happened to have died recently?” Sunflower blinked. “Nnno... Why do you ask?” “Well,” Pinkie scratched the back of neck innocently. “I want to eat them?” SLAM Pinkie blinked at the closed door. “Well, that wasn’t very nice.” “I want to eat them.” The young filly started crying, clutching her house cat tightly. Her mother cast a furious look at Pinkie, before once again slamming the door shut. SLAM Pinkie scratched her chin. “Hmm, maybe I’m going about this wrong.” “But I must ask, what would you want a dead pet for?” The stallion asked, casting a suspicious eye on the pink gryphon. “Well,” Pinkie began, “As you know, I wasn’t a gryphon this morning. Now, a pair of very influential ponies is working on a way to revers this–well, not so much ponies, anymore, but you get my idea–and so, I was thinking about my dilemma here–not so much a dilemma, as an interesting circumstance–“ “Just get to the point,” the stallion said, irritably. “Anyway, as a practitioner of the culinary arts, I was hoping to maybe prepare and sample a portion of-“ SLAM Pinkie groaned. “Man! Why is this so hard? I just want to take somepony’s dead pet and eat it.” “Hello, Sir, my name is Pi-“ “Damn beakies! Get out of my town!” SLAM “Well, that wasn’t very nice.” “Oh, I get it, you want to expand your pallet!” Pinkie nodded excitedly. “Yes!” The mare nodded. “I totally understand. In your position, I would have done the same thing!” “Yes! Yes! Thank you, you’re the first person in town to not slam the door in my face!” “Oh, don’t mention it.” The mare frowned. “Though, I don’t have any recently deceased pets for you, sorry.” Pinkie frowned. “Oh. Ah well, thanks anyway.” The mare smiled. “Not a problem! Nice to see you again, Pinkie!” SLAM Pinkie blinked. “...Um, alrighty then.” Pinkie sullenly cantered through the center of town square, her head hung low, her wingtips low, dragging across the dirt. All around her, ponies happily bustled around in their business, waiting and ready to open the afternoon market. Pinkie huffed. “Nopony has any dead pets for me. Either that, or they’re just meanies.” She sighed. “Meat can’t be this uncommon! It’s absolutely ridiculous!” Pinkie Pie threw her head up in the air. “What does it take to FIND SOME CORPSES AROUND HERE!?!” All around her, ponies froze, and their heads all simultaneously swiveled towards the pink gryphon. Pinkie saw them all, and smiled. “Oh, hey! Can you give me your corpses?” Beat. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!” Ponies began screaming their heads off, running around in all directions. Pinkie frowned, watching them go. “Hello? Was it something I said? Where are you all going?” Now, this seems like an amusing situation. Poor Pinkie Pie, unintentionally scaring the wits out of dozens of ponies (and probably giving weight to the gryphonic paranoia that would plague a certain apple farmer a few minutes later) and being completely clueless about it. However, consider Pinkie Pie. Pinkie is a party pony, and it is her greatest delight to know and make happy every singly pony (or gryphon) (I’m not racist I swear) she happens to meet. She truly loves to make her friends smile. And here she is, now, alone in a courtyard, after dozens of ponies she loved to make smile ran away from her, screaming in fear. And Pinkie Pie, the innocent dear that she is, has no idea why. Poor, poor Pinkie Pie. “Wh-where did everypony go?” Lower beak-half-thingy trembling, Pinkie once again hung her head, and headed for Sugarcube Corner. The walk was slow and sullen, with Pinkie dragging her paws, wigtips, and tail on the ground, leaving five parallel lines in the dirt. When she finally arrived at Sugarcube Corner, she pushed the door open without looking up, and continued sullenly through the bakery. Mrs. Cake, who was arranging pastries in the window, noticed her come in. “Oh, Pinkie. There you are? Are you okay?” Pinkie looked up, and Mrs. Cake saw that the pink gryphon was close to tears. “Ooh, Pinkie. Were people scared of you today?” Silently, Pinkie nodded. Mrs. Cake shook