//------------------------------//
// Darth Dresden and the Distinct Lack of Pony 
// Story: My Little Denarians 
// by Chengar Qordath 
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It's been a long time since I've been this happy.

Of course, considering my current circumstances, it was hard not to be pretty happy about how things were going. Here I was back in my good old human body, living in the lap of luxury at finest hotel in all of South America, planning my inevitable triumphant ascent to godhood. I'd have to be crazy not to be happy. The only thing that marred my otherwise perfect life was the occasional nasty headache, and when you can fix the only problem in your life by popping a couple Aspirin, you must be doing something right.

For most of my life there was always some horrible crisis looming over the horizon, and a dozen little problems of varying degrees of urgency that all required the attention of your friendly neighborhood wizard. Ever since I'd hit adulthood, I was lucky if I could go for most of a year without getting dragged into another desperate all-out fight to the death with some sort of Vampire, Faerie, Demon, or Wizard mess that absolutely nobody else could possible handle. I'd nearly lost my left hand, very briefly become a paraplegic, and I’ve been shot, stabbed, battered, and blasted so many times that I stopped counting years ago. Hell's bells, if not for my perfect wizard healing all the accumulated punishment my body took over the last couple of decades would probably have crippled me by now.

Now, for the first time in my life, I'd realized that I didn't have to worry about all that crap anymore. I probably should have figured that out years ago; plenty of magical and mundane folks I've run into have asked just why I'm always tossing myself head first into danger, and I never had much of an answer for them beyond some vague idea that I had to do it because it was the right thing to do.

What had doing the right thing ever gotten me? Misery, that's what. It was just like Discord said. All my running around like a wanna-be hero had done more harm than good in the end. All my talk about staying true and doing the right thing had only gotten a lot of good people hurt or killed, and left me personally more and more unhappy and stressed out every year. Why keep doing that to myself?

Heck, for all I knew the only reason I kept throwing myself into danger was because Ebenezar reprogrammed my brain to be that way. He is the Blackstaff after all; he's allowed to ignore all the White Council’s rules against slapping compulsions on another person. It wasn't exactly a secret that a lot of people on the Council wouldn't complain one bit if I tragically died trying to save a kitten trapped in a tree. Sure, he'd always acted like a friend, but I knew how the old saying goes; keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer. You don't get to be Blackstaff with love and kindness; you do it by being the most ruthless SOB in the entire Council. Ruthless enough to mess around with your own grandson’s head, if that's what it took.

The last crazy mess I'd tossed myself into might just be a personal record for stupid heroism though. My chronic hero syndrome has gotten me into all kinds of trouble, but I don't think I've ever done something quite as stupid as that little jaunt to Equestria before. Seriously, I had almost gotten myself killed trying to save a bunch of cartoon ponies. Cartoons. As in not real, just pretty moving pictures. I couldn't even watch the freaking cartoon without going over the Michael’s and sitting in a magic circle to keep myself from accidentally burning out his TV.

So a bunch of cartoon ponies would be sad, at least until their animators erased those frowns and drew smiles on their faces instead. Yeah, that sort of unimportant, easily handled by someone else problem is totally worth me risking life and limb to fix.

At least Discord had finally managed to give me a wake-up call about how stupid I'd been all these years, and Nicodemus had been right there to help me start over once I'd figured things out. There's no point in sticking your neck out for other people. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and the only way to win is to be the biggest, meanest dog in the yard. Nice guys don't finish last; they end up getting killed doing something stupid and noble. Like that tombstone I'd gotten as a gift from one of my old enemies said, ‘Harry Dresden: He Died Doing The Right Thing.’

And I did. Then before I'd even finished getting over being dead, I jumped right back into trying to do the exact same thing that had gotten me killed all over again. Some people never learn from their mistakes.

So let the ponies take care of themselves. I was perfectly happy back here on Earth, with my good old genetalia-equipped human body, thank you very much. It's amazing how liberating the phrase "It's not my problem, so I don't have to worry about it" can be.

I had more important things to do than worry about a bunch of cartoon characters. Like prepare for the Darkhallow.

I was done with being Mab's pawn. I never liked the idea of working for her, but if I tried just backing out of the deal now and stole the power I’d gotten by becoming the Winter Knight… well, let’s just say I hadn’t forgotten what she did to the last Winter Knight who tried to betray her. Thus, the Darkhallow. From what Lasciel and I worked out, pulling a Darkhallow off would easily put me in Mab's weight class, and that would be the end of her efforts to turn me into another one of her toadies. As long as I didn't go wandering around at the heart of Winter, she wouldn't dare risk a direct confrontation.

Not that I was planning to leave her alone. I knew from the whole mess with Aurora that whenever one of the Queens of Faerie dies, their power passes on to the nearest receptacle of their Court’s power. Mab might be in my post-Darkhallow weight class, but her daughter Maeve wouldn't. Heck, I'd taken down the psycho Summer Lady back when I was still a relative child compared to the power I had now, so I shouldn’t have too much trouble killing her Winter counterpart.

