//------------------------------// // Chapter 9: July 30, Dragonshy // Story: Yet Another Human In Equestria Story // by Bardic_Knowledge //------------------------------// Yet Another Human in Equestria Story By: Bardic Knowledge Chapter 9: July 30, Dragonshy My birthday. I had been simultaneously looking forward to and dreading this day. Looking forward to it, because it's my birthday. Birthdays are awesome. Even if you don't get presents you still get a few “special permissions” or something on your birthday. Like sleeping in. Dreading it, because, well... “SURPRISE!” shouted Pinkie, startling me awake. I jumped and slammed my head into the wall. “Darkness Forsaken Raza Frazzle!” I shouted, grabbing my skull. “Pinkie!” “Oops. Sorry,” she said, one hoof to her mouth. “How many times have I told you not to come into my room?” “Six times.” “That was a rhetorical question! Now, get out of my room so I can finish sleeping!” I glanced at a clock as I said so. Yep. Ten A.M. Too early for me. Please remember that, being nocturnal, I can't get to sleep until after approximately five A.M. and usually sleep until about one P.M. I intended to sleep until night returned, though. “But it's your birthday, silly billy! Everypony else is already in the living room waiting for you!” Ugh. “Fine.” She stood there expectantly. “Pinkie, I need to get dressed.” “Okay!” She continued standing there. “Pinkie, please leave my room so I can get dressed.” “Okay!” she pronked out the door and her tail grabbed the handle to close it behind her. I shook my head and proceeded to grab my best clothes, which just happened to be the set Rarity made for me when I first came to Ponyville. I had variations on the theme, including a lovely crimson trenchcoat (which I usually wore with an equally crimson wide-brimmed hat), but this set was now reserved for special occasions. Like my birthday. Thankfully, it wasn't actually everypony who was in my living room, just the Mane Six, Trixie, Angel, and Spike. I did notice Bacardi was up unusually early himself, and was hanging from the inoperable ceiling fan. I was mildly disappointed that one or both of the Princesses weren't there, but Luna was getting acclimated to the new era, and Celestia still had a principality to rule. Also thankfully, the party was tame compared to Pinkie's usual get-togethers, so I guess I shouldn't've been dreading the day too much. It was just before time to open the presents (having already eaten breakfast/lunch and the cake. Mmm, cheesecake *drool*) when Angel started coughing. “What is it, Angel?” Fluttershy asked. “Is there some carrot stuck in your throat?” My eyes widened slightly. I know that line. Angel shook his head and coughed some more. I took this opportunity to put on my sunglasses and step onto the front porch. It was still mildly disorienting to see rolling plains, considering Ionia is hill country, and I lived in the middle of a valley, but I immediately saw what I expected to see. Smoke. Coming from the mountains. Just as Angel got the message across about the smoke, Spike burped up a letter. I returned in time to see an accompanying letter pop out of the jar containing Celestia's Flame. Twilight was already reading Spike's letter. I walked back inside and grinned. “Best. Birthday. Ever,” I stated. Everyone looked at me. I pointed at the smoke and said, “Dragons are awesome. And I finally get to meet one!” I glanced down. “No offense, Spike, but...” “None taken. I don't know much about being dragon-y anyways,” he nodded. Meanwhile, Fluttershy locked up. “D-d-dragons?!” “A dragon,” I corrected. “He wants to take a nap, but he kinda picked a bad spot. And he snores smoke.” Twilight nodded. “That's exactly what the princess's letter says. We have to let the townsfolk know, and then she would like us to do our best to get the dragon to sleep elsewhere.” As we spoke, Trixie trotted back to her room, returning with her old hat and cloak on. She hadn't worn that since she decided to stick around. At my inquisitive look she buffed her hoof on her chest and replied, matter-of-factly, “They are enchanted to help me with rough conditions. I did spend years wandering Equestria on my own, and the wilds between towns can be quite dangerous to the unwary traveler.” I tilted my head and nodded in acquiescence and turned to the others. “Everyone, take some time to gather some gear,” Twilight said. “Joe and I will let the ponies in town knew and meet up with you at the library by two.” Everyone except Fluttershy nodded and took off. I checked the clock. It was noon now, so that gave us two hours. “Trixie, could