her head. “Oh, dearie, I’m sorry. Want to tell me about it?” Pinkie sighed. “No, Mrs. Cake, it’s okay. We open in a few minutes. I-I should get to work.” At that moment, Mr. Cake came in from the back. “Honeybun, we’ve got- Oh, hey Pinkie. You alright? I heard about what happened.” Mrs. Cake frowned. “What happened?” “She went around, looking to try some meat. Only, it didn’t, ah, occur so well.” “Meat? Whatever would make you want to try meat?” Pinkie shrugged. “Well, Bonnie came in, to drop off some candies, and she told me how gryphons are anonymous-“ “Omnivorous.” “-so I thought I could try it. You know, expand my pallet. B-but I guess it didn’t work.” The Cakes nodded, sympathetically. “Oh, dearie, I’m sorry.” Pinkie sniffled, smiling softly. “S’fine. I should get ready to open, though, so I should really-“ “Y’know, I have some meat downstairs, if you want to try it,” Mr. Cake offered. Pinkie’s ears perked up. Mrs. Cake looked at her husband like he was crazy. “What?” “Yeah.” Mr. Cake shrugged. “I had a gryphon buddy when I was enlisted. He used to stop over pretty frequently, so I kept some meat on hand, in case he ever stopped by.” He grinned. “Got pretty good at cooking it, too, if you’d like me to show you.” Pinkie smiled wide. “Oh, yes please! Yes! Thankyou thankyou thankyou!” She jumped forward and squeezed Mr. Cake tightly. “Thankyou!!!” Mrs. Cake shook her head. “Alright, Pinkie. Why don’t you take today off, I’ll man the counters.” “Really?” Pinkie asked. “Sure! I just dropped the twins off at daycare, so I’m free.” “Eeee! Thankyoutoo!” Pinkie switched her death-grip hug from Mr. Cake to Mrs. Cake. Mr. Cake fell to the ground, grasping at his chest and trying to breathe. Mrs. Cake endured the hug for a few seconds, before patting Pinkie on the back. “Let go of me now, dear.” Pinkie dropped her employer, and Mr. Cake hobbled to his feet. “Alrighty then, Pinkie, let’s go make you a burger.” The Basement of Sugarcube Corner. That sounds like the title of a Cupcakes ripoff, doesn’t it? Maybe. I’ve never actually read Cupcakes. Regardless, the basement was nothing particularly special. Aside from the fact that it was for a bakery. A low-ceilinged, concrete room, with lots of wooden shelving, and a few bare lightbulbs, dangling overhead. The shelves were filled with things like spare bags of flour, cupcake papers, frosting nozzles, and all of the things that a bakery would need more of. Pinkie followed Mr. Cake, as he went to the backmost shelf, and pulled out a large, metal box. He took it and put it on the small folding table, that was positioned in the center of the room. “Alright, Pinkie, do you know what this is?” Pinkie shrugged her wings. “A box?” “...Well, yes. However-“ He drummed a hoof on the top. “This is no ordinary box. This box... is magic.” “Okay.” Pinkie said. Mr. Cake blinked. “...Mmmmmmaaagic!” “Yeah.” Pinkie nodded. “Magic box, got it.” “Isn’t that cooooool?” Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Mr. Cake, there are magic boxes all over. And a whole bunch of magic other things. It’s not exactly uncommon.” Mr. Cake huffed. “When I bought this, enchanted items were really expensive! They had to be imported from Canterlot!” Pinkie giggled. “Okay, Mr. Cake. Whatever you say.” “Anyway,” he continued, “this box is magic. It’s a magic freeze-box.” “So it’s cold?” “No,” he replied, “it doesn’t freeze with ice. It freezes with time. When I put the lid on the box, time inside of it stops.” “Ooooh!” Pinkie’s eyes widened. “Neato!” Mr. Cake nodded, smiling. “Yep. I use it to store some very rare & perishable items. Including a few packages of grade-A beef.” Pinkie paused. “That’s weird, I have a friend named Beef. He’s a cow. Tough Beef.” Mr. Cake blinked. “...what a coincidence.” There was a pregnant pause. “Welp, let’s open this thing. Give me a hoof, would you?” Pinkie grasped the lid of the metal box with her claws, and together they pulled on the lid, until it pried open. As soon as the lid came off, a loud clang came out of the box. Pinkie shot Mr. Cake an