//------------------------------// // S1E25: Party of One // Story: My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic // by swirlstar //------------------------------// Season 1 Episode 25 - Party of One Mayor Mare's House, Ponyville The Agenda: 1. LONG TERM - Win Election! [ ] Gallop Poll: MAYOR MARE (EQA) 40% / LYRA HEARTSTRINGS (EQE) 45% (±2%) Mayor Mare smoothed out the agenda on the dining table as she prepared to tuck into yet another late-night meal. The hay fries were soggy, greasy, and tasteless from being left out for too long. "Well, only one more week left," the tan mare consoled herself. "Only one more week until- " "Argh!" Cheerilee's sudden scream reverberated throughout the little house. "What the hay!" "Cheerie? What happened?" the bespectacled mare called out. "Darn it, there's no hot water!" the teacher yelled back from the second floor. "How am I supposed to take a bath like this?" "Well, wait a while," the gray-maned pony responded. "I've waited for, like, five minutes already! Urgh! Did you tick off the Water Department or something?" The tan mare rolled her eyes. Probably a bad day at school. "Maybe somepony used up all the hot water today. Bad luck." "Well, curse that darn pony to Tartaros!" the purple pony screeched, her dreams of having a nice stress-relieving bubble bath thus popped. "That pony better avoid me for the next week- " "Cheerie!" Mayor Mare admonished gently, wiping the grease from her lips. "Calm down. It's just hot water!" "Argh!" the normally gentle teacher kicked the door in frustration. * The Cabinet Room, Ponyville Everypony was feeling a bit grumpier than usual. "No hot water too, huh," Mayor Mare commented in jest. Cheerilee's late-night outburst seemed less ridiculous, now that the politician herself had been subjected to the unforgiving dose of ice-cold spray. Finance Secretary Bit Coin grumbled semi-audibly about cruel torture and punishment. Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon, normally stoic, gritted his teeth in polite impatience. The politician frowned. "You know, if it's having such an impact, should we convene a panel or something to look into the matter? I'd hate to see what the citizens are feeling if you ponies are being so... grouchy." "Cold water on your back isn't a good feeling, Mayor," Security Chief Delta Force answered snidely. That lit up the bespectacled mare's short fuse. "That's why I asked, Mr. Force," she growled. The ex-soldier leant back into his chair, a look of uncomfortable boredom on his face. Silence fell onto the room once more. "Oh come on," the gray-maned mare snapped after a few seconds of fruitless waiting. "Ms. Coin, you must have an opinion on this panel thing." The chestnut mare frowned, her mind paralyzed by painful memories from this morning. "Well, Ma'am, I think- " Mr. Crimson uncharacteristically interrupted. "Look, Ma'am, you aren't seriously considering such a panel, are you?" "Why not?" the politician retorted, adjusting her glasses. "You ponies seem quite cut up about the whole thing." "Well, yes," the gray bureaucrat admitted. "No hot water is just... eurgh!... well, it's just bad. But it's just hot water." "It's an answer, at least," Mayor Mare sighed in exasperation. "Ms. Coin?" The Finance Secretary reluctantly concurred. "Yes, Ma'am. It's just hot water. It'll come back this evening, it everything's working fine. No point in rocking the boat." Mr. Force nodded his head in agreement. Mayor Mare looked at each of her subordinates again to reconfirm. "Hm. Fine, then. Meeting dismissed. I got canvassing to do." * Sixth Ward, Ponyville The first signs that something had gone terribly wrong appeared while Mayor Mare trotted down Luna Street, preparing to meet the voters of Sixth Ward. The newsagent was replacing his sign. SPECIAL EXPRESS NOON EDITION: HOT WATER CATASTROPHE IN PONYVILLE - MAYOR TO BLAME?, the new words screamed out in bold black letters. The tan pony rubbed her eyes in disbelief. What?! She quickly darted over to the stall. "Uh, hey, can I buy a copy of the Express noon edition?" The newsagent, engrossed in the paper, casually waved a hoof around. "Sure, sure, it'll be two bits- " he raised his head, his complexion darkening instantly. "Actually, it'll be five bits." "But a paper is normally two bits," the bespectacled mare tried to reason. "Well, yes. But five bits for you," the newsagent snarled. The Mayor broke out into a cold sweat. "Uh, ok," she stammered uneasily, fishing out five bits from her saddlebags. "Here you go: five bits... " "Hey, you!" Some passerby had noticed the Mayor's presence in this part of town. "You're the Mayor? What the hay did you do with our hot water!" In an instant, all