//------------------------------//
// I'm Nothing But A Joke 
// Story: Who Am I? 
// by Zeck 
//------------------------------//

	Vinyl felt horrible. Well, maybe not horrible. Terrible seemed to fit better. Nervous maybe? Or sick. Maybe that was right. Uncomfortable also seemed like a good word too.  
She wasn’t sure what word she was feeling, but she knew she wasn’t feeling good. 
Yesterday had been non-stop practice and set up for Rarity’s—and Vinyl’s too—fashion show. However, unlike last time when Vinyl had just spent a bit of time setting up her rig and then she was good to go, this show had required a lot more work. 
Rarity had had a few stallions come over to help her set up the stage. Vinyl had helped a little with the wiring for the lights, but most of her day had been spent inside, once again trying on dozens of outfits and having Rarity poke, stab, stitch, yank, and twist Vinyl in dozens of ways. After the unicorn had picked out an outfit, one that Vinyl had to admit looked pretty good on her, Rarity had spent the next few hours teaching Vinyl how to walk and stand for the show. 
Vinyl hadn’t understood why she needed to practice for hours when she was only going to be on stage for maybe thirty seconds. It had tired her out to the point where she had been the one to suggest going back to the Blossom sisters’ spa in the evening. Rarity had happily agreed.
And then the big day had arrived. Vinyl had spent most of today boxed up in Rarity’s shop. Rarity had been dashing around everywhere, putting finishing touches on gowns and welcoming the ponies that had agreed to be in her show. Vinyl saw a few she recognized, but she had made a conscious effort to avoid them. She didn’t want them to see her shaking. 
The show was starting in thirty minutes. Vinyl could hear the ponies gathering outside around the hoof-built stage. She had been to countless gigs, performed in front of hundreds of ponies, and done things in public that would have made other ponies die of embarrassment. So why the buck was she freaking out so bad over a stupid fashion show?
“Be cool, Vinyl,” she whispered to herself. She reached up and tried to pull her sunglasses down, but her hoof only found air. She was reminded, again, that Rarity had insisted that Vinyl take them off. Apparently they didn’t go well with her gown. 
Vinyl looked at a mirror and decided that Rarity had a point. She was dressed in a flowing silk dress. It was mostly grey and went further up Vinyl’s chest than she liked, but at least it allowed her to breathe. She didn’t feel like she had been stuffed inside the outfit so much as it was flowing around her, allowing her to move with almost as much freedom as she normally did. 
The fabric was laced with tiny purple stones. They were really small, to the point where most ponies wouldn’t be able to tell what color they were individually. Rarity had said that had been a deliberate choice. Only ponies who looked closely at Vinyl would notice them. The rest would just see the light sparkling off the dress whenever she walked. 
Rarity had also given her some rather fancy shoes, or maybe they were closer to boots. Vinyl wasn’t sure what they were, fashion being so far out of her realm of understanding that it wasn’t even in her universe. They were a satin black that went up the side of her hooves. The dress covered the ones in the back, but the ones up front were fully visible. If Vinyl hadn’t been wearing a dress, she would have decided that she looked hot in them. Instead, she wasn’t sure how she looked. Beautiful maybe? Did she do beautiful? Rarity had insisted that she did, right after she had finished styling Vinyl’s hair into…whatever it was that Vinyl was wearing it as now.  Instead of being spiky and free, Rarity had brushed the electric blue mane into a flowing current, smooth and graceful, so that it complemented Vinyl’s eyes instead of hiding them.
Yes, Vinyl decided as she stared at her reflection, this is what I asked for. Rarity had said she could be a model, and Vinyl had asked Rarity to make her into a pony worthy of Canterlot. Rarity had chuckled at that request, but Vinyl decided that she’d done a fantastic job. 
It was just too bad that she felt like she was wearing a stranger’s skin. Still, if she could show that she had class, maybe Octavia would finally talk to her again.
“No,” Vinyl said, shaking her head. “I’m not doing that. Not now.” She wasn’t about to let her thoughts go down that road. This show was too important to Rarity, and the unicorn had said that Vinyl was going to be the star. She’d already messed up one pony’s important moment because of her selfishness. She wasn’t about to let that happen again. She was going to stay focused on making Rarity’s show the talk of Ponyville. 
“Vinyl?” a voice asked. “Vinyl Scratch, is that you?”
Oh no. Vinyl recognized that voice. She closed her eyes and braced herself as she turned around, waiting for the laughter to start. 