you help Fluttershy get ready?” I asked, as Trixie seemed to believe that her hat and cloak were all she needed. “We'll need her when it's time.” “Of course,” Trixie's horn glowed and wrapped around Fluttershy's tail, practically dragging her out the door. “After the announcement, I'll probably come back and change outfits. I don't want to muss up this one.” Twilight nodded, then glanced at Spike. He stood at attention, but seemed slightly worried. “I'll, uh, watch over Fluttershy's animals! While you're gone. Yeah.” I smirked lightly. “You do that.” After Spike dashed out the door to catch up with Trixie and Fluttershy, Twilight and I headed into town. It was simple to find the biggest concentration of ponies to let the message spread (with Lyra sitting in her famous pose. I asked her about it once, and she said it was leave more room for other ponies. It's difficult to seat two ponies on a bench without looking intimate otherwise), but first we had to tell them. And, as it was my official vocation, I opened the announcement. “HEAR YE, HEAR YE!” That definitely got everypony's attention. Years of SCA events with “town” criers paying off. “I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PRINCESS CELESTIA! AS YOU CAN SEE, THERE IS A CLOUD OF THICK BLACK SMOKE COMING FROM THE MOUNTAINS NEARBY THAT IS SPREADING TO COVER MOST OF EQUESTRIA. IT IS NOT A FIRE, BUT RATHER A SLEEPING DRAGON. THE PRINCESS URGES YOU ALL TO REMAIN CALM, AS A DELEGATION WILL SOON BE TRAVELLING TO THE DRAGON'S CAVE TO ASK HIM TO LEAVE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.” Twilight passed me a glass of water, which I chugged. The Pseudo-Royal Canterlot Voice can do a number on my throat. We answered a few questions and watched the news spread before going our separate ways. Upon returning to the replica of my house, I swapped out my special occasion outfit for the crimson ensemble I mentioned before. I asked for this one to be specially enchanted and paid extra to make it almost as durable as metal and for a space expansion enchantment in the pockets (which I referred to as “Time Lord Technology” even though everyone knew it was magic). I topped off the look with a pair of round yellow sunglasses, making me look like Master Alucard with a goatee. And brown hair and eyes. And slightly pudgy. And... Okay, so I didn't look much like Master Alucard after all. Also unlike the master vampire, I didn't have any real weapons for my “adventuring clothes,” as the only real weapon smiths worked solely for the Royal Guard, and they mostly made spears. I'm best with sword and shield. Not that I would probably want to be heavily armed for this. That might just get me eaten. After stuffing some drinks and trail mix-y stuff into my pockets, I grabbed a gnarled branch I had designated my walking staff and made for the library. I arrived at about the same time as Fluttershy and Trixie, and we fell in line with the others as Twilight stepped out with her saddlebags full, a rolled up map sticking out of one side. “Alright everyone, listen up. I'm mapping out the fastest route, but we've all got to keep a good pace if we expect to make it up the mountain by nightfall.” “M-m-mountain?” Fluttershy stammered. Twilight nodded, then pointed at the mountain in question. “The dragon is in that cave at the very top.” “Looks pretty cold up there,” commented Applejack. “You bet it is. The higher you go, the chillier it gets,” Rainbow agreed. “Which is curious,” I said, “considering heat rises.” “Good thing I brought my scarf,” Rarity said, then she reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a pink and magenta (either that or it was pink and dark pink) scarf, wrapping it around her neck with one twist of her head. Now that's skill. Responses were mixed, considering a scarf doesn't do much to cover someone up. Pinkie admired the scarf, while Rainbow derided its use. Trixie, in the meantime, had trotted over to Twilight and was helping her plot a course, followed shortly after by Fluttershy, who was trying to get out of the adventure. Considering her actions at the top would save our lives, I wasn't about to let her stay behind, so I preempted her “conversation” with Twilight and put my hand on her back. “Fluttershy, you have to come,” I said, gently. “But-” she started. “Please. You're the lynchpin. Without you, this adventure ends in disaster.” Her eyes widened. “Really? But, I don't-” “Really. There's a quote, and it's been said by many, but I mainly attribute it to a fellow named Jon Pertwee: 'Courage isn't just a matter of not being frightened. