//------------------------------// // Meet Royalty And Royally Screw It Up // Story: No More Ponies: Equestrian Struggle // by VectorGameplay //------------------------------// No More Ponies Equestrian Struggle Meet Royalty And Royally Screw It Up By:Vectorgameplay "Where in Equestria is he?!" Celestia yelled in irritation as she sat on her throne, "The guards have already covered the castle, Canterlot and Ponyville but we still haven't found a single trace of Discord and worst of all he hasn't attacked yet." "But your Highness... isn't that a good thing?" Shining Armor asked the overly stressed princess. She just looked at her captain of the royal guard directly in the eyes for several seconds as if he had just asked the stupidest question in the known world. "No it is not... it is not good at all!!" Replied Celestia to the nervous stallion. "But why exactly isn't it a good thing?" "Why? You want to know why? I will tell you why!" Celestia faced Shining Armor with a look of delirium, "The longer he takes to attack, the more evil the plan he has prepared for us gets… can't you see it? The whole kingdom... no, the whole world is in extreme danger with him out there. It already happened once and he almost destroyed everything. I'm NOT going to let it happen again!!" "Sister, calm down!!" Luna said to her - now hyperventilating - sister as she entered the room. "Leave us please, Shining Armor. This is a private matter between my sister and I." "But of course, your Highness," Shining said while walking out off the room. "This is not going to end well," He muttered under his breath before leaving the room. "Are you okay sister? You never act like this when it comes to threats against the kingdom," Luna said to Celestia with a concerned look. "Yes, Lulu. I fine, it's just" - Celestia stopped for a second, trying to find the correct words to express how she felt - "my mission is to protect my subjects, my little ponies from every danger or threat they face. I just want the best for them... but now that Discord is out there with no way to find him and with the Elements of Harmony in his power, there is nothing we can do to stop him... I feel so useless!" Celestia said while looking at the floor in shame and sadness. Luna could only just stare at the sister. She had never seen her in such a state: weak, worried... scared. "Please sister, don't sell yourself short. I'm sure everything is going to turn out just fine, perhaps we coul-" Luna couldn't finish what she was saying when she felt Celestia's hoof been placed against her mouth, muffling any sounds. "Shhhh... did you hear that?" Celestia said in a hushed tone, forgetting what just happened mere seconds ago, her mood forgotten as well. "Hear what?" Luna asked, confused at Celestia’s sudden change of attitude. "It looks like it came from outside!" Celestia said, rushing through the window. She couldn't believe what she had just seen happen outside of the castle. It was a huge white portal hovering in the air in the middle of the Everfree Forest. But what really amazed her was that something came out of the portal or to be more specific, fell out of it. She couldn't distinguish what it was but one thing was for sure: it was falling directly into the Everfree Forest. "Luna, call Shining Armor and the Elite guards now! We are going to the Everfree!" -Meanwhile in the Everfree Forest- "Oh God… My head is killing me!" Travis yelled in agony at the horrible pain in his head. After being teleported to whatever place he had been taken to – and thanks to Travis' bad luck - the portal opened in one of the worst places it could have decided to open: midair. Travis tried to adjust his position while falling to reduce the damage that the fall could deal, but for some reason, his body didn't answer the same way it used to. He could feel some limbs on his body that weren't there before but that didn't matter to him right now. He was too focused on the fact he was falling to the ground. In the end he hit the ground but instead of landing with his legs and rolling with the fall, along the ground to distribute the hit to his body in Parkour style... he fell face first right into the ground. Enough said, it wasn't a pleasant feeling. "You think, author?" "Where the fuck am I?" Travis asked to himself while he laid on the ground, looking at his surroundings. All he could he were trees, a lot of tress surrounding him on every side of every style and shape. "A forest? How am I in a fucking forest?" Suddenly the memories of the battle came back to Travis. He remembered everything: the meeting, the battle, the weird as fuck combat techniques of the old guy and at last, the portal. "That should be how I got here! When I get my hands on that fucking old man again I swear I'm going to cut his hea... