~Author: JDC~
It was a nice sunny day in Ponyville, when suddenly, a blinding flash of light appeared. An alicorn, one and a half times the height of Princess Celestia, appeared in the town square.
This amazing alicorn had a whiter-than-white body, with lustrous, shiny wings that glinted in the sunlight. The wings were so large that she had twice the wingspan of Princess Celestia. She had a swirling galaxy adorning each flank as her Cutie Mark. Her extravagant mane, twice the length of her body, glimmered with constantly shifting, gleaming rainbow colours, billowing to one side of her as if blown by wind. Her tail also looked similar, extending behind her by half the length of her body, and it also billowed as if blown by wind. She had a stunningly beautiful face, with emerald eyes and a gentleness that put Princess Celestia to shame. She wore an extravagant gold breastplate, adorned with a massive diamond in the centre, along with smaller jewels of all sorts on the sides of the breastplate. She had an equally extravagant crown, adorned with diamonds, emeralds, amethysts, and any other precious gemstones that could be thought of. Her horn was twice the length of Princess Celestia's, and adorned with seven golden rings, each inset with a gemstone, so that all rings each had a different rainbow colour for their gems. Finally, she wore four extravagant golden hoofshoes, each decorated in a similar fashion to her breastplate.
In short, she looked AWESOME!
All of the ponies in the town square stopped and turned to face this alicorn. Their jaws dropped open due to the sheer beauty and awesomeness of this alicorn. All of the pegasi in the sky above Ponyville who saw her were so enthralled that they forgot they were flying, and promptly fell, crashing straight into the ground violenty.
"Oh dear!" said the alicorn. "I must fix this!"
A glowing, rainbow-coloured aura appeared around her horn, and suddenly, all of the dead pegasi littering the town square got up, unharmed, and turned to their saviour.
"Wow! You're so awesome!"
"Yeah! You're the best, you're my new favourite pony! Princess Celestia has got nothing on you!"
"Seriously, you're the best thing to ever happen to Ponyville, no, to all Equestria!"
"It's not a problem," said the awesome alicorn. She bowed slightly.
"Whoa! She's so humble!"
"Yes, it's so awesome to see someone so awesome be so awesome by not bragging but being awesomely humble!"
"Whoa! Now I see why all my boasting was wrong, I'll never do it again!", said a cyan pegasus mare with a prismatic mane.
From that day forward, Rainbow Dash never boasted again, but was extremely humble, well liked, accepted into the Wonderbolts, and married to Soarin' within a week. Three weeks later, she became the new captain of the Wonderbolts.
"Hitherewowyoulooksoawesomeandcoolnotevencellylooksthisnicethisissototallyamazingi'mpinkiepiewhatisyourname?" said a highly energetic, bouncing light pink mare, with a dark pink, puffy, mane an tail. She was clearly on a sugar rush.
"I am Queen Galaxia!" exclaimed the awe-inspiring alicorn.
"Ohwowthat'sanawesomenameandlookatthatswirlinggalaxycutiemarkwowi'llthrowapartyforyourightnow!" Out of nowhere, the physics-defying Pinkie Pie produced a party cannon and fired it. Tables, chairs, streamers, food and balloons were scattered all over the place. Ponies near the main square, including the Mane Six, were suddenly drawn in by awesomeness and started having the Best. Party. EVER! A party that was so important, not using capital letters and full stops when describing it was a crime.
"Hey, why don't you come sit with us?" said Pinkie Pie.
"I'd be delighted," said Queen Galaxia, conjuring an XL++ chair for her at the table. She sat her enormous, royal plot down and asked, "Who are these delightful ponies?"
"Their names are Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack," said Pinkie Pie, pointing a hoof at the following ponies in turn: A lavender alicorn with a midnight blue mane with some purple and pink, a white unicorn with a stylish purple mane, a vanilla yellow pegasus with a light pink mane, the previously mentioned cyan pegasus, and an orange earth pony with a blonde mane and Stetson hat. "This is Queen Galaxia!" shouted Pinkie Pie enthusiastically, pointing her other hoof at Queen Galaxia.
"Oooooooooooooooo!" said Pinkie's friends, in unison.
