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// Two Fruit Bird Thingy-ma-jigs with One Stone 
// Story: A Thousand and One Problems but an Apple Ain't One 
// by I Thought I Was Toast 
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   	There was pulp everywhere.

Fruit juice flowed through the streets like sweet sugary blood, and the ravenous caws and war cries of the warring produce filled the air. The fresh scent of tangy citrus and delectable mango filled the air like the sickeningly sweet smell of something burning.

The soft reds and yellows of the mangos danced amidst the harsh and overpowering color of the orange oranges. While the oranges had a size advantage on the mangos, the mangos appeared to be much faster than the orange menace. Their wings fluttered fast enough to bring hummingbirds to mind. That extra speed allowed them to poke and prod at the oranges and thin the heard.

It gave the mangos a huge advantage before one factored in the acid.

“I thought you were joking about the oranges being able to spit acid Miss Trixie,” said Dinky, staring at the carnage around them.

“I was.” Trixie sighed. She shook her head and started walking forward. “Right now we just need to get to the residency. If we can find that book it’ll be like none of this ever happened. It’ll be killing two birds with one stone.”

The silence that followed was instant and all consuming. So quickly did it fall that it took Trixie about ten seconds of trotting to realize she could hear nothing but her hoofsteps. Looking at the sky she realized every single mango and orange was looking at her. Given that they didn’t have eyes, this was impressive.

It was also terrifying.

“M-miss Trixie?” Dinky ventured, moving close to her mentor. “Remember how they didn’t like the orange juice joke?”

“Yeah,” Trixie said in a whisper, hardly daring to breathe.

“Do you think they’ll behave any better for an old griffen saying about killing birds?” Dinky inched forward a little more.

“They might,” said Trixie faintly.

A small glob of acid landed at their hooves with a hiss.

“Then again, they might not,” Trixie amended.

“So what are we going to do?” asked the little filly as she finally reached her mentor.

Trixie laughed shakily and ruffled her apprentices mane. “What do you think?” she said. “We run.” And thus it was for the second time that day Trixie and her apprentice started to run from a terrifying swarm of deadly fruit and a misfortunate turn of phrase.


…..


The beginning of the chase wasn’t as bad as it could have been, even though they were surrounded on all sides by a pretty powerful flock of fruit that packed quite a punch. Trixie had learned her lesson the first time, and, having realized the flying produce could easily keep up with her and her apprentice, had been gathering her focus until the second she said run. Rather than actually running away, she used the last of her strength to cast several spells that would give them a lead.

First, she whipped up an enormous dust cloud from the wreckage. It wasn’t anything particularly fancy, only a slight moderation to her telekenisis that had it acting like a giant broom kicking up dust.

Second, she cast an illusion spell to create an image of both her and Dinky bolting from the dust cloud towards the opposite end of town. With a little extra dirt here and there, as well as a couple of small tears to the cape and a slight stagger in the image’s step, she made it look like they were far too tired to cast any more spells. With such a weak and helpless prey available to them, Trixie could hear the excited energy filling the fruity predators’ wings as they flew off in pursuit of the illusion.

Third, she reached out with her telekinesis and yanked Dinky away from the cloud edge, because the little filly, of course, wouldn’t dare to disobey her beloved mentor and had started running. Trixie couldn’t have that. It’d ruin the illusion.

And, fourth and finally, she dumped the rest of her energy into the simplest glamour she could think of, and she had it fall like a paper thin cloth around them. It was one of the simpler glamours that fed off of other people’s expectations rather than the caster’s explicit instructions on what should appear as. They took less energy to cast, but she couldn’t be sure of what the two of them actually looked like. All she knew was that the oranges and mangos would find them completely and utterly boring. They could be a couple of random ponies, or perhaps a dog and a cat. They could even look like a cardboard box for all Trixie knew. Unfortunately this meant there was no real way to make the illusion believable under any scrutiny. It was nothing more than an image. It didn’t sound right. It didn’t smell right. It definitely didn’t taste right. All that was left to make it believable was how the two of them acted to carry on the illusion. Of course, since they didn’t know what they looked like, it was rather hard to act appropriately. That meant sticking to the shadows.

Hopefully, if the orange menace caught sight of them there, it’d be for the briefest of seconds and they wouldn’t notice any irregularity in the glamour.

