//------------------------------// // S2E11: Hearth's Warming Eve // Story: My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic // by swirlstar //------------------------------// Season 2 Episode 11 – Hearth’s Warming Eve Mayor Mare’s Office, Ponyville The Agenda: 1. Securing additional relief for Ponyville. [ ] 2. LONG TERM - Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ] “We need more money.” Finance Secretary Bit Coin emphasized her point with one determined clap of her hooves. Mayor Mare kept her eyes on the scrap of paper. “Everypony needs more money, Ms. Coin.” “Ponyville needs it more than most,” the chestnut pony declared, the temptation to add personal commentary fast overwhelming her. “Of course, if you hadn’t used our last fundraiser to resurface your front drive… ” “I heard you and Captain Force will be going to Las Pegasus for New Year’s.” “Well, where am I supposed to stay while they rebuild the house?” The Finance Secretary gestured nonchalantly. “But that’s beside the point. We’ve been putting off housing reconstruction for far too long. Winter’s nearly here.” “We still don’t have enough money for full reconstruction, Ms. Coin.” The chestnut pony smiled. “Well Ma’am, I have a plan.” “Do you?” The Mayor raised an eyebrow, relieved that the burden of making one was not going to fall on her. “I promise this time, we’ll really commit the proceeds towards reconstruction.” “Sure. Whatever.” A small folder slid across the lacquered table. “We should do the Canterlot Hearth’s Warming Eve Show.” The tan pony scanned through the mass of leaflets and forms. “Interesting,” she mumbled. “So how can we get money from this?” The sales pitch resumed. “Well on the one hoof, we can bill it as a charity show. Raise more money for valiant little Ponyville to survive the winter. And on the other hoof, in Canterlot we can directly petition Her Highness for more relief. Two birds with one stone.” “I see.” The reasoning was straightforward enough. “Let’s do that.” * “Her Highness will definitely give us the position without question,” Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon confirmed. “Extenuating circumstances, you understand.” Mayor Mare nodded. “So that’s Part One. Now how can we ensure that ponies will donate? Or watch, for that matter.” “Obviously, Ms. Sparkle and her friends have to be the draw card,” the bureaucrat explained. “So they’ll be the main characters for our play. That’ll attract the volume. And as for donating… well… ” He passed a thin stack of papers to the tan pony. “The script. Not your usual Hearth’s Warming Eve narrative. Really your bog-standard Hearth’s Warming Eve play, just with all the violent bits cut out. And a lot more references to cold.” The tan pony’s complexion darkened. “I don’t see how those help our cause.” The Mayor’s subordinate winked. “That’s the subtlety of it, Mayor,” he elaborated. “We emphasize cold to remind ponies of our terrible, terrible plight! So many of Ponyville’s citizens, defenseless against the biting winter chill- “ “I get it,” the tan pony said, wondering how many radiators could have been purchased had LegCo not decided to renovate the Chamber’s front façade. “And the lack of violence?” “Family friendly. Mayor. We do want the volume,” the aristocratic stallion replied. “Besides,” he added. “You know Her Highness. She always wants to focus on the ‘Harmony’ side of the tale.” Mayor Mare chuckled. “Are we censoring our history for the benefit of the Princess? You’re making her sound like King Sombra.” The gray stallion shrugged. “You do want Her Highness to give you the money, right?” The politician wisely decided to evade the issue. “So,” she continued. “Anything else I should be aware of?” “Hmm… ” Crimson Ribbon searched his brain. “Ah yes. We’ll need to generate good reviews to build up hype. So we’ll need to choose carefully whose critics we’re going to let see the initial show here in Ponyville.” The answer was obvious. “Why, the Ponyville Express, of course. They’re bound to give a good review.” Silence. “Just the Ponyville Express?” the gray stallion prodded. Mayor Mare answered like it was the most natural thing in Equestria to say. “Why, yes.” * Ponyville Schoolhouse, Ponyville Filthy Rich was not amused, as was depressingly the norm. “Why isn’t my Tiara getting a role in the Hearth’s Warming Eve show!” he thumped his hooves onto Cheerilee’s desk, making a few unsightly dents in the hitherto-pristine surface. “Why. Isn’t. She!” The cerise pony rolled her eyes. “I’ve told you over and over again, Mr. Rich. I’m not in charge of this production. And you know the show starts tomorrow.” That, as predicted, did not take the kettle off the boil. “Well, tell the Mayor that I need my baby up there! Don’t you understand how important this is to her CV?” “I fully comprehend, Fil- Mr. Rich,” the schoolteacher lied, not really grasping the point behind outfitting a resume for a grade-schooler. “But as I said, this is out of