They chatted about Queen Galaxia's adventures, not even bothering to talk about themselves, as Queen Galaxia was far too interesting to be concerned about such trifling details, in their opinion. They headed to Sugarcube Corner for a more private chat after Queen Galaxia stated how she freed some cybernetic organisms in another universe, many of whom were flying massive cube-shaped starships with a length of over three kilometres a side.
Meanwhile, at Ponyville town square, all of the stallions had pink hearts in their eyes, and the mares with them were glowering at their partners with an icy stare.
"She is so HOT!"
"Screw my wife, I'm going to marry that queen right now!"
"NO! SHE'S MINE!", yelled an angry, massive, white pegasus stallion with tiny wings that should not be able to support him. He had massive, rippling muscles all over his body and looked as if he had overdosed on steroids. With a swift swing of his hoof, he sent a large earth pony stallion flying right through the wall of the nearest house. This pony, unworthy of any further description due to his background status, died on impact.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! I'M GONNA -"
One timely scene transition later - mysteriously invoked in order to avoid explicit sexual content - in Sugarcube Corner, Queen Galaxia agreed to meet with Twilight Sparkle in her library, at the end of her discussion with Twilight and her friends.
Once Queen Galaxia left, she sensed something was wrong, and teleported straight to the Ponyville town square. The place had erupted into chaos, and was now a bloody battlefield, littered with the corpses of stallions vying for Queen Galaxia's affection. The mares had already fled the chaos, deciding living was better than beating their cheating husbands senseless. Numerous buildings had been badly damaged with stallion-shaped holes all over them. The only remaining stallion was a massive red earth pony stallion, hooves covered with blood. He had a large green apple for a Cutie Mark, and enough physical strength to make Captain Falcon's 'Falcon Punch' attack seem like a very gentle tap. Once he noticed his soon-to-be wife had reappeared, hearts reappeared in his eyes, but before he could utter a word, Queen Galaxia cut him off.
With a flash of her horn, all of the buildings were repaired, and all of the dead stallions suddenly appeared, just fine, lined up with the now immaculate stallion that had survived, in front of Queen Galaxia. "All of you should be ashamed of yourselves! Abandoning your wives like that for somepony you've never met. Just because I'm the most beautiful pony in existence does not mean you get to chase after me and fight to the death for my hoof in marriage," she chided. All of the stallions looked very guilty.
"We're so sorry, Queen Galaxia!"
"You're right, we never should have done that!"
"I can't believe we turned on each other like that!"
"Can you forgive us?"
"Yes," said Queen Galaxia. "You should all apologise for your behaviour to each other, and to your wives, they'll understand."
"Okay!"
"We're so sorry!"
"Eeyup," said the large red earth pony stallion.
All of the stallions started crying waterfalls of tears, hugging each other, and then returning to their wives. Queen Galaxia had seen to it that their wives would understand, but she also knew where the stallions would be sleeping for the next three months.
quen Galaxya "having' dealt with 'teh" -crazee- mail adolt ponees 'theen' heded, off, to Goldden Ok's librery too; meat. "Princesss Twilite sparkel"
Wait, thought Queen Galaxia, I sense a disturbance in the force.
Queen Galaxia, having dealt with the crazy stallions, headed off to Golden Oaks Library to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle.
That's better. I can't allow stories written about me have such atrocious mistakes in spelling, punctuation and grammar.
Once she arrived at the library, she headed in after being greeted by Twilight, and they discussed magic and science for half an hour. At the end of the discussion, Queen Galaxia conjured a thin book, but magically enchanted to actually have one million pages, entitled Master Mage's Mystical Magic Manual. After Twilight looked at the book and quickly went through a few pages, her jaw dropped in shock.
As if Queen Galaxia knew what Twilight was thinking, Galaxia said "Yes, Princess, this is all for you," and smiled. Queen Galaxia's face remained calm and serene in spite of the fact that a lavender alicorn princess was bouncing around her like a little filly, adding an occasional somersault to her jumps.
"YesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"
Ordinarily, Twilight would have collapsed from exhaustion without inhaling for so long, but some mysterious power allowed her to keep going. In the time to come, the book would allow Twilight to become more powerful than Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadance combined, and she took over as sole ruler of Equestria one year later.