inquisitive look. He waved a hoof. “That’s from when I put the lid on, last time. The sound was still in there.” They peered inside. The smooth metal container held several wrapped packages of paper, a number of small glass vials, sealed with wax, and a tiny baby kitten. The kitten looked up at the two, meowing softly, and tripping over its own paws. “...Mr. Cake? Why do you have a cat in this box?” “Oooh, that’s Mr. Whiskers!” Mr. Cake cooed, picking up the tiny kitten and petting it gleefully. “I got him one day, but Cup Cake wouldn’t let me have a cat in the apartment. So I put him in here.” Pinkie blinked. “But, you don’t live in an apartment.” “Oh, well, not now. This was a good fifteen years ago.” He nodded towards the box. “The meat is marked with an ‘M’. Go ahead and pull it all out.” Pinkie retrieved each of the paper packages, placing them on the surface of the table. They felt soft, like they held dough inside, but the paper was cool in her hand. Mr. Cake replaced Mr. Whiskers in the box, and closed the lid. The slid slammed onto the box without a sound. They replaced the box on the shelf, and, Pinkie Pie with meat in hand, ascended the stairs, back into the kitchen. Once upstairs, they could hear Mrs. Cake handling customers at the storefront. “Oh, that’s a relief,” Mr. Cake sighed. “I was worried ponies would try to avoid Sugarcube Corner because of your little incident-” A mare stuck her head, warily, into the bakery door. She spied Mrs. Cake. “Psst! Mrs. Cake! Is Pinkie Pie here?” Mrs. Cake pursed her lips. “Umm... No?” The mare smiled, opening the door wide. “ALRIGHT GUYS, COAST IS CLEAR!” She walked into the bakery, with throngs of ponies coming in behind her. “-now let’s get cooking.” Mr. Cake pulled up a cutting board, a knife, several pieces of vegetable, two sandwich buns, noseplugs, and some mayonnaise. Evidently, Mr. Cake had spent quite a bit of time cooking for his army buddy. Pinkie watched in awe as he expertly prepared the meat, cooked it until its sizzling aroma sizzled off of the griddle, through Pinkie’s nose and into her heart, and arranged it all into the most tantalizing sandwich Pinkie Pie had ever seen in her short, sugary life. He called it a ‘burger’. ‘Dhig inh,” he said, his voice oddly muffled by the noseplugs. “Thorry, I can’th thtand the thmell.” Pinkie took the sandwich in her claws. An odd mixture of hot meat juice and mayonnaise dripped onto the plate. Experimentally, she took a bite. Dear reader. Dear, dear reader. Have you ever had a burger? I mean a good one. Not even gourmet, those are always too rich. I mean a burger. Meat, lettuce, onions, mayo, bread, tomato, the works. It’s incredible. And that was exactly what Pinkie Pie was tasting, as her very first experience with sizzled animal flesh. (I once again remind my readers that I am not a vegan. Sorry, vegans.) Pinkie was overloaded with the sensation. In three short bites, the burger didn’t exist anymore. Mr. Cake whistled. “Good?” “Amazing.” Pinkie licked her beak, smiling. “What else can you make with meat?” “Come here, I’ll show you.” Mr. Cake showed Pinkie Pie how to prepare meat and how to cook it and tenderize it and yadda yadda you all know how meat is supposed to be prepared. I’m sure you do it frequently yourself, dear readers. (I once again apologize to my vegan readers. Today is just not your day.) “So, that’s about it,” Mr. Cake replied. “Other than that, you can just get creative. From what I hear, it goes well with a lot of things-“ Pinkie put a hand over his mouth. He looked at her inquisitively. “Shh,” she said, staring off into space with a vacant expression. Mr. Cake made a curious noise. “Shhhh.” Pinkie continued to stare ahead blankly, before words began to gently escape her beak, in a sort of melody, a haunting tune of a once-familiar song, given a new, harrowing life. “...cupcakes, so sweet and tasty, cupcakes...” Suddenly she sprang to life, jumping into the air. “CUPCAKES! DON’T BE TOO HASTY! CUPCAKES CUPCAKES CUPCAKES!” She shot Mr. Cake a brilliant smile. “I’m going to make