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WHERE ARE MY HANDS?!!" Travis couldn't help but freak out at the moment he stared at what used to be his hands, now replaced by what looked like snow white stubs… hooves."Okay Travis, calm down, calm the fuck down!! Please tell me you at least still have a dick... yes there is! Thank god. Now, you are probably hallucinating... yeah that’s it. You hit your pretty head very hard on the ground and now you probably have a concussion but you have had worse. Now let's just... get the fuck out of here, this place is creeping me out!" Travis thought before trying to stand up on his hind legs just to fall face to the floor again. "This is going to take longer than I thought" -30 minutes later- After half an hour of walking - and falling - through the dense forest, Travis finally gave up at trying to walk on his hind legs and started walking on four legs which felt strangely very natural for him. Maybe the ability came with the body or his brain just adapted to Travis' new form, not that it was really important anyway. After a little while walking, Travis found a small river with crystal clear water. "Oh thank god. I'm so thirsty," Travis said before drinking the cold water of the river. Travis didn't see it at first due to his thirst but as the water calmed again, he could see it: his reflection in the clean water. What Travis saw made no sense. He saw a small snow white horse with the same jet black anime haircut for a mane staring back at him, "Good to know that even when I'm a horse, I’m still god damn hot!" Looking lower down his body he could see what looked like a pair of pure white wings and - "wait wait wait... If I have wings, then that means I could have just flown down or at least fucking glided instead of falling face first to the ground? … And you tell me this now? Author, you fucking douchebag!" - a messy jet black tail. But the next thing that caught Travis' attention was a weird tattoo on his back side. “When did I get a tattoo on my ass... uh, flank. Whatever… where did it come from?" The tattoo was what looked like a red Santa Destroy's star with a blue beam katana - or Blood Berry to be more specific - in the middle. "I will deal with this tattoo later. This place is getting too weird even for me. I need to go anywhere else right now!" "HALT!" Travis was about to try take flight when he suddenly heard a shout from behind some bushes. "Oh thank god, you don't know how happy I am to finally find some normal..." Travis silenced himself the moment he saw the owner of that voice. Behind the bushes came out a stallion with a white coat like him but with a two toned blue mane dressed in purple armour and a... horn on his head? Behind him came more and more horses, Travis lost count after thirty. Some of them were white, some others were gray, some of them had a horn, others had wings and the rest had nothing at all. Every one of them was wearing golden armour and carried a spear. "... people." Suddenly all the guards started surrounding Travis, forming a perimeter: the winged ones covered the air while the ones with the horn as well as the normal ones covered the ground. Travis had nowhere to go. "Your Highness, we found something!" Shouted the stallion in the purple armour who was obviously the leader of the other guards if his demeanour was any indication. "Can someone please explain me what the fuck is going on?" Asked the confused Travis in his always polite way. "We could ask you the same thing, my little pony," Said a regal voice coming from behind Travis who turned around to see who the one addressing him was. In front of him were none other than both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. "Greetings, loyal subject," Princess Luna was the first to speak. "We hath graced thou with our presence here so that thou might behold us, the royal sisters! Rejoice in our presence, we simply desire thy love and admiration!" "She means, ‘hello, nice to meet you,’" Celestia said to Travis’ puzzled face. "Anyway, let's continue. My name is Princess Celestia, goddess of the sun and co-ruler of Equestria. This is my little sister Princess Luna, goddess of the moon and co-ruler. Now may you please tell us your name?" Travis tried to speak but nothing came out of his mouth. He was stunned by the mere presence of the royal sisters, he couldn't even think clearly. Just three words came to his mind at that moment: "Gorp, Fnark, Schmeggle." "Do you think he is alright Luna? I think we broke him," Celestia asked to her younger sister. "He is alright, he is just daydreaming. I can hear what he is thinking thanks to that but I don't understand the meaning of the words he is thinking of... maybe he doesn't speak Equis," Answered Luna with a concerned look. "Here, let me try to rouse him... *cough, cough* ... ART THOU ALRIGHT SUBJECT?!!" Luna said, using her Royal Canterlot Voice. "Holy shit!" Travis lost his concentration due to the powerful force of Luna's voice and fell backwards onto the ground. "What the holy fuck was that?" "Please keep thy profanities for when thou art not in our presence," Princess Luna said in a calm tone to Travis. "So-sorry ma'am," Travis said apologetically. "Apology accepted. Now please answer our question, who art thou?" Luna asked Travis with a