//------------------------------// // All of them // Story: Why was I so lucky? // by Artyom the Brony //------------------------------// “Owwwww. Everything hurts… Why does everything hurt?” I moaned I wasn’t kidding, My head was in a catastrophic amount of pain, one leg felt like it was on fire while the other one was freezing, my arms were being bitten by a million army ants and my chest… It was like someone had kicked in my ribs so that they stabbed the organs they were supposed to be protecting. I suppose It could’ve been worse, I could have woken up next to a coyote ugly chic or something. “I think he’s waking up!” A voice yelled with delight “I think he’s in a catastrophic amount of pain…” I’m still a smartass so It’s all ok in the brain. “HE’S UP GIRLS!” That voice, oh shit it’s Rainbow Dash… I opened my eyes an looked around, my neck muscles were sore, probably from a terrible sleeping position. The room was actually quite nice, there was a bed, a closet, a nightstand, balcony, you name it! Oh fuck I’m in a bedroom. In through the door came all the ponies I didn’t want to see. Celestia, the pink one, the orange one, the white one, Rainbow Dash, Flutterhsy, Twilight… She was alright, she hadn’t tried to rape me yet. “OH BOY CAN WE JUST SKIP THE QUESTIONS AND GET RIGHT INTO IT PLEEEAAAAAASE?!” the pink one was very excited about something “No, we agreed five of my questions. Then you can” “Oh just hurry up darling, we’re all just dripping with excitement,” The white one put emphasis one dripping for some… oh fuck me… wait… damnit! I tired to move myself. I couldn’t. Through the pain I could tell that I had restraints on and that I was tied to the bed. Another thing to put on my list of problems. “So mister, what is all that clothing you’re wearing?” Twilight asked “Still not keen on using my name huh? Well this is body armor using Kevlar and nano-weave technology. The rest is a helmet using the same nano-weave tech, simple polyester shirt, canvas pants, and leather combat boots,” I was pretty satisfied with my answer “What’s that on your face though?” Twilight asked “Gas mask. It filters any toxins in the air. Or it would if the lens wasn’t broken,” “Ok then. Why do you wear it? We don’t wear anything,” “I noticed. Because of my occupation. I need to be wearing this so I can be as safe as possible. That, and it keeps me warm,” “Can you take it off? We’ve only seen your face. I think it would really be beneficial if we saw what you actually looked like,” They all had a glimmer of hope in their eyes “You must think I was born yesterday. I not falling for that!” “If you want to do it the hard way then fine. But one way or another those cloths are coming off,” that was celestia’s voice I hadn’t noticed her and I think that’s what they were going for, but she was sitting on the bed right above me. Her horn began to glow and the same golden glow enveloped my head. I felt like I was going insane. There was another voice inside my head, and it was talking to other voices, some of which sounded strangely like me from when I was younger. But while this new presence was getting information from me, I was getting information about it. There was actually a lot of information sent my way, some secret, some not. After a few minutes though, it was gone. “So Tia, when were you gonna tell them about that new recruit?” I asked Celestia’s look of smugness turned to one of horror as all the other ponies looked at her with confusion. “I didn’t know that that spell went both ways!” She was very alarmed “Oh, oh my dear Tia but it does, and it’s wonderful. Really though, as his, first week of training done present?” I had the upper hand now “Well, it doesn’t matter, and I know exactly how to take those cloths off. Now why don’t you just relax,” Celestia said as specific parts of my cloths lit up “Or I could just tell everyone about Lulu’s ‘little’ secret. Then it would be your fault for me knowing,” “Oh you aren’t going anywhere anytime soon,” “Oh I know, but they are, and I’ll just tell them. So Rarity, yes I know your name now. You like rumors and gossip, come closer and I’ll tell you about Luna. C’mon, I know you want to know,” this is fun “Rarity I will send you to the moon if you listen to him,” Celestia said, now having removed my vest and boots “Oh but that means it’s even more secret, and how the royalty would love to hear a story like that, especially since it’s true,” I was grinning mischievously at the thought of what I could do with these words “He’s all yours ladies,” Celestia said “I think, wait what? DEAR GOD MY CLOTHS! All I ask, is that I do it with Twilight first…” I had given up at this point “Oh why her?” Rainbow Dash whined “I’ve been trying to get you for ages!” “You can’t even let me have a final request?” “Follow me Etrius,” Twilight said, walking to what appeared to be a bathroom I got up, the bonds now gone. Everything still hurt, probably to keep me from escaping. I dragged myself to the bathroom where I promptly fell over. Twilight closed the door and gave me a genuine smile. “I’m so happy it worked, I don’t know what has come over the others, but you knew I wasn’t! I want to get you out of here, but I don’t know how…” Twilight whispered “Step one… make the pain stop…” OR DID I!? (give up, you know, from earlier) “Oh