community life stopped as everypony focused on the hapless politician. A small crowd of unhappy ponies was fast gathering around Mayor Mare. They had grievances. "What the hay, Mayor!" "I don't pay taxes for this!" "Don't expect my vote next week!" "I'm going to get fired today, and it's all your stupid fault!" The gray-maned pony slowly backed away from the baying mob. "Uh... ponies... citizens... we're trying to deal with this as fast as we can..." "NOT FAST ENOUGH!" a familiar nemesis' voice suddenly boomed above the chattering masses. Mayor Mare jumped into the air in terror. Lyra Heartstrings - what? Where? "Not. Fast. Enough!" the sound emanating from Lyra Heartstrings' as-of-yet-unseen campaign van roared over from the next block. "Not fast enough! That is what the Equine Party, led by your neighborhood candidate Lyra Heartstrings, says about the response to this stunning lack of hot water in Ponyville today!" The crowd, as if entranced, abruptly turned towards the source of the noise, thankfully allowing Mayor Mare to conceal herself in a small nook. Well, if I can't canvass, at least I can see what Lyra is up to. Lyra continued with her speech. "Citizens, can you believe this? For more than half the day, Ponyville has been denied the basic Equestrian right to steaming hot water! We have been made to suffer under the tyranny of cold showers and ice-cold dishwashing! And for what? And for what, I say!" "Hear, hear!" a few voices applauded in response. "And what has our current leader, Mayor Mare of the Equestrian Party, been doing all this time? Can a helpful pony tell me? Somepony? Anypony?" "Nothing!" a few hotheads screamed out loud, their responses unheard. "That's right, citizens: nothing! While we suffer, Mayor Mare has done nothing to defend our rights! Nothing, citizens! Is this what Ponyville wants? A Mayor who doesn't care about us, who won't help us in our time of need?" Lyra was slowly working up the crowd. Ponies were stampeding in agreement. "No! No! No!" "No, citizens! We don't need such a leader! We don't need Mayor Mare as our leader! Ponyvillians, we don't need trash in office! Mayor Mare needs to hear us speak! She needs to be reminded who's in charge here! Citizens, let's show her who's boss of Ponyville!" More hollering and stampeding. "Yeah! Kick her out! Kick her out!" "Ponyvillians! We're holding a protest outside of Town Hall in an hour! It is time to defend your Celestia-given rights from this dictator! Citizens, it is time to protest against Mayor Mare's monarchy!" More clapping and hollering. Huddled up in the shadows, Mayor Mare winced, buckets of sweat slithering down her forehead. Lyra Heartstrings took a deep breath. "Ponyvillians: No to Mayor Mare!" The crowd fell into a frenzy, screaming and stamping the floor. "No to Mayor Mare!" "Give our hot water back!" "Give our hot water back!" "Ponyvillians: Lyra Heartstrings will kick out Tyrant Mare from office and give you your dignity back! Lyra Heartstrings will respect your basic rights to hot water! Lyra Heartstrings will bring Ponyville into a new dawn!" The crowd sentiments indicated full agreement. "Whoo!" "Ly-ra! Ly-ra! Ly-ra!" "So come join Lyra Heartstrings in front of Ponyville Town Hall in an hour! And vote Lyra Heartstrings come next week! Lyra Heartstrings: A Vote Against Mayor Mare, A Vote For Ponyville!" "Ly-ra! Ly-ra! Ly-ra!" The crowd erupted into another round of cheers and stamping. Mayor Mare realized that she should head back to Town Hall before it was too late. She slipped out of her hiding-hole, still not much seen by the mesmerized crowd, and hightailed it back to the Mayor's Office, as fast as her legs would take her. * The Press Room, Ponyville The chanting of the crowd outside was insistent. "Hot Water Now! Hot Water Now!" they demanded over and over again. The plucky cabinet huddled up one last time behind the door. "Ma'am, I'll admit it: we fell flat on our faces with this one, big time," a chastened Crimson Ribbon whispered. "But you mustn't think that it's too late to salvage anything. Remember: the magic words. The magic words- " "If nothing else works," Bit Coin offered helpfully, "money should do to the trick." "And the panel, of course," Delta Force chipped in. "Remember to say that we're going to set up the panel." "A-alright." Every nerve in Mayor Mare's body was fast seizing up with the pressure of the anticipated grilling. "Panel. Money. Magic Words. Alright, team. Wish me luck." The Finance Secretary winked. "We're all behind you, Mayor. We're in this together." The politician was in no mood for niceties or flattery. "Ms. Coin, you just go back and look over those angry letters we've been getting. Mr. Force, you inform