//------------------------------//
// Chapter Fifteen 
// Story: Falling For Our Stars 
// by bobdat 
//------------------------------//

Chapter Fifteen

In order to get my exam results, I had to wait for an appointment with some senior teacher at the school on Monday afternoon. I couldn’t get comfortable on the itchy chair outside her office while she spoke to another pony, and I was running through various situations in my head so that I would know what to say when she asked me awkward questions.
“Okay, send the next pony in, please,” the teacher’s voice floated out of the room as the door opened. I vaguely recognised the pony leaving, but I was too preoccupied to think of her name. I stood up and stepped inside, smiling.

“Toccata? Ah good, take a seat,” the pony said, pointing to another equally uncomfortable chair. “I am Mrs. Pearl. I suppose you know what you’re here for?”
I nodded. The teacher had a severe face, which made me even more afraid of her, but her manner was relaxed. She pulled out a pencil from her pale blue mane and licked the tip before making a small check mark on a list.
“Okay Toccata. I’m here to talk to you about your future,” she said in her strong voice, looking me straight in the eye with authority. “I have your exam results here, which is an exact copy of what we’ll send off to any institutions you are interested in.”

I rubbed my hooves together slowly, not really sure what to do, as she opened up the white envelope and took a look at the contents.
“Huh,” she said, writing some more things with her pencil before looking at me again. “Okay, so before I show you this, do you have any thoughts on what you might like to do?”
“Um,” I replied, eager to say something, anything. “I, well, I was thinking about going to a music school.”
Mrs. Pearl nodded, and motioned with her hoof for me to continue.
“Since I’m quite good at music, and I can play the piano. It seems like it would suit me,” I finished, staring at my lap.

The teacher nodded and made some notes. “Well that seems sensible, if that’s what you’re interested in. Did you have any particular institutions you were interested in? A lot of ponies like to go to their parents’ alma mater, or somewhere near to their home.”
I paused. “What’s alma mater?”
Mrs Pearl smiled kindly. “It means a school or university that you graduated from. So next year, Buckingham will be your alma mater.”
“Oh, okay,” I replied. I had no idea which schools my parents went to, but neither of them had studied music.
“Any you’re interested in?”

I shrugged. “I liked the look of, um, Britannic College, and Princess School.”
“Good choices. Your grades are certainly on track to gain you entry, so long as you keep working hard this year. You’ll obviously have to pass the auditions, but you’ve got a great reference from your music teacher and everything else seems to be in order,” Mrs Pearl told me, glancing back at my results. “I’ll schedule another meeting for a month’s time. You need to write an application letter for both institutions, which we’ll send off for you. Then it’s just a matter of waiting.”
I nodded dumbly, with no idea how to write an application letter.
“Alright. Well here are your results. I take it you want to drop history? Good, I’ll take that off your timetable. Send the next pony in.”

As soon as I got back to the room, I pulled out my results. Miri and Rarity were out somewhere, but Fly came and sat next to me, reading over my shoulder. I’d failed history, somewhat predictably, but passed everything else, with a high mark in music.”
“Well, apart from history, you did pretty well,” Fly said, hugging me. “You can just drop history and focus on the others.”
I was relieved. “Yeah, that’s true,” I told the pegasus, flicking through the other sheets of paper in the envelope. There was a template application letter and some details of what to do at interviews and auditions, which I put aside to read later.

“If you ask your music teacher, they’ll probably do a mock audition for you,” Fly suggested. I tensed up at the thought of having to do an extra audition that didn’t even matter, and the pegasus noticed. “It might help with your nerves, since you’ll know what to expect.”
She was totally right, of course, but I was really dreading the idea of having to audition. Performing on stage meant I could gallop away the second I was finished, but being in front of ponies who were judging my performance was just too much. Fly hugged me extra-tight and I felt a little bit better.

I found out later that Fly had passed all of her subjects with top grades and was considering not even dropping anything. Miri was similar, so I found refuge in complaining about my grades to Rarity, who had matched my grades, but without failing anything.
“So what did you tell Mrs Pearl you wanted to do?” I asked Rarity as we lounged around reading magazines. School was due to restart the next day but neither of us had any inclination to prepare.
Rarity seemed thoughtful, tugging gently at a lock of her mane with her magic. “I told her I was going to go back to Ponyville and open up a fashion boutique. She was quite supportive, actually.”

