//------------------------------// // It Takes Two to Tango with a Mango // Story: A Thousand and One Problems but an Apple Ain't One // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// Bon Bon’s mother had always been eccentric to say the least. Some ponies said she was a few apples short of a fruit basket, but Trixie had come to realize in her dealings with Bon Bon that it was much more than that. She was in fact a few sea cucumbers short of a vegetable basket. A pony might argue that a sea cucumber wasn’t a vegetable, with which Trixie would heartily agree. The fact of the matter was after seeing Bon Bon’s mother’s lab a few times, the magician was positive that there had never been any real vegetables in that basket to begin with. Massive vats of chemicals lined the walls with various sinister-looking fruits, herbs and vegetables floating within them. Some were shriveled and black, while others grew into huge and grotesque shapes. One gathering of grapes even looked suspiciously like a bunch of eyeballs following them around. Benches filled with dissected delicacies littered the room; their poor occupants appearing to be in the throes of agony over what only an overzealous health nut would think of in the name of progress. Trixie had seen and tasted many an odd item over the years, but never before this lab had she ever thought that it was possible for there to be food best left forgotten by ponykind. That wasn’t the end of it though, for the lab’s master had many, many plans. And those plans were etched in chalk on the giant blackboards that lined the ceiling. From afar they appeared almost akin to a work of art. The notes spiraled and and danced hypnotically about in swirling patterns surrounding the various sketches. From a casual glance among the catwalks the labratory’s master used to write her notes a pony saw only the work of a true scientist. They saw the formula and observations of one who’s only desire was to perfect the art of making food. It was only when a pony stood on their tiptoes and scrutinized the small dark writing written within the chalk lines did they see just how mad the scientist’s goals truly were. She wanted nothing more than the complete and utter destruction of sugary sweets. It wasn’t enough to make a healthy alternative. For the laboratory’s master there was no alternative. Today, however, this dark testament to the horrors of science would be host to the creation of the only hope for the town. “Tell me again why we need to come down here?” asked Dinky as she carefully maintained the smallest amount of volume she possibly could in the laboratory. Bon Bon was clearing the benches for whatever was going to happen while Trixie was trying to pick her weapon of choice. “Because we don’t want the oranges to have any idea what we’re doing,” answered her mentor, tossing a strawberry as large and fragile as a rotten tomato with a splat into the garbage. She examined the jar of eye-like grapes for a second before setting them back with a shudder. “I suppose I also might have done it because it’s only proper to create yet another monster to society here, but that’s just the showmare in me,” she added as an afterthought. “Every show needs a proper setting after all, but that’s not the important part.” Trixie turned and ruffled her students mane. “The important part is that you’re going to be whipping up quite a bit of magic for this. We don’t want to burn Bon Bon’s place down, and I figured, with all the crazy stuff that goes on down here, this would be the room most likely to survive any more little accidents.” “Burn my what do-” Bon Bon began to ask, only to be buried in an avalanche of parts from one bench. “Yeah... about that...” Dinky began hesitantly. “Are you sure this is the best idea? If one fruit monster was so bad, what makes two any better?” “Nothing at all,” said Trixie, “It’s just the easiest way I can think of to provide a distraction for them. We have no idea about the abilities of those oranges. They could be holding back the ability to spit extra acidic orange juice at us for all we know.” She tossed a rather bulbous pineapple over her shoulder. Rather than bouncing off the wall its little spikes made it stick right to it. “If we give them something else to think about, whether it’s a bunch of new friends or a bunch of new enemies, then it’ll give us a little time to get to my house. I’m pretty sure I remember Twilight’s old books having a spell that claims it’ll fix anything and everything you throw it at. Not sure whether it’s lying or not, but it’s worth a shot.” “You still have those books?” Dinky laughed. “You know how much Twilight’s been complaining recently about the fact that she doesn’t have any real books to help her research?” “Bah! She puts too much stock in those things.” Trixie tossed another strawberry over her back. It hit the pineapple with a sickening squelch and remained impaled upon it. “And, besides, some of those real books are supposed to be locked away. I’m still trying to figure out how to tell the Princess I held onto a few.” Dinky giggled. “And I suppose you’re delaying that to squeeze out every little thing you can get out of them.” “Shush, you!” Trixie retorted before raising her hooves in triumph. “Aha! This is perfect!” In her hooves was an ordinary mango. There were no scorch marks or pus-filled sores in it. It wasn’t swollen and squishy or shriveled and black. It was perfectly ordinary. That was about to change. “Took you long enough,” said Bon Bon clearing the final table. “Do you actually need me for anything, or am I just here to clean up?” “You’re here for a reason! You know the lab better than anypony else!” Trixie replied hastily. “But I’m an earth pony! I can’t cast magic. All you’re doing is casting a spell!” said Bon Bon, shaking her head. “The more I think about it, the more I don’t think I need to be here to help,” She turned towards the stairs. “I’m going back up.” “Don’t leave!” shouted Trixie drawing the other’s stares. She shuffled her hooves for a couple secs before sighing. “The last time I was here alone one of your mom’s experiments tried to eat me...” “Then why did you insist on coming down here?” asked Bon Bon. “I already told you why,” grumbled Trixie. “Just stay here to keep the experiments under control, please...” she said, glancing down as she kicked at the ground. Bon Bon looked around the lab at the dubious and undoubtably disastrous delicacies before reluctantly mumbling her response. “Fine... Just don’t ask me to do my mom’s laugh when we get this shindig on the road.” “Deal,” said Trixie. “Now here’s the plan. Dinky’s casting a spell to turn the mango partway into a bird, and I’m casting a spell to shield your sanity from the result. If anything on the benches decides me and Dinky look like a tasty snack while we’re busy casting, feel free to buck it to next tuesday. Otherwise, stay as still as possible so you don’t break the illusion. Got it?” Bon Bon shook her head. “Good!” said Trixie, tossing her head back and giving her best grin. “Then I suppose all that’s left is to cast the spell. Ready, Dinky?” “Ready!” piped the unicorn, as her horn began to glow. ….. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of construction noises, warning sirens, thunking, bumping, crackling, cackling and other various unsettling noises later, Trixie opened the door to the basement. Thousands upon thousands of flying mangos burst forth from its confines to slam into and through the front door into the wide open sky. Trixie herself followed them in a stumbling daze. She didn’t notice Dinky bouncing past her to talk to the others about what they just did, or Bon Bon heading off to the kitchen to wash her hooves of the vegetable ichor. She merely staggered to the back of the store in an attempt to process what she had been forced to witness for the second time that day. She wanted to lie down. She needed to lie down. But the couch was already taken. Lyra was strewn on the couch. Her normally cheerful mint coloring was now mottled with patches of pus green. As Trixie entered the room, the mint green turned towards her, and the look in her eyes said it all. “You just had to try and find out what I was protecting Bon Bon from, didn’t you?” Trixie sighed. Lyra didn’t respond for a couple seconds. Shock tends to do that to a pony. But, finally, very slowly, she nodded her head