My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S2E1: The Return of Harmony, Part 1

"... and we turn now live to Town Hall, where the results of the election are about to be read out: this may well bring an end to a rollercoaster of a campaign which has, especially in its final few days, proven to be the most brutal in recent history, with both Mayor Mare - of the Equestrian Party - and Lyra Heartstrings - of the Equine Party - resorting to increasingly negative attacks on each other. Now, to recap, PNN has earlier called the election for Mayor Mare- and now, it seems like the Election Officer is about to read out the results. Let's listen in. "

"... the total number of votes cast: five thousand, two hundred and ten. Individual candidate tallies: Mayor Mare, Equestrian Party, three thousand- "

Stomping and triumphant yells rose up from the foreground. "Yeah! Whoo- !"

Unperturbed, the Officer carried on. " -six hundred and seventy-four. Lyra Heartstrings- "

Not to be outdone despite the inevitable, the pro-Lyra camp tried to raise a similar ruckus. "Ly-ra! Ly-ra...!" Boos and hisses from the other end.

"One thousand, five hundred and thirty-six... "

And at that very moment, in a corner of Ponyville- ring! Ring! Ri-ing!

A smile overcame Mayor Mare's face as she got up from her armchair and slowly began her triumphant march towards Lyra's concession call, leaving the over-analysis of Racer Meadow and Timberwolf Blitzer behind.

Cheerilee didn't share her mother's sentiments regarding victory. The sudden increase of workers in Sweet Apple Acres, the rumors of pegasi being flown in from Cloudsdale to vote... Mayor Mare admitted nothing, but there were enough dots for any sharp pony to connect them.

"You know," the violet pony fumed as she sent schoolbooks tumbling off the shelves and into her saddlebags, "I don't know how I'll ever be able to teach Civic Studies with a straight face again! Urgh... just as well I'm taking them to Canterlot... "

The bespectacled mare yawned discreetly. Any remaining vestiges of conscience had been silenced by this incessant, idealistic whining, droning endlessly on throughout the night.

"So am I supposed to tell the kids that democracy works, now that you've just begged Filthy and Fancy Pants to send you back into Town Hall?"

"Whatever," came the semi-conscious reply. Despite her landslide victory, however, the politician wasn't resting easy on her laurels. Oh no. Far from it. Because-

It was as if the cherry-maned teacher could read minds. "But don't you dare think that you won't get your just desserts," Cheerilee admonished, finally getting off the bookcase. "They'll want compensation for what they've done. I'm sure of it."

Mayor Mare gave an unnoticed smirk. Too naive by half, she commented silently, remembering full well the deals she had already made in exchange for the support of Ponyville's power elite prior to the election. Destroy part of the Everfree Forest? Take out Ponyville's labor unions? These didn't look so good after the confetti had settled. By Celestia, there was no other option: Mayor Mare had to divest herself of those Faustian pacts. But how?-

Thud. The bespectacled mare's ruminations were stopped cold by a heavy copy of Democracy in Equestria skidding to a stop in front of her. "Why don't you read that for once, huh?" the schoolteacher complained loudly. "Maybe then, you'll realize that ponies like you are ruining the whole system!"

The door shut.

The politician wasn't about to take orders from some inexperienced fresh grad out of college. "Hmph. Whatever," the tan pony huffed, sweeping the book away with a swish of her foreleg without a second thought-

But suddenly, Democracy in Equestria quickly found itself scooped up in the hooves of a scheming Mayor Mare, the germ of a plot developing rapidly...

The festive mood of the re-elected government lived a short life: it bled out, unwanted and unloved, a mere five minutes into its existence.

"Democracy?!" Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon spat out as the rest of the cabinet - Finance Secretary Bit Coin and Security Chief Delta Force - sat in stunned silence. "A... a L-legislative Council!?"

Mayor Mare adjusted her glasses. "It's not witchcraft, Mr. Ribbon."

The gray stallion continued to sputter. "B-but... we already have democracy in Ponyville! The election we had yesterday! Democracy! You see?" he followed his insincere justification with a wholly unconvincing grin.