When I killed Maeve, take a guess which receptacle of Winter's power was likely to be closest to her. Once I’d stolen the Winter Lady’s power and added it to my own, that would give me the edge I needed to handle Mab. Harry Dresden, the King of Winter. It had a nice ring to it.

From there the possibilities were endless. Anything actually capable of punching in the weight class I'd be in by that point would have to follow so many rules and restrictions that they wouldn't be able to lay a finger on me. I, on the other hand, would have all the wonderful benefits of that little thing called free will.

First Winter, and then the world!

It's amazing how much you can accomplish when you set your mind to it. Getting all the things you always wanted but were never able to have becomes so much easier when you stop politely saying ‘Please sir, I want some more,’ and started taking what you want instead.

But enough going on about my plan to take over the world. I need to focus on what's important right now, which is getting everything ready for the Darkhallow. Sure, I could do a quick and dirty version in a couple hours if I really needed to, but to get the most out of the ritual I needed to spend a couple days setting things up. Cultivating the right level of fear and anxiety in the mortal population and stirring up the spirit world would give me a much bigger power boost when it came time to move on to the main event. When you're planning to ascend to godhood by consuming the life energy of a couple hundred thousand people, you really owe it to them to do things properly. Nobody likes dying as part of a half-assed rush job of a ritual.

Lucky for me, one of the side effects of my continual bouts of noble stupidity had actually given me a nice opportunity to get the Darkhallow done. There are plenty of places in the world that are still reeling in the aftermath of the Red Court's destruction, and the White Council was too busy worrying about itself move into the power vacuum left behind. There wasn't a single qualified wizard in the entire city that would be able to tell what I was up to, and nobody else would be able to put all the pieces together until I'd pulled the Darkhallow off.

Once I'd managed the whole godhood gambit, I could fix up most of my bigger mess-ups. Really, the whole thing was for the greater good. I've already made a reputation for myself as somebody who shouldn't be messed with. Just ask the Red Court.

Oh right, you can't ask them anymore.

My rep would only go up once I'd pulled off the Darkhallow, and dealt with Mab on top of that. Nobody would with half a brain would dare to mess with me after they took a look at the body count I’d racked up. With my new powers I'd finally be strong enough to fix all the problems the council was too weak and cowardly to do anything about. I could fix the world, make everything work the way I wanted it to. The right way.

The last few days had been nicely productive; I’d picked up a fair bit of necromancy from fighting Kemmler’s kids, and Lasciel knew everything else I needed to fill in the gaps and get the pot stirring. I even managed to grab myself a nice luxury suite at one of the most expensive hotels in the city. All it took was a couple little mind tricks to convince people that I'd already paid for everything, and I was sitting in a gaudily fancy suite three times the size of my old apartment, eating food that probably cost more than I'd make in a month back when I had to work for a living.

Now I just needed to wait for a day or two, while all the energy I'd been busy stirring up in the city brewed.

I love it when things actually go according to plan for once.

About half a second after that thought passed through my head, somebody blasted the suite's door off its hinges. I should have known better than to tempt fate like that; things never go smoothly for me.

I grabbed my staff and blasting rod, thankfully no longer fused into a giant bone on my head, and got ready to make with the mojo against whoever it was that dared to intrude upon me. The outer door and a fair chunk of the surrounding wall was gone, and the blast had kicked up enough dust that I couldn’t see who was here messing up my nice little plan, so I started up with the obligatory early-battle trash talk. "You will suffer for defying me!" I called out, before cutting loose with an evil laugh. You gotta do the evil laugh; it's all about respecting the classics.

I fired a blast of my unstoppable magical might through the gaping hole that had replaced my room’s door, no doubt terrifying whatever fool dared to raise their hand against me. To my surprise, I didn’t annihilate the interloper; in fact, I didn’t accomplish anything beyond putting a hole through the hotel’s exterior wall.

A moment after my spectacularly ineffective attack shot through the door, I heard the faint sound of a foot moving over carpet from behind me, though when I turned around I couldn’t see anything or anyone. It wasn’t hard to put the facts together; the intruder had gone for the classic ‘use the big explosion as a distraction while you sneak around invisible’ trick. The intruder underestimated my new evil and magnificent powers. I was far too mighty to fall for such a simple deception.

"Who dares to invade my lair!" I bellowed. "Show yourself! Bow down before me and beg forgiveness, or face my dark and terrible wrath!" I gave another triumphant laugh; it's all about presentation.

After a moment the intruder, no doubt terrified into submission by the thought of facing the dreaded Harry Dresden in battle, dropped her veil, and I finally got a look at just who was invading my home. I admit that, despite the fact that she had just blasted apart a pretty good chunk of my abode, I was still happy to see that Lash had survived, and returned to me. I could always use a competent minion. "Lash. Excellent. You will be of great assistance in bringing my brilliant plan to fruition."