“Vinyl, you look…”
“Go ahead, get it—ouch!” Vinyl closed her mouth as the last part of her outfit pinched her. That was the only thing she didn’t care for about her outfit. Rarity had insisted that Vinyl wear a bridle, since this show was based on Saddle Arabian culture. Vinyl had agreed, but she was noticing that none of the other models were wearing them, including the one talking to her now.
“S'up, Bon Bon,” Vinyl said, careful on how she said each word so the bridle wouldn’t pinch her again. “Uh, I mean, greetings, Bon Bon. A pleasure to see you.”
Bon Bon looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “Okay…I was going to say you look lovely—”
“Why thank you,” Vinyl swallowed, forcing out the next word, “dear. You do as well.” And Vinyl found that she actually meant it. Bon Bon’s dress would certainly turn a lot of heads if she walked down Manehattan’s streets in it. Heads that Lyra would no doubt rip off in a matter of seconds.
“But now I’m more curious as to who you are and what you’ve done with Vinyl,” Bon Bon finished. There was a hint of a smile on her face, and Vinyl couldn’t tell if it was from amusement or mockery. 
“Why, I am Vinyl,” Vinyl said. “Who else do you think could look this good? Uh, I mean—”
“Vinyl, why are you talking like that?”
Vinyl sighed and looked at the floor. Damn, her boots looked good on her. Focus! “I’m trying to have some class. You know, be fancy and all that for the show.”
Bon Bon giggled and covered her mouth with her hoof. “By acting like a stuffed shirt from Canterlot?”
Vinyl felt her cheeks go crimson and lowered her ears against the side of her head. “Um…yes?”
“You and Octavia had another fight then,” Bon Bon said. It wasn’t a question. 
“Did Lyra tell you that?” Vinyl asked, for once thankful that she was wearing the bridle. Otherwise, she was certain she might have made a face, or even snarled slightly, when she had said the unicorn’s name. 
“No,” Bon Bon said as she ran a hoof through her styled mane, “uh…I just…sort of guessed. It must have been pretty bad for you to try to change your entire character.”
Vinyl shrugged. “What choice do I have? She doesn’t like the old me, so I figured I’d try to be more like—ugh! This thing is so annoying!” Vinyl tugged at the bridle and almost ripped it off, but she remembered how much work Rarity had put into it. She could bear it for another half hour or so.
“Vinyl, I don’t think changing yourself completely is the right—”
“Vinyl, darling, there you are!” Both ponies looked over and saw Rarity trotting toward them, a smile beaming from her face. While every other pony was dressed head to hoof in stunning outfits, Rarity had nothing on. Still, she carried herself with more grace that anypony else and everypony graciously stepped aside as she walked by. “Are you ready for tonight?”
“Rarity, why do I have to wear this?” Vinly asked. She tugged at the bridle again, but it snapped back against her muzzle and she yelped.
“It’s part of the outfit, dear,” Rarity said as she walked up. She used her magic to adjust the bridle and Vinyl did her best not to wince.
“But—ow—but why? These things make it really hard to talk.”
“That’s the point, dear.” Rarity said.
“Um, Rarity, I know Vinyl can be, well, Vinyl, but don’t you think that’s a little mean?” Bon Bon asked as she giggled again. Vinyl rolled her eyes and remained silent, reminding herself that a pony with class would let a cheap shot like that slide.
“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant.” Rarity’s eyes went wide. “Not at all. I asked the delegates from Saddle Arabia why they were wearing them when they came here. They said it was to keep themselves mindful of how they spoke. They were representing their country, and so they took steps to make sure they didn’t embarrass themselves. They said that having the bridles in place made them choose their words carefully and keep their expressions in check. They did not want to accidently insult the Princess or something like that. Apparently is a common custom over there.”
“But why do I have to be the only pony that wears one?” Vinyl asked. Sure, she probably had the least amount of grace out of everypony in this show, but it still felt rather insulting being singled out.
“Who says you are?” Rarity asked, a look of confusion crossing her face.
“Uh…the fact that no other pony is wearing one?” Vinyl asked. She was confused now. She double-checked to make sure she was right. Yep. No other pony was wearing a bridle. 
“That’s because the show hasn’t started yet,” Bon Bon said. “You said it yourself. Those things aren’t the most comfortable to wear, even if they do look nice. Everypony else is waiting until the curtain rises to slip theirs on.” To prove her point, Bon Bon pulled her own bridle out of a pocket in her dress and showed it to Vinyl. “I was wondering why you were wearing yours, actually.”