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.' And I believe you have the courage.” “Are... Are you sure?” “Well, I could try another quote: 'Don't believe in yourself. Believe in the me that believes in you.' Kamina-sama, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.” “I guess... But-” “Okay, girls and Joe,” Twilight interrupted. “Trixie and I figured out a way to go, so let's move out!” I saluted and we set off. As the girls were pretty much going at full gallop, I had to hitch a ride from Applejack again, but she didn't mind, even with all the weight of the provisions she was packing. Fluttershy started off a bit slower, but quickly caught up when I gave her a wink and a thumbs up. Briefly, I speculated on starting an Equestria branch of the Dai-Gurren Dan, but it was just a random thought. Twilight wouldn't be able to cope with kicking logic out, and she'd probably have a conniption if we actually went beyond the impossible. Scootaloo might be interested, though... After a half-hour of intense galloping, we reached the base of the mountain. I wouldn't have expected it to be such a short period of time, but I guess that there's a reason horsepower is a unit of measurement. I got off Applejack and stretched my legs and back. I'd only ridden twice now, and I still wasn't used to the sensation. As I stretched, a deep grumbling sound shook the ground. “Whoa,” said Dash. “What was that?” “That's what it sounds like when a fully-grown dragon snores,” Twilight replied. “It-- it's so... high,” Fluttershy squeaked, looking up the mountain. “Well, it is a mountain.” Dash flew into view as she said that. “I'm going to fly up there and check it out!” But, before she could take off, Applejack grabbed her tail. “Hold on, now. I think we should all go up together. Safety in numbers and all.” Everypony started climbing the mountain save Fluttershy and I. Fluttershy because she was scared of the dragon's snore. And I hadn't because it was exceptionally steep. I might be able to crawl up it on hands and feet, but if I slipped, it would be a long way down with few hand holds. “Oi!” I called. “Fluttershy and I won't be able to take this path up.” Everyone paused. “Why is that?” asked Trixie. “It's too steep,” I answered. “If the dragon snores while we're climbing, I'll likely fall, and Fluttershy is acrophobic. Which is probably why she's not much of a flier.” As if to prove my point, the dragon snored again, and Fluttershy, who had been fluttering her wings slightly, locked up. Applejack reached up and pulled the map out of Twilight's saddlebags. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I'll need this if I'm going to take them around the mountain another way,” Applejack answered. “Around the mountain?” groaned Dash. “That's going to take them forever!” The dragon snored again, and Fluttershy fainted with a bleat. “You actually do that? I thought it was just a sound effect,” I muttered. Trixie sighed, “Trixie shall go with them. Between Applejack and I, the four of us should be able to meet up with you at this cliff,” she pointed at a spot on the map, “within half an hour.” The journey around the mountain was disappointingly boring. Trixie used her magic to place Fluttershy on Applejack's back (I chuckled when she said I was the heavier), and then, in a move that surprised me, grabbed me with her magic and placed me on her back. The ride was definitely more comfortable with cloth between me and the pony, but it was still a little rough. After about ten minutes of travelling, Fluttershy woke up and began travelling alongside the rest of us. I attempted to sing something (another one of dad's songs, “The Cinnabar Fight Song.” It has nothing to do with Pokemon, by the way) to break up the monotony of travelling, but the galloping interrupted me repeatedly, so I gave it up. We made it to the cliff where the others waited with five minutes to spare before Trixie's time limit would have expired. There were a few tic-tac-toe boards etched into the dirt, and Pinkie's nose was pretty much covered by it as she made her last move. Apparently, Rarity wasn't too a sore loser, as she then asked Pinkie for “best of 31” in a rather upbeat voice. “We're here,” I announced. Rainbow, who was somehow flying upside-down, muttered something to Twilight and we were on our way up a more reasonable path. And then we got to the jumping part. Everyone hopped across, save Fluttershy and I, again, then turned back to look at us. “Your turn, Fluttershy,” said Twilight. “But it's so... wide...” Fluttershy half-whispered. I rolled my eyes. “C'mon, 'Shy. I'm taller than the gap is wide,” I