"Not at the local level, Mr. Ribbon," Mayor Mare answered. "Not at the local level. You see, I want Ponyvillians to have more say in how the government works- "

"Why would you ever want that!" the gray stallion waved his forelegs about in desperation. "By Celestia, if the ponies had to decide on our actions during your previous tenure, Ponyville would have been destroyed five times over!"

"And would have gone bankrupt five times faster," the chestnut mare chipped in.

"Ponies, come on!" the politician declared condescendingly. "It's not about the money. It's not about the power. It's about the idea- "

"What," the red Security Chief interrupted, "the idea that government should be held hostage to public opinion at every turn?"

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" the bespectacled mare decided that owning up would probably provide the more convincing explanation. "Look, alright? It's not really about whether we're going to be held hostage or not, but who we're going to be held hostage by... "

"Oh, Celestia," Bit Coin slapped a hoof onto her head. "What did you promise Filthy now?"

Mayor Mare cleared her throat politely.

The chestnut pony's head sank in dreaded anticipation. "Oh, sheesh. "

But a renewed twinkle in the politician's eye as she detailed her grand design. "But now, with the Council, we can just tell them that the issue is out of our hands! Oh, I can't believe that I've solved the impossible once more! Oh," the tan mare stared heroically into the far mountains, "and to be remembered as Mayor Mare, the Democrat of Ponyville... "

"We don't need democracy to defeat Filthy," Crimson Ribbon popped the Mayor's dreamy bubble. "We'll simply trip him up with bureaucracy- "

"And lose the next election for sure. Filthy's made an investment in all of us." The gray-maned mare looked solemnly at the slightly-betrayed faces of her cabinet. "And I'll be bringing all of you down with me if we fail," she clarified further.

"But Ma'am- " Crimson Ribbon's sought last-ditch support from his colleagues. His eyes implored the other departmental chiefs. Both shook their heads in resignation.

"Oh, fine." The Secretary for Administration fell back and produced parchment and ink with extreme reluctance. There's always later, he consoled himself, as he readied his quill:

The Agenda:
1. Establish a Legislative Council for Ponyville. [ ]

Mayor Mare examined the bureaucrat's handiwork. "And the long-term goal, Mr. Ribbon?"

The gray stallion understood the Mayor's unsaid intent and obeyed, grumbling all the while.

2. LONG TERM - Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ]

"Good, good!" the tan pony clapped her hooves in feverish anticipation. "Oh, it's going to be so great to have some fall ponies at last!"

"Legislatures soon develop a mind of their own, Mayor," Crimson Ribbon noted through gritted teeth.

"Not while I'm still here!" Nothing could hinder the Mayor's self-congratulation for her master strategy. "And you know why? We'll schedule elections for next week, and with our current popularity, we'll secure the largest majority ever in Ponyville!"

None of the bureaucrats paid much attention to Mayor Mare's grandiose and fallacious plans. After all, there was nothing to be gained through direct confrontation, with their superior so dead set on the project...

"... and that's why," Bit Coin finished off her sales pitch to the deflated ex-candidate, "we think that this indirect approach will more persuade the Mayor to stop this stupidity."

Lyra Heartstrings slurped down her milkshake, still mired in a defeatist funk. "Bit, I can't believe you didn't tell me about what the Mayor was planning the day before the election," she groused. "And there I was, thinking that you were my friend... "

The chestnut pony wasn't about to divert her attention away from the issue at hand. And besides, what friend threatens to reveal scandalous affairs to the press? "Lyra, are you going to do this or not?"

The lime-green pony grunted in annoyance. "What's the point? I'm not going to spend that much time in the so-called Legislative Council if your aim is to abolish it."

"Well okay, abolition is our primary aim, Lyra," the Finance Secretary brusquely admitted. "But if you're up for it, you can obviously use this temporary platform to score political points against the Mayor. Rebuild your image, secure broader support, you know the drill."

Oh, of course! The defeated candidate's ears perked up as she felt the dark clouds gradually parting away. "Well then," Lyra began, testing the waters. "I want a majority in the Council."

The Finance Secretary narrowed her eyes. "Don't push your luck, Lyra. You know the Mayor won't accept that."

"Fifty-fifty then."