Mr. Ribbon here about the protestors' movements. Try and keep this under control, right?" The red stallion saluted. "You got it, Ma'am." The tan pony took a deep breath. "Alright, here goes." A chilly blast of wind greeted her as the gray-maned pony opened the door and walked into the room. Almost immediately, conversations became hushed and cameras began to flash. Every eye was on Ponyville's leader, as if she was a criminal being hauled onto some dock. Mayor Mare's heart was fast beating out of her skin as she stepped onto the podium. "Ahem," she began fearfully- The press pounced all over her. "Mayor, what's the deal with the hot water?" "Do you agree with Ms. Heartstring's accusation that you have trampled over our rights?" "What do you think your chances are of getting re-elected now, Mayor?" Curses and unspeakable words were flying past Mayor Mare's mind. No- no! Focus! Focus! "Uh... um... yes. As you see," Mayor Mare leant closer into the microphone in order to project her voice over the chaotic din, "we've specially convened this press meeting to update you on the situation with the hot water. Now, we're setting up a panel to look into this issue, starting in a few hours' time. We expect to have a report by tomorrow. So rest assured, everything is under control, and we ask the public not to be overly alarmed. Thank you." The reporters were not satisfied. "Mayor, who is responsible for this foul-up?" Magic words. "That's for the panel to decide. Second pony on the third row." "Aren't you rushing into things a bit too much?" Money. "We're hiring the very best of Equestrian talent, so we expect nothing but the best work. Sixth pony on the eighth row." "Do you think you've become a disgrace to Ponyville?" Impossible question. Mayor Mare put her hoof against her ear and nodded sagely, pretending to receive messages in her earpiece. "Right. Uh huh. I'll be there." She turned back to the reporters. "Sorry, all of you. I have to go and deal with some new developments regarding the panel. We'll update you later in the day." * The Mayor's Office, Ponyville Mayor Mare picked up the phone receiver, the other members of the cabinet crowding around her, awaiting with bated breath. "Dr. Eau, Professor of Hydrology speaking," came the voice from the other end of the line. The tan pony attempted to put on her sweetest voice. "Professor!" she exclaimed. "Mayor Mare from Ponyville speaking." "Noted. Please proceed." "Professor Eau: we're convening a panel this very moment about the status of hot water in Ponyville. Would it be possible for you to come down immediately in order to chair this panel? All expenses paid and a good salary, of course." Silence from the other end. "Well, I do have a tutorial with some undergraduates later this afternoon- " "A very good salary, Professor," the bespectacled mare stressed in desperation. "How much." "Five thousand bits for two days." "Ten thousand bits," the voice counter-offered. The politician was in no position nor mood to negotiate. "Deal." "Good. I'll be on the next train. See you in a couple hours." The line switched off. Mayor Mare, heaving a sigh of relief, turned back to her subordinates. "Alright. We've got the best panel for the job now. Let's call the press back in." "A skillful negotiation, Ma'am," Crimson Ribbon beamed with relief. "We're back on the upswing." "Thank you, Mr. Ribbon," the politician glanced out of the window. "It'll be evening soon. With luck, the hot water should be coming back on line." * The Press Room, Ponyville " -and in such a way, this government fully demonstrates its continued commitment to the well-being of the citizens of Ponyville." Mayor Mare, her heart sinking, concluded her exposition. The room, so crowded a few hours ago, was now virtually empty. A few unstifled yawns from the seated audience. The tan pony raised an eyebrow. "Questions?" No raised hooves. Only a few extra yawns. The gray-maned mare was increasingly worried. "I thought you reporters were interested in this story," she remarked. "Oh, sure," a young reporter rubbed his eyes. "Like, half a day ago. We've gotten the hot water back now." Well, great! The Mayor resisted the urge to slam her hoof onto the podium. "So, you mean we've hired all of Equestria's best water talent for nothing- " Too late, she realized her mistake. The junior reporter smelled blood. "Wait, you hired Equestria's best talent?" he began scribbling into his notepad. "That must have cost a lot, Mayor. Care to explain why this was necessary?" Mayor Mare's jaw went slack with disbelieving shock. "I... " she stammered. "B-but... " "I mean," the reporter continued as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. "It's just hot water."