smile . "Travis... Travis Touchdown" Travis said with pride in his voice. "Now Mister Touchdown, the next question is paramount and we need thou to answer it the best way thou can," Luna said suddenly growing serious. "Do thou know the whereabouts of Discord?" "Discord?... Oh right, the old man. Well, we both got transported here by that weird portal so I guess the old bastard should still be here somewhere," Replied Travis to Princess Luna. "He’s still here?! Guards, divide into groups of ten, cover as much of the area as you can. If you find anything, notify me immediately. If he is still here, we'll get him!" Celestia shouted with hope to her troops at the possibility that Discord was still in the forest. "Whoa girl, calm down. Where's the fire?" Travis said with his cocky attitude. "It's not like that guy is a big deal." Celestia was shocked at Travis’ attitude, referring to Discord. "Discord, the master of deceit and god of chaos is not a big deal? Where have you been living, in a cave?" "It would be cooler than that stupid motel room I call home," Travis said with a laugh. "But yeah, he wasn't that big when we fought, so..." "Wait wait wait, let me see if I got this right. You fought Discord, all by your own and you can even say that he wasn't that of a big deal? Please don't make me laugh!" Shining Armor said with a grin to Travis. "Was I talking to you dumbass? No? Then shut the fuck up!" Travis said with anger to the Captain of the royal guard. "You better start showing more respect you little..." Shining Armor started to say but was cut off by Princess Celestia. "Shining Armor, behave yourself!" She said with authority in her voice. "He is our only hope to finding what Discord was doing after he escaped from his stone prison, so I suggest we treat him the best way we can." "Yeah, listen to the lady, Shining!" Travis said with a cocky smile on his face. "Yes, Your Highness," Shining replied to the Princess, turning back to look at Travis and throwing imaginary daggers at him in his imagination. "Now, Mister Travis. Could thou please join us in the castle for a little chat? We could use thy information in capturing Discord," Princess Luna said with a warm smile to Travis. "And what if I refuse to follow you guys?" Travis asked with curiosity "Then you will be taken as a prisoner and we would interrogate you anyway," Shining Armor said aggressively. "So you had better come with us on good terms or we will force you." "I would like to watch you try dickhead!" Travis said while getting on a battle stance. Shining Armor rushed to Travis at high speed, preparing himself to take the stallion down. "Now listen here you big arrogant, you better..." Shining didn't even have time to finish what he was saying when he suddenly felt Travis tuck his head under his armpit, hoisting him up into the air then quickly falling back onto the floor with huge force, slamming Shining's head into the ground, leaving him K.O’ed. Brain Buster (Vertical Suplex) Travis quickly got to his hooves, looking at his surroundings he could see a bunch of guards with their mouths almost touching the floor and two shocked princesses standing still on their spots. "He... he knocked out the captain in just... five seconds!" One of the guards said to his team but loud enough for everypony in the immediate area to hear it. "Five... bucking... seconds!" "Well that was certainly a rather...'unique' move you pulled there, I must say," Celestia said, impressed at Travis' display of ability. "You piqued my curiosity, Travis Touchdown. Now I'm more eager to bring you to the castle so you can answer my questions." “Like I said before to your cute little sister right there," Travis said while pointing to Luna who had a light blush on her face for being called cute. "I don't know if I want to go with you two. Let's just say I'm not too fond to interrogations." "Very well!" Replied Celestia, receiving a confused look from Luna. "There were going to be just a few questions and we were going to give you lodging in the castle… but if you’d prefer to sleep in a cave right here in the Everfree forest all cold, hungry and alone so be it. Let us not forget the Timberwolves, Manticores and Ursa Majors hunting in the night but if you prefer to deal with that, who are we to stop you?" She said with a cocky smile on her face. "We hath observed what thou hast performed there" Luna thought while containing her laugh. "...You win this time lady but I want some answers too!" Travis said with a bit of discomfort. "Fair enough. Guards, stay here and inform me if there are any new developments surrounding Discord's location. Now, Travis Touchdown, please follow us to the castle so we can clarify our doubts about each other," Celestia while turning around to go back to the castle. "Oooh right, I almost forgot, Discord said hi Celly" Celestia froze in place at hearing the nickname that Discord uses for her. "What did you just call me?" Celestia said while turning back to face Travis. "Celly... That's what the old man said: ‘say hi to