Chapter Seventeen
The rest of term leading up to the winter dance seemed to drag. I was acutely aware of the fact that as each day passed, there was one day less for me to get a letter from one of my chosen schools, which would be closed over the holiday period. After that, I’d have to resume looking, which had been difficult enough in the first place. Fly tried to keep my spirits up, but she was now getting offers of places from lots of universities up and down the country and had nothing to worry about except her interview. The same was happening to Miri, which meant I was left out of their conversations.
“Do you think I’m ready?” Fly asked me the day before she left for Oxmare, her suitcase half-packed. Rarity had yet to see it, and I suspected that some of the items would be removed rather quickly.
“For your interview?” I asked cautiously, looking up at her over my magazine.
“Yes,” she replied, nodding. “I’ve been practising but I don’t know if I’m one hundred percent yet.”
I tried an encouraging smile. “You’ll do great. You’re exactly what they’re looking for.”
“Should I show you my interview outfit?”
“Show Rarity, she’ll know better than I will.”
The three of us waved Fly off at the school gates when she got a taxi to the station, trying not to look at the pained expression on her face.
“Do you think she’ll really be okay?” I asked Rarity and Miri as we made our way back up the long drive towards the school buildings.
Miri just shrugged, but Rarity was more confident. “Oh, I think so. She’ll be fine the moment they start talking about books, just you see.”
“I hope so. She’s been nervous for days,” I said, biting my lip.
When we arrived back to the room, there was a very small filly waiting outside with a worried expression which seemed to ease when she saw us.
“Um, which one of you is Toccata?” she asked in a quiet voice. I waved, trying not to seem scary. “There’s a letter here for you...”
I frowned as I took it off her, wondering what it was, and the little pony scampered away, probably relieved to be away from the older ponies. “It says I have to go and see Mrs Pearl right now.”
“Good news, I expect,” Miri said, patting my shoulder with a hoof. “Come straight back!”
I left the two of them as they unlocked the room and went back inside, instead going down the stairs and towards the offices on the ground floor. It wasn’t the end of term yet, so if it was bad news it was an outright rejection letter.
There was somepony else inside the office when I arrived so I hung around nervously, shifting my weight from right to left until the door opened and the other pony exited.
“Come in, Cat,” Mrs Pearl said in a curt voice. I took a seat on her uncomfortable chair and pressed my forehooves together, trying to seem calm and collected.
“I hope you’ll forgive me but I’ve been withholding some information from you,” the teacher began, fixing me with a steely gaze that suggested I didn’t have a choice in the matter. “I had a letter a week ago for you, but I decided to save it until I had a letter from both of your choices.”
Instead of saying anything, I just nodded and tried to seem like I thought this was a good idea.
“You can have the letter from Britannic College first,” she said, handing it over. The headed paper was impressive and I took a moment to admire it, the school crest taking pride of place. The letter went downhill from there, informing me politely that while I was a very strong candidate, they didn’t consider my all-round academic talents to be strong enough to merit a place.
“Don’t take it too hard,” Mrs Pearl said when I’d finished reading. “You might want to read this other one.”
This one was from the Princess School, with an equally impressive heading on the paper. The contents were much more positive, inviting me to go for an interview just after the holidays and a short audition to follow it.
“The date they’ve given is just inside the term, so we’ll arrange transport for you, if you’re going to take up their offer?” the other pony said, still looking at me.
“Um, yes,” I said automatically. “That’s fine.”
“You can keep the letter. There’s more on the back giving you details about your audition, so it might be useful,” she told me in a businesslike fashion, tidying up some papers and marking something with a pencil. “There will be time after the audition to organise more applications if you like.”
“Thanks.” I smiled, getting out of the chair with the letter held by my magic. Mrs Pearl just nodded and pointed her hoof at the door, which I headed for, passing another unfortunate pony who was sweating outside.
Miri and Rarity were delighted by my news of an audition, and looked suitably disappointed by my rejection. I wanted to tell Fly, but it would have to wait until she returned the next day. Once Miri and Rarity had gone back to their business, I took a seat on my bed and began to read the letter properly, taking in the details of the audition and interview. It didn’t seem very intimidating, but they mentioned ‘two separate solo performances’ which meant I had to learn two pieces and play them perfectly in front of their interviewers. There was a sudden tightness in my tummy and I rolled onto my front unhappily.