The walk to Trixie’s residence was made in tense silence. The diversion had worked better than expected, and there were only a few leftover swarms in the sky. Both ponies hardly even dared to breathe as they lurked from ally to ally, wondering how long it would be until their ruse was discovered.

They made it halfway before a multitude of unearthly shrieks of rage filled the air. The sweet and high pitched chirps of the mangos were like a thousand needles to the brain, while the wheezy acidic voice of the oranges made ponies shiver to their bones. Suddenly, the few remaining swarms flew away, bolting for the source of the noise. As the screams continued, the wind started to pick up. The clouds darkened, and thunder rang through the land.

The two unicorns began to feel the magic in the air begin to stir. It was being drained from the air, and drawn towards the screaming. So strong was the pull that it unraveled the glamour around them with ease. The magic gathered and gathered until a spell of epic proportions was cast at the epicenter of the rage. A shockwave of residual magic blew past them, and a roar filled the air.

They could feel the eye of whatever had been created turn towards them with baleful anger.

And it was this that made them run with terror.

The wump of displaced air that only came from the largest of wings filled the air in a slow steady beat.

Wump.

“Never again,” Trixie muttered.

Wump.

“Never ever again.” She turned to her student as they ran the final stretch to her house.

Wump.

“You are banned from ever casting transmogrification spells ever again,” Trixie said as they crossed the threshold of the door.

Wump.

“Especially if we have to deal with this every time.” The magician gave a nervous laugh as the two of them tore through the house to her office.

Crash

She ignored the ominous shudder caused by several tons of produce hitting the ground.

“For the last time, it’s not my fault!” said Dinky as they scoured the bookshelves in Trixie’s office. Trixie couldn’t help but think that she’d said the exact same thing when the ice palace fiasco had happened.

The roof began to groan and creak as the monster outside began to tear off the roof. Trixie thought it might buy them a few minutes, but that thought was banished as a cracking sound filled the air.

“Got it!” yelled Dinky pulling an enormous leather bound book from the shelf. There was no discernable title, only an eight pointed star that Trixie assumed was the cutie mark of the author. As her student started to flip through the pages at a furious rate the roof gave way. It was ripped clean off, along with the second floor, to reveal the monster they’d created.

A dragon of every fruit imaginable graced their presence. It had blood-red tomatos for eyes, and foot long bananas for talons. Durians climbed down it’s back like spines, and grape vines lined the membranes of it’s wings. Its scales were an ever-shifting mass of oranges and mangos, but it’s softer underbelly was lined with fuzzy peaches.

It looked at them and roared before reaching towards Dinky. Without thinking Trixie threw herself at her student, pushing her to the side before talons as sharp as steel grabbed her.

“Hurry up!” Trixie shouted as she was drawn towards banana shaped teeth. She could smell the fruity tang of the beast’s breath as she approached its gullet. She tried to gather the energy to cast a spell, but she’d spent the last of it in their escape from the candy store.

It was only the silent thrum of gathering magic behind her that gave her hope.

Just as she hit the slimy, lime-flavored tongue of the dragon, she felt the magic unleash itself. Teeth descended, and just as the magic passed her Trixie felt something nick her flank.

She was alive.

She was alive. She was well. And she was apparently falling from where the beast’s mouth should have been.

With a startled yelp Trixie plummeted. She closed her eyes to avoid seeing the end, and so she missed the flash of magic from one more spell from Dinky.

As she met the ground, she expected to hear a crack before everything went black.

Instead there was a soft thump, and the magician felt herself enter the embrace of the fluffiest pillow ever created. Opening her eyes just enough to she it was a shade of greyish purple, she sighed.

“Dinks?” Trixie asked.

“Yeah?” replied her student wearily.

“You used transmogrification to make this, didn’t you?” Trixie muttered.

“Yeah,” came the reply.

“You do know I wasn’t kidding when I banned you from using transmogrification spells, right?” the magician said.

“N-no?” The reply was shaky.

“Well, I wasn’t, and you’re grounded.” Trixie said.

“Okay,” said Dinky with the sleepiness of somepony too tired to care.

“Dinks?” said Trixie after a while of silence.

“Yeah?” came the reply.

“Thanks.”