my hooves.” “Well, you should…!” The industrial magnate had had it with peaceful negotiations. “Ms. Cheerilee,” he advanced menacingly. “You don’t want to be the pony who ruined this play, do you?” The cherry-maned pony’s eyes narrowed. “This play is for Ponyville, Mr. Rich,” she growled. “And frankly, if you hadn’t taken funds to build a new swimming pool- “ “Nice new microscope I see you got there, Missy.” “It’s for the kids, Mr. Rich. You spent way more- “ “Save your sanctimony. Diamond Tiara will get a place in that play.” Cheerilee wasn’t one who bowed that easily to threats, especially those threats which she had no capability to ameliorate. “I can’t, Mr. Rich.” The millionaire leant ever closer. His breath stank. “You can’t.” The cerise pony widened her eyes. “I can’t.” These old enemies faced off once again, the cold wind blowing, the dying leaves rustling, the world coming to a halt around them. Filthy Rich broke off first. “You’ll regret this, Cheerilee,” he threatened. “You’ll regret this.” Mayor Mare’s daughter had heard it all before. “Goodbye, Filthy Rich.” * Mayor Mare’s Office, Ponyville Slap. The sound of a newspaper slamming down on the newly-furnished table. “You know,” Mayor Mare pointed an accusatory hoof at the Express, “We should really charge Filthy with treason.” Crimson Ribbon shrugged. “Alas, giving biased reviews is generally not included within even the broadest interpretations of the Act.” The tan pony re-grabbed the rag in a fit of fury. PONYVILLE’S NEW HEARTH’S WARMING PLAY A GUARANTEED FLOP, the Arts page screamed. 0.5/5. “Poor characterization… more concerned with cheap jokes than telling the glorious history of Equestria’s founding… bad special effects… ” Mayor Mare rasped as she ripped the offending text to pieces. “Sometimes I don’t understand why I want to be Mayor.” The gray stallion shrugged. “Philosophy is the least of your problems. With such a bad review – from a Ponyville paper no less – we might have to- “ Riing! Mayor Mare picked up the glistening telephone receiver. “Yes?!” Bit Coin’s voice emanated from the speakers, loud and strident. “What the hay, Mayor!” “It’s not my fault, Bit!” the bespectacled mare defended herself. “Filthy must have- “ “Why didn’t you just agree to whatever Filthy asked of you, Ma'am!” the chestnut pony screeched. “Why are you making my job so difficult!” “Filthy didn’t ask me- “ “Oh, Celestia, I don’t really care about excuses!” All sense of decorum had evaporated from the exasperated Finance Secretary. “Now nopony is going to go to this play! We’ll lose money, and we’ll be the laughing-stock of Equestria!” “Ms. Coin, calm down- “ the gray-maned mare began. “No, I will not calm down!” the voice on the other end was close to mutiny. “LegCo’s going to blame me for this fiasco!” “Ms. Coin!” Crimson Ribbon joined the melee. “Calm down!” “I just said, I won’t- “ “I have a plan, Ms. Coin!” the Secretary for Administration reassured. “I have a plan!” That cooled down the chestnut pony. “What plan?” The redoubtable bureaucrat’s mind was spinning again. “Okay, so the reviews weren’t great; but we can still create atmosphere.” “Atmosphere?” Mayor Mare asked. Crimson Ribbon paused for effect. “You know, the atmosphere that comes with a lot of ponies watching a play. We could just transport an audience in from Ponyville to Canterlot.” “What?!” Bit Coin instinctively roiled against the suggestion. “You want us to lose even more money?” “Money is secondary,” the Secretary for Administration declared. “Not being seen as total idiots is the key thing. We can always get the money somewhere else- “ “You mean from Her Highness,” Mayor Mare postulated. “Yes. We’ll need to ramp up the royal flank-kissing. Like replace the flag at the end – you know, when they unite together in harmony and stuff – with the present-day Equestrian flag. The symbol of Her Highnesses and everything.” “You think that’ll work?” Bit Coin asked skeptically over the phone. Crimson Ribbon smiled. “It’s the little things, Ms. Coin. The little things.” * Royal Canterlot Theater, Canterlot The applause had not yet stopped before Mayor Mare had sidled up to the Princess Celestia. “I hope you enjoyed the play, Your Highness,” she enquired sweetly. The alicorn herself was still clapping. “A job most well done to the cast, Mayor,” she stated. “I have to say the Express’ review was most unjustified.” The tan pony curtsied, buttering up Her Highness just a bit more. “I cannot express how relieved I am that you find the play good, Your Highness.” Wrong move. The ruler of Equestria frowned, her hooves abruptly shuddering to a halt mid-clap. “I didn’t say it was good,” she corrected her subject. “I said the play was acted well.” Mayor Mare’s heart skipped a beat. “W-what?” she stuttered, her brain desperately trying to reset itself. The Princess’ frown deepened at the insolent reply. “You do realize that your play committed lese-majeste.” Any more beat-skipping and Mayor Mare would be going into cardiac arrest. “W-what… I-I didn’t m-mean… h-how… ” “Act Two, Scene Two.” The Princess gritted her teeth in evident displeasure. “Clover the Clever claims that the other pony tribes would ‘see reason’.” The tan pony was too petrified to enquire further. “R-right.” “You do realize that, as it turns out, the other pony tribes didn’t see reason.” “W-well… ” Mayor Mare stammered. “T-they d-did ev-eventually.