//------------------------------// // Kuno is a Nut Job // Story: Ponies One Half // by Emma Iveli //------------------------------// Chapter 4: Kuno is a Nut Job Ranma wanted to keep the fact that he turned into a girl as secret as possible. And falling into the pool was not one way to do that. What was worse, Kuno accidentally grabbed one of her boobs while trying to simply grab him. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Back in the school building, the class watched as Ranma(-Chan now) slammed Kuno on the ground next to the pool and retreated into the nearby forest. Hikaru saw this and knew what she had to do. She ran down the hall and turned the corner. “Hikaru, wait!” called Akane as she saw her go. She went down the hall as well and turned the corner…only to see she was gone. “Where did she go?” she wondered as the others managed to catch up to her. “You are aware she can teleport, right?” reminded Alex. A sweat drop formed on Akane's head. “I had no idea she can do that in human form.” <><><><><><><><><><><><><> In a tree outside, on top of one of the tree branches, Ranma-Chan was wringing out her pants, muttering things about Kuno and a panda. “Hey!” she heard a voice call out. She looked down to see Hikaru holding a teakettle. “I wanted to apologize what I did earlier,” sighed Hikaru. “I know about the Ms. Smarty Pants Doll… Pinkie told me,” replied Ranma-Chan, knowing it wasn’t her fault. “I know how you feel about school.” Hikaru sighed, knowing she had a problem and she had to admit it. Just then, Ranma-Chan started laughing. “What’s so funny?” “Just think about the notepad and quill so you can help her with her ‘homework’. You are such a nerd!” “Hey!” Hikaru glared at the boy turned girl. “We’re even now.” Hikaru sighed as her hands glowed with magic. The teakettle was then surrounded by Hikaru's aura as it floated up to Ranma-Chan. “I wasn’t able to get one of the thermoses.” “Where did you even get this?” “I got it from the janitor’s closest.” Just then, a very angry Kuno showed up. “Ranma Saotome, where are you!” he yelled. “I’ll distract him!” Hikaru told Ranma-Chan. “Okay.” She lifted the kettle, but had dropped it. She managed to catch it, but had to use her feet to keep herself steady in the tree. In other words, Ranma-Chan was stuck. “Oh man…” she groaned with a sweat drop. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Meanwhile, Hikaru appeared before Kuno. “Who are you?” asked Kuno. a few seconds later, he remembered. “You must be one of those new transfer students I heard about.” Hikaru nodded in response. “Are you willing to fight me?” “I’m not a martial artist,” replied Hikaru. “Oh I am sorry. I thought you wanted to fight me.” Kuno blinked, and that was when he saw her. Truly saw her. The long flowing indigo hair, the pink streak and purple streak on it that blended in well… He then blushed deep red. “You are beautiful.” “Wh-What?” A massive sweat drop formed on Hikaru's head. Before Kuno can say more, someone kicked in him the face, forcing him to the side. “Who did that?” he demanded as he bumped into a tree. He then turned to see the culprit. It was Ran, and she wasn’t happy. Kuno looked at her, her beautiful rainbow hair, the energy she had. She was small in certain areas, but there was just something about her. “I’ll handle him,” said Ran, “You help Ranma.” “What do you mean?” asked Hikaru as she turned…to see Ranma-Chan’s almost unnatural position in the tree. She couldn’t help but face palm. She then ran over to help the boy turned girl. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Back at where Ranma was… “How did you get like that?” Hikaru asked. “It’s complicated, okay...” said Ranma-Chan, “Just help me.” “Okay, just remain completely steady.” “I’ll try.” <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Back to Kuno… Ran took a fighting stance. “You’re not going to fight him alone sugar cube, ” another voice came. Kuno turned to see Alex. He felt it. That girl, he could feel she was American, what with the blonde hair, freckles, and the way she dressed. He knew right then she was something you didn’t see that often… well in Japan that is. “Are you sure you can handle him?” Ran pointed out in slight concern. "You're still a beginner.” “I can handle him,” assured Alex. “And I’ll help if you need it!” said Momo as she popped up from somewhere. Kuno’s eyes widened. He never saw anything like this girl before. Her bouncy hair, the way she seemed to bounce and her bouncy…um, talents. Not only that, but he could tell she was so cheerful and happy that she could make anyone smile. “But you’re not even a martial artist, Momo,” indicated Ran. “That doesn’t mean I can’t help.” Both Ran and Alex sighed, knowing it was better to agree than to say no. “Very well, then,” Kuno declared. “I will go out on a date with whoever defeats me!” He was answered with a kick from Ran and Alex that sent him flying into the air. “Why would we want that?!” the two yelled. