//------------------------------// // Shitty Chitty Bang Bang // Story: It only gets weirder-er // by Aiet //------------------------------// “I guess this is the part were I tell you that I always loved you but I don't. I really, really don't.” twilight frantically tried to stop the bleeding from the gaping hole in my stomach but it was no use. The blood flowed heavily from the wound and wasn't going to stop till every last drop was pooled onto the dirt. I took a cannon ball right through me but some how I was still alive... well not for long. I could feel everything slowly start to drift away from me until it was just me and twilight. Even in the middle of a war she tried to save me, a war that waged on for hours that seemed to never end or come any closer to an end. A stalemate. I could hear the clashing of metal and the cries of battle but only faintly. I think I even heard an engine in the distance and a horn honking. For the first time I missed home. “Just... don’t speak, save your strength.” Twilight knew there wasn’t anything she could do to save me but she tried any ways. I haven’t seen my life flash before my eyes or any thing they say happens before you die. But I know this is it. I could feel the heat from my body slowly leech into the ground and the blood in my veins becoming less and less. I wonder if I'll dream? So now Twilight sat next to me and having to accept my fate... I already did. How did a human end up dying on a battle field, in the middle of one of the largest wars in Equestria? I guess it started when I died the first time. My name is Meason and I have been a brony for some time and even converted my friend who would make fun of me for it. I'm six foot and two hundred and sixty pounds but with the way I'm built I only have a some what small gut that hangs over my belt. Thick curly brown hair on my head and face, I mean lumber jack running through the forest and chopping down trees with a single hit beard. Usually brown eyes, they tend to change color, and the face of a pure man (sinker). With my lightly tan skin I looked like a model (what's with this guy?). And then there is my friend Travis. About as tall as me if not an inch more. White and smooth unlike me with a forest on my arms, legs, chest, and back. Some what skinny but not fat and then there is his chin (ha). All this started at a gas station at night (like most slasher films). We were going to the beach and I was going to have chicks all over me (riiiiiight). With all the strange weather this summer there was snow on the roads so we had to be careful... and I was about to be beaten for shoving it in Travis's face. “Fat ass!” “Two chin!” that what was funny about his chin to me. I out weigh him by a hundred pounds and don't have one. If you didn't see my small pot belly you would think I was skinny but broad. People always asked me if I played football because I was so well built for it. “Mexican pedobear!” at this point I was on the other side of his shitty truck and leaned forward and said quietly. “Virgin.” we just both laughed and got back in the truck. It was an old rickety piece of shit but it worked... sometimes. Tan with a brown strip down the side it was no chick magnet but I was at least (ha). Now we were back on the snowy roads with the snow softly falling down. It was peaceful and quiet that late night... and a little romantic. I slowly placed my hand on Travis's leg as he was driving. “Move yer hand now.” I quickly moved it back as he swat at it and I laughed. He wasn't gay and neither was I but him and I and some other of our friends were the gayest strait men ever. If you ever saw all of us in the same place at once it would be bad for your sexual/mental/physical health. Where we were at the snow was a couple inches high but the black ice was horrible. Soon it wouldn't matter because a couple more hours and we would be at the state line and out the snow... or so we thought. The truck was a pain in the ass. “No, no, no!” Travis started turning the key after the truck's engine sputtered and went out as we were crossing a bridge that was over a river. Travis was trying his best to restart it but it wasn't working. I sat back I watched him mess with some switches and nobs. “Told you it was a piece of shit.” he just glared at me and turned the key again. It rumbled back to life and we were on the move once again. I was glad and don't get me wrong I love the snow but it was summer. I wanted to get to the beach and show off my rock hard abs (protected by a generous layer of fat). “Ha! Ah knew ah could-ahhhhh!” Travis quickly turned the wheel and drove us out of the on coming lane we had slowly drifted into as the truck was coasting. A small car hurdled past us with it's horn blaring. I held on to the 'oh shit' handle as the truck lost traction and we span on the ice. We managed a couple of three sixty's before we came to a stop. I slowly looked out the window at the guard rail that stopped us from falling into the partially frozen river. Getting in those waters would be reverse puberty and poor Travis would have to wait even longer (I'm going to catch so much hell for this). We looked at each other as we breathed heavily and I managed to smile. “Well I'm glad I brought extra boxers.” Travis only let out a small huff as he went to turn the key once again. Then it happened. Suddenly bright lights and a blaring horn. We both snapped to his window in time to see head lights blinding us. We both screamed at the same time and the same way kind of like on those funny movies. What ever it was plowed into us and flipped us over the barrier, sending us into the river. We slammed into the hard cold waters up side down and began to slowly sink. I opened my eye and had a hard time clearing them. When I could see again, while still buckled in and up side down, I saw Travis out cold (to me that was little ironic. You know cause the... never mind) and the cab was filling up with water. I tried pushing up against my door in panic but I knew it wouldn't open because of the pressure and it was smashed into the railing also. Travis's door was also no good and his seat belt pinned him in place too. We were trapped with no hope of getting out. “What a tit, I got it.