Celly for me,’" Travis replied, confused at the Princess’ sudden change of mood. "But how did you know it was me?" Celestia asked, thinking she already knew the answer to the question but was still a little curious. "He told me to say it to the one with the huge ass. That's all he said," Travis said before suddenly realizing what he just did. "Oh no. "Travis," Celestia said with enough authority to send a shiver down Travis' spine. "Y-yes ma'am?" "Please don’t call me that again," Celestia said in a very calm tone but Travis noticed the look she was giving him. The look that - even without making a single sound - said everything he needed to know: "Call me like that again, come on, make my day. I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, call me that one more god damn time!" Travis gulped at the mere thought of what the princess would do to him if he did. "Yes sir... uhh lady... uuuhh princess... your Highness!" He said nervously while saluting like a royal guard. Celestia didn't say anything. She didn't need to anyway. She just took flight and returned to the castle with Luna restraining her laugh the best she could next to her and a nervous Travis trying his hoof at flying behind them. He was rather shaky but he somehow managed to stop crashing and follow… after the fifth time. 25 minutes later - Canterlot's Castle "What do you mean she is not here?" Twilight asked to one of the guards in the throne room. "I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle but as I said before, the Princesses left to attend to a personal matter. That's all we were informed, if you want to know more on the subject then you will need to wait for her to return. I'm sorry for the inconvenience," The guard replied to the stressed Twilight. "But this is extremely important! I need to tell her about the strange burst of magic unleashed in the Everfree Forest!" Twilight said, almost yelling at the poor guard who was just doing his job. "I know and I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle but there is nothing I can do concerning their private matters," The guard said apologetically and with a little bit of annoyance. Twilight let out an annoyed grunt. "Fine, I will wait for her, hope she doesn't take too long in whatever she is doing" The guard breathed a sigh of relief at hearing Twilight’s response. "Finally! I can see why she is the Captain's sister. She is very dedicated when it comes to doing her job," He thought before returning to his post at the right side of the throne. Twilight waited in the throne room for about five minutes before she heard the doors being opened by Princess Celestia entering the room. "... and please take good care of our little guest, he has valuable information we can use in the future so treat him the best you can, understand?" Celestia said to a maid walking along side her. "Yes, Your Highness! Right away!" The maid replied before quickly walking away to do as Celestia requested. "Princess! I'm so glad to see you!" Twilight said cheerfully at the presence of her mentor. "Twilight, what are you doing here?" Celestia asked her excited pupil. "I came here to inform you that there was an immense flow of magic that came from the Everfree forest," Twilight said with the same excitement she has when she explains something she read in a book, "If I remember correctly, that kind of power indicates either a time travel spell or an incredibly powerful long distance travel spell was performed. We need to find what caused it immediately!" Celestia only smiled at the excitement of the young librarian. “Don't worry Twilight. My sister and I have already seen to it and as far as your assumptions are concerned you are correct with it being the latter. It was long distance travel spell. We found a stallion in the middle of the landing site. We are going to talk to him right now... Actually, now that I think about it, you could be a really big help with a little task. Do you think you are able to do it?" "Of course, Princess. I will do anything to help you!" Twilight said cheerfully. "Now listen here my faithful student, what I'm about to tell you is top secret. You can't anypony, not even your friends and it must stay as such unless I inform you to the contrary. Do you understand?" "Yes, Princess. I understand," Twilight said, nodding her head. After telling everything that happened in the Everfree forest -except of course the part where Travis knocked out Shining Armor - to Twilight, they both walked together to the guest room given to Travis. ~o~ "Man, in my book of weird shits that could have happened to me, this surely takes first place!" Travis said as he laid on the bed in one of the castle’s many guest rooms, waiting for the Princesses to arrive so they could start the questions. "I wonder what those two hot princess chicks want to know? ... I bet they want to do some kinky stuff with the crownless king!! I highly doubt it Travis. "And why exactly is that Author? If I saw correctly, the story have a romance tag on it, so...?" And I remind