//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Indecision // Story: Reflections of the Heart // by TheCloudtop //------------------------------// Spike floated in a sea of images that swam in and out of his focus like a swarm of dazzling butterflies, each trying to get into his head at once as if they were all in a hurry to be seen. He looked around in awe. Dragons of varying shapes and sizes appeared all around him, some of them coming so close that Spike could almost reach out and touch them. All the dragons just stared at him, as if watching to see what he would do. He knew instinctively that they weren’t real, even though some of them almost seemed to look right into his soul. The one that stood out the most and seemed to dominate the rest was a huge golden colored dragon with scales that shone like the sun. Its size put even Razorfang to shame, making him look like a harmless puppy in comparison. GoldHeart, Spike thought to himself. Seeing him for the first time, Spike felt a shudder go through his entire body. Who is he, and why do I feel this way? I can’t know him; that’s impossible. But I feel as if I do, as if I’ve known him my whole life... He watched as the image of GoldHeart faded away, as well as the other dragons. In their place, the image of a pony slowly came into focus. The apparition was now a green and purple unicorn, with a shaggy, pointed mane and tail. Her mane and tail were an entrancing emerald green, and her coat a deep majestic purple. The shivers that had gone through Spike paled in comparison to the chills he was feeling at the sight of her. Everything around Spike twisted and warped, colors blurring together in a dizzying whirlwind until Spike forced his eyes shut.  When he opened them again, he was flying in the air.  He did a mental double-take, I’ve never been able to fly, I don’t even have wings!  His body disagreed, for Spike distinctly felt the effort of moving massive muscles in his back, feeling wind ripple around hollow bones and thin membrane. Though he did not will it, Spike felt his head move until a vast meadow filled his vision; a large field of green with small bunches of varying colors, which he quickly realized were bunches of flowers.  When one of them moved, Spike tried to open his eyes in astonishment.  Instead, he felt his head move down, just a little closer to the ground below.  The odd moving thing, which Spike quickly identified as a pony of some kind, continued about its way, paying no attention to the dragon soaring overhead, even when it touched down with a mighty thud on a rocky outcropping of a cave. Spike laid down, and time began to warp.  He could see the sun’s color slowly shifting, from yellow to orange to red to black, presumably when the moon took its place, which bathed the area in a cool silver.  As quick as it started, time returned to normal, just in time for a small purple hoof to firmly plant itself on the ledge, followed shortly after by another, and a third, until a purple pony hauled itself over the edge. The pony cautiously poked its- her- muzzle into the cave, obviously unable to see the massive dragon lying within due to the low light.  She cautiously walked inside, looking around, until she stumbled over one of Spike’s large legs, causing her to squeak and bolt from the cave.  Spike laughed, a deep, rumbling laugh on the opposite end of his own, and went to sleep.  When he awoke, an undetermined amount of time later, the pony was back, sitting right before him, watching him sleep.  Spike flexed one claw, making it click against the rough ground.  The pony, a unicorn,  flinched, but didn’t leave. Time began to flux once again.  Days passed in moments, revealing only small hints of what happened.  However, in every one, the purple pony was always alongside Spike, and though she initially feared him, she seemed to become more and more comfortable in his presence.  At one point, a word slipped into Spike’s mind, Purple Dawn, which returned every time the unicorn was near. Everything slowed once again, with Spike in the air.  This time, however, the meadow he flew over was not green; it was white, covered in snow.  And he was not leisurely flying home: he was speeding above the ground, quickly whipping his head back and forth, searching.  To make matters worse, more snow was falling, blending the ground and the horizon in the same uniform gray-white color. Eventually, a spot of purple broke up the monotonous white.  Spike fixed on it, and swooped down, grabbing the spot gently in his claws, lifting the struggling pony into the air.  It squirmed and struggled for a moment, but quickly settled down, and nuzzled the inside of Spike’s foreleg. They landed on the ledge of the cave and settled in.  