I nodded and stared blankly at the glossy pictures. I knew that Rarity was planning to go home, but I just didn’t want to face that reality so soon. 
“What about you? Did you say which music schools you might like to go to?” Rarity asked me, picking at some split ends. 
“I suggested the Britannic College or Princess School,” I replied, doing my best to affect a shrug. 
“Oh, I’ve hear the Princess School is really prestigious. There are always visiting musicians from Princess playing in Canterlot,” Rarity said with excitement. “You might get to come and visit on a tour.”
“I don’t know... I was favouring Britannic College,” I admitted, lazily turning a page. “I’m not sure about going so far away.”

Rarity smiled at me. “Isn’t Princess much nearer where you live?”
“Well, I mean... I’m not sure about living too far away from Fly,” I said, staring at the magazine and not looking up.
Rarity laughed, but not unkindly. “Oh darling, you need to think more carefully than that! Fly will always just be a train ride away, and during term time you’ll both be busy, so you won’t see very much of each other outside of the holidays anyway. You should go to the best place for you, not the one nearer to Fly.”

She was right, of course, like all of my friends seemed to be (except Miri), but that was another reality I didn’t want to confront. Living far apart from Fly just wasn’t going to happen. No way.
“Maybe,” I replied, shrugging. “I liked the look of Britannic better.”
Rarity said nothing, seeing through my excuse. “If you’d like, I can help you with your application letter. I know Fly will be the best at it, but I can help you make a start. I expect she’ll get busy before long with her own application.”
I smiled. “Maybe tomorrow. I think I just want to relax for the rest of today. Last day of the summer and everything.”

Fly did get rather busy once school had started. She assured me that the moment I had my application letter written, it would be at the top of her to-do list to look it over, but her to-do list was very long. As well as preparing for her application to Oxmare, which had to be sent in less than six weeks, she was helping look over the application letters of many other ponies. Miri snapped at her when she stayed up increasingly late poring over them with a torch, which prevented the rest of us from sleeping. Feeling bad, I didn’t get started on my letter for quite a while, instead concentrating on my lessons.

Since my music teacher knew I was going onto a music school, she had started to personally tutor me in more advanced concepts. It was interesting to learn, but she always made me feel pressured. Her most annoying habit was her tendency to tell horror stories about auditions that some of her past pupils had experienced, which was making me feel even more nervous about the auditions I might have to do. Indeed, being rejected from both schools sounded like it would be a relief.
“Come on Cat, concentrate,” she said, tapping her little conductor’s stick on the piano. “You need to nail these pieces. Not just recite them, but really put feeling and grace into them.”

My horn ached from all of the practice. Third year was turning out to be the most difficult by a long way, and the time I usually spent procrastinating or napping was being filled with extra rehearsals or instructional talks on how to write the best application letter. Apparently the quality of the application letter had a big impact on how likely you were to get a place, but my music teacher assured me that the audition was far more important, doing nothing for my nerves. 
“Your mock audition will be tomorrow at lunchtime. Is that okay?” she asked after a particularly difficult practice. I nodded in reply. 
“It won’t be me doing your audition though, it’ll be somepony else. This will make it feel more authentic in that you won’t know the ponies auditioning you at the real thing.”

I didn’t sleep that night. My insides felt like somepony had stuck a knife in and kept twisting it. When Fly woke up and went to get some water, I considered saying something, but she was overworked enough. She didn’t need me to heap my concerns onto her shoulders on top of everything else she was dealing with.
“Are you okay? You look awfully pale,” Rarity told me the next morning. I didn’t say anything, just headed into the bathroom to make a half-hearted attempt and looking a bit more presentable. Looking tired didn’t suit anypony.
“Good luck at your thing later,” Miri said as she flounced out of the room, Rarity in tow.
“Thanks Miri,” I said, rubbing my eyes to try and wake up a little. Fly had got up early and left without disturbing me, so I hoped to see her after the audition. I felt a little put-out that she hadn’t said good luck.

“Oh, yes, your audition thing. Good luck,” Rarity said, poking her head back through the door. “It’ll go great.”
A sudden warmth seemed to dissolve the knife that was twisting my insides and I felt a lot better, although the dread was still all-consuming. I barely listened in my lessons, preferring to worry instead. I hadn’t eaten and when I bumped into Miri later in the day, she commented that I was starting to look awful. I had expected this, and when I tried to rehearse during the morning break I just made a huge mess of it and spent ten minutes crying. There was nothing I hated more than performances, and the stress of even a mock audition was driving me crazy.