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Back at the tree, Hikaru was trying to figure out a way to stabilize Ranma-Chan. “Can you hold still for a second?” asked Hikaru. “You already asked me that!” muttered Ranma-Chan. That was when Kuno landed on the kettle, which happened to destroy it. Of all things to happen… Ranma-Chan’s eye twitched, clearly not happy about that. “What are the chances of that happening?” asked Ran as she, Alex, and Momo came over. “Don’t ask me.” “Where is that coward Saotome?” asked Kuno. Ranma-Chan sighed and dropped him. “He hasn’t figured it out… good.” “That hurt, you know.” Ranma-Chan just ignored him and jumped out of the tree. “Come on, let’s do this,” she said. “Is that a good idea?” asked Hikaru. “He hasn’t figured it out.” “You already said that silly!” noted Momo. Ranma-Chan rolled her eyes and proceeded to give the upper classman a beating. As she did that, he looked at her. Her red hair placed into a pigtail… not only that but the skills. She was just as skilled as Akane… No, far more skilled. He landed with a thud as Ranma-Chan took his sword. “And guess what, Ranma Saotome is better than me,” he then heard Ranma-Chan say. “Is he okay?” a voice came. He looked up and saw two more girls. Chiyo and Belle. Both were very different. Her pink hair, her sad eyes, Kuno was thinking as he looked at the former She looked like she was fragile and delicate. Not only that but it looked like if she talked it would only come out in shy squeaks. “Don’t ask that about him,” said Belle, “You heard what he did.” Kuno couldn’t help but stare. She was the exact opposite of her companion; she was glowing with confidence. Not only that, but the way her hair was curled… a lot of great effort was put into it. Not only that either, she wasn’t from Japan and had a European feel to her. “Hey!” came Akane’s voice. “There you are,” he then heard Shampoo. “Come on guys," said Ranma-Chan. "Let’s go home.” “School isn’t over yet,” Akane pointed out. “And lunch didn’t even happen yet,” said Momo. “I don’t even think we’ve been here an hour,” added Hikaru. Ranma-Chan sweat dropped upon hearing those responses. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Sometime later, Kuno was mulling over things in class. “What’s wrong, Kuno baby?” asked Nabiki. “Those transfer students… Are all of them staying at your house?” asked Kuno. “Yeah, why?” “Tell me, what’s the name of the girl with the indigo hair, the one with the streaks?” “Why should I tell you?” Nabiki now had a certain tone. A tone of… business. Kuno sighed and knew her game, taking out a wad of cash, “1,000 yen for every name you give me.” “Deal. Her name is Hikaru Hakumei.” Kuno paid her the money, took out some paper and began to compose a letter. Once he was done, he turned back to Nabiki. “Now what’s the name of the one with the rainbow hair?” “Ran Issanni…” Kuno once again paid her and began to write another letter. “The American.” “Alex Jackson…” Kuno, as one can guess, paid her once more and wrote another letter. “The one with the poofy hair.” “Momo Mochi” Kuno paid her 1,000 more yen and wrote a fourth letter. “Now the girl with the pigtail in Chinese clothing.” “That doesn’t sound like a description of one of the transfer students,” someone else cut in. Kuno and Nabiki turned to see that it was the girl who stuck around with the otaku boy (and was an otaku herself). “What? How do you know?” “I heard what the transfer students look like. There is a girl in Chinese clothing, but she has purple hair and a hard-to-describe hairstyle.” “Oh… not her… That girl! She dares insult the great Tatewaki Kuno.” “Oh, any girl who dares insult the “Great Tatewaki Kuno” doesn’t get a letter? You know, I have no idea what you’re doing nor do I want to.” The otaku girl walked away, deciding just to ignore her classmate for the time being. Nabiki however still had to talk to him due to