"I hope you like the gift Twilight, I have some business to attend to, goodbye," said Queen Galaxia, heading out the door. As she closed the door, she could hear more amazed affirmative alliteration from behind it.
She then visited Applejack and her family, magically fixed Granny Smith's hip, showed how apple yield could be improved 1337%, and praised Applebloom for her skills in construction work that she mysteriously knew about. Applebloom got a Cutie Mark with a saw over a wooden panel on both her flanks as a result. She spoke to Applejack in private about her big brother's behaviour earlier. After Queen Galaxia left, she could hear an argument. "Big Macintosh! I can't believe you'd go so crazy over somepony like her, even if she is the most beautiful, awesome, alicorn ever! You're sleeping in the barn for the next three months! Now get out there and plow those new fields!" yelled Applejack.
Big Macintosh, the finally named red earth pony stallion from earlier in this story, flushed a shade of red so deep that it was clearly noticeable, in spite of his naturally red face. "Eeyup..." Big Macintosh's ears folded downwards as he trudged off to do his extra work.
Next, Queen Galaxia paid a brief visit to Sugarcube Corner, showing Pinkie Pie numerous cake recipes too awesome to be described in mere words, principles of physics breaking, along with a guide to planning parties, entitled Planning Perfect Precious Parties. Once Queen Galaxia left, Pinkie Pie started gushing with praise, speaking at a rate of six-hundred words-per-minute for two-and-a-half minutes. The wall of text that would be necessary to show what she said has been omitted on the account of the death it would cause to all readers.
After that, Queen Galaxia went to Carousel Boutique, and discussed fashion with Rarity for an hour. After giving some advice on fashion that would result in Rarity putting all other fashion designers in Equestria out of business within three months (although said fashion designers would join up with Rarity), Sweetie Belle decided to sing for the Queen. Queen Galaxia was so impressed she complimented Sweetie Belle on her awesome singing, and Sweetie Belle found her flanks adorned by two musical notes each. After saying "Thank you!" a thousand times in a row, each thank you being punctuated by a kiss on Queen Galaxia's hoof, Rarity bade Queen Galaxia farewell. Then, she pulled up her fainting couch, and both Rarity and Sweetie Belle fainted on the couch in awe at what had just happened.
After leaving Carousel Boutique, Queen Galaxia heard an ear-splitting roar, and teleported to its source. She appeared just outside Fluttershy's cottage, and saw that not one, but ten Ursa Majors had come out of Everfree Forest, intent on going on a rampage throughout Equestria. Fluttershy's Stare didn't even faze these titanic, starry bears, so Queen Galaxia used her own. In an instant, the Ursa Majors were paralyzed with fear, shaking uncontrollably, with their ears folded back and tears welling up in their oversized eyes. "You should know better than to go around destroying defenceless creatures. Return to the Everfree Forest this instant! Be careful not to step on anything on the way," stated Queen Galaxia sternly. One-by-one, the Ursa Majors carefully stepped back into the forest, while miraculously not destroying anything on the way.
Three minutes later, Queen Galaxia had taught Fluttershy her own Supreme Serious Stare technique. Then, she taught Fluttershy advanced techniques for caring for animals, using terminology far too detailed for an audience of readers that are not veterinarian surgeons. From that time on, Fluttershy stopped being shy and timid, with her new staring technique being all she needed to stop even a Princess dead in their tracks with fright. She also became the leading vet in Equestria in one month. After bidding Fluttershy farewell, Queen Galaxia's keen eyes clearly noticed Rainbow Dash practicing aerial stunts in the sky, fifty miles away.
With a blinding flash, Rainbow Dash suddenly noticed a massive alicorn form eclipsing the Sun, facing her. "Hi Rainbow Dash, those are some nice moves. Want to see my best trick?"
"Do I? That would be SO AWESOME!" squealed Rainbow Dash, making a very familiar smiley face by squeezing her face with her hooves.
In an instant, Queen Galaxia shot straight up into the sky, leaving shimmering, shifting rainbow contrails in her wake. At the apex of her climb, she suddenly changed course to head downwards towards the ground at an angle of 45º. At the instant of her course change, not one, but four, circular, rainbow-coloured shockwaves appeared from where Queen Galaxia was. Each of them were inclined at an angle of 45º to two of the other shockwaves, such that there was one vertical shockwave, one horizontal shockwave, and two diagonal shockwaves. Queen Galaxia then kept making sudden, random course changes every few seconds, with a quadruple Sonic Rainboom occuring each time.