“You mean…but I thought...” Vinyl looked between the two ponies as they started to laugh. “But you said I should get everything ready ahead of time!”
Rarity opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a loud crash. All three of them jumped and turned to see what had caused the noise. 
“Oh, there you are, Miss Rarity,” a grey pegasus said. She was tangled in some rolls of fabric and was struggling to free her wings, but she had a huge smile on her face. “I just wanted to let you know that I delivered your letter in pony, just like you asked.” 
“Why thank you, Miss Hooves,” Rarity said, dashing over to the struggling pony. Vinyl and Bon Bon walked over as well and together they helped the delivery mare untangle herself. Rarity seemed awfully nervous in the grey mare’s presence. Maybe it was because she seemed to be a walking disaster zone inside the shop, and Vinyl knew how much of a perfectionist Rarity was when it came to her designs.
“And what letter was that, Derpy?” Bon Bon asked as she helped the pegasus stand up and brush off her wings. 
The pony with the blonde mane smiled with pride. “An invitation to this fashion show! Rarity asked me to deliver it to a Miss Octavia Melody.”
“Octavia?” Vinyl asked, her eyes lighting up at the pony’s name. So Rarity had really done that for her? Sweet!
“Yep. It wasn’t easy though. I got all the way to Manehattan, but she wasn’t there.”
“Oh, uh…you don’t say,” Rarity said. She and Bon Bon were suddenly looking very nervous, but Vinyl hardly noticed. Derpy said she had delivered the letter. That meant that Octavia might be here tonight!
“I do say,” Derpy said. “I asked around, and some of her friends told me she had left for Ponyville a few days ago. Imagine how shocked I was when I got back here and found her walking down the street tonight. I just gave it to her as she was coming up to your show. I think she already—”
“She’s here?” Vinyl shouted, causing several other ponies to look at her and the bridle to bite down on her mouth a little too hard. She didn’t care though. Octavia was here! Vinyl would finally get to see her! She’d show the cellist that she had class and that she could be a better pony! She’d do it right now in fact!
Vinyl started to move toward the exit when Rarity stepped in front of her. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’ve gotta see her!” Vinyl said, trying to slip past.
“Absolutely not!” Rarity replied, stomping her hoof on the floor. “A model cannot be seen by the public in her outfit until the show starts.”
“But—”
“Vinyl, Rarity’s right,” Bon Bon said. She put a hoof on Vinyl’s shoulder and gently held her in place. “Besides, imagine how impressed Octavia will be with you when she sees you out on stage.”
Reluctantly, Vinyl admitted they were right. She stopped struggling and sighed. Octavia was here. She’d be in the audience, and Vinyl was certain she’d stay around once she saw Vinyl. Vinyl would make sure that she shined in the show tonight. She’d be the most graceful, elegant pony out of all of them. Hopefully that would show Octavia how sorry she was, and maybe the cellist would finally forgive her.
“Okay, fine,” she said. “When are we starting then?”
“In just a few minutes.” Rarity cleared her throat and addressed the models gathered in the main room of her shop. “Okay, everypony. The show will be starting in five minutes. Please make any final adjustments and put your bridles on.” There were several groans at that remark, but Rarity silenced them with a look. “Line up in the order we all practiced, and try to remember you cues. Once the music starts, just do what we’ve been practicing. However, the most important thing tonight is that everypony has fun. Good luck!” Rarity then turned to Derpy and smiled sweetly. “Miss Hooves, I’m afraid I must ask you to come with me. You can’t be back here once we start.”
“Okay Miss Rarity.” Derpy began walking toward the exit but accidently knocked down one of Rarity’s maniquins. “Oops. I just—”
“Quickly, Miss Hooves, this way.” Rarity ushered the mare out the side door, shot Bon Bon a quick look, and then she was gone. 
If Vinyl had been nervous before, she was now driving herself up the walls with anxiety. Her dress no longer breathed, but felt like it was constricting around her throat. Her boots felt too small and she constantly tapped them against the floor, trying to loosen them. The bridle was biting into her muzzle and her entire face was itching painfully. She was suddenly fully aware of her hair and found herself worrying about it. Was it still straight? Did she still look presentable? What if she tripped on stage? Her legs were shaking so badly that she feared that might actually happen. Was she sweating? Oh Celestia, she was sweating! What if she stained the dress, or made it stick to her flank because of that? What if—
A noise suddenly rang through the air and Vinyl jumped. “What was that?”
