//------------------------------// // What happens at the Club... // Story: Mind of a Princess // by AppleJared //------------------------------// Dear Diary, I hope you don’t mind the crumbs while I write. I just bought about 20 bits of desserts from the Cakes and I will eat them all tonight. I’m so hungry because I’ve been on this diet for about 4 days now and I could eat this entire town. I am on the diet to improve my look: to look more royal. I am no longer on it because of several reasons: I don’t feel like a Princess, I don’t care what other people think, and I shouldn’t be a Princess. It would make more sense if I told the story behind why I feel this way. Three nights ago, Rarity wanted the gang to go to the new nightclub in town. It’s nothing fancy, and yet it’s not trashy. I had never gone so I agreed to go. I was feeling very good about myself already on day two of the diet. I felt better and looked better in the mirror. Rarity supplied a simple yet elegant dress just royal enough for a princess and just casual enough for me. As the six of us walked in, every living creature in the club stopped, including the music. I was so worried I did something wrong, I just smiled the best I could without sweating. The DJ took the mic and screamed “Looks like this club just got Princess approved!!” and the music continued, but not without the screams and hollers of joy from the crowd. The silence left; my nerves did not. It dawned on me that my opinion mattered now, no matter where I went. The DJ gave me another shout-out during the song and ordered the first round on the house. I sat down and ordered something strong, which greatly surprised my friends but I think they understand my stress. I think. Probably not. I shouldn’t have been stressed about that at all. I had royal guards with me. Oh did I not mention? They go to all of my major social gatherings with me. Luna wanted me to have personal guards with me at all times, even at the house. I said no thanks. I can protect myself perfectly fine especially at my library, but I compromised with the social events. I told them to enjoy themselves as much as they could while still doing their job so they would take turns finding a good looking mare and dance while the rest stayed close to me. I’m looking out for their fun while they look after my life. Don’t even get me started. After about 5 drinks too many I realized that alicorns have a higher metabolism rate than unicorns do. I wasn’t at all drunk and just barely tipsy. It was just enough to get the nerves gone, or at least the majority of them. I got up and walked around a bit to get a feel for the place. Before I could sit back down: the DJ asked me if I wanted any special song played, 2 especially cocky stallions asked for a dance, one asked for marriage, 18 mares complimented my dress and the rest just seemed uncomfortable in my presence. I finally got back to my seat and Rarity was already on the hopeful for a certain stallion on the floor. She oohed and ahhed his appearance, his style in clothes, his dancing skills and his body type. She was already making a scenario on how he might come over and ask her to dance and how she would fall in love with him. Then she became sad and admitted that she didn’t stand a chance with him. I didn’t have the heart to tell her he had just asked me to dance, let alone how I turned him down. I can’t dance, especially as a princess. The Sisters would have a heart attack. They wouldn’t have to worry about it anyways, I’m too uncoordinated to dance anyhow... and I’m too embarrassed to try. Eventually all the girls got on the floor and had a great time, even Applejack. I was worried she might not like the techno sound to the club but she adapted and even found a stallion to dance with. Pinkie was just jumping and screaming the whole time and when she was done with that she broke it down like no other. Rainbow was laughing it away, already a few drinks deep and trying to dance “cool”. Rarity had a few stares since we entered and had plenty of dance partners. Even that guy she was drooling over asked her for a dance. Ooohhhh her cheeks lit up like a fire when he did that. She played it off and accepted like it was no big deal, but I know her better than that. Fluttershy took some coaxing but Big Mac actually showed up and asked her to dance in his country formal style. It was so cute I could have died on the spot. I’m really glad he showed up though, he’s probably the only stallion Fluttershy really trusts. They need to get married and get it over with. Seriously. That left me, sitting. It wasn’t the first time I just wanted to rip these wings off and just be normal again. Just a regular unicorn, shedding off her social ineptitudes and dancing the night away. Drinking until the bouncers have to ask her to leave. Singing as loud as she can until her voice finally runs out of juice for the week. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to dance. I just wanted to be with, and be like my friends again. One pony asked me why I wasn’t wearing my royal garb such as my tiara, chest plate and golden hoof-guards. I told her I don’t wear them much, that I haven’t changed from the old Twilight, and that I’m just like her or any other pony. She smiled real big, bowed, and said, “You absolutely deserve to be an alicorn, Princess Twilight.” Not only was my answer a lie, but her thoughts were false as well. I don’t wear my garb because I hate it. I hate the constant reminder of the new expectations I have on my life. They are a constant reminder that I am no longer the same as everypony, that in fact, I am now totally different. I am NOT the same Twilight. I have undergone a complete, involuntary, and unwanted change. I am not who I used to be. I am not me anymore. Lastly, I have done nothing to deserve my crown. I was a unicorn that studied magic, to a point, much like every other unicorn alive. I am an element of harmony, and I didn’t do anything to deserve that either. I could think of 100 ponies more qualified for this position than I, and yet here we are. After a few hours, they came back to the table and they wanted to leave before it got too late. We said our goodbyes and exchanged how good of a time we all had. We left around 2 I think. I was crying in the library by 2:30, trying not to wake up Spike. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After the night at the club, I decided that I needed to diet harder because looking better would make me feel better. I took dieting to the next level. I planned out my next day in detail that included what I would eat and when I would exercise. It summed up to 4 hours of exercise and 2 meager meals of salad. I woke up early and began the exercise of endurance speed flying. I was dying by a half hour but I kept it up until an hour went by. I came back and went to busy myself with “royal” business, which included rearranging the library books, again. I then went for a run for an hour and came back for another break and my first helping of food. After the day was said and done, I had successfully completed all 5 hours of exercise and kept myself to 2 meals. I looked in the mirror and honestly, I looked good. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel better. In fact, I just felt hungry; very, very hungry. My next idea was to try and do more work the next day and see if I feel any better afterwards. Once again, I planned out the entire day full of work and went to bed. After the next day had ended I was still feeling down about myself. I thought some good junk food could help so I planned to break the diet the next day, which is now today. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I tried something new today and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I didn’t plan. Not a single thing was accounted for today. Rarity said my life as a Princess should be more exciting than planning out every day so I’m giving this a shot. I went to Celestia to ask for help on my mental state; and about my depression. I took the 2 pm train to Canterlot for nonsensical reasons that include but are not limited to: nostalgia. As I neared the palace gates, it brought back memories of when I was but a student for Celestia. Times were much more simple, and I had but one task. Study magic. Now things have changed. I didn’t stay on that thought very long because breaking down in front of another Princess is probably looked down upon. When I asked her what I should do to help my state of mind, she said, “You must figure that out yourself. Only you can find out a solution.” Great, just like old times. Then I asked her, “Did Cadence have this problem?” “Oh yes, yes she did Twilight”, she said. “What did she do to overcome this depression?” I asked. “Your brother.”