“You okay Cat?” Rarity asked, her blue eyes looking at me from across the room.
I nodded and went back to reading, my tail swishing a little to try and cover my apprehension. I knew I would be worrying about it all through the holidays and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself properly, which was really making me feel down. I was tempted to simply put off my preparation until the new year, but then something at the back of my mind told me that this was a bit more important than some homework. I let out a quiet sigh and put the letter down, staring out of the window at the frosty grounds.
Mr Bluejay was very encouraging when I went for my next special preparation session.
“Congratulations for getting the audition!” he said, his cheerfulness entirely the opposite of my feelings about it. “You’ll have the whole holiday to work on it, and I’ll see if we can squeeze another session in before you go in January. Now, we need to decide on which pieces you’re going to play.”
I was all for something nice and basic with no chance of messing it up, but the stallion recommended some more complex pieces that played to my strengths. “Something slow but powerful, I think, so there’s less room for you to get lost.”
Without much joy, I tried a few things until he decided on two, which complemented each other by showcasing my full range of skills, as he put it. I felt more like they would showcase how easily I can fail at everything, and my lack of enthusiasm was obvious.
“You shouldn’t feel so unhappy, Cat. It’s nothing to worry about,” Mr Bluejay told me. “I mean, if you want to get into Princess School, you can just handle a little bit of work up until then. It’s no worse than working for an upcoming concert.”
I nodded and went back to playing, not really sure if I wanted to get into Princess School. It was very far away and I knew I would see Fly much less often if I went there, but my stomach turned at the idea of going to more auditions.
As I returned to my regular lessons after the special session, Rarity’s advice was still in my head. I wanted to see Fly as often as possible, but during term she would be busy. I could still see her in the holidays, but that seemed to mean hardly ever. The more I thought, the more I couldn’t bear to not see my best friend every day, but I had no chance of getting into Oxmare and I was now trapped in this awful audition. The future definitely did not seem very bright, and I was in a rather mopey mood by the time I got back to my lessons.
When Fly was due to return later in the day, Rarity had begun to fuss about the upcoming dance. She had this vision of a perfect first dance for River and I, and was working on matching outfits, dispatching me to go and actually ask my fillyfriend whether or not she actually wanted her dress to be made by Rarity. She agreed, but I somehow felt like matching outfits would just be embarrassing. To put my mind off it, Miri and I trotted down to the school gates to greet the pegasus when she got back.
“You know, if her train has been delayed on the way back, we could be waiting here for hours,” Miri helpfully informed me as we walked into the cold air outside. “Should have brought scarves.”
“Don’t jinx it,” I said, glaring at her. “I’m sure she’ll arrive on time.”
Miri just shrugged and peered ahead, wondering if she’d arrived yet. I was quite cold, now that Miri had brought my attention to it, and I shivered a little in the winter air. My private hopes were that Fly arrived sooner rather than later, otherwise I might have to admit defeat and retreat to find winterwear.
My blushes were saved when Fly turned up right on time, looking a little flush with the exertion of carrying her bag. Miri and I both hugged her as soon as she arrived and I carried her bag, relieved that it wasn’t too heavy.
“So, tell us, how was it?” Miri asked excitedly, taking the words out of my mouth.
Fly smiled. “It was okay really. I loved Oxmare and the college was really nice, I could definitely see myself there next year.”
“What about the interview?” I added, doing my best not to sound nosy. “Did that go well?”
“Oh, I hope so. It was hard to tell. They seemed really friendly and nice, but they did ask quite hard questions.”
She didn’t really give anything else away, so I got the impression that it had overall been a success. The letter of acceptance or rejection would come in the new year, she told us, so she could relax until then. I was jealous that she’d be able to sit back over the holidays and relax while I was worrying, which reminded me to tell her my news.
“Oh, while you were away I got an audition at Princess School,” I informed the pegasus, trying not to sound like I was stealing her thunder.