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my knife. It's a good thing I'm slightly paranoid and kept it with me all the time. I flipped it opened and was about to start on my seat belt when I heard it. A loud pop and crack. I looked up (or would it be down?) and saw the windshield as it started to web all over. Suddenly water kicked in the fragile glass and poured in. The knife was knocked out of my hand from the force and then sucked out. I managed to get on last big gulp of air before the water rushed in and I pulled desperately at the buckle. It was no use. I looked one last time at Travis as he was still out. He was lucky, he didn't have to know he died. I couldn't take it any longer as my lungs begged for air and I opened my mouth for it to be flooded. It was painful, a lot of people think it's not a painful way to go but it is, but it started to fade away. Everything started to fade away and I saw Travis for the last time. Lucky bastard... The first thing I felt was soft grass. How did I know it was grass? It itched like hell but then it went away. Then a soft breeze ran over my chest as it slowly rose and fell. I was breathing? I didn't think you needed to breath in the next life. I heard the chirping and singing of birds with the rustling of leaves. It was warm and from behind my eyelids it was bright. I slowly opened my eyes and it stung as if I had been inside in the dark all day. I was looking up at a blue clear sky that didn't have a hint of pollution. Then I looked at my self and noticed I was wearing different clothes. I now had on a white shirt, black shorts, and brown flip flops. I heard groaning from some where behind me as I was done inspecting my self. “Ugh... Meason?” it was Travis's voice and I looked back up at the sky. I saw something far up above but I couldn't make it out. “Are we in Shangri-la?” I could hear him sitting up as he took a deep breath. “Uhh didn' we die?” that's right I remember now. “Eyup.” he stood up and I could see him if I rolled my eyes up, he also had a white shirt but black pants and black cowboy boots, but I just kept staring at what ever that was in the sky that was coming closer. “Where's mah truck?” that's what it was. “Right there.” I was so calm and relaxed as I noticed the one ton piece of shit falling towards me. “Oh fuc-” then... BAM! Travis turned around in time to see his truck land on top of me and hear the loud crash and snapping of the axles. All four tires popped off and rolled away a couple feet, one stopped in front of him. He stared wide eyed with his mouth open for a bit. Then he flipped out. “oh my-what the- Meason?!?!” funny why can I hear him? I had closed my eyes when the truck landed on me and now I opened them. I could see all the under carriage in my face and I felt really weird. I could still hear Travis flipping out. “Don't worry I'm fine.” then I heard nothing as I started to wiggle me self out from under the truck. I don't know how I did it because the body was smashed into the ground but I squeezed through. I popped out with a... pop and floated to the ground slowly. Then I noticed I was flat and I mean flat as a piece of paper until with another pop I filled back out. Travis stared at him in slight horror. “But... you...” I stared at my self and looked my self over. Perfectly fine like always (ha). “What the hell?” “ONE!” both of us snapped out of it and flinched. Then I repeated my self. “What the hell?” “TWO!” we both stayed quiet as we had no idea where this powerful booming voice came from. When we recovered from shock we looked at each other again. “Where are we Travis?” he looked around and shrugged his shoulders. “Ah have no clue.” I looked around my self and then I saw it. With out moving my eyes I tapped him on the shoulder and now both of us stared at the same place. It was... Ponyville. “Meason is that...” “Eyup.” “So we're in...” “Eyup.” “That means...” “I'm going to meet Fluttershy and see if she really is like everyone writes about in the bedroom.” Travis slowly looked at me as I said that really fast. “Really that's the first thing yer goin' to do?” now yes I'll admit it I am a clopper and I think Fluttershy is best pony but it doesn't mean I was going to go over there right away and try to rut her. I mean come on I am a guy but I like a little romance. I grinned evilly at him and it really freaked him out. Why? Because my eyes and my smile started to grow and I mean grow. Soon they blocked out the rest of my face but I kept going. Then they popped and shrunk back to regular size, deflating like a balloon. “How the hell did ya do that?” funny no booming voice. I shrugged and looked back at Ponyville with horrendously sexy thoughts. I should never be allowed in Equestria but it was to late. Then I saw a streak of rainbow coming towards us. “Dude, dude, dude be cool!” I started grabbing Travis and then suddenly slapped him really hard as... SHE neared. Travis was rubbing his face as the rainbow circled around us and slowly descended. I think I might have chibbied when she landed in front if us because everything became bigger to me and sparkled. They both stared at me until they snapped out of it. It was Rainbow Dash and I couldn't believe my suddenly tiny self. I grew back to normal as she talked. “Uhh hey. You guys alright? I saw something fall and heard the crash all the way in town.” you see Travis calls me super brony a lot. I don’t dress up or pretend I'm in a relationship with one of them, I just really like them. Travis recovered first. “Yeah just a little shook up.” she nodded and I finally came to. “You wouldn't happen to be Rainbow dash would you?” Travis looked at me and raised an eye brow as I winked at him. “Yes. Hey you two are one of those humans Twilight's been talking about right?” I ran a hand through my hair being smooth. “I don’t know who that is but yes we are. I'm Meason and this here is Travis. And I hear that you are the fastest in all of Equestria.” she just smiled smugly and suddenly inspected something on her right hoof. “I don’t like to brag but yeah.” I smiled evilly again. “OK then lets race. Readysetgo!” I was off in a literall blast of dirt as I left the two behind and was now in Ponyville. I turned back to see them both still standing back by the truck far off. Did I really ran that fast? It didn't matter because a saw a hopping pink bundle of pure personality that was the greatest. Back with the other two they watched as I went into town. “Ok the only living creature in all of Equestria that I know can do that is Pinkie Pie.” Travis nodded then it hit him. “Oh no.” Rainbow dash turned to him with raised eye brow. “Meason is an autistic man-child and if he meets Pinkie pie there may not be a Ponyville.” she took off suddenly and went back to town. Travis was going to follow but then he remembered. He looked at Ponyville and then to his truck. He didn't know what to do. “Don' worry baby Ah'll be back.” with that he took off to town where something absolutely magical was about to happen. Oh and did I meantion I should never be allowed in Equestria.