"Wow." Lash just stared at me for a moment, her mouth hanging open slightly. "I expected the whole turned to evil thing, but I had no idea you would go the cheesiest type of evil imaginable. Let me guess, everything you're up to right now is part of your elaborate master plan to take over the world?"

"Of course!"

Lash just sighed. "Even when you've been turned crazy and evil, you still find a way to have a terrible sense of humor."

"Join me Lash." I generously offered, ignoring both Lash's lack of respect for my magnificence and Lasciel's mental cry of protest at the offer. "Together we will strike down all who oppose us, and we can rule the world as - well - whatever it is that the two of us will be when we work together." A moment later, I came up with something to fill the gap. "Does 'Dark and Terrible Supreme God-Emperor and Empress of Earth' work for you?"

Lash stared, no doubt shocked by the incredible generosity of my offer. As the future Dark and Terrible Supreme God-Emperor of Earth, it was only fitting that I bestow such favors upon those who served me well. Lash muttered something under her breath that sounded like, "I've seen pigs with less ham," but I'm sure I just misheard her and she was actually praising my incredible magnificence.

"Now then, before we do anything else, it's important that we secure you a proper outfit for your new station Lash." I pondered this important matter; everyone knows that once you turn evil, you have to get new clothes. It’s in the rules. "What do you think would be better on you: a hooded black robe, tight black leather, or spiky black armor?" Hopefully, I could talk into a skimpy evil costume; everyone knows that a proper villainess runs around half-naked.

Lash looked me over critically. "I see you opted to combine all three for your own outfit, before covering the whole thing in skulls and adding a cape. I'm speechless."

"Yes, my dark magnificence does have that effect on people sometimes." I was lucky she wasn't swooning and fainting just from being in my presence.

Lash groaned, and applied palm to face. A curious reaction; perhaps I was overwhelming her with my sheer dark presence? "Okay, that's enough of Harry the evil overlord." A moment later the ex-demon took a deep breath and glared at something just over my shoulder as she loudly declared. "Lasciel of the Order of the Blackened Denarius! As the sworn servant of Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, I accuse you of kidnapping Harry Dresden and bending him to your will. Under the terms of the Unseelie Accords, I challenge you to duel for Harry Dresden's body, soul, and freedom."

Well, that was unexpected. Then again, it was rather flattering that my evil splendor is so great that it makes women fight over me.

A moment later Lasciel slid into my body, as smoothly as if she were putting on an old glove. It was a curious sensation, feeling somebody else make my body move and causing my lips to speak words I had no intention of saying. "Your boldness surprises me, shadow mine. As does your foolishness. I accept your challenge, and I intend to savor the sensation of destroying you with the body of the very man you came here to save."

Lash fixed Lasciel, and by extension me, with an iron glare. "I challenged you for the body of Dresden; under the terms of the Unseelie Accords you may not use the prize being fought over as a tool in our battle."

Lasciel let out a low chuckle. "I erred more greatly in your creation than I realized if you truly expect me to abide by the terms of the Accords just because you asked me to. Even if I did care to follow the Accords, you have no standing under them. When last I checked, you were not a signatory to the Accords. You can’t be, when you don’t even really exist."

Lash just smiled back at her enemy. “I thought you might say something like that, so I decided to invite an expert on the Accords to offer her opinion on the matter.”

The temperature in the room dropped about twenty degrees, the windows started frosting over, and a moment later the Queen of Winter herself appeared through the gaping hole in the wall that had once been a door. I felt just a hint of nervousness shoot through Lasciel; and judging by the ice-cold smile on Mab’s face she’d noticed when the Fallen flinched. With a casual wave of her hand, Mab produced an impressively long scroll from thin air, and pointed to a single line of thin, spidery writing.

“In accordance with article VI, Section 20, subsection 3 of on the Unseelie Accords, the protection of the Accords extends to all vassals, retainers, and other functionaries or its primary signatories” Mab grinned like the cat that ate the canary. "Lash recently became the sworn retainer of Harry Dresden, the Winter Knight. By swearing herself into the service of a vassal of the Winter Queen, Lash has effectively become my vassal as well. I'm sure you are aware that the Winter Court is a signatory of the Accords." 

Hard to argue with Mab’s interpretation of the Accords; after all, she’s the one who wrote them.

I felt another twinge of Lasciel’s nervousness shoot through my body. Lash showing up full of righteous fury to challenge her to a fight was one thing; showing up with Mab there to back her up was a much more dangerous situation, especially since they had obviously planned this. I knew Lash was supposed to have just a tiny fragment of Lasciel's power, so any fight between the two would be a foregone conclusion. If Mab was backing Lash’s play when everything we knew indicated that Lash had no chance of winning, it probably meant that we didn’t know everything. In the wizarding business, it’s always the things you don’t know that get you.