meat cupcakes!” Mr. Cake nodded. “Seems like the logical thing to do.” He frowned at the sudden airborne nature of his employee. “Say, try not to break too many things while you’re up there.” CRASH “Well, I tried. Have fun Pinkie, I’m going to go relieve my wife of counter duty.” He gave a small wave, and departed the kitchen towards the storefront. “Haha!” Pinkie cried, not-so-gently landing back on the ground. “Alrighty then, let’s make us some meat cupcakes!” “Those were the most disgusting cupcakes I ever had!” Pinkie cheerfully declared, dumping a small tray of brownish-colored blobs into the trash. “Let’s try that again.” Pinkie chewed one of the new meat cupcakes thoughtfully. “Hmm...” She scratched her chin as she decided on the flavor. “The flavor’s questionable, but I think it would taste better if I could manage to chew it.” She spit it out, where the greyish pastry bounced against the floor, and back into the air, hopping around the bakery like a superball. Pinkie coughed as she cleared her face of ash. Before her was a scorch mark, and a few twisted pieces of metal. “Welp, it’s a good thing the Cakes have oven insurance.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to go a different route with this.” Almost two hours later, Pinkie Pie, covered in grime and sweat, stared with satisfaction at the pastries she had made. After the first few attempts, she had determined that putting the meat flavor into a pastry was a futile effort. So she had gone a different route. Instead of making a meat batter, she instead used the meat as a filling, after first stewing it in a sweet, tangy sauce. It took her a while to get the correct type of pastry, to make the outside. She eventually settled on a sort of croissant dough. She then figured out how much to cook the meat before baking it, with the dough. Before her were six flaky, buttery, meat pies. They seemed to radiate with Celestia’s light at their magnificence. (Celestia was having her own problems of a similar nature at the moment. But that’s for later.) Pinkie took one up in her hand. It felt soft, and the golden bread flaked off in her hand, a gentle, warm crisp, that reminded her of everything she loved about baking. Slowly, she took a bite. If there were any two things that were made to be eaten together, Pinkie thought, it was bread and meat. The pie tasted like warmth, a savory explosion of deliciousness, comparable to winter nights by a warm fire, or enjoying the company of strangers in an inn in the Trottingham hills. (I am so so sorry, my vegan readers. So sorry.) Pinkie relished in the the flavor for a second more, before devouring the rest of the pastry in a few swift bites. She immediately reached for another one, but as she was bringing the meat pie to her mouth, she stopped. Hmm, I only have five of these left. I want to be sure there’s enough to share! Oh, Pinkie. You can always make more! Maybe. I don’t have a lot of Mr. Cake’s beef left. Pinkie once again scratched her chin. “I’ll give these to my friends, then see how many more I can make.” She smiled. “Good thing I only have two friends who can eat these!” Pinkie grabbed a pastry box, and quickly wrapped up her five remaining treats, packing them neatly within. She turned and bounded out of the kitchen, and into the storefront. Sugarcube Corner, which was bustling with patrons, enjoying a pastry and perhaps a cup of coffee, suddenly was joined by a pink gryphon. They all stopped and stared, the pleasant din of the shop silencing, as the horrible gryphon that had terrorized the town, earlier that afternoon, bounced through the shop, and out the door. The stunned silence continued for a moment more, before the patrons all returned to their eating. Pinkie bounded down the road, giggling, ignoring the occasional panicked yelps of nearby ponies. I suppose I could go head over to AJ’s first... but maybe I should stop by the library before I go all the way out there! Maybe I should- Before she could finish her thought, a brown stallion bolted past her, his saddlebags bulging