//------------------------------// // 423. Sugar Bribe // Story: Tales in Thirty Minutes // by Dash2468 //------------------------------// Prompt 423: The quickest way to Celestia's heart is through her stomach. “Here you go, captain, just as you ordered.” The baker opened the box, and Shining Armor peered inside. He found himself beholding a fat, rich chocolate cake as wide as a dinner plate; the top was lathered in chocolate icing, and bore a picture of Princess Celestia in icing sugar. It was pure indulgence; Shining felt like he was gaining weight just by looking at it. “That’s perfect,” he said. “Thanks.” “Special occasion, I take it?” the baker asked. “For your lovely marefriend, maybe?” “Sort of.” He paid the baker, took the ribbon around the box in his teeth, and headed for the barracks. This cake was from one of the best bakers in Canterlot; surely the Princess would like it. Their weekly update meeting was due today, and he intended to present her with it then. Shining began wondering how the conversation would go: Here you go, Your Highness. Oh, it’s nothing, just a present to say thank you for being such a wonderful employer, and ruler, and….by the way, is it OK if I marry Cadance? Shining had made up his mind a few days earlier to propose to Cadance, but he knew that he needed Celestia’s official blessing first; he was sure there was some law about it somewhere. As a military stallion, Shining was well versed in battle tactics, and so he knew that you should go into a fight with every advantage you can get your hooves on. Being closer to the Princess than most, he knew her weaknesses well – and perhaps the biggest weakness he could exploit was her love of sweets. He had been amazed upon previously seeing how much dessert she could get through, and on a regular basis, too; alicorns must have a super-fast metabolism, or something. But anyway, this cake would surely put her in a very good mood going into their meeting, and increase the chances of her letting him marry her niece – by how much, he didn’t know. Entering his office, Shining deposited his precious cargo on the desk and turned to leave. Then his mind, already nervous from the task awaiting him, told him to stop. What if some soldiers came in, and thought there was some Jacob’s join or birthday they hadn’t been told about? He couldn’t risk it. Quickly, he took some paper, scribbled “DO NOT TOUCH!!” on it, and pinned it to the box. He considered giving full details of how many push-ups anypony who touched the cake would have to do, but decided there wasn’t time. Instead he squeezed “FOR THE PRINCESS” into the bottom of the note. Shining had two hours to do his morning patrol and supervise routine training exercises before his meeting with Celestia, and he spent most of it in a state of great distraction. More than once, soldiers had to repeat questions around him before he heard them. “The captain seems kinda distracted today, doesn’t he?” he overheard one soldier muttering to another. “Probably thinking about his marefriend,” the other replied. “If I was dating Princess Cadance, I wouldn’t be able to think of much else either. Best I can do are those pictures of her in the gossip magazines…” Shining was too preoccupied to even reprimand them. All too soon, the hour approached, and he headed back to his barracks to retrieve his papers – and the cake – before going to meet Celestia in her throne room. He opened the office door – and was greeted by a horrifying sight. No! The cake box sat open on his desk, the ribbons strewn about it in a picture of merciless carnage. Shining flew forward and gazed into the box, his stomach seeming to plummet through his chest. Aside from many crumbs and a few blobs of icing, it was empty. Shining’s first emotion was rage; he ground his teeth and bashed his hooves together, thinking only of finding who did this and pounding them into the dirt. Then he remembered the Princess, and he was gripped by panic. He had lost his advantage. Surely Celestia would never let him marry Cadance now. She would laugh him out of the room. No, she would throw him in prison for even suggesting that a common guard… He took a breath. Clearly there was more of Twilight in him than he thought. He was a brave pony; he wouldn’t be captain if he wasn’t, after all. He would just have to stallion up and take the plunge regardless. Every hoofstep bringing him closer to the palace took a supreme effort, but he managed to keep going. He walked through the main door, nodding to the guards there as he went – and felt a jolt as he saw Celestia standing right in the main hall, talking to one of her counsellors. Noticing Shining was there, she said a few final words to the counsellor, who nodded and retreated. “Ah, Captain,” she said pleasantly. “Just in time for our – urp – meeting.” Shining’s fear was abruptly overcome by a curious observation: had the Princess just…burped? “Forgive me, I was just a little waylaid,” Celestia went on. “So, shall we proceed?” “Certainly, Your Highness.” Shining went to trot alongside her, glancing up at her face. His eyes widened. There was no mistaking it: a dot of brown icing on her lower lip. Rather than afraid, he suddenly felt awkward. Could she have…but how could he ask? Maybe… “Your Highness…you didn’t go into my office this morning, did you?” He expected an innocent denial, but instead an expression appeared on Celestia’s face that he had rarely seen there before: guilt. She looked from side to side, blushed, and placed a hoof on her forehead. “Oh, no! Captain, I’m so sorry. I happened to be passing by the barracks after my last appointment, and I thought I might as well see if you were in your office so we could have our meeting there. I smelled what was in the box, and the note said it was for me, and, well, I just couldn’t…” “It’s alright, Your Highness, really, it’s OK…” Shining babbled. “I thought I might have time to clean myself up before I saw you. Oh, what must you think?” Inspiration suddenly flashed in Shining’s head. Another basic tip for battle: attack when your opponent is vulnerable. “It’s alright, Your Highness, I won’t tell anypony. But there was actually something I was hoping to ask you…”