Fly let out a kind of squeal and awkwardly hugged me with her wings. “That’s great! What about Britannic College?”
“They rejected me.”
My best friend was still upbeat about my audition as I helped her unpack everything.
“Princess School is really impressive, even getting an audition means that they must think very highly of you,” she enthused, voice muffled by the bathroom door as she put away her toothbrush. “They’re probably only auditioning to make double sure you’re suitable.”
“I wish they didn’t have to,” I complained. “When they hear my terrible audition then they’re never going to accept me.”
“I thought those extra sessions were helping?” This time there was a note of concern in her voice, so I backtracked.
“Oh, yes, they are, I’m just being overly negative. I’m sure I’ll feel better nearer the time.”
This placated her, and whilst I felt bad that I wouldn’t have a friend to confide my fears in, it was better than having Fly worrying about me. I just kept going to my extra sessions and trying not to think too hard about how few of them remained. It was only two weeks until the holidays began and that meant a maximum of four more hours with Mr Bluejay. Rarity was in full fussing mode for the upcoming dance, splitting her time between designing and making five dresses and trying to help Miri with the speech she had to make to the younger ponies before the dance. (Miri didn’t like it when Fly tried to help, because Fly often disagreed with her.) It occurred to me with a slight pang in my chest that it was almost exactly a year since my first kiss with Rarity, which she still didn’t know about.
River and I made plans to go to the dance together, which seemed to please Rarity and Miri. Our outfits were coming along (I’d persuaded Rarity not to make them match) and when I should have been practicing my audition music, I was actually spending hours in the bathroom with Rarity trying to make my mane look nice with the outfit, which wasn’t easy.
“Maybe if I cut it...” Rariity mused, and I shook my head. “Just a little?” More shaking. “Okay, well I might need to pin it here...”
It would be our last winter at Buckingham, which was sad. Whenever I passed a room adorned with Hearth’s Warming decorations or somepony humming a carol, I felt a little bit sadder than I had before.
When the night of the dance finally arrived, I had a last-minute session with Mr Bluejay, which threw a giant spanner into Rarity’s preparation plans.
“Well, maybe I can do it if I leave you until last... oh no but then that won’t leave time for accessories... perhaps if I start Fly now... no but then... I can’t do Miri because she’’s off making this speech,” she mumbled, patting me absent-mindedly. “I think I’ll probably have to do your mane before you go, otherwise it just won’t work.”
And so I made my way down to the music classroom with my mane elegantly styled and curled, feeling like a bit of an idiot.
“I like your manestyle,” Mr Bluejay said as soon as I entered, making me blush. “Are you looking forward to the dance?”
“Yes,” I replied simply, not really wanting to get into the details. “My friend is doing my mane and dress so she wanted to start early.”
“Well I’m sure you’ll look fabulous,” the stallion said with a kind smile. “Now, do you want to get straight into some practice? I think I’m going to allocate our last session, next term, to a mock audition, so this is your last chance to do some normal practice.”
I tried to ignore the feeling of terror that the mock audition was filling me with, and just nodded mutely, sitting down at the piano.
“Just play both pieces straight through and ignore any mistakes,” he said, picking up a clipboard and pencil. I tried to concentrate on the music, actually pleased that my manestyle kept my hair away from my face so my vision was clearer. I started playing and did rather well for a change, almost getting the tricky faster part right. I attributed this to my mind being occupied by thoughts of the dance, so I couldn’t overthink it.
“Good job Cat. Play like that in the audition and you’ll nearly have it,” the teacher said. “You’ll obviously be able to practice during the holidays to make sure you play it perfectly. Now, how about some interview questions?”
The worried feeling that I always had during practice sessions didn’t go away as I made my way back to the room to get my dress. It was entirely down to me to learn the pieces and play them at the audition from now on, so I couldn’t rely on any extra help. I tried not to feel sick and just focused on the dance.
“Finally Cat, we’re already fifteen minutes over schedule,” Rarity said as I entered. “Quickly, go and get your dress. I’m just finishing Miri.” Fly, already looking pretty in her aquamarine dress, gave me a sympathetic smile. Rarity turned to me. “Are you sure River will be okay with hers?”