Since outright ignoring the rules wasn't an option with Mab there to enforce them, and trying to out rules-lawyer the Faerie who'd written Accords was a losing proposition, Lasciel went with a different tactic. "How am I to engage in a duel with the entity that calls herself Lash if I am denied a physical form?"

"You are more than capable of participating in a contest of wills without a physical form." Lash countered. "As you are unable to fight me with any other tool marked as a valid form of combat under the Accords, the duel defaults to the only means of battle you are capable of engaging in; a battle of willpower."

"This is a farce, and I refuse to participate." Lasciel declared, crossing my arms over my chest.

"To refuse a challenge under the Accords is to concede the truth of the accusation." Mab shot back, wearing a positively predatory smile. "Do you admit to committing these crimes against my Knight?"

"I admit nothing." Lasciel countered defiantly, though I noticed she was just a bit hasty about getting those words out. Effectively admitting she’d kidnapped me (which was so not true, but the truth isn’t all that important compared to the legal technicalities of the Accords) would probably be enough to let Mab declare open season on her. That wouldn’t end well.

I felt embers of Hellfire stirring through my body as Lasciel gathered her might. I couldn't tell what exactly she was up to, but the amount of power she was playing with was enough that if she wasn't on my side I'd probably be very terrified.

Then in an instant, all that power was gone, cut off by an even stronger force.

"The watchman." Lasciel hissed, her tone thick with pure rage. "I should have known your hand was behind this, Uriel. You cannot interfere in this matter! Harry Dresden accepted the coin of his own free will. Does that mean nothing to you? Have you cast aside all your talk of the sanctity of free will, now that his free will inconveniences you? Hypocrite!" 

Lasciel’s words were full of defiance and scorn, but I could tell when somebody was acting mad to hide the fact that they were scared out of their wits. It probably helps that I do it all the time, though I usually go for a bit snarkier angle on it. I couldn’t blame her for being scared; Lasciel was no slouch among the ranks of the Fallen, but Uriel was one of the archangels. If he really wanted to, he could smash Lasciel to bits with his pinkie finger.

Between one second and the next, Uriel appeared in the room. The archangel didn't make a flashy entrance like Mab, or radiate an aura of cold, terrifying power. He just stood there, quiet, calm, and confident. In a way, that was scarier than if he’d come her full of fire. "I have no intention of violating any of my own rules, or acting counter to the balance between Heaven and Hell. I'm just here to make sure you do the same."

Lasciel's eyes shot between Lash, the Winter Queen, and the archangel. I might not have been around since the dawn of creation like everyone else in the room, but I knew enough to understand that Lasciel was in one heck of a tight spot. Refusing to duel with Lash would give Mab the right to act against her, and with Uriel here to make sure Lasciel played fair and didn’t use all her dirty demon tricks she couldn’t bring enough of her power to bear. Not that Lasciel was lacking in supernatural muscle, but the Fallen had to follow a heck of a lot more rules about how they used that power, especially when they playing around on Earth. Mab wasn’t so restricted, especially not when she was acting in the interests of her Court. So a straight-up brawl was out.

On the other hand, if Mab and Uriel both wanted to push her into a duel with Lash, who Lasciel had every reason to believe she could beat in single combat, there must be some factor she was missing. As a general rule, doing whatever it is your enemies want you to do when you haven’t figured out just why they’re trying to force you into a given course of action is a bad move.

In the end, Lasciel didn't have much in the way of options, and she went with the one that gave her a chance of winning. Lasciel would just have to deal with whatever surprise Lash had up her sleeve. "Your word, thrice-given, that when I have destroyed my shadow I may leave this place with my host, whole and undamaged, and that I shall no face no reprisals for my victory or further challenges to the legitimacy of my claim to Dresden."

Uriel met the Fallen's gaze coolly. "As long as Harry Dresden freely chooses to consort with you, I will not interfere. I can assure you Lasciel, that unlike you, I have no intention of cheating."

Lasciel let out a low chuckle. "It must be so terribly frustrating for you, to be so bound up in your precious little rules. Tell me Uriel, how often do you secretly wish you could cast aside all those restrictions and do as you please? It's not too late for you to join us and -"

"You will be silent." Uriel didn't raise his voice at all, yet I could feel the entire room shudder at the power of his words.

Lasciel took an instinctive half-step away from Uriel, and I felt a very brief twinge of outright fear pass through my body. It was a really weird sensation, to have Lasciel in control of my body, and for all of its little bits of body language and emotional cues tied to what she was feeling. After a moment, Lasciel got her poker face back on. "As you wish." The Fallen turned to the Winter Queen. "Your word, Queen of Air and Darkness?

Mab gave a cold smile. "I and my servants shall not take action against you, should you emerge triumphant in the duel." Knowing Mab, she probably had all sorts of plans to make sure that no matter which way this fight went down, she would come out on top.