“The music,” Bon Bon whispered. “The show’s starting. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Vinyl said. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m…oh Celestia, what if she doesn’t like the way I look? What if she gets up and leaves right in front of me? What if she still doesn’t want to talk to me after—”
“Sssh,” Bon Bon said as she put a hoof on Vinyl’s mouth. “It’s okay, Vinyl. I’m sure Octavia wants to see you, and you look lovely, especially in those colors.” Bon Bon smiled, but Vinyl just blinked in confusion. “Now take a deep breath and relax. We’re going on in a few minutes.”  
Vinyl did as Bon Bon suggested. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. They helped, but her mind was still turning faster than her turntable. She needed something to distract herself.
The music! It was a bit muffled, but she could still hear it. It was mostly strings by the sound of it. It wasn’t a tune she recognized, but she still found it soothing. She closed her eyes again so she could hear it better. It sounded exotic, and visions of faraway lands began to play through her mind. She saw rolling deserts and beautiful oases. Violent sand storms with fierce beauty and gentle breezes that painted the sands drifted through her consciousness. Colors danced through her mind, greens and blues contrasted with oranges and browns. She saw herself walking across the desert, her satin boots sinking slightly into the sand with each step. Her dress swayed gently against her body, keeping the sand from embedding itself in her coat. The stones gave just enough weight to keep the dress from blowing away, but not enough to feel like extra weight.
The tone changed, going lower and deeper, and Vinyl was suddenly walking down a dune, heading toward a body of stunningly blue water. With each step, the notes fell, until the music had become just a whisper as she stood before the pool. She stared at her reflection, and then the pond rippled with a new note. Vinyl raised her head from the pool, focusing on the note. It sounded familiar. It played again, and Vinyl strained her ears, trying to figure out why she recognized the sound. A third time it played, and Vinyl’s eyes snapped open, yanking her violently out of her music dream.
A cello! The notes were being played on a cello! Vinyl knew only one pony who could play a cello like that. Octavia was not only here, but she was also playing in Vinyl’s show! Vinyl had no idea how Rarity had convinced the cellist to play in the show, but she made a mental note to thank the unicorn. 
Octavia had to have forgiven her now, right? She was playing for a show that Vinyl had worked so hard to put on. Sure, Rarity had done most of the work, but Vinyl had been a big help too.  Rarity had said so. She was suddenly very proud of the fact that her name was listed on the event flier. It felt just like the first time she had seen her stage name on display at a club, or seeing Octavia’s name in a newspaper announcing her upcoming gig. This was real, and this was happening. Octavia was out there playing for her!
“Vinyl, are you alright?” Bon Bon whispered. 
“Buck yeah!” Vinyl said, a bit too loudly according to the pinch her bridle gave her. She made another mental note to try to tone down the swearing. She was still trying to prove that she had some class, but that didn’t seem as important now as it had a few moments ago. “I mean, yes.”
“Are you sure? You have tears in your eyes.”
Vinyl blinked. Sure enough, tears rolled down her cheeks. She brushed them away and smiled. “I’m just really happy, I guess. How much longer until I go on?”
“Well, my turn is coming up next, and you’re after me, so…five minutes I suppose?”
“What, really?” Vinyl looked around, trying to ignore the bridle tugging at her muzzle. “What about all the other ponies who…?” There wasn’t a single other pony in the room with them. “Where did they all go?”
“Everypony has already finished. You and I are the last two. You were enjoying the music so much that you missed it.” Bon Bon turned her head as the music shifted. “Well, that’s my cue. I’ll see you after the show.”
“Right.” Vinyl watched as Bon Bon walked through the door and suddenly she was all alone. She rocked back and forth on her hooves for a few moments, waiting for the music to signal her turn. She counted the seconds, struggling to keep herself calm as she begged the music to hit the right note and tell her to—
There it was! 
With a smile on her face, Vinyl walked through the door Bon Bon had gone through moments before. She found herself backstage and saw Bon Bon finishing up her own run. When she was safely back behind the curtain and out of view of the crowd, she looked over her shoulder, smiled, and gave Vinyl a little wave from across the stage. Vinyl nodded back and Bon Bon went through the door that led into the dressing rooms where all the other models were waiting. They were all going to go out a second time, and that was where Rarity had asked them to gather.