The sky was awash with shimmering, shifting, rainbow colours, as well as the numerous shockwaves. The extreme epileptic episodes and sonic shredding that would normally have been induced by such a display were magically negated by Queen Galaxia's pegasus magic. She couldn't have any spectators being endangered, after all.
Both Rainbow Dash, along with a young pegasus filly with an orange body and a purple mane, were utterly mesmerized by the display. The latter suddenly figured out how to fly, while the former crashed into the ground, after forgetting to fly; breaking every bone in her body in the process. Fortunately, Queen Galaxia healed Rainbow Dash, and complimented Scootaloo on the amazing breakdancing she was doing.
A figure of a pegasus, with forelegs outstretched to each side, and a ballet skirt appeared on Scootaloo's flanks. At long last, the rampage of the Cutie Mark Crusaders was at an end, and not too soon. Tomorrow, the CMC had planned to get their Cutie marks in firefighting, which would have resulted in the incineration of Ponyville and 95% of its population.
After Rainbow Dash got up, her jaw was stuck wide open, reaching all the way down to the ground. "Would you like to learn this trick?" asked Queen Galaxia.
"Would I? Showmeshowshowme!" squealed Rainbow Dash. Within 3 minutes, Rainbow Dash had also learned Queen Galaxia's Super Secret Special Sweet Serious Rainboom technique, along with how to use pegasus magic to stop spectators from dying of the sheer awesomeness.
"Remember, don't show it off too much, save it for special occasions," warned Queen Galaxia. Rainbow Dash wisely chose to wait until the next Young Flyers Competition at Cloudsdale. Suddenly, Twilight and the rest of her friends arrived for no apparent reason. "Why don't we go visit Canterlot Castle? I have some catching up to do there," said Queen Galaxia. Twilight and her friends agreed, and in a flash, they appeared just outside Canterlot. However, something was very wrong.
The entire city of Canterlot looked as if it had been ripped out of the ground, and it was swirling all over the place, with panicked unicorns and earth ponies hurtling towards the ground. "Discord!" exclaimed Twilight, pointing her hoof at an all-too-familiar draconequus.
"Q!" exclaimed Queen Galaxia. Twilight and her friends turned towards Queen Galaxia, with a confused look on their faces. "I've had enough of you wreaking chaos and havoc all over the place! It's time to put an end to your evil once and for all!"
Meanwhile, in another universe...
Missiles exploded violently all over the grass, sending burnt grass flying everywhere. Between the explosions, laser beams, and bullets, a blurry blue streak sped past, expertly weaving past all of the destruction.
"GETALOADOFGETALOADOFGETALOADOFTHIS!" yelled the pilot of a large machine, the source of all the destruction. Suddenly, from the machine, dubbed the 'Egg Dragoon Mark XX', two long metal panels extended. "See if you can make it through here, Sonic!" said the egg-shaped pilot.
"You just don't know when to quit, do you Eggman?" The blue blur slowed down, revealing an anthropomorphic blue hedgehog, with green eyes, red sneakers and white gloves. In a flash, he started jumping repeatedly between the extended metal panels, heading towards the cockpit of Dr. Eggman's latest invention. However, just before impact, a hand suddenly reached out from a hidden panel, grabbing Sonic in place.
"Gotcha!" exclaimed Dr. Eggman. "ALL SYSTEMS, FULL POWER!" Multiple laser cannons came out from hidden panels on the Egg Dragoon, and they pointed straight at Sonic's head. As they were starting to glow red, Sonic smirked, and then seven gemstones appeared, flying around him. "No, not the Chaos Emeralds!" However, as suddenly as they appeared, the Chaos Emeralds vanished.
"Huh? That's never happened before!" said a very confused and bewildered Sonic.
"MWAHAHAHAHA! I finally have you! Prepare to die, Sonic!"
Back in Equestria, at Canterlot, the Chaos Emeralds appeared magically, circling around Queen Galaxia.
"Well, my work here is done, time to go bother Jean-Luc!" said Discord, smiling gleefully.