the business agreement they had. He wrote the letter despite not knowing the girl’s name (or the fact that she was really a boy) and instead labeling it for the tree borne kettle girl. “Now tell be about the one with the pink hair,” Kuno said. “Chiyo Onbin…” Nabiki answered with a sigh. He once again paid her and began to write the letter. “And the girl who’s from somewhere in Europe? I don’t know where, but she definitely wasn’t from America.” “Belle Perle.” “That’s all I needed to know.” Kuno gave her the final 1,000 yen, wrote his final letter, and handed them all to Nabiki. She looked at the letters and sighed. This isn't gonna end well, she thought. Especially with Fluttershy. As far as I know, she wouldn't be able to fight, let alone Kuno. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> That afternoon at the Tendo Dojo… the six ponies were in their true forms, lying next to the table as did Shampoo and Ranma. “So, how was your first day of school?” asked Cologne. “It was fun!” said Pinkie, “I can’t wait to go again.” “Speak for yourself,” snarked Rainbow Dash. “Oh come now," said Cologne. "It wasn’t that bad.” “Akane gets harassed every morning by a large group of boys who want to date her,” said Twilight. “Well, I guess that’s one thing I need to work with her on. I went though a man-hating phase myself when I was young, but that’s another story for another time.” “And I bet it will involve what made you go though it showing up in a way that's so very unexpected it's kind of scary but also really funny,” spouted Pinkie. Cologne stared at her, not sure how to respond so she decided to ignore her, while at the same time silently hoping HE wouldn’t show up. “By the way, Applejack. I need your help with something. It involves Akane’s training.” “Why me?” “You’ll see when we begin.” <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Meanwhile, outside the dojo… Akane was breaking some cement blocks with her fist outside the dojo. Just then, Cologne came in. “Sorry to keep you waiting,” she said, “Now we have to wait for your sparring partner." “Who is it?” asked Akane. “Let’s get into the dojo and wait. I have a feeling she’s getting into a fight with a certain dress-making unicorn.” Akane blinked, not sure which one she would be sparring with (other than the fact it wasn’t Rarity). <><><><><><><><><><><><><> A few minutes later… Alex walked in, wearing a martial arts gi, and holding a teakettle, which she placed by the door. She then walked over to where Akane and Cologne were standing. “Sorry for taking too long," she apologized. "Rarity would let me wear any of my clothes.” “Alex is still a beginner," Cologne told Akane. "I know you are more skilled than her, but I don’t think you'd be able to handle the others without them going easy on you. For the time being, Applejack is your opponent.” Akane shrugged and the two began. Alex started off by throwing a kick, which Akane dodged. When it hit, the floor broke a little. Akane thought, Wow, Applejack does have some powerful legs. The distraction allowed a kick to land on Akane's back, which knocked her to the floor. OK, THAT'S IT! Akane charged, and the two exchanged attacks. As they battled, Akane noticed something; Alex didn’t use her hands very much. Most of it was kicks, and she even used her legs to block most of the time. I guess she's used to using her legs... Smirking, Akane quickly grabbed Alex's incoming roundhouse, and slammed her to the floor. She then quickly grabbed Alex's ankles. "No more kicking for you!" Alex simply used her hands to punch Akane, stunning her. Alex smirked. "I'm not a fan of using my hands... Since I technically wasn't born with any. But… I guess I'll have to manage." The two then continued to go at it. After a while, Cologne spoke up. “I think that’s enough. You may go, Applejack.” “Okay,” said Alex as she headed to the door, picked up the teakettle and poured it on herself, reverting to her pony form. She then took off the gi and left. Akane wondered why she changed so quickly, but decided to not to dwell on it for the time being. “I think you noticed something about Applejack’s fighting style,” Cologne said. “She mostly used her legs,” Akane realized. “That’s right. Each fighter—regardless of form, be they human or pony—has their own style. Applejack uses her legs, Shampoo uses weapons most of the time, Rainbow Dash uses speed, Ryoga uses brute strength, and Ranma…well, he’s a bit of