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// 496 million pounds of pumpkins were produced in Illinois in 2008 
// Story: Destination: Thataway! 
// by Hawattie 
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	"Fascinating," the sorceress cooed when Fphant finished his story. He did a surprisingly good job of it too, considering he wasn't there for the first bits and I never told him about them. I'll have to ask him how he knew that stuff later. He probably read my autobiography. I'll have to ask him what he thought of it later.
"Simply fascinating," the sorceress repeated, "but, unfortunately, not fascinating enough to prevent me from killing you." 
"How terrible," Unique intoned. "I was genuinely hoping our horribly sappy sob story would be enough to convince you to let us go."
Fphant nodded in agreement with Unique. I was too busy fiddling with my mane to make any comment. Oh look, that statue's mouth is starting to glow red, I wonder if that's a good thing?
"Well, it was fun talking to you, but it's time to die now." The glowing statue's mouth began to open up, I could see flames billowing up from inside it. "Goodbye!" The sorceress's voice fizzled out with a pop of static.
"Goodbye!" I replied. Ohey, Fphant and Unique are giving me that "you're a moron" look again. "What?" I asked them.
"Just shut up, you're not helping."
Another pop of static sounded and the sorceress's voice came back. "Eh, he can continue talking if he wants to, it'll help distract you all from the trap you've walked into."
"What trap?" I asked, then remember the flaming statue thingy. "Wait, do you mean that flaming statue thingy?" I gestured to said flaming statue thingy, it's now practically billowing flames from its maw. "'Cuz that doesn't look all that scary."
The sorceress sounded taken aback. "You can see my statues?" I nodded, were they supposed to be hidden or something? They seemed pretty obvious to me. "How!? They're supposed to be invisible!" Oh, that would explain it. Sorta.
I shrugged. "I just can. Can't you guys?" I asked my friends.
"See what?" Guess that answers that question. But it raises so many more... like why am I thinking about questions? I'm totally unqualified for this kind of thing! Y'know, this whole thinking thing! Wait, what was I saying? Oh yes! Supposedly invisible statues! 
"I've actually been counting them to help pass the time." I tell her, trying to be helpful. 
"Let me get this straight." I could almost hear the sorceress's exasperated facial expression. "You've been counting my invisible statues." I nodded. "The ones enchanted by Starswirl himself to be undetectable by living creatures." I nodded again. Where's she going with this? "That's supposed to be impossible!"
"Well apparently it isn't." I walked up to the statue and kicked it in the shins. "I can see this baby just fine."
"That's impossible!" the sorceress shrieked, "You're impossible!" Judging by the sorceress's tone I'd say she's tearing her mane out right now. I hope she knows that's a bad thing if she wants to pick up dates. "This doesn't make any sense! I must find out why you can see my statues!" A magical glow surrounded me and my friends. "Hold still, I must figure this out. For science!"
One flash of light followed by a tingly sensation later and we're back in the sorceress's gaudy entrance hall. Teleports OP, please ban.
"Well then," Fphant said after getting his bearings, "that was a waste of time."
I cocked my head inquisitively. "What was?" I ask. I don't remember playing any boring MMOs generally associated with wasting time.
"You know." Fphant rolls his appendage thingy in a circular motion as he explains. "The whole gauntlet of death we--"
"Pit of Despair," the sorceress interrupted, "not gauntlet of death."
Fphant cleared his throat. "Yes, the 'Pit of Despair' we had to make our way through only to end up right where we started." Oh, that's what he was talking about. I thought it was kind of fun, certainly not a waste of time, but who am I to judge? Besides, we all got thirteen exp for completing the gauntlet! If that's a waste of time then I'm a giraffe. And I'm not.
"Well that was before I discovered that your friend is impossible and needs to be studied," the sorceress huffed.
"Glad to be of service!"
"Shut up you," the sorceress snapped, "the smart ponies are talking." Fine, be that way. Jerk. I let my unhappiness be known through excessive pouting. Arms crossed, lip stuck out and all.
"Hey," Unique defended me, "be nice to my best customer!" Since when was I his best customer? I'd had like, two of his drinks. Ever. Well, if you didn't count the bottle of Thunderbrew currently hanging from a strap around my shoulder. Speaking of, I should probably drink some of that to alleviate the side effects that it may or may not cause.
"Fine," the sorceress reluctantly relented, "but only because he's so interesting."
Unique delivered a triumphant nod to the air and a friendly smile to me. Aw, I feel so loved. Only known him for a day or two and he's already defending me from the evil disembodied voice we've only known for an hour or two who's tried, unsuccessfully to kill us several times. Such a good friend. A true inspiration really.
"Well now that you're not going to kill us," Fphant addressed the air, "what do you want us to do."
"Would you kindly proceed to the east wing of my tower." Wait, towers have wings now? I didn't know they could fly. Come to think of it, this entrance hall is bigger than the outside of the tower... what other secrets does this place have? A space ship? A time machine? A Jacuzzi? 
A gigantic floating arrow appeared over one of the staircases on the far end of the hall. "Just follow the arrows and you'll get there in no time at all!"
I started to trot towards the arrow when Fphant's arm-thing shot out to stop me. "Why can't you just teleport us there?" he asked. Y'know, that's a pretty good question.
"Yeah, why can't you teleport us there?" I parroted, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.
"Shut up," they told me in unison.
"Okay." I hung me head and resorted to listening to the conversation.
The sorceress let out an annoyed sigh. "Because magical reasons and stuff and blah, blah, blah." The arrow pulsed brighter. "Just go thataway!"