“She said she would,” I replied. “I’m going to meet her at her room so you can come if you like, make a few last-minute adjustments.”
“Oh no no, that would ruin your romantic date.”
I found myself sitting and watching Rarity at work, marvelling at how her magic was so gentle and precise when it came to handling clothes and manes and tails. Each minor adjustment she made seemed impossibly small, but they were perfect and the overall effect was magnificent. When she finished Miri’s red dress she looked over at me, holding my cream coloured outfit, and caught me looking at her. I looked at the carpet and shuffled over, feeling a bit stupid, but Rarity didn’t say anything.
“I don’t think cream suits you as well as black,” Rarity told me for the fifth time that week, “so just make sure that you don’t stand in any bright lights.”
Once I was done, which thanks to Rarity’s speed was actually slightly ahead of schedule, I trotted over to find River, using my magic to stop the hem of my dress trailing on the floor or getting caught in doors. I knocked three times on her door and waited to see if anypony would open up.
“Hello? Oh, hi Cat,” River said, looking nice in a shimmering blue dress. “Ready to go? All of my friends have gone already.”
I just stared at her. “What happened to the dress Rarity gave you?” The unicorn had designed River a pale gold gown, elegant and stylish without the extra adornments that most dresses had. “I thought it would suit River better like that,” Rarity had pronounced when she drew the design. “No frills.”
River just shrugged. “Oh, I didn’t really like it.”
“Did you try it on?” I asked, incredulous. I had been skeptical about a number of Rarity’s dresses in the past, but after trying them I always loved them.
“No, I didn’t want to. Anyway, shall we go?” River seemed nonplussed.
“Wait, I have to tell Rarity,” I said, frowning. “She’ll spend the whole night wondering otherwise.”
“That’ll make us late,” River said, irritated. “Come on, you can tell her when you see her. It’s not exactly a big deal.”
“Well she did work pretty hard on that dress for you,” I snapped back, not liking her annoyed tone. “I think she deserves an explanation.”
My fillyfriend didn’t reply and we walked in silence towards the hall, occasionally glancing at each other before looking away quickly. I knew that Rarity would be gracious enough not to say anything when I told her, but she would definitely be hurt by River’s preference for something off a rail rather than a personalised creation. River stepped ahead of me when we arrived at the hall and went in, going straight for her group of sixth year friends and leaving me standing on my own, scanning to find mine. They didn’t seem to have arrived yet, so I spent a few minutes looking like an idiot by myself, before cutting my losses and heading over to River.
“Cat,” Fly exclaimed, cutting me off halfway there. “Sorry we were late, Miri accidentally trod on her hem and it was panic stations.”
“That’s okay,” I replied, hugging her carefully. “Where’s Rarity? I have to tell her something.”
“She’s just coming,” Fly said, pointing to the doors with a wing. “What is it? Why aren’t you with River?”
“River decided not to wear Rarity’s dress,” I explained. “Apparently she didn’t like the look of it.”
“Well did she try it on?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“Rarity will be really hurt, you can’t tell her! It’ll ruin the dance.”
“She’s going to notice River’s dress sooner or later,” I said, sadly. “It’s best that I break it to her gently.”
Rarity made her grand entrance as usual, this time heightened by the fact that she was coming with the Head Filly, probably the most popular pony in the whole school. Miri drank in the attention, and I suddenly realised why Rarity had panicked when Miri had stood on her hem. Her dress was really amazing, and her mane looked totally different, cascading down to her shoulders in long straight lengths rather than its usual curls. Several ponies gasped when they saw her, including some teachers. Rarity had outdone herself, but she simply looked proud of Miri rather than pleased with herself.
“Wow... Miri looks fantastic,” I said as soon as I could get Rarity’s attention. “You’ve done such a good job.”
“Well, I do think it worked just right,” Rarity told me. “I thought she deserved to be the belle of the ball for once.”
I nodded my agreement, but felt I had to chance the subject. “Look, Rarity, I have to tell you something about River.”
“Hmm? Did she have some kind of difficulty with the dress? I’m happy to help touch it up.”
“No, no. She decided not to wear it.” I waited for her reaction, hoping she wouldn’t take it too badly.”