a jack-of-all-trades.” “So…why are you telling me this?” asked Akane, “I know that each person has their own style.” “I thought it would be a good idea to start from the beginning.” Said Cologne. “I see…” “I think you should try out a few weapons before I make my final decision with how I train you. But we’ll save that for another day.” “But, I don’t know…” Akane had problems with a certain weapon. “I know all about the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. In fact I once dated the founder.” Cologne shivered slightly at the memory, “But that’s a story for another time.” Akane could've sworn that her father once mentioned he trained under the founder. She wondered if it was the same man. It'd be too much a coincidence if it were true. “Anything Goes means Anything Goes. Unless the rules changed…” Realizing what Cologne meant, Akane cut in, “It’s not that… It’s just that… never mind… I’m going to take a bath.” As Cologne watched Akane leave, she thought, maybe her reluctance to use weapons has something to do with her hatred of men. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> Meanwhile… In the living room, Pinkie Pie was watching television. “This thing is amazing!” she yelled, “I can’t believe there’s something like that here!” “I guess they don’t have TVs in your universe,” said Ranma as he did some stretches on the deck. “Could you please turn it down?” pleaded Twilight, her nose in a book. “I’m trying to read.” That was when Nabiki showed up, holding the letters Kuno had written earlier in the day. “Hey, do you know where others are?” she asked. “We know where Rainbow Dash is,” said Ranma, pointing to the garden. Nabiki turned around and sweat dropped; she saw Rainbow Dash lying on a cloud. It was below the eye line of the wall, so no one would be able to see her. How is that possible? Nabiki thought. Where did she even get that? She then shook the thought out of her head. Never mind. It’s probably magic; you don’t need to explain it. After handing the letters to Pinkie, Ranma, and Twilight, she then turned to the sky blue Pegasus and yelled, “Hey! Wake up!” In an instant, Rainbow Dash jolted awake. “Huh… what’s going on?” she asked. Nabiki held out the letter labeled "Ran Issanni" and the Pegasus flew over to get it. “That’s strange…” mused Twilight. “He knows I don’t fight.” “Thank you not giving my name, by the way,” said Ranma. “What’s going on?” asked Rarity as she entered the room. Nabiki gave her the letter labeled "Belle Perle" and she read it. “But I didn’t even fight him… why would he even want to meet with me?” “Well he wants to meet with all of you, for some reason,” said Nabiki. “Don’t worry," assured Rainbow Dash in a teasing manner. "If you come, we’ll protect you.” “That’s… fine…” Rarity was holding in her rage. “We have to talk to Applejack and Fluttershy about this,” Twilight said with a sigh. “Talk about what?” asked Applejack as she came into the room with Fluttershy. “Speak of the devil…” mused Nabiki. “Well…” Twilight didn't need to say more as Nabiki handed the two the letters. Afterwards, the seven that received the letters began to talk about it and decided to go for it. After all, Kuno probably wouldn’t rest until they all faced each other. <><><><><><><><><><><><><> That Sunday, they had come up with a plan; Ranma-Chan, Ran, and Alex would act a first defense. On the off chance they failed, then Hikaru and Momo would take over, the former with her magic and the later with her…um, Mono-ness. And should THAT fail too…well, there was Chiyo with her Stare. That was when Kuno arrived, his hands behind his back. “Where’s your sword,” inquired Ranma-Chan. “I do not need one today,” replied Kuno, “Instead, I have something to give you all.” He then tossed out several things at them, which they managed to catch… bouquets of roses. “I know this might sound a little cruel, but I have fallen in love with every single one of you. I’m sorry I have to share my love, but that’s just how I feel.” They watched Kuno as he left. Once he was gone, there was a stunned silence as the six ponies turned humans just stared, wondering what just happened right now. That silence was then ended with a loud thump. Ranma-Chan was on the ground, processing the information. “Sugar cube, you okay?” asked Alex. Ranma-Chan could only nod, as she was in shock over what just happened. And of course, this was only the beginning of the madness that would surely come.