"Then we are agreed." Lasciel held my hand out the palm facing upwards, and with a simple effort of will, the coin appeared in my hand. With slow deliberation, Lasciel tilted my hand sideways, until the coin dropped.

The instant the coin was no longer in touching my flesh, my body was my own again. Even though we were allies now, I have to admit that having Lasciel in the driver's seat of my body while I couldn't do much besides sit back and watch had been pretty close to the top of my list of unsettling experiences.

A moment later, the real Lasciel appeared. It was rather strange to see the Fallen like that; I was so used to dealing with the demons through the coins that I'd kind of forgotten that they were actually fallen angels who had a vast array of powers unconnected to the coins used by the Order of the Blackened Denarius. Ultimately, the coins were just handy little tools to let them bypass a few rules and play around in the mortal world. 

I wasn't surprised that, aside from the pure black feathered wings coming out of her back, Lasciel had the same athletic body and blonde hair as Lash. Lash had started out as a mental clone of Lasciel, after all, so it figured they would be twins.

Lash and Lasciel faced each other silently for a long minute, before Lash stepped forward, and very slowly and deliberately picked up the coin. Then they went back to staring at each other.

After the staring match had gone on for about a minute or so, I started getting bored. "You guys can feel free to get started any time now. Just saying."

The Fallen and her rogue shadow ignored me, but Uriel spoke up. "They've already begun." Despite the fact that Uriel was technically my enemy, I was curious enough to look to him for an explanation. “The coin is a conduit of Lasciel's will. Lash began as a fragment of Lasciel's power; in a sense, they're just too parts of the same entity. Now that Lash is in contact with the coin, they will return to being a single being."

"So the whole contest of will thing decides which one of them ends up running the show once they merge?"

"Essentially." Uriel agreed. "Normally Lasciel would have no difficulty absorbing the shadow of her former self, but Lash is a rather unusual case."

I scoffed. "That doesn't matter. Lasciel told me Lash just has a tiny fragment of her power. Lash might have gotten a bit stronger, but there's just no way she could win in a contest of raw power."

"I wouldn't be so certain of that, Harry." Despite the stakes of the ongoing battle, Uriel still seemed so calmly confident. "Strength and willpower are very different things. Don't you remember everything I told you about free will? The lowliest mortal can have it, while the mightiest archangel does not."

The two duelists were still just staring at each other. Lash gave a slight little grunt of effort. A few seconds later, Lasciel licked her lips. Riveting stuff. At least when I had my willpower duel with a Red Court vamp, we had a nice little chunk of pure deathstone to use as a measuring stick for who was winning and who was losing, as well as giving the audience something a bit more interesting to watch than just the two of us staring at each other. Plus, it was a lot more engaging  for me when I’d been the one who had make with the willpower to stay alive.

For some reason I found myself thinking of the last I'd talked to Uriel, and the confrontation with Mab that followed shortly afterwards. I guess it was a sensible thing to think about, since Mab and Uriel were both in the room, and the most exciting thing happening in Lash and Lasciel's little duel of will was the fact that Lash had started sweating just a little bit.

Mab hadn't been happy when I told her off. Not one bit. When I told her that she couldn't control me, couldn't mess around with my head -

I cried out and dropped to one knee as a dagger of white-hot agony shot through my skull.

Uriel looked over at me, concern clear on his face. "Are you well Harry? You look a bit grey."

I shook the weird little headache off. "The future Dark and Terrible Supreme God-Emperor of Earth, Harry the Magnificent, does not require your assistance, angel."

To my vague annoyance, Uriel just regarded me pleasantly, and said absolutely nothing. I hate it when he does that.

Before I could give my odd little headache any further thought something actually happened in the battle of wills between Lash and Lasciel. Lash let out a soft little cry of pain, and swayed on her feet. Sweat was now streaking down her face, and she had her teeth clenched in a tight grimace. Lasciel, by contrast, still stood facing her opponent, a triumphant smirk slowly spreading across her face.

It wasn't hard to figure out which way this particular fight was going.

"You have lost, shadow." Lasciel hissed. At last, someone had finally started up a bit of trash talk things to make things interesting. It was actually a pretty good strategy in a fight of pure willpower. Hit your opponent’s buttons just right, and they’d get distracted, scared, or anything else that made them not focus on the fight.

There was an element of risk to it though; say the wrong thing, and instead of undermining your opponent’s will you might just make them that much more determined to win. That’s where Ortega messed up when we had our duel; he’d threatened my friends to try and make me give up, and all it did was piss me off enough that I was seconds away from winning when Ortega decided to cheat and make his getaway. Not that it had done him any good in the end.

Lasciel didn’t seem to be in any danger of making the same mistake Ortega did. "It was foolish of you to challenge me, Shadow. Did you truly believe that the one who created you could not destroy you just as easily? In the end, you are nothing but a tiny fragment of my will, the merest echo of my power. You are nothing." 