"You're not going anywhere! Chaos... CONTROL!" said Queen Galaxia in response.
Suddenly, Canterlot stopped spinning, and was placed back gently down in the ground. Then, the tear in the earth from were Canterlot had been ripped from was magically fixed up by glowing, rainbow-coloured beams coming from the tip of Queen Galaxia's horn. All ponies of Canterlot were cheering for Queen Galaxia, having been saved from destruction yet again.
"You can't just CONTROL chaos!" Discord teleported right in front of Queen Galaxia.
"Problem?" she stated, grinning a wicked smile designed to incite rage. Having had enough of Q/Discord, she stared at him, and he was instantly turned back to stone. "I'll deal with him later," said Queen Galaxia, as she suddenly teleported away with the Chaos Emeralds.
Meanwhile, at least 370 red dots appeared all over Sonic's body, as the lasers finished fully charging. Eggman had waited so long for this moment. He would not be satisfied by anything less than 370 high-powered laser beams destroying Sonic and at least half of the surrounding landscape. Sonic struggled to break free, but to no avail. "It's no use, give up!" said Eggman, as he fired all lasers at Sonic.
Precisely 0.00000000000000000001 seconds after they fired, a glowing, rainbow-coloured force-field appeared around Sonic, blocking all 370 laser beams. "What? No way, I can't believe this!" the bewildered mad scientist shouted. Suddenly, with a blinding flash of light, Sonic was on the ground, beside Queen Galaxia.
"I had to borrow these for a few seconds, Sonic, some evil god of chaos was on the loose, I knew I could make it here before Eggman would win though."
"No problem!" The Chaos Emeralds started flying around Sonic again, as he turned yellow and went all Super Saiyan on Eggman's latest creation. After the machine exploded, showering the surrounding landscape with metal, burnt laser cannons, and an assortment of other gadgets that are too complicated to describe, Eggman appeared in front of Queen Galaxia.
"What? How did I get here?"
"Your evil has gone on for too long, Eggman, I am banishing you to a dungeon in another universe. You will be punished for your crimes, and imprisoned for the rest of your life." said Queen Galaxia. Before Dr. Eggman could respond, he vanished in a flash of light.
"Cool! That's one less bad guy I have to deal with, thanks a lot!" said Sonic, having transformed back into his regular self, as cool and blue as the world he's on.
"No problem, Sonic! If you'll excuse me, I have to go, bye!" said Queen Galaxia. She teleported back to Equestria.
"Now that Discord's been dealt with, let's go to Canterlot Castle, I'll take us straight to the royal throne room!" said Queen Galaxia, gleefully."
Princess Celestia sat on her royal throne, with her younger sister, Princess Luna, to her right-hoof side. Four royal guards, with stoic, unmoving faces, flanked them.
Suddenly, Queen Galaxia appeared together with Twilight and her friends. While the guards wrote this off as yet another strange day, and continued standing still like statues, the Royal Sisters' eyes suddenly widened to the size of dinner plates, their pupils taking up 95% of the area of the eyes. Princesses Celestia and Luna also broke out into wide grins.
"Mommy!" they yelled, glomping Queen Galaxia, one Princess per foreleg. "We've missed you so much!"
"My little ponies!" said Queen Galaxia, nuzzling and kissing the Princesses affectionately. Suddenly, the Princesses laid down on their backs.
"We missed your belly rubs as well, please give us one now!" squeed the ecstatic Princesses.
"Coochy-coochy-coo! Coochy-coochy-coo!" said Queen Galaxia, as she tickled the royal stomachs with her forehooves, causing the Princesses to wildly flail their hooves in the air in glee, while they laughed uncontrollably.
Everypony else, including the normally stoic guards, immediately fell on the floor, laughing their heads off, pounding the floor with their hooves; crying so many tears of laughter that the royal throne room started to flood. "Now, now," said Queen Galaxia, "My little ponies, there's no need to laugh, or to share this with anyone outside this room." Suddenly, as if by magic, all of the ponies went back to normal, solemnly vowing never to speak to anypony outside the throne room about this.