- “ “That wasn’t what Clover the Clever predicted. She predicted that they would see reason during their first meeting.” “R-right.” The connection to lese-majeste was still non-existent. Her Highness was unrelenting. “You do realize that the historical Clover the Clever never made a wrong prediction.” The Mayor nodded in frightened assent. “So really, you have unfairly besmirched Clover the Clever’s name through that one sentence.” “B-but,” the bespectacled mare finally found the courage to squeak. “W-what has th-this got to d-do w-with lese-m-majeste?” Another tense moment as Her Highness considered the Mayor’s impudent request. “I am descended from Clover the Clever,” she revealed. Kill me now. “Oh, a thousand apologies, Your Highness!” the Mayor quickly threw herself down onto the sovereign’s hooves, groveling around in the dirt like a filthy maggot. “Please, we didn’t mean to- “ The ruler of Equestria smirked. “It seems as if Ponyville is not that keen with my rule- “ “Please, O Mighty Princess!” Terrified tears were rolling down the politician’s cheeks. “Forgive us your ignorant subjects! We had no idea that line meant so much to you!” Again she knocked her head against the floorboards, too mentally weak to view the dread aura of the Princess. Applause from downstairs was slowly dying as the Ruler of Equestria considered her options. She culminated her thoughts with a long sigh. “I understand that this was an intended error,” she stated at last. “And I am willing to forgive you that.” The Mayor’s heart started beating again. “Oh, thank you, thank you, O Wise Princess!” she exclaimed gratefully, leaning down and kissing her sovereign’s hoof repeatedly. “May you live forever and ever!” Princess Celestia was numb to these sort of platitudes. “I do trust that you will endeavor not to commit these mistakes again,” she said. “Oh, never; oh never O Ruler of the Sun!” Mayor Mare adulated in between kissing sessions. “Ponyville would never dream of going against your will!” “Good.” The alicorn’s hoof drew out of the Mayor’s embrace. “Anything else to ask about?” The bespectacled mare had just escaped with her life: no way in Tartaros was she going to stick her neck back in there, certainly not for a measly Emergency Fund request. “N-nothing, O Great Princess; thank you, thank you again…” “Good.” Princess Celestia broke out into a warm smile, relieved that her devious little plan had actually worked. It was impossible that Ponyville would still be in trouble after all that cash. * Mayor Mare’s Office, Ponyville Lyra’s strident voice crackled intermittently over the radio. “Ponyvillians! The Mayor is the reason that your houses are not getting rebuilt! It is the duty of the Mayor to fight for Ponyville’s interests through thick and thin! And by failing to get extra money from the Emergency Fund, the Mayor has left us with no money to rebuild your homes! Even the genius of LegCo cannot do much in these circumstances… ” “Turn that off.” Mayor Mare muttered despondently, rolling her head in between her tired hooves. “Just what I needed.” The noise from the radio dimmed. Bit Coin looked somewhat sympathetically at her superior. “Well, I guess the Hearth’s Warming Show was a bit of a mistake, then.” Nary a comprehensible word from the depressed mare. “But then,” the Finance Secretary hastily covered her position, “I didn’t think you ponies would make such bad decisions.” The bespectacled mare really wasn’t in much mood for argument. “What are we going to do about housing reconstruction, then.” “Ah. About that.” The chestnut pony timorously flipped across her ledger. “Well, you know we’ve actually lost money on this charity play.” A silent, angry pause from the Mayor. “So we’re actually going to have to delay reconstruction of the Retirement Village because of that.” A longer, more silent, and angrier pause from the Mayor. Seeing this, Bit Coin cautiously cleared her throat. “Um, you know, Mayor, I’ve been thinking- “ “WHAT?!” the Mayor exploded in a storm of stress. Despite knowing that her suggestion was going to be sound, Bit Coin still gulped in unjustified fear. “Uh, yes, Mayor. You know that option’s still available.” “What option!” The Finance Secretary shifted her eyes in the direction of the Library. “You know, Ms. Sparkle. Telling her to rebuild it.” “Didn’t Mr. Ribbon say that that would violate building codes?” “Well,” Bit Coin gave a dry laugh. “What is he going to do once we rebuild the houses? Tear them down again?” Mayor Mare leant back in her chair. Her subordinate had a point.