Vinyl took another deep breath. She didn’t hear Octavia’s cello anymore, but she hadn’t heard it in the beginning either. It was possible that she just didn’t have a part in Vinyl’s musical theme, but she was no doubt still sitting with the rest of the players. 
Vinyl took one final breath and rounded the curtain, stepping on to the runway in perfect timing with the music. Each one of her steps fell with the exact note it was meant to. She held her head up and at an angle, her eyes half closed as she focused straight ahead. Ponies cheered and stomped their hooves on the ground as she walked along the stage. She reached the end and turned sideways with the fierce subtlety that Rarity had taught her. She stared into the crowd and blinked once, then allowed a small grin to sneak across her face. More ponies cheered, but she had stopped basking in their praise. She was doing her best to scan the crowd, trying to find where the musicians were, where Octavia would be…
There! Vinyl’s eyes fell on a familiar green unicorn playing a harp—no, wait, a lyre—and Vinyl frantically searched the area. She only had a few seconds before she needed to turn and head back. She saw Lyra, Octavia’s cousin Fiddlesticks, one of Octavia’s band mates, other ponies she didn’t recognize...where was Octavia?
Vinyl’s eyes fell on an empty chair in the middle of the band. A cello case was resting against it, closed and locked. 
Vinyl’s world broke around her. It shattered. It disintegrated. It vaporized. Turned to ash and dust. It ceased to exist at all. 
The cheering ponies became silent to her mind. The music no longer reached her ears. The sheer joy she had been feeling moments before as she strutted down the runway vanished into the pit in her heart. She saw nothing but that empty chair with the cello case. The tears that had, only moments before, been tears of joy now threatened to become ones of anguish. 
Was this what it felt like? This...agony that made the pain of the past few weeks seemed like nothing but a scraped knee? This hollow feeling that swallowed up any other emotion, even grief, to the point where tears seemed useless? Was this what Vinyl had done to Octavia on the night of her concert? And all those other times? Celestia, how had Octavia dealt with it so many times?
Vinyl had worked so hard these past few days, and the thought of Octavia seeing her tonight, seeing all her hard work and effort, had filled her with pride. But that empty chair ruined all of it. Suddenly, all the hard work felt wasted. None of it mattered because that one single chair was empty.
Octavia had been here. She was still here actually, because she’d never leave her cello behind, but she had chosen to deliberately miss Vinyl’s appearance. That was it then. No matter what Vinyl tried, Octavia never wanted to speak to or see her again.
Vinyl almost hung her head, but the last part of her ruined mind screamed that she couldn’t let Rarity down. Fighting back tears, she turned—missing her music cue by only a few seconds—and walked back up the runway. She turned left, following the exit path that all the other ponies had taken, and found herself in Carousel Boutique’s dressing rooms. 
All the other models were talking amongst themselves, complimenting each other and laughing, getting ready for the encore that Rarity had planned. Vinyl didn’t even look at them. She stared at the ground and made her way toward the nearest dressing room.
A hoof reached out and gently tapped her shoulder. “Vinyl, is—”
“Leave me alone, Bon Bon,” Vinyl said, brushing the hoof off and continuing toward the dressing room. She was in no mood to talk, and she feared that if she even tried she would be reduced to a puddle of tears. She needed to get to that dressing room.
She reached the room and closed the door, making sure she locked it. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror.
The tears were there, but they weren’t streaming down her face. They simply rested in her eyes, occasionally falling when she blinked. Her eyes were red and hollow, as if she hadn’t slept in days. Her face looked haggard, with bags hanging under her eyes and her coat stretched tight over her muzzle. The bridle, which before had given her a certain look of elegance, now made her look like a chained animal. Her mane looked as though it had been popped. It no longer retained the elegance that Rarity had put so much work into. The dress seemed to look less beautiful, now appearing as nothing more than a dirty rag wrapped around a worn out pony. Even the purple stones, which had dazzled just moments before, looked like nothing more than cheap pieces of broken glass.
“This is who I am,” Vinyl said as she stared at her reflection. “A useless, good-for-nothing pony who thought she could be something else. What a joke.” She closed her eyes hard and the tears broke free, racing down her cheeks. She understood now. No wonder Octavia never wanted to speak with her again. If this was the pain that Vinyl caused her every time she missed one of her performances...How had Octavia put up with her for so long? Vinyl swore that, if given the chance, she’d never miss another of Octavia’s performances, but she knew that chance would never come. It was over.
“I’m nothing but a joke,” she said as she began to cry softly to herself.