Spike positioned himself to block as much of the snow from the pony as possible, though the cold snow stung against his warm scales.  However, his guest, quickly identified as Purple Heart, seemed to appreciate the gesture.  Everything faded dark, though this time, Spike’s vision never came back, at least, not in the same way. Dozens of visions flashed past in rapid succession: Purple Dawn taking Spike down into town; the ponies initially causing a fuss, but eventually growing used to the dragon; Purple Dawn moving them both into a large house on the edges of town; helping the ponies with tasks too great for them; the rulers coming to meet him. The happiness. The laughter. The egg. The pain. The sadness. The first broken scale. War. Revolution. Spike attacking flying things as they tried to hurt Purple Dawn. Watching one slip through, attacking his beloved. Killing all who stood in the way, friend and foe alike. Taking Purple Dawn to his cave, and watching her die, knowing that he would soon join her. Spike’s last thoughts were of the egg that they were leaving in the care of the white ruler. The images and visions faded. Everything Spike had seen was now an irreplaceable part of him. Spike shook his head, trying to process all he had just witnessed. He put a claw over his heart as a burning sensation emanated from it, eventually making its way through his whole body. What was that? he thought         That, young one, was nothing more or less than the consequences of my choices.         Spike’s head swung around in alarm. “Who said that? Where are you?”         I am right here, young one. You just lack the sight to truly see what is right in front of you.         A growl loosed itself from Spike’s mouth. “Look, enough with the games. I want to know what is going on, and I want to know now! What was that?”         The space in front of Spike shimmered slightly, then coalesced into the gold dragon. The dragon looked down at Spike, with old, worn eyes. “Young one...”         Spike looked up at the huge gold dragon, awe filling his face before turning into frustration. He boldly walked up to GoldHeart, coming right to his feet. “You must be GoldHeart. Who are you, and what was that?”         GoldHeart leaned his massive head down. “I believe I already told you that. I am GoldHeart.”         Spike sighed. “I know your name; what I don’t know is who you are. How do you know me, and what did you mean when you said that you are part of me, and of the Dragon race? For that matter, what did I just see?”         GoldHeart took a deep breath, an ancient sorrow in his voice. “Young one, one thing at a time. You ask questions that have no simple answers. What do you want to know first?”         Spike grew quiet, mulling over the questions in front of him. “I want to know what you meant when you said that you are a part of me, and the rest of the Dragon race.”         GoldHeart sighed again. “Of course, you would want to know the most complicated thing. Get comfortable, young one, for mine is a tale that is long and complex.”         Spike sat, looking up at him. “Let’s hear it then. I’m listening.”         GoldHeart’s eyes closed. “My tale begins many, many years ago. I was hatched even before your Princess Celestia was born. I was raised in the tradition of our ancestors. As soon as I was old enough to do so, I was put out into the wild, so I could learn to fend for myself. I learned the basic things that our kind does, such as hoarding treasure and taking naps every century or so. I lived my life like any other dragon would.”         GoldHeart’s voice became wistful. “It was many centuries before I met the one who would change my life forever, the one would challenge everything I thought I knew about our race. I met a pony, and that is when everything turned upside down for me. Her name was Purple Dawn, and she was my mate.”         At this, Spike, who had been listening quietly, exclaimed loudly, “Woah woah woah, what?! You mean, mate, as in, mate mate? As in, you know, mating?”         GoldHeart chuckled. “Yes, young one. That is what the word mate normally means, does it not? Why should that be so surprising? You yourself are interested in two different ponies, are you not?”         Spike blushed. “Well, yeah. But I never really thought about... that before. That, and I never thought that any dragon would ever be interested in a pony in any way, let alone the way I am.”         GoldHeart grew serious. “In what way are you interested in them, young one?”         “I, uh, um...,” he stammered. “What business is that of yours? Besides, don’t you already know, considering you’re the one who brought me here?”         