you just two simple words: Teen Rated!! "That doesn't mean we can have a quick one off camera and besides if the readers want to see it then you are forced to do it, so your argument is invalid, dickhead!!" ... gosh, I hate when you are right Suddenly Travis' IRL conversation was cut off by a knock on the door. "Sorry to cut this chat short but I have some royal business to attend! If you know what I mean," Travis said with his iconic confidence as he went to open the door. "Princess so nice to see..." Travis started to say when he opened the door but stopped when he saw that the pony in front of him was not one of the princesses but a lavender Unicorn mare with a confused look on her face instead. "Hi... May I... May I come in?" The Unicorn asked Travis with a nervous smile. "...Yeah sure, I guess" Travis said in disappointment. Sorry Travis but your princess is in another castle! "You're a bastard, you know that?" Travis thought before turning his attention back to the new mare. "So...Who are you and why are you here?" Travis asked to the mare in front of him. "Oh right, excuse me... My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm Princess Celestia's personal student," Twilight said politely to Travis with a smile. "She is the princess' student? Well yeah she has that nerdy air around her," Travis thought while looking at Twilight. "Now, why are you here? Not that your presence is a problem, just curious!" He asked to Twilight still with a confused look. "Well, Princess Celestia asked me if I could take care of the questioning. I hope that is not a problem," Replied Twilight with a cheerful smile. "Naah it's fine, but I have some questions too if you don't mind," Travis said politely, it bugged him a little that it wasn't the Princess who was going question him but he wasn't going to say that to her personal student! "Don't worry, now let's get started!" Twilight said with a friendly smile before taking a seat. "First, what is your full name?" "Travis Robin Touchdown," Answered Travis as he sat in front of her. Twilight quickly summoned a quill and a piece of parchment with some ink with her magic. She sat down and started to write in front of a... for some peculiar reason, a very calm Travis. You are supposed to freak out! Why aren't you freaking out? "First: because I have been teleported to a magical world ruled by colourful, talking horses. I have been turned into one of them with wings and met others with a horn and others with both of them for some reason that I consider extremely hot. Little can surprise me right now!" "And second: because the scene of the human freaking out about those kind of weird as shit powers is highly overused and bad. You should feel terrible for thinking about using it here. Nuff said!" ...Okay? "Now, what's your question, Travis?" Asked Twilight with that cheerful smile that refused to leave her face. "Oh right. Where are we right now?" Travis asked Twilight. "You are in the city of Canterlot, capital of Equestria right now. Princess Celestia told me you are kind of a natural at fighting, mind telling me where you learnt it?" "I have had my fair amount of masters in the beautiful art of fighting!" Travis said with pride in his voice. "From Randall Lovikov, a drunken guy that I found at the Bar Plastic Model to Ryan Yamazaki, owner of Ryan Yamazaki's Ultimate Workout Gym and last but no less important, Thunder Ryu, ex-professional wrestler. Always reminding me to keep my ass clean! May his soul rest in peace," Travis said with sadness at the memory of his old master. "Ooh... I'm... I'm sorry for your loss," Twilight said with pity in her voice. "That sir, Thunder Ryu… he seems very important to you." "Yeah he was, you could say he raised me since I was in my teens, he was the closest thing I had to a father," He said with a little of sorrow. Even when Twilight already knew the answer but her natural curiosity got the better of her. "And what happened to your parents?" "Ahh that's an easy question. They are dead!" Twilight was shocked, not for the answer Travis gave her since she expected that response but what she didn't expected was the calmness of Travis’ voice as he replied. "...Okay? How about siblings, do you have siblings?" "Yes, I have a brother, his name is Henry but our relationship isn't the best at the moment. If we saw each other again we would probably kill each other... Literally... And about sisters, I only have a half sister but she died four years ago." "Oh… sorry. Touchy subject I guess," Twilight said with a blush out of embarrassment. "Not at all, I was the one who killed her anyway!" Twilight stopped writing at the moment Travis said that, to say she was shocked would be an understatement for the state she just fell into. She was just plain horrified. "Wh-what!? Why would you do something like that!?" "Long story short, she was the one that killed my parents and it was my job anyway." Twilight didn't know what shocked her the most. The fact that Travis' half sister killed his parents ending in him killing her