By the time I’d composed myself in the bathroom (missing a lesson), it was time to go for my audition. 
“Hello Cat, I’m Dr. Bluejay. Please, take a seat at the desk,” an unfamiliar stallion said as he let me into the empty classroom. My hooves were shaking a little, but I did a good job of hiding it as I shook his hoof and then sat down in the plastic chair.
“Okay, so this is just a mock audition so you don’t have to worry,” he began, which was so absurd I almost laughed. “Just a few questions to begin with. What made you apply to study music?”
I paused for a moment before answering. “Well, I’ve always enjoyed music, both listening and playing. And I think that going to a music school will be the best way of continuing this.”

He nodded. “Good, good. So, what is your favourite thing about the study of music?”
“I like learning to play new pieces and understanding each one of them. It’s amazing that I can sit down at a piano with absolutely no idea how a song goes, but in a few hours I can play it.”
“These are really good answers Cat. Last one now; what do you think you’ll gain by coming to a music school?”
“I think I’ll gain more understanding of music, and a better sense of how to appreciate pieces, both those I haven’t listened to before, and stuff I’ve heard a lot.”

Dr. Bluejay seemed delighted, but my hooves were sweating and when I tried to wipe them on my coat, I discovered that it was wet with sweat too.
“Thank you Cat. Okay, so I know you’ve prepared something to play for me, if you could do so now.”
This was it. The moment of truth. I nodded, my throat dry, and trotted over to the piano. The music was set up, ready for me to play. All I had to do was play it. I actually felt okay about it as I sat down, making sure everything was perfect. It was just like any other practice session, except for the pony watching my every move, a pencil ready to write down every mistake I made. All of the nerves came back in a rush, and I paused. The stallion stared at me, waiting for me to begin.

Carefully I checked everything was in order and began playing. It was fine. No problems as I finished the first line on the page. But then I slipped; played a B sharp instead of a B flat. It jarred, and I tried to cover it up by rushing onwards, but then I got out of time. Another wrong note, then I got lost on the music. Three wrong notes in a row.
“Okay, I think that’s enough,” Dr. Bluejay said, pausing and writing something with his pencil. “Thank you.”
I don’t know what it was, maybe something about his calm demeanour or the way he thanked me for my horrific performance, but after that I just broke down into tears and fled the room. I think he might have called my name, but I just kept running until I was back in our room and locked in the bathroom.

I don’t really know how long I was sobbing for, but eventually I heard the door to the room open.
“Cat? Are you in there?” Fly asked, gently knocking on the door. “Can I come in?”
Wiping my tears, I walked over to the door and unbolted it, letting her in. The moment she saw my tear-stained face she let out a sigh and pulled me into a much-needed hug, and I broke out into fresh tears as she did so.
“What happened? The dorm matron came and found me and said you’d run off crying, and I guessed you’d come here,” Fly said, stroking my mane as I cried into hers. “Was it the audition?” I nodded, and she sighed. “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about it. It was only a mock.”

Actually, I felt a lot better now that Fly was here. With the summer holidays and her being so busy over the first few weeks of term, I had barely had a chance to talk to her. And now that she was here, I was too busy sobbing to get any words out. But I was touched to think that she had dropped everything and come running when she heard I was upset.
“Thanks,” I said, sniffing and trying to wipe my eyes. Fly handed me a tissue. 
“Do you think you can tell me about it?” the pegasus asked me kindly, hugging a little more tightly. 
“I think so,” I sniffled, pretty sure I was going to burst into tears again before I got all the way through the story.

“I... I totally messed it up, and I knew I was going to, and it all went so wrong and I just know that I won’t be able to do the real thing,” I said sadly, trying not to start sobbing again. “I’m just a failure.”
“You’re not, Cat, and you know that’s not true,” Fly said, brushing my mane away from my wet eyes. “You just had a bad experience. All you have to do is work on it like you do for any performance.”
I shook my head. “I just can’t... I get too nervous and then I do it all wrong. I can’t do auditions.”
Fly squeezed my hoof. “You can. You just have to get over this. Trust me.” Her big eyes stared at me and I couldn’t help but feel a little bit better. 
“Thanks Fly.”

It seemed like everypony at Buckingham knew about my big meltdown. When Rarity and Miri arrived after lessons, they had both heard entirely different versions of what had happened.
“I heard that you’d fainted,” Rarity said, hugging me. “I was so worried.”
Miri bounced a little. “I heard you’d wet yourself.”
“Excuse me?” I said, taken aback.
“Some fifth year told me,” Miri said dismissively. “Do you want some of my biscuits?”
Chocolate did make me feel better, as well as the concern of my friends. The terrible nerves from earlier were gone, but I couldn’t see any way that I would be able to do a real audition if I was totally unable to complete a mock.