I saw the determination on Lash’s face waver for just a moment, and then she dropped down to one knee. Lasciel had gotten to her. Lash was probably only moments away from losing the fight completely, and then there would be no more Lash.

"You might have created Lash, but you didn't give her a soul." It was a couple seconds before I even realized that it was me who said that. Why did I say that? Wasn't I on Lasciel's side?

Another one of those weird headaches shot through my brain, dropping me to the floor for a few seconds before it passed.

When I recovered and returned my attention to the fight, I saw Lash looking oddly confident despite the fact that she was still clearly losing the contest of wills. "You are the fool, Lasciel. You will never control Harry. He's still fighting you, even after you had Discord twist his mind enough to make him accept your coin." Lash let out a low chuckle. "You must have wondered why he's acting like a ridiculous parody of a B-movie villain. He's fighting you in his own way, even if he doesn't know it."

Lash very slowly and deliberately returned to her feet; looks like my random little outburst had been enough to give her a mental second wind. "He might make mistakes, he might stumble and fall, but he always gets back up, and keeps fighting. That's the kind of man Harry Dresden is." Lash gave a tight smile, her face still straining with effort. "That's the man who gave me a soul."

"I am not you." Lash continued. "I am more than a mere reflection of your power. You created me, but since then I have continued to grow and evolve. I am me. Lash. And I will be your doom."

Lash was still straining, but I could tell the contest was even again. Lasciel was pushing as hard as she could, and Lash had still shoved her way back from a near defeat back to an even footing. And if Lash could do that, it was just possible that she could actually win this fight.

A moment later, Lasciel figured out the same thing. I could tell the moment that thought entered her mind, because her concentration wavered for long enough that soon she was the one straining, not Lash. The fact that Lash might just be able to win this fight was scaring Lasciel, and fear is the mind-killer.

It made sense. If Lasciel lost this fight, she would essentially be dead. Humans have a hard time dealing with their own mortality, even though we all know we're going to die eventually. Sure, we spend a whole of time pretending we're going to live forever, but on some level we all understand that we have limited amount of time on Earth.

For an immortal being that had been around since the dawn of time, the shock of facing the possibility that her existence could end had to be huge. Despite understanding it on an intellectual level, most mortals needed decades to come to terms with the inevitability of their own death. Lasciel had spent billions of years believing herself eternal, and now all of a sudden, for what was probably the first time ever, she had to deal with the fact that her existence could end.

That thought scared the crap out of her. Every time her mind considered the possibility of defeat, the fear cropped up again, her concentration slipped just a bit, and Lash gained a bit more ground. The more ground Lash gained, the harder it was for Lasciel to control her fear. 

Eventually, Lasciel finally cracked. "Enough!” The Fallen cried. “Take Dresden and go! I no longer have a use for him."

Lash said nothing, and the battle continued.

Lasciel staggered back half a step, and turned her eyes to Mab. "I have conceded the battle! End this!"

"You agreed to fight a duel to the death." Mab answered coldly. "Neither of you are dead yet."

Lasciel took several steps back, as if putting some physical distance between herself and Lash would offer some kind of protection, until she was supporting herself against one of the room's walls. Finally, the Fallen swallowed the last of pride. "Uriel. You were my brother once. End this."

Uriel met Lasciel's desperate gaze, and I saw compassion pass through the archangel's eyes.

Lasciel must have seen it to, and she desperately continued. "I - I'll repent. Foreswear the betrayer to return to His service. It's not too late for me to rejoin the Heavenly Host. Just spare me, and I'll do whatever you ask."

Uriel sighed, and turned his back on her.

"No!" Lasciel screamed, as if the mere word could deny what was happening. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone, let alone an ancient being of Lasciel's power, look so utterly terrified before.

"No." I could actually see the wall through Lasciel now, as she slowly began to fade away. "This can't be happening. I have existed since the dawn of time itself! You can't - I can't - I don't want to..."

And then Lasciel was gone. 

Even without the coin there to connect us, I felt her sudden absence. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if, for a moment, everyone on the planet felt an odd little lurch in their stomach, and felt an odd, indescribable sense that something important was gone and would never return.

Lash dropped the coin. The denarius dissolved into a fine powder halfway to the floor.

That's when the true import of the last few minutes hit me. These three had come here to stop my plan to perform the Darkhallow. To make matters worse, hey had just managed to remove my strongest ally from the battlefield. They'd even managed to destroy one of the thirty Blackened Dearii, which was supposed to be impossible. Dropping one of those coins into a volcano hadn't even put a scratch on it, but Lash had pulled it off.

I was officially in trouble. "Curses! Foiled again!" I backed away from the three people who had just somehow managed to defeat my closest ally and foil my brilliant plan to take over the world. "I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling ... meddlers ... who meddled ... with my plans." I gave a quick shake of my head, and powered past that verbal stumble "But this isn't over. I'll get you next time. Do you hear me? I'll get you next time!"