"Lyra."

"Oh, all right, all right," the lime-green pony rolled her eyes, seizing any chance to salvage a victory from the all-too-recent drubbing. "Same proportion as the Mayoral Election results."

Bit Coin smiled the smile of supremacy, having now bested her periodic blackmailer. "That's what we thought, Lyra. This means you'll be getting thirty out of a hundred seats in the Legislative Council. Send your Councilors' List over to us soon."

Mayor Mare's democratic jubilation was, predictably, short lived. "No, no, no!" she banged her hoof on the desk. "Mr. Ribbon, you know full well that I called for elections, and not to allocate seats based on the Mayoral Election!"

"But Ma'am," the Secretary for Administration responded gently. "It's expensive, calling an election. Surely you don't want your first act to be one of frivolous spending- "

"It's not frivolous, Mr. Ribbon!" The tan pony was adamant. "I'm trying to give ordinary Ponyvillians a say in the government!"

Of course - rather than to stall Filthy's plans, the bureaucrat surmised sarcastically. Yet it was time to change arguments. "It's also politically dangerous, Ma'am. What if the populace turns against you and votes Lyra's ponies in- "

"That's why we're scheduling this for next week, Mr. Ribbon, before anypony has any time to respond!"

The gray stallion retreated to his last defensive line. "Well, an election next week is too abrupt, Ma'am. We can't do it- "

"Excuses, excuses, excuses!" the gray-maned mare roared in indignation. "That's all you've been giving me so far! Mr. Ribbon, I don't care about explanations: give me those Council elections, next week!"

"Ma'am," the bureaucrat implored with a twinge of menace, "don't make this so difficult for everypony- "

"It's not difficult, Mr. Ribbon," the Mayor insisted. "It's just the same thing that you did last week!"

The gray stallion could feel the end of the argument approaching, conclusion distressingly not in his favor. But may Crimson Ribbon be darned eternally to Tartaros if he was to subject himself - and the entire civil service - to genuine civilian monitoring. The occasional oversight exercised by Princess Celestia was bad enough.

He sighed dramatically. All or nothing.

"We're not doing it," the Secretary for Administration stated flatly to his boss.

It took a while for Mayor Mare to register those words of rebellion. Her ears twitched. "Excuse me?"

"We're not doing it, Ma'am," Crimson Ribbon repeated. "We can't, and we won't."

A deathly silence as the tan pony contemplated the best way to finish off this insolent underling. "I'll get Ms. Coin to do it- "

"She won't either," the gray stallion interjected. And she'd better not!

The bespectacled mare had gone too far to be thwarted now. "I'll fire every top and mid-level pony, then. Maybe we'll have some ambitious ponies down there who actually obey their political masters," she snarled.

Crimson Ribbon smiled slickly. "Oh, your dedication to democratic principles is admirable, Mayor- "

The tan pony leant back in one unguarded moment. "Hmph. At least you appreciate- "

" -which must be the reason why you flaunted so many of those principles during your own election." The bureaucrat crossed his forelegs and waited for surrender.

Once again, Mayor Mare found herself caught. Her eyes widened. Her mouth opened dumbly. She was beat.

The gray stallion decided to be magnanimous in success. "Our plan isn't that bad, Mayor."

The bespectacled mare collapsed further into her chair, a sullen look ingrained on her face.

Crimson Ribbon continued. "You get seventy seats out of a hundred. That's veto-proof."

The politician gritted her teeth. "I guess," she conceded.

"And you get to look selfless, by accommodating the opposition like that."

Mayor Mare nodded slowly.

"And you get to deliver democracy to the Ponyvillians in the fastest time. Like, literally, tomorrow," the gray stallion concluded.

"Hmph." It wasn't like Mayor Mare was given much of a choice. "Fine, fine. Let's have the Legislative Council convene the day after tomorrow."

The Secretary for Administration gave a deep bow. "Noted, Ma'am. We'll have the Council up and running in no time at all. You have my word for that."

"Alright, alright," the Mayor waved a dismissive hoof at her subordinate. "Just get on with it."

Unbeknownst to either pony in the room, clouds of cotton candy were fast gathering on the horizon.