with apples, emitting a low, steady yelling sound. He didn’t notice Pinkie Pie, even as she looked after him curiously. Looking back to where he was running from, he spied, to her delight, an orange gryphon wearing a stetson, behind an apple stall, along with a tiny yellow filly. Pinkie Pie bounded towards them, package of treats in tow. “APPLEJACK!” Applejack, suddenly finding herself beak-to-beak with Pinkie, jumped backwards. “H-hey there, Pinkie,” she said, startled. “What’s up?” Pinkie grinned even wider. “Eat this!” Not waiting for a response, Pinkie shoved one of the meat pies into Applejack’s maw. Applejack chewed, and Pinkie could see the flavors explode in her friend’s mind, as the orange gryphon’s eyes rolled backwards in delight. “Pinkie, this’s amazin! what is this?” Pinkie giggled. “That’s a surprise, silly. Just enjoy it!” Smiling manically, Pinkie Pie began to hop away. Awesome! She thought. Now I just have to get to Twilight’s! This is going to be so great! Four pies left. Pinkie Pie came into sight of the Library. She smiled, bounding up to it, raising a knuckle to rap on the door. Just as she was headed towards the door, it opened, revealing Twilight Sparkle, gryphon. The purple gryphon was heading out the door, and collided headfirst with Pinkie Pie. With a simultaneous “oof!”, the two gryphons stumbled to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Inside the library, Spike broke into fits of laughter. Rainbow Dash, curiously, did not. The pegasus was standing in the library, besides Spike. She snickered a bit, but primarily went over to the two. “Hey, you guys alright?” Twilight slowly pulled herself to her feet. “We’re alright, Rainbow, thank you.” She graciously accepted Rainbow’s help as she regained her balance. Pinkie Pie smiled upwards. “Heya Twilight! Oh, and heya Rainbow! Didn’t seeya there!” Without any assistance, Pinkie was to her feet in an instant. Twilight chuckled. “Hi, Pinkie. How are you holding up?” Pinkie giggled. “Oh, I’m great! I was a bit bummed this morning, but I’m feeling better now! Especially with these treats I baked!” She produced the box, containing the pies. Twilight and Spike’s eyes both widened at the scent. “Wow!” Spike exclaimed. “That smells amazing! What is that?” “That’s a surprise! Here, try it!” Pinkie handed one of the pies to Spike, who took it eagerly. Twilight panicked. “Wait, Spike, don’t-!” Spike ate the pie. As he chewed, the enjoyment he got from the treat was made evident on his face. “Oh, man,” he said with his mouth full. “This is amazing! New recipe?” Pinkie giggled. “Here, Twilight, try one!” She held out a pie. Twilight grimaced, eyeing the pie warily. “Erm, I don’t think I should.” Pinkie frowned. “Aww, why not? Please? Pretty please?” Sighing, Twilight took the pie in her hand. “Pinkie, is this meat?” Spike and Rainbow both flinched a little at the word. “...meat?” Spike asked. Pinkie, who was still smiling, nodded. “Yup! Mr. Cake had some in storage. When I got my hands on it, my first instinct was to make cupcakes, of course!” She shrugged. “These are more like mini pies, but it’s close enough.” Twilight looked at the pastry in her hand, twisting her beak with indecision. Poor Spike was beside himself, and he had to sit down. Pinkie gave Twilight some begging eyes. “Plllleeeeaaaase? Noperson was hurt making it, not even any recently deceased pets! Just try it?” Twilight sighed again, and shot Rainbow a glance. Rainbow just shrugged. The purple gryphon ate the meat pie. And I realized I would never write anything serious in my entire life. Twilight closed her eyes as she ate, different emotions fighting on her face. Pinkie thought she saw a smile, but she wasn’t sure. Finally, Twilight swallowed. Pinkie was shaking in anticipation. “Well?” Begrudgingly, Twilight nodded. “It was good, Pinkie. ...Really good.” She wasn’t smiling. Pinkie frowned. “What’s wrong?” “It’s nothing, just...” Twilight shook her head. “There are these farms, in the Gryphon Republic.” “Okay...” “And basically, it’s a cow farm. The cows