“I knew it... that gold fabric felt thin when I bought it. I should have gone for the thicker stuff! I always had a thought that it might rip when somepony tried to put it on...”
“No, it’s not that. She just decided not to, she didn’t like the look of it.”
Rarity paused, her eyes fixed on mine. “Didn’t like it? So what is she wearing?”
“Something blue, I don’t know exactly.”
“Blue?” Rarity pushed past me, trotting over to see exactly what it was. I followed, feeling bad.
River took one look at us and assumed a defensive tone. “Look, I’m sorry Rarity but I don’t think that dress suits me.”
“Suits you? It was perfect! Please tell me you at least tried it on,” Rarity drawled, her expression stern.
River shook her head. “I didn’t need to, it just wasn’t me.”
“Well, if that’s what you think,” Rarity said, her expression wounded. “Suit yourself.”
I had a look at River but her face was still hard, so I decided to go after Rarity instead. I caught a glimpse of betrayal on my fillyfriend’s face, but ignored it.
“I’m sorry about her,” I said to Rarity when we finally stopped on the opposite side of the hall. A bouncy carol had just come on and lots of ponies were getting up to dance, which gave us some privacy. “If I’d known...”
“Oh, it’s not your fault. Some ponies are just close-minded,” Rarity said unhappily, hurt obvious in her voice. “I’ll have to make something better next time.”
“No, the dress you made was beautiful. Don’t let someone like her tell you otherwise,” I said, reassuring her.
“Someone like her? I thought you really liked her?” Rarity said, sniffling a little bit as her eyes shone in the lights.
I shrugged. “I don’t know how much I can like somepony who doesn’t like your dresses.”
Rarity let out a little bit of a laugh, but I knew from experience that she didn’t handle failure very well so I escorted her to the little filly’s room, dragging Fly along with me, expecting tears.
“Just look after her. I need to go and speak to River,” I explained in hushed tones to Fly. “There’s extra make-up in my bag so use it to fix hers.” Rarity’s tears were starting to make everything run.
“Okay,” Fly said timidly, taking my bag. “I wish this hadn’t happened.”
“I’ll tell Miri when I see her,” I said, feeling terrible for being part of the cause of it all. I hurried out to find River, hoping that an apology would be enough to save Rarity’s evening.
“Miri, Rarity’s crying,” I said when I saw my other roommate. “River didn’t wear her dress.”
Miri gave my fillyfriend a nasty look from across the hall. “Well that wasn’t very nice.”
“I’m going to go and talk to her now, see if she’ll apologise.”
“I’m coming with you. No arguments, Cat,” Miri said, looking angry.
“Okay, well please be nice.” Miri didn’t reply as we walked around the edge of the hall, avoiding the dancing ponies in the middle until we reached River and her group of sixth years. Her look could have cracked stone, but Miri matched it with something that I sincerely hoped I was never on the receiving end of.
“River, Rarity is really upset,” I explained. “She worked hard on your dress and I think she’d appreciate it if you said you were sorry.”
River ignored Miri. “I never asked her to make that dress, she was just determined to make me wear it. Maybe I wanted to wear something different?”
“You could have told her before she did all that work for you,” I said, shrugging. “Just apologise and I’m sure she’ll be happy.”
Miri was still glaring at her, so she took me to one side. “Cat, I’m your fillyfriend. You should be on my side, not supporting somepony who just happens to be your roommate.”
“She’s one of my best friends, not just my roommate. I really care about her.”
“And you’re supposed to really care about me. I care about you, Cat.”
I paused. “Well if you really care about me, you’ll apologise to my friend.”
River rolled her eyes. “I care about you so I wore the best dress I could to the dance! I wanted to look nice so you would want to dance with me and have fun. I didn’t want to look like Rarity’s doll.”
“It meant a lot to me that you would wear my friend’s dress,” I said coldly, not really believing that River was being so mean. “I would still have had fun whatever you wore.”
“Then why have you been ignoring me all evening?”
“Because you hurt my friend! Why can’t you just say you’re sorry?”
River sighed and rubbed her muzzle in annoyance. “If you care so much about your friend, why don’t you go out with her instead of me?”