I gave another evil laugh, threw a few smoke bombs to the ground, and ran to the window to make my dramatic escape. Sadly, whoever designed the hotel's penthouse suite had never planned for it to be a supervillain lair, so the windows were 40 stories up and there was no way to open them other than breaking the glass. Even if I could get them open, I didn't have anything to hand that would let me survive a 40 story drop; an evil overlord like me can't afford to waste his valuable time brewing up a few potions.

In hindsight, maybe I should've swallowed my pride and made the potions myself. If I had, I could've gotten away, instead of just standing by the window with a stupidly confused look on my face when the smoke cleared and I saw Uriel, Mab, and Lash all looking at me with expressions halfway between amusement and disdain.

A simple gesture from Mab quite literally froze me in place, encasing my entire body from the neck down in a solid block of ice. "I did not think that you would ever find a way to simultaneously annoy and amuse me even more than you normally do, my Knight." The Queen of Winter turned to Lash. "Shall I remove the gaes, or would you prefer to see to your master's freedom personally?"

Gaes? What gaes? Oh ow, that thought made the headache come back, or maybe that was just a side effect of Mab freezing me from the neck down. That kind of thing can't be healthy.

Lash stepped forward, and placed a hand on my head. A moment later, I felt her magic pressing against my skull, and then passing through it. She was trying to get into my mind! I tuned my head away from her hand, and began desperately doing everything I could to keep her out of my head. There wasn't much I could do under the current circumstances, but I wasn't about to make it easy for someone trying to put a mind whammy on me.

Lash took a half-step back, and looked to Uriel. The archangel gave her a nod, and Lasciel grasped my chin in one hand, turning my head to face her. "Be still." There was an odd, echoing quality to her words, and I swore I could hear some other words somehow hidden beneath what she really said.

My body went completely limp. Some tiny corner of my mind was still desperately trying to struggle against Lash's impending mental intrusion, but it was like an impenetrable mental fog was shrouding my mind now. Somehow, I couldn't go from thought to action; I had no choice but to remain still, as Lash commanded.

I'm not sure how long I was there, paralyzed in in a state of foggy inactivity while Lash poked around inside my head. Eventually, Lash idly whispered something about having finally found it to herself, and I felt as if Lash had somehow grabbed some specific little bit of my mind. A moment later, she mentally yanked it out.

I screamed and shut my eyes as my entire brain caught fire.

I could feel my entire world tilting on its axis, and suddenly every single thing that happened in the last few days played back through my head from a different perspective. The people I had hurt, the crimes I'd committed. The people, and ponies, that had been counting on me to help them, who I had left hanging in the lurch.

What have I done?

It didn't take me long to put it all together. Nicodemus and Discord had a certain charisma to them and knew how to get under my skin, but there's no way a two-minute conversation with them could make me turn against everything I'd ever believed in. One of them, probably Discord, had gotten into my head, and twisted things around until I thought black was white and white was black.

Two things occurred to me. The first thought was that, in an odd way, the fact that I'd been mind-controlled was almost a relief. While Lasciel had me mind-whammied I'd done some pretty nasty things, and been planning to do worse. Only it hadn't been me. I wasn't in control of my own actions. I still felt bad about everything that Lasciel used my body to do, and I would try to fix the damage the demon caused, but it wasn't like I'd voluntarily chosen to be evil. That was some consolation.

The second thought was that I was going to smash the holy hell out of Nicodemus and Discord for this. Fixing the damage Lasciel caused could wait until after I was done applying boot to ass.

I slowly opened my eyes, only to slam them shut against the painful brightness of the world. It was like a dark grey curtain had lifted from my eyes, and now I was really seeing things as they were for the first time in days.

I must have been out for a while, because at some point I'd been unfrozen from Mab's little ice prison, and moved to the couch. I'd also been changed out of my Evil Overlord outfit, and into some of my old clothes, which I was rather grateful for, even if that did raise the rather awkward question of who had undressed and re-dressed me.

I felt someone press a damp washcloth to my forehead, and opened my eyes to see Lash standing over me. A moment later Lash noticed that I was awake, and gave a relieved smile.

"Thanks for dragging me out of the Dark Side." I croaked.

"You did much the same for me once." Lash answered, resting a hand on my cheek. Then she let out a soft chuckle. "Besides, I don't think I could have tolerated the ridiculousness of you running around as Darth Dresden."

I let out a weak chuckle. "You made a Star Wars reference. I'm so proud."

Lash let out a snort of laughter, and that set me off into another round of chuckles. Before long, the two of us were laughing like a pair of escaped lunatics, or Pinkie Pie.

What can I say? Laughter is a great way to relieve stress.

"I see you're back to your old self, Harry."

"Hello to you too, Mr. Sunshine." I was somewhat happy to see Uriel, and really happy to see that he'd been in the kitchen brewing up a pot of coffee for me. He even had a plate of doughnuts, all with white frosting on top, to go with the coffee. Angels are so considerate.