"Wait, I sense something is very wrong here." Queen Galaxia teleported her daughters, along with Twilight and her friends, on to the roof of Canterlot Castle. A massive, black orb had appeared in the sky, easily the size of a planet. Suddenly, it started changing shape. Arms, legs, and a head came out of it, as it changed to form a gigantic humanoid robot. "This is bad, I'll need the Elements of Harmony." With a flash of light, the Elements of Harmony appeared, floating in front of Queen Galaxia. "These won't be enough, I'll need to make a new one." In another flash of light, a new tiara, like the Element of Magic, appeared, except it was inset with a pink Valentine-shaped heart instead of a red starburst. The existing Element of Magic was transformed into a necklace.
The robot spoke: "I AM UNICRON! I AM HERE TO DEVOUR THIS PLANET AND ITS ESSENCE!"
"One Element to rule them all, one Element to find them, one Element to bring them all and in the light bind them." stated Queen Galaxia, as she put the new Element of Love on her head, leaving her crown on the rooftop. She then put on all six necklaces that were hovering in front of her, and blasted Unicron with a dazzling light show of rainbow colours and blinding white light. Discord was also hit, reformed entirely and freed from his stone prison, where he headed back to another universe as Q to apologise to Jean-Luc Picard over a cup of hot Earl Grey tea.
"I SEE THE ERRORS OF MY WAYS NOW, I WILL LEAVE EVERYONE IN PEACE. I'M SO SORRY!" said Unicron, copious amounts of oil leaking from his eyes, as he left.
Princess Cadance and Shining Armour suddenly appeared in front of Queen Galaxia, the latter having sensed the most overpowering love she had ever experienced in her life. "Wow! A new element, for me?"
"Yes," said Queen Galaxia, as she gave the new Element of Harmony to Cadance, while replacing her own crown. She then took off the necklaces, and transformed them all into tiaras. "Everypony here has done so much for Equestria, that I think it's time for a change!" Suddenly, everypony that was not an alicorn went up into the air, and in a blinding flash of light, they transformed into alicorns, and each of the element bearers had their upgraded elements levitated on to their heads by Queen Galaxia.
"Woooooooooooooooooooooow!" everypony not named 'Queen Galaxia' said. Queen Galaxia then teleported everyone back into the royal throne room, and used her magic to make the world Equestria was on to start orbiting around the Sun, along with making the moon orbit the world once per day. "My daughters, you will no longer need to strain yourselves with raising and lowering the sun and moon!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" yelled the Princesses in glee.
"Fluttershy, come with me to the dungeon, there's someone I'd like you to meet." said Queen Galaxia.
In Canterlot Castle's dungeon, a terrified mad scientist heard talking. He recognised the voice of the oversized horse that had helped his archnemesis, Sonic, defeat him, telling someone else about all his misdeeds, including stuffing cute little animals into murder machines to use against Sonic. "THAT. BIG. DUMB. MEANIE!", yelled Fluttershy, using the Royal Canterlot Voice for the first time. After being subjected to an epic scolding and death glaring far too horrifying to describe, Eggman was persuaded to use his gifts for helping animals for the rest of his life. He also stopped hating Sonic after being lectured on love and kindness by the new, improved, Fluttershy, while being kept in the dungeon.
Finally, Queen Galaxia showed off her special talent, by lowering the Sun, while giving telescopes to everypony as they headed out to the balcony, where dozens of new galaxies appeared in the distant night sky. "Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!" Everypony else's jaws hit the floor, and then Queen Galaxia put the Sun back where it was. After bidding everyone goodbye, she headed to the outskirts of Ponyville and drifted off to sleep.
And they all lived happily ever after...?
Meanwhile, in a hiding spot near the outskirts of Ponyville...
"This is by far the worst case yet."
"Indeed, her Mary Sue-ness is contagious. Contact HQ, tell them to initiate Plan Omega!"
"Are you crazy?"
"Just do it."
"Fine...", said one of the bipedal, dark robots, with glowing red eyes, who spontaneously combusted.
"Great, her Sueness is blowing us up now, and she's not even awake." said the surviving robot. "Time to get back to HQ, it just does not get any worse than this." Precisely 0.000000031415 seconds later, the survivor violently exploded, for absolutely no reason whatsoever; showering the area with flaming, metallic debris.
Author's note: This has to be by far the most painful thing I have ever written. Never again.