//------------------------------//
// Ponyville 
// Story: Grey Heart 
// by Flamepony2229 
//------------------------------//

The light from the sun was not what I had hoped to greet me outside, I knew it was out there, but I didn't want to greet it in my tired face. I decide to stick to the shadows for two reasons; I am not a sociable pony, many of my friends are ones I've made under alcohol and in rave clubs, such as Vinyl Scratch, and the other reason is my own poniality, I've hurt so many of my friends and they have hurt me, the last pony that I had been hurt by was my previous marefriend, who left me for another stallion. We never really got along anyway, we were just at the same place at the same time and hit it off from there. But still, it will be a long time before I finally trust somepony enough that I would give my own life for them.

As I trot towards my next destination I begin too feel the urge to turn around, like I'm being watched by somepony. As I turn, I seem to be greeted by a lovely bright pink pony, she is very perky and is carrying a smile that nearly reaches her ears, quite the feature for a pony. 

Don't question the logic of pinkie pie, you will just hurt yourself.

And that's why I drink your sorrows away brain.

"Hi! I just saw that you looked so down and needed a cheering up so I've come over here to help you with that or is it a problem for your mind only in which case I can offer a party to go with that or maybe you wish to be alone in which I can't let you do that as everypony needs to have a friend to be with!" She exclaims as she keeps looking at me.

How the hay does she even do that?

Fuck, that hurt a bit.

"Uhhhhh... No pinkie it's fine, I'm happy" I answer back putting on my best fake smile, she stares at me for a bit before abruptly disappearing under a table of the shop she stopped me by. I check under the table with curiosity getting the better of me, even though I already know the answer, I still do it. Gone. She was not there. I shrug and move onwards down my lonely and miserable trek.

Everywhere I look, smiles and laughter stream across the streets, young fillies dance around with each other as they play jump rope and talk about odd subjects like how to get there cutie marks, they all seem so happy and content to move on with there lives, no matter what troubles may cross their minds. 

I find my destination, being the local market, once again I stick to the shadows of the market and move towards each location I wish to be in and avoid making necessary eye contact and use as little words as possible, they all can see that something is wrong, but they don't push for information as they know what I have done, the things I've seen, they all know my dark side. I've tried to hide it truly I have, but it seems to always come back and bite my flank with sharp teeth, and damn they hurt. Why can't they see the good in me I will never understand to a full content, but the fact that they are nearly nervous to the fact I'm around is what hurts the most.

"A basket of apples, please" I say as I count out the necessary bits to pay for them

"Eeyup" is all I'm greeted with from a tall red stallion before a basket is placed in front of me, with twelve sweet and juicy apples. Wrapping the basket in my magic, I toss the bits over and move off towards the park, a customary place I've decided to go to in order to relax and hopefully relieve stress.

As I lay on the grass, back adjacent to the soft ground and my head held high to watch as clouds move by, I chew hungrily away at an apple as my previous breakfast was a small oats bar and a coffee, the flavours that most would find dance upon their pallet seem to linger in despair and hatred for me, I have a quick glance down at my cutie mark to notice its colour has faded back to the usual dark grey. 

Maybe my cutie mark changes in colour to the mood I am in deep inside.

Shut up brain, your logic is unwelcome at this time. 

The battle continues to rage on inside of me, being a conflict of knowledge, logic and depression, all fighting for control over my very being. The clouds seem to depict strange shapes as I stare at them, one of which seemed to take the shape of a heart, that then breaks abruptly into two pieces. Another cloud appears in the shape of two ponies, side by side, in love. They begin to drift slowly apart, and I start to shy away from the clouds now, but then I notice something: they move back together, slowly but surely, they move in side by side once again. A tear begins to well up in my eye as I stare intensely at the cloud above, it represents all my life has ever been, all it ever was, except we never came back together. She is tearing me apart from the inside, maybe this was a sign, for better things to come, for hope. 

Why do you even bother with this life of yours, it's not worth it, you are the saddest pony I've ever had to live with.

That's because I am you, idiot, this is our life, not just mine, a battle we both have to face.

Are you sure we have to face it, we never have had it good, it's all been unhappiness ever since she left, why not end it all now?

You're telling me to end it all now? We are the same being brain, I am the one that makes the physical decisions, so shut up and do your job.

All I am saying is that there are other options then torturing your self like this, many say to pick up the broken pieces and move on, well your pieces are already picked up and they are in the wrong places, maybe you should "opt out" if you know what I mean.

You know what brain, you're right, my life is over, and so is yours