said. “You can do this.” “I-” Basil snored, making Fluttershy flinch. “I don't know...” “Remember what I said before. If you can't believe in yourself, believe in the me who believes in you.” And with that, I took a really long step (almost doing the splits, but thankfully not actually) and was on the other side. I did hop on one foot a little to regain my balance, but otherwise it went flawlessly. I glanced back to see Fluttershy whispering something to herself, before she opened her eyes with determination and charged the gap. As she prepared to jump, Twilight opened her mouth, and I promptly covered it. When Fluttershy landed on our side, I released my hold. “What did you do that for?” she asked. “The worst thing you can do in a situation this high up is tell someone not to look down. It's like saying 'don't think of a white alligator.' What's it make you think of?” “...Oh.” And with that bit of Genre Savvy wisdom dispensed, we moved on into the avalanche zone. “If the tiniest whisper can cause an avalanche,” I asked. “Then how is the snoring not doing the job?” As if to answer my question, the ground shook with another snore. And absolutely nothing happened. “Oh, come on!” After Twilight asked us, again, to be quiet in the avalanche zone, I asked Dash to walk with us through it. I made up the excuse that wingbeats disturb more air than hoofsteps, which she took as a challenge. Then I told her the real reason was the falling-leaf-causes-Fluttershy-to-scream thing, and mentioned that she was the one who causes the leaf to fall. So she stopped flying for the avalanche zone alone. Being less physically inclined than the others, I was very much relieved that I wouldn't have to be dodging rocks. And so we made it to Basil's Lair without further incident. Checking my watch (a well-crafted pocket watch by Time Turner), I noted that it had only been two and a half hours since we had set out. It seemed longer. “Rainbow Dash, you clear up the smoke if you can,” commanded Twilight. “Rarity, Trixie, Pinkie Pie, be prepared to create a diversion if things get little hairy in there. Applejack, you be ready in case he decides to attack. But it shouldn't come to that, because Fluttershy will do what she needs to...” At that point, Twilight's voice began fading out. With how deep I was in the cave, it was getting harder hear her. I knew it was reckless of me to go on ahead like that, but I love dragons and couldn't wait to see a full-sized one. I knew Rarity's flattery worked, even if I couldn't recall the words (something about showing off his scales to the rest of the world), so I figured that if I woke him by accident before someone came to stop me from just looking, I could try to talk my way out of the encounter. Just before I reached the end of the entrance, I was thrown to the ground by something I couldn't see. “What do you think you're doing?!” hissed Trixie's voice in my ear. “Being stealthy about getting my first look at a dragon,” I hissed back. “What does it look like?” “Looks like you're being a reckless fool. Weren't you the one who yelled at Snips and Snails about messing with things that could eat you?!” “I wasn't going to wake him up on my own, I'm not that obsessed. Just let me take a look, and then I'll be back out for the official meet-and-greet.” The invisible Trixie climbed off me and I stood back up, dusting myself off. I glanced in the general direction I figured Trixie was in, then raised my finger to my mouth. Normally, this wouldn't mean anything to a pony, but since Trixie had been living with me for a month she'd learned that it meant “be quiet.” I crept into the cave just in time to be blinded by a cloud of noxious black smoke, that had me choking and gasping, though I did my best to not cough loudly. When the smoke cleared, I shuddered. Magnificent. If this is what all dragons, even Smaug of the Lonely Mountain, looked like this... No wonder they were so full of pride and vanity. And I had never seen so much shiny treasure. Satisfied, I turned slowly and padded out of the cave again. When I got back outside, I had Rainbow Dash grab me by the collar and shake me back and forth. “What were you thinking?!” she shouted. “I. Told. You. I. Think. Drag. Ons. Are. Awe. Some,” I replied between shakes. “I. Want. Ed. A. Look.” I grabbed her forelegs and pulled them away from my shirt. How did she even grab me with hooves, anyway? “I haven't woken him. I can be quite stealthy, you know.” “Like a cat,” agreed Pinkie. I smiled and meowed in response. Twilight groaned. “So what does he look like?” “Magnificent. He's a red dragon, just