GoldHeart raised his head. “It is not my place to tell your story. Besides, I want to hear it from your mouth. As for what business of mine it is, your choices in this matter will have long lasting consequences on not just you and the ponies involved in this matter, but for the pony and dragon race as a whole.”         Spike closed his eyes, getting his thoughts together. “I just want someone to appreciate what I do. Someone that will appreciate me. Someone that won’t take me for granted.”         GoldHeart lay down next to Spike, sighing as he did so. “That is the desire for anyone living, young one. To be with someone that you can share the innermost depths of who you are is the truest and deepest desire anyone holds within them. Want I want to know, is what you want. Beyond the general sense, I want to to know it is that you want to do.”         “I just told you. I want someone to have all of me, and have all of me in a good way.” Spike shook his head in frustration. “What more do you want from me?”         GoldHeart growled softly. “Listen to me carefully, young one. You have told me, twice now, what you want. I am not asking you what you want. I am asking you what it is that you want to do. There is a fine line between the two.”         “I want to pursue happiness, and I think that going after Fluttershy will be the way that I get what I want. She is kind and gentle, and I want to be with her. You asked me what I want to do; there it is. I want to pursue a relationship with Fluttershy. That is what I want to do.”         GoldHeart sighed again. “Young one, why do you persist in this folly? I already told you it doesn’t matter how much you want to be with her. You will never be able to no matter how badly you want it. There are forces involved in this that are beyond your comprehension, and nothing you can do will change them. Also, aren’t you moving a little fast? Just a week ago, you were head over claw for the purpled-maned pony. What is the change, young one?” Blowing smoke, Spike stood up and looked the gold dragon dead in the eye. “Who are you, or anyone else, to tell me what I can or can’t do? I lived my whole life waiting for somepony to love me the way I love them, and guess what? It never happened! I am not going to just wait around for Fluttershy to fall into my life in the way I want her. I want to be with her, and I’m going to make it happen.” GoldHeart snorted. “Go ahead then. Rush into this like a hatchling chasing after his first meal. Just like the hatchling, you will see that it is not so simple as charging headfirst after what you want. I have seen much in my lifetime, young one, both while I was living and after. You would do well to listen to me, for I don’t speak idly, nor do I speak to hear my own voice. You rush into things involving these ponies, and you will regret it.”                  Spike’s breath whooshed out of him as he slumped into a sitting position. Half pleading, half raging, his voice ranged up and down. “What am I supposed to do then? The pony I’ve chased after for nigh over a decade used me. Am I supposed to wait another ten years for Fluttershy to come around? Wait another ten years in the hopes that someone will love me? I can’t go through that again.” Spike growled, fire flickering and dancing in his eyes. He stood, looking up at GoldHeart. “I can’t and I won’t. The pain I suffered is too much to go through again! My heart can’t take that one more time! What other choice do I have, then to, as you put it, rush after what I want?” The gold dragon shook his massive head. “Young one, if you rush into this, not only will you not get what you want, but you will also lose any chance of happiness in your life. You force this, and you will forever suffer the consequences, ones that you will only wish you could rescind. I have seen time and time again, both ponies and dragons alike, rushing or forcing what they wanted to happen, and not only did they lose what they wanted, but they lost other things as well. In the end, they all wished they could go back and change what they did. I want to prevent you from going through that.   Spike looked sharply at the gold colored dragon. “What does it really matter to you? Yeah, you can tell me all about how what I do will affect both the dragon and pony races, but why do you have such a personal interest in what I do or what I want, or anything about about me at all? The only thing I know about you is that, according to you, you live in the heart of every dragon. If that’s the case, why such the interest in me personally?”         At these words, GoldHeart’s face twisted in agony and longing. Putting a claw over his heart, he took a deep breath and with a heavy, pain laden voice, he said, “Young one, I am your sire. You are my one and only son, and I have looked forward to meeting you face to face for a long, long time.”