or the fact that Travis didn't seems to give a single buck about it. No sign of shame, pity, remorse... nothing. Twilight didn't want to continue asking but Celestia made her mission clear: to find as much information as possible about this mysterious stallion, no matter how difficult to process it may be. "Wh-what do you me-mean about THAT being yo-your job?" Twilight asked, stammering out of nervousness and shock. "She was the first rank in the United Assassins Association. At that time I wanted to become the number one of the assassins. At the beginning I had to fight a fancy old guy called 'Dark Star', he just talked some weird shit about him being my real father but then she appears... Jeane was her name by the by. She killed him with just one blow. One. Fucking. Blow. She started to tell me her story, bla bla bla bla, we fought, she almost killed me but I got a little of help and I managed to beat her at the end." "I... I can't do this anymore," Twilight said while getting up of her seat. "This should be enough for the Princess... Thank you for your time," She said, totally freaked out at Travis’ summary of his life. "Hey, where are you going? We just started to have fun! And besides you still owe me like four or five questions!" Travis said with his cocky attitude. "Sorry, but I don't have enough time. I need to give this report to the Princess right now," She quickly said, don't wanting to be the room anymore. "Come on! Just one quick questions and then you can go!" "Fine, but make it quick!" Twilight said, turning back to face Travis. "Are you single?" Asked Travis with a charming smile and receiving very visible blush from Twilight who quickly left the room, leaving the white Pegasus stallion alone again. "I will take your silence and quick exit as a ‘yes’!" He said with a grin before getting off his seat to lay on the king sized bed in the room. 7 Minutes Later - Throne Room Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sat on their thrones, dumbfounded while reading Twilight's report of Travis' past. A tough and traumatic foalhood. A very troublesome relationship with the only family he has, having to end his own half sister’s life and - based on his job description - many others. The Princesses couldn't help but feel a mixture of both fear and pity for him. "What do you think we should do with him, sister?" Luna asked to her older sister. "I don't know Luna, but what really confuse me is, why would Discord sent us somepony like him?" Celestia said with worry to her sister. "Why don't just put him in the dungeon?" Luna asked again while looking at her sister. "Because so far he hasn't done anything illegal, even though he claims to have committed murder we don't have any proof to verify that statement." "Then what do you suggest we do?" Celestia thought deeply for a while, trying to remember every useful detail she could of their last conversation before finally coming up with something. "Wait, do you remember what he said when we first met him, Luna?" "What do you mean, 'Tia?" Asked Luna with a confused look. "He said he fought Discord if I remember correctly. Do you think what he said was true?" "Well..." Luna started to think for a minute before answering. "He has a great ability at fighting as we saw earlier with Shining Armor's incident and we detected some residual chaos magic in him which means that he actually made contact with Discord's magic, so yes, it is highly probable he did. Why?" "I think we can use that to our advantage," Celestia said, turning to smile at the younger sister who eyes went wide when she realized her older sister’s plan. "Are you thinking what I think you are thinking, 'Tia?" Celestia just smiled wider at her sister. "Luna, please set a meeting with both Travis and the element bearers. We have an announcement and a little explanation to make." -Meanwhile in the Everfree Forest- "Sir, the Princesses haven't come back for us and it's been quite a while. What do we do now to get out of this forest?" A royal guard said while awaiting orders from his captain. "In desperate times we pray to the greatest source of wisdom in all of Equestria!" Shining Armor said with a serious look before looking inside of his saddlebags. "Soldiers, I present you all with..." He paused to add dramatic tension before pulling out the item. "The Magical Conch Shell!!" He shouted in excitement. "I... Are you serious?" Said one of the guards looking at the item his captain was holding. "Oh magic conch, what should we do to get out of this forest?" Shining Armor said before pulling on a little cord at the back of the shell with his magic. "...Nothing" Said a feminine voice coming out of the conch shell. "THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!" Yelled Shining Armor before sitting on the ground, doing nothing. The other guards just stared at him, dumbfounded and with wide mouths almost touching the floor. "...Ahh to Tartarus with it, GLORY TO THE MAGIC CONCH!" they said before sitting alongside thier captain to do just that. Nothing...