a couple shades different than my coat, and just about every piece of him is bigger than I am.” Fluttershy mewled in fear and shrunk in on herself. “Well, that's not helping matters,” sighed Rarity. She trotted up next to me and whispered, “You've been helping her come this far, Joe. Can you get her into the cave?” I shook my head and whispered back. “Kamina-sama's gift for inspirational speeches doesn't belong to me, and I'm not charismatic enough to keep using the belief line over and over. I'll try something though...” While Rarity and I were talking, Applejack attempted to appeal to the idea that Fluttershy wasn't the only one scared of the dragon, but it didn't work. I then stepped up to her and kneeled in front of her. “There's a further quote from Kamina-sama, but I'm going to change it up a bit. For one, I'm not going to punch you,” That got her attention. “Don't believe in the me that believes in you. Believe in the Fluttershy that believes in herself.” Okay, apparently, I am going to use the belief line again. “Kick reason to the curb and go beyond the impossible. That's the Team Dai-Gurren way.” “Team Dai-Gurren?” she asked. I rubbed my mustache, “It kinda slipped out... I'll explain later.” I stepped beside Twilight, as Fluttershy looked pensive. Twilight nodded to me and we stepped forward into the cave. “So, uh, do you have any ideas, Joe?” she asked me, her voice shaky. “Dragons are vain and arrogant in most fiction, especially when they're sapient, so flattery is a good move. I'm not sure on what fiction to reference his biology, but considering the prevalence of magic, he'll probably be able to breathe fire immediately after waking. As such, do not stand directly in front of his mouth. He has bad breath, too, so there's another reason not to.” I would have gone on, but we had reached the dragon. After a couple moments of silence, Twilight attempted to speak, “Mr. Dragon?” I say attempted, because it came out as a whisper. Basil rolled over and scratched his stomach. No missing scale on his right breast. Let's hope the red is the only thing he shares with Smaug. I held up my hand, then kneeled, making sure I was just off to the side. Twilight sidled away from me. “My Lord Dragon, I wish to speak with you.” The eye visible to me snapped open. He yawned and turned in my direction. “My Lord, I do not wish to interrupt your sleep, but there is an issue with your place of choice.” His eyes narrowed. “The country in which this mountain cave resides is full of inhabitants who cannot last long without sunlight, and as you sleep, My Lord, you breath out thick black smoke that obscures the sky.” He stood up and stretched. “My Lord, if those who live here die out, you will have no one to revel in your glory.” He froze mid-stretch. “You are a magnificent and shining example of a dragon, would you really wish to keep yourself sealed away?” I shivered as I felt his gaze upon me. “And so you come here to plead on my behalf?” he demanded. The voice was... even deeper than Blu Mankuma's part in the show. I could feel the words as much as hear them. “Hah! You do not fool me, ape. I will remain, and sleep as long as I wish. And if the creatures of this realm die out, then they die.” He slammed back down onto his hoard, gold coins flying all over. “Begone.” I was stunned. When Rarity tried flattery it worked. How did I fail? And with a puff of black smoke from his nostrils, I was blown backwards. I sat there, stunned, as Twilight grabbed me in her magic and galloped out of the cave. Somehow, I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I had failed so badly. When we got back outside, I leaned against the rock furthest from the cave, which happened to be the one Fluttershy was hiding behind. “So much for persuading him,” said Twilight. Rarity went to talk. “Rarity,” I said. She closed her mouth and looked at me. “I tried flattery. It... Didn't work. When you were going to try without my interference, it almost would have. Except that you got greedy and tried to get part of his hoard. He noticed and chased you out.” “I... See...” She muttered. “What about me?” asked Pinkie, fear evident on her face. “You went in, dressed to share a laugh, there was a roar, and you came back out with your bizarre outfit in shambles.” “Nothing works?” asked Twilight. “There is something, but I don't know if it would have the same effect if I just told you. That's the problem with messing with time.” Trixie looked pensive. I had told her during the week she was being my hands about the true reason I had kept her from running and about the source of my foreknowledge. “Then let's stop wasting time!