right, sorry, Rainbow Dash got a bit rough trying to take off your cloths. This will only take a second,” her horn lit up and suddenly I stopped hurting “OH MY GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD! Well, that could have been taken the wrong way. Also not gonna question how you did that. Now teleport me outa this hellhole,” “Oh, right. Of course,” Her horn lit up again and after a moment of blinding light, some serious nausea, and a quick sanity check, I looked around to see where I was. I was in the same place I had first fell into, the party or whatever. It was empty now, and now that it was, I could see that it was a library. After another bright flash next to me, I saw all my cloths, gas mask, helmet, all that good stuff. Another flash, and Twilight was next to me. Off in the distance I swear I could have heard someone yell no, anyways Twilight motioned for me to put on my cloths before walking away. -Rainbow Dash’s POV, five seconds earlier…- “You did what with him!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” -Back to Etrius- I started with my underwear, and got myself all zipped up and ready to go. “Thank you so much Twilight. I don’t plan on losing my virginity to a pony…” “You’re still, a… oh. Well you’re welcome,” Twilight said as she came back in with an assortment of devices “What’s all this?” I ask with a sense of curiosity “Oh it’s nothing special, it’s just my bass cannon! just some instruments so I can know what’s going on,” Twilight said “I think I have an idea,” “Really!? Well what is it?” “My breath. Every time I exhale, there’s this weird mist, and that’s not normal unless it’s really fuckin cold,” “Breath into this bag, and then I’ll do some tests,” I do so. It’s basically a plastic bag with some numbers and lines on it. When I take a few breaths into it she takes it away and uses her magic to seal it. Scratch that it’s a Ziploc. She zipped it up and walked out the door with it. Every now and then she would come back inside, through the back door oddly enough, wonder why… She had me breath into the bag and would then walk outside again. After her second trip there was a banging at the door. After the fifth trip the door was about three seconds from breaking off. So naturally, I hid in a closet and wept like a child stayed absolutely still, as well as quiet my breathing. Sure enough three seconds later, Twilight came in through the back door, the front door flew open, and thirty or so mares, and a stallion, all ran in. “WHERE IS HE TWILIGHT!” one of the mares shouted “Spike? He’s in the backyard,” Twilight was writing something down “No, no not spike. Where. Is. He!” *sigh* “Girls, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. If you want to find him as you put it, then go find him. Is it that stallion?” “We know he’s in here, and were going to find him. I can smell him,” A mare with a blue coat, and blue mane with a white stripe in it slowly walked up to the closet. She was about to open it when Twilight, bless her soul, saved my ass again. “There was this odd creature in here a few moments ago. I think he’s in the basement,” Just like that everypony sprinted downstairs to have Twilight close the door behind them, and lock it magically. I hopped out of the closet and gave Twilight the biggest hug I could. She returned the hug and after a few seconds we broke it. “Thank you so much Twilight, what now?” “Well, just a few moments ago I sent my reports to the Princess so she could tell me what she thought about them,” “So what was in your report?” I wanted to know, seriously this is confusing as hell “When I tested what your breath could do, it appears that eighty-five percent of all ponies who are interested in males go into a period of undeniable lust for you. Why this is I’m not certain yet, but the Princess will know!” “Ok so we… wait you sent your report, to the Princess, the one who disrobed me, and then would have let you all had your way with me? That one?” shit… ‘Well yes of course I… oh… and I told her, to come here, and… help…” “She’s right behind me isn’t she?” today, was not a good day… “Good job Etrius,” Celestia said in a less calm, more maniacal voice “So uh Twilight, new plan. Instead of me stalling for time, you’re gonna stall for time while I make a beeline for the back door, ok?” “Oh that won’t be necessary darling. We took the liberty of making sure every door was locked,” Rarity said with a smile “New plan, you can’t lock windows. Well, actually you can, but I’m giving them too much time to think. SEE YA!” I yelled running about a foot before being tackled by a rainbow blur “Oh not you again! Why you!” “That’s pretty mean to say to a woman,” Rainbow Dash said, now squarely on top of me “I’m sorry, if you let me go, I’ll tell you just how pretty you are,” “Do you really think-” “Once again no, I’m just desperate,” I grabbed her fore hooves and brought them up. She was pretty strong, pushing down with gravity to help her, but I managed. I kicked her hind legs out from under her, and shoved her away. I got up and ran for a window. A quick look behind me showed a terrified Twilight, a smug Celestia, and impatient mares. Like, all of them, as in all the ones in the basement. “FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!” I screamed, diving out a window at the same time.