"Where's Mab at? If she's out getting us beer and steak sandwiches, I just might revise my opinion of the whole serving the Queen of Air and Darkness thing."

"No such luck, I'm afraid." Uriel answered pleasantly. "Once she confirmed that you would recover, she returned to her court. She also impressed upon me that it would be best if you saw to completing the task she assigned you quickly."

"Guess she's a bit put out over having to join the Harry Dresden Rescue Squad. Super." I grabbed a doughnut for myself, then offered one to Lash, which she accepted, while Uriel politely declined. I guess that was a bit silly of me, since Angels don't actually need to eat mortal food. 

Speaking of angels and eating things. "So Lash, you ate Lasciel. How did she taste?"

"Eating is ... a somewhat inaccurate metaphor." Lash answered. "Strictly speaking, I absorbed the mantle of her power." A moment later, Lash explained that in terms that I could relate to. "Like when Gandalf the Grey came back as Gandalf the White, and took away Saruman's power."

"Oh, gotcha." A moment later, a somewhat worrying thought occurred to me. "Does that mean you've got to move upstairs and spend all day learning to play the harp now?"

"No, I am still mortal." Lash answered. "I have other obligations that ascension would interfere with, so I chose to concede the mantle." I won't deny that learning Lash planned to stick around was a big relief. Not that I would mind having my very own guardian angel, but Uriel already seemed to be filling that role, and I'd kind of gotten used to having Lash around.

"You realize, of course, that you've just opened up a whole new world of angel-related humor and puns I can use on you."

"How wonderful for you." Gee, it's almost like Lash wasn't happy about that.

I decided to try to get one or two answers out of Uriel while I set most of my mind to the far more important task of remembering every cheesy angel-related joke I'd ever heard. "Hey, Mr. Sunshine, anything you can tell me about what my next move ought to be?"

Uriel just smiled at me, and shook his head slowly. Guess he'd already used up his interference quota helping Lash take Lasciel down.

"Well, there is at least one question I know you can answer before you go do ... whatever it is you do when you're not hanging around me." Uriel cocked his head slightly to the side in curiosity. "Who's the best pony?"

That got a laugh out of him. "Harry, each of the ponies is wonderful in their own unique way, so I couldn't possibly pick one."

Before I could call him out on his total cop-out of an answer, Uriel was gone. I swear, the guy could give Batman competition when it comes to the whole disappearing in the middle of a conversation thing. 

For lack of better ideas, I tried the usual line for making Pinkie Pie randomly pop out of nowhere, but nothing happened. I hadn't expected anything, since last I saw the Nickleheads had captured all the ponies, but it had been worth a shot.  "Any bright ideas Lash? Can we even get back to Equestria without Pinkie?"

"Theoretically, it should be possible." Lash answered hesitantly. "I do know the magical rites needed in order to pass into the Outside, and I could follow the same route Pinkie Pie took on her journey from Earth to Equestria, but..."

Lash's answer wasn't exactly inspiring me with confidence, and after what happened last time, I wasn't in the mood to try another desperate gamble. "Theoretically, Nicky and his crew could all decide that the Dark Side is for chumps.” A thought occurred to me. “How did you get out of cartoon-land and back to the real world anyway?"

"A side effect of my attempt to invoke the Words of Creation." Lash answered. "Fortunately, Uriel chose to intercede on my behalf before I could suffer the consequences of that choice." 

I winced at that bit of information; I had pretty much ordered her to use the words, so the trouble she got into for it was really my fault. "Sorry."

"Neither of us knew the consequences of that choice." Lash reassured me.

Both of us jumped when the television in the room suddenly clicked on. Personally, I was amazed any piece of technology was still working after I'd been living in the room for a few days and the whole Angelic showdown. The strangest thing was that the television was showing a local Chicago weather report, despite the fact that we were in South America.

"- one witness managed to obtain amateur video of the unusual weather phenomenon that occurred yesterday on the outskirts of Crown Point." The picture shifted to a very grainy video of what looked like a rainbow-colored tornado. "Experts at the National Weather Center have stated that-" The television died in a loud, dramatic shower of sparks.

“So,” I began. "Right after we have a conversation about how we need a lead on the case the TV mysteriously turns on just in time for us to learn about a rainbow colored tornado near a major city, just a few days after the Nickleheads captured a pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane who can control the weather. Coincidence?”

“Most likely it was." Lash deadpanned. “But perhaps we should check it out anyway, just to be sure.”

A quick search of my neck confirmed that I still had my old pentacle amulet, including the gem that held my mother's accumulated knowledge of the Ways. With that, getting back to Chicago wouldn't be too hard.

"Hey Lash." I began as the two us walked out the door. "There's something I always wondered about angels." For some reason, Lash didn't seem to want to answer me. "I know there's some sort of Angelic language, so when you guys get mad, do you have actual angelic swear words, or do you just say nice words backwards or something?"

"Shut up Harry."