there live lives of luxury, with everything they would ever want to eat or read or do, for a set amount of time. The shorter time they’re there, the more luxury they’re given.” Pinkie frowned. She could see where this was going. “And, well,” Twilight continued, “when their time’s up, they have a big party with the rest of the cows, and then they go to this big house, where they’re given a shot, and...” She trailed off. Rainbow looked horrified. Twilight looked sad. Pinkie and Spike looked positively mortified. (There you go, vegan readers. Now everyone who enjoyed the other bits feels bad.) “But-but-but,” Spike interrupted, “B-but they choose to go there, right? Like they’re poor or something, or they’re in a bad position, and that’s why they go, yeah?” Twilight nodded. “Well, yes. But still.” Pinkie Pie sat on the floor. Her time as a gryphon was becoming less and less fun by the minute. “That makes sense, I guess. I mean, gryphons have to eat.” Pinkie sighed. “But I don’t have to like it.” Silently, she pushed the box with the two remaining pies in it onto the table. Spike scowled at it, before incinerating it with a puff of green fire. “Sorry about your pies, Pinkie, but I didn’t send those to Celestia.” Pinkie folded her arms. “It’s fine.” “AND WHY IS THINE TAIL SO LONG?!” Luna bellowed. Before she could finish her thought, a puff of smoke swirled in front of the blue gryphon. She flinched, but there was no explosion this time. Instead, an open pastry box materialized, containing two small pies. “Huh.” Rainbow coughed, inconspicuously. “Uhh, Twilight?” She tapped her wrist with a hoof. Twilight nodded. “Right, right. Uh, sorry Pinkie, but we’ve got to go.” Pinkie perked up again, trying to forget the earlier conversation. “Oh, okay! Where you guys headed?” Twilight and Rainbow exchanged a glance. “Ehh, boring egg-heady stuff, Pinks,” Rainbow replied. “Nothing interesting.” “Oh, okay.” Pinkie smiled. “Well, I guess I’ll see you guys later then. Have fuunnnn!” Pinkie winked, and bounded out the door, into the evening air. Once she was gone, Rainbow glanced at Spike, who was still sitting down. “Alright, no more subtle hints. Get lost while I make bedroom eyes at your boss-mother,” she whispered. Spike rolled his eyes. Pinkie happily strolled through the cool, night air. The vendors were currently clearing out their stalls and packing up, too exhausted from a day’s work to be bothered to scream at her. The pink gryphon found herself wondering what to do next. Hmm... I wonder what Rarity’s up to? Giggling to herself, Pinkie spread her wings, and jumped into the air. The nighttime air felt wonderful on her outstretched feathers, and she began to glide towards Carousel Boutique. After a few minutes, the dome-shaped building was in view, and Pinkie landed on the roof. Why should I use the door? She thought. Dashie always uses windows. With a laugh, Pinkie clambered into an open window. She found herself in Rarity’s bedroom, which remained dark “Huh,” Pinkie wondered aloud. “I wonder where Rarity is?” CLANG Pinkie crumpled to the floor, leaving nothing but a faintly-ringing skillet where her head was, hovering in a light-blue glow. From out of the shadows, Rarity stepped, her horn glowing. “Damn beakies,” she whispered. Pinkie Pie slowly regained consciousness. As her eyes grew into focus, she discovered she was tied to a chair, in the downstairs rotunda of Carousel Boutique. Before her, Rarity was poised at a battle stance, her horn alight. Twilight stood in front of her, the purple gryphon’s claws raised, glowing with a staticy white aura. Rainbow stood behind Twilight, her wings flared, ready to jump at a moment’s notice. “I knew it!” Rarity screeched. “None of you are to be trusted! It was all a trick!” “Rarity!” Sweetie Belle shouted, angrily. Pinkie turned and saw her at the top of the stairs, looking down on the scene. Rarity turned to face her sister. “Now now, Sweetie Belle, I told you to stay-“ Twilight’s claws glowed brighter, and suddenly the Boutique was filled with a giant explosion.