“Because.. why can’t you just apologise?”
River laughed hollowly. “Oh, so you don’t even know any reasons that you’re going out with me? Now I’m hurt.”
“I don’t want to upset you, I just don’t want my friend’s evening to be ruined.”
“No Cat, you seem to care more about her than me. If you wanted me to wear her dress, then you should get her to actually make good dresses.”
Miri, who has been surreptitiously eavesdropping for the whole conversation, suddenly went white with fury and poked River hard on the rump. “You take that back right now.”
“No! I can say what I like,” River insisted.
“Well then I don’t want to go out with you,” I said, red mist descending as I clenched my teeth. “I don’t want to date somepony who doesn’t like my best friend.”
Miri smiled at me and the two of us stalked off, not looking back at River’s expression of anger and shock. What I’d said didn’t really sink in until we were back in the bathroom with Rarity and Fly.
“River said she thought your dresses weren’t nice and Cat dumped her,” Miri said, a hint of pride in her voice as she looked at me.
“Cat! But what about your first dance?” Rarity hiccoughed, her tears nearly subsided.
“She was mean to you. I don’t want a fillyfriend like that,” I said, shrugging. “I think it was bound to happen eventually anyway.” Even though I put on a brave face, I could already feel a wave of emotion in my tummy that was threatening to make me cry.
Rarity seemed a little happier and Miri took over comforting her. Fly looked at me and seemed to read my mind, because she put her wings around me just as my first tears broke free.
“I know you really liked her,” Fly whispered soothingly. “You’re allowed to cry.”
I sniffed, trying to be brave and keep myself from crying, but they kept coming. “I know... I did so much s-stuff with her, I thought I might even h-have loved her a little bit,” I managed between sobs.
“It’s okay. You’ll get over her,” Fly said, her wings pulling me closer and crushing our dresses a little bit.
With half of us crying, Miri suggested we write off the dance and go back to the room to eat biscuits and get out of the cumbersome dresses. I agreed, especially since when Rarity had seen me crying, it had set her off into a fresh flood of tears. It took Fly and Miri’s best efforts to get us back to the room without anypony seeing us.
“Got any other Head Filly privileges stashed under your bed?” Fly asked Miri when we got back.
“No, but I’ve still got lots of chocolate left over,” she said, handing both Rarity and I a bar. “It’s way too much for me to eat, I’ll just get fat.” I hadn’t been eating particularly healthily with the holidays coming up and my worries about my audition, so I tried to ignore my weight gain as I tore open the wrapping of the bar and shed my dress into a big pool on the floor.
Even though I could still feel the occasional tear escaping, I felt much worse for Rarity. It seemed so mean for one pony to ruin somepony else’s evening like that, especially since it was our last winter dance. It was going to be awkward bumping into River, but we only had six months left at Buckingham. After that, I wouldn’t be able to see any of my friends every day, and that thought managed to trigger more tears and sobs which Fly did her best to help me fight off. The chocolate helped too, I must admit, even if some of it did get a bit wet.
“Well, I think we can safely say that this dance has been a bit of a disaster,” Fly said, giggling. “Although you did seem to be enjoying yourself earlier, Miri.”
“The dress did all of the work,” Miri said, rubbing a hoof through Rarity’s mane. “I can’t imagine having a better one.”
“Well, you could have got one from Hoity Toity’s winter range in Canterlot. That would probably have looked better than mine,” Rarity said with a small smile. “But you’d have needed a few thousand spare bits.”
“I think I have about twelve spare bits,” Miri said. “What would that get me at Hoity Toity’s boutique?”
“You’d probably get a nice gentlestallion to show you to the door,” Rarity giggled.
“I think I’d prefer to go to Rarity’s Ponyville boutique. Much nicer service,” Fly declared, squeezing me a little more tightly. “The three of us will come for a visit whenever we have some kind of occasion coming up.”
“Like the Queen’s garden party,” I added.
“Oh yes, I’m sure we’ll all be invited to that every year,” Miri said in an over-the-top posh voice. Rarity laughed and I had to laugh with her. She looked much more pretty when she was smiling.