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “I'm going in!” And with that, she flew into the cave, rainbow trail behind her. Ten seconds later, there was a roar and she came flying back out, knocking everyone else over. With another roar, everypony leapt to their hooves and began running around in a panic, except for Trixie, who ran over by me. Several thuds sounded from the cave as Basil came out. He glared at the others, who had stopped running around and gathered into a single group. With another roar accompanied by copious amounts of smoke, they were bowled into me and Trixie with enough force that if we weren't wearing enchanted clothes we would have been broken bones from their collective body weight. As it was, I hurt all over and the rock crumbled around us. As everyone groaned in pain, Fluttershy's righteous anger boiled. “How dare you... HOW DARE YOU!” she cried, taking off. “Listen here, mister!” she landed on his nose and marched forward. “Just because you're big doesn't mean you get to be a bully! You may have huge teeth, and sharp scales, and snore smoke, and breathe fire. But you do not-- I repeat-- You do not! Hurt! My! Friends!” She Stared straight into his eye, wings beating furiously “You got that?” That was so much more glorious in person. And the dragon, whose eye alone was about as big as Fluttershy, whimpered like a scolded puppy. “Well” “But that rainbow one kicked me,” he said. Now he sounds like a scolded child with an earthquake-inducing voice. “And I am very sorry about that. But you're bigger than she is and you should know better. You should also know better than to take a nap where your snoring can become a health hazard to other creatures.” “But I-” “Don't you 'but I' me, mister. Now what do you have to say for yourself?” There was a pause. “I said, what do you have to say for yourself?” And with that, the big bad dragon just started bawling, tears as big as me splashing off my hat. “There, there. No need to cry. You're not a bad dragon, you just made a bad decision. Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep. That's all.” After a few moments of sniffling (Fluttershy is so awesome), Basil went back into his cave and came back out a minute later with a large sack in his arms that jingled with every wingbeat as he flew away. I sighed with relief as everyone galloped over to Fluttershy (well, except for me, but that's obvious), and Twilight cheered, “You did it! I knew you could do it.” “And so did I,” I said. “What?” gasped Fluttershy. “You and Rainbow Dash did exactly what you were supposed to. I couldn't say anything, no matter how much I wanted to, because the Stare can't be commanded. Yet. I'm sorry I essentially tricked you into it, but if you failed, we'd be dead.” “Wait, I was supposed to attack the dragon?” cried Rainbow Dash. “Then why didn't you have me do that in the first place?” “Because I love dragons. I wanted to see if he could be persuaded to leave without endangering anyone, least of all you.” After a group hug, we made our way down the mountain, and, since we didn't have to hurry, we didn't get back to my house until about eight and the sun was setting. Spike was glad to see us, and told me that Bacardi was a great help in keeping control of Angel. Fortunately, nothing was badly damaged, though a few of my presents had apparently been partially opened by accident. Twilight wrote her friendship report and I wrote up my own weekly report (which included a clean version of the alternate letter for the episode as a joke), and Spike sent both. We then partied until everyone else begged off to go to sleep except for Trixie, who helped me put my presents away. Twilight and Spike's books (both pony-written fiction) went into the library alongside the others, while Pinkie's board game went into the game room. It was bizarre to see it so bare. Applejack's apple-themed blanket (she apparently worked on it with Granny Smith) went on the back of the couch, folded, with Rarity's jewelled throw pillows sat to either side. Trixie's bottle of Sparkling Grape Juice went in the ice box. She got a big hug for that one. I love sparkly. Rainbow Dash crafted a liquid rainbow fountain centerpiece for the dining room table. Curiously, Fluttershy got me two books, one for identifying trees, and the other for birds. They went in the library as well. I played with Bacardi for a while after that as Trixie watched on, and then we turned in for the morning. It was a good day. It seemed every day in Ponyville was going to be good, even the ones where I feared for my life.