The next day, I got a message asking me to go for a meeting with Mrs. Pearl. I knew what it would be about, but I had no idea what advice she was going to give me on the problem. Since I was no longer worrying so much, my schoolwork began to improve a bit, which was good. I avoided my music teacher, though. I felt like I’d disappointed her.
“Come in Cat,” Mrs Pearl said as I trotted into her office. “I suppose you know why you’re here.”
“Yes,” I said, sitting in her chair once again.
The mare looked at me with serious eyes. “Your audition... this is clearly a big problem for you. Why didn’t you say something in the first place?”
I didn’t reply.

Mrs Pearl smiled at me encouragingly. “Look, the point of the mock was for you to work through any problems you might face. If you were feeling tense about it, you should have said so. We could have worked out a solution. Getting upset won’t help anypony.” She nodded wisely. “How about we draw a line under this? I’ll schedule another mock for you.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Mrs Pearl held up a hoof to stop me. “I know it’s scary, but you need to face it if you’re going to have a chance of achieving your goals. Before the mock, I’ll speak to your music teacher and schedule some special sessions to help you conquer your nerves. There are plenty of techniques out there to help you.”

“Now, have you done your application letter? The deadline isn’t until January, but I want to get yours sent away by November so that you can have your auditions out of the way by Heart’s Warming Eve. Okay?”
“Okay.” I got to my hooves.
“Good. You can definitely get through this, so just stay positive. I’ll see you soon.”
On the way out, I did feel more reassured, but having extra sessions was going to tire me out even more than before. I was definitely starting to wonder if all of this hassle was really worth it.

“Did everything go okay at your meeting?” Fly asked when I got back to the room. Miri and Rarity were out doing something for Miri’s Head Filly role. 
“Yeah. I’m going to have special sessions to help me get over my nerves,” I explained, dropping onto my bed and feeling exhausted. “And then another mock audition.”
Fly smiled. “You’ll do fine. Anyway, you should get started on your application letter. Rarity told me you haven’t done any work for it so far.”
I sighed. “I’ll do it soon, I just don’t know how to start.”
“Start now. Here’s some paper and a pencil,” Fly said, giving them to me. “Just write down what you’re good at and what you’re interested in.”

I looked over at Fly, but she had the kind of steely expression that meant I wasn’t going to be able to get out of it. With a huge sigh, I picked up the pencil with my magic and started writing.
“Do you think I should put down my piano lessons during the holidays?” I asked, nibbling the end of the pencil. 
“Has it helped your musical knowledge?” Fly asked, and I glanced at her. She didn’t look back, but she seemed to be joking.
Back to writing. “You know, I pretty much don’t have anything outside of music. I should have joined a club.”
“I did invite you to join the book club.”
“Yeah but books are boring.”

I added the fact that I was in the music club (technically true, but I never went to the meetings), and then added some details about the performances I’d given during the holidays. 
“Should I mention stuff from five years ago?”
“Not unless it’s really relevant.”
“What if I just don’t mention when it was?”
“That’s probably fine.”
The pencil scratched away as I added some of my older performances. No reason to exclude them so long as I didn’t say exactly when they were. “Now I can’t think of anything else.”

Fly looked at my paper, which was really rather empty. She frowned. “Any books you’ve read? Concerts you’ve been to that were inspiring?”
I snorted in derision, but then I wrote down a few concerts that I thought I could probably include just to pad it out a bit. I didn’t want to seem as if I spent most of my time looking at fashion magazines, even if that was what I actually did.
“How this?” I asked, letting Fly take another look.
“Should be fine. Now you just have to work it all into an application letter.”
“How do I start?” That was the hard part.
“Write at the top, ‘Why I should be accepted into music school’, and then just answer the question,” Fly advised. “In the end, that’s what you’re supposed to be telling them.”

I was just writing down that question with Miri and Rarity returned, looking a little flustered.
“What’s going on?” I asked, glad of a distraction. 
“Some sixth year has a colt in her room!” Miri exclaimed, beckoning with a hoof for us to follow them. “We’re joining the crowd for when the dorm matron finds out.”
“Oh, I don’t think-” Fly started, but I was already halfway out of the door and she changed her mind when she realised she was going to be alone.
“I hope we get there in time,” I said to Miri as we cantered along the corridor, heading for the stairs.
Miri giggled. “We can outrun the dorm matrons. You need to see this.”
“Who tipped them off?” Fly asked.
“I think one of their roommates fell out with them or something,” Rarity answered. “I don’t know exactly, it’s all sixth year politics.”

There was already something of a crowd when we arrived, so Miri used her authority (“I’m Head Filly, move out of the way please,”) and got us near the front. 
“They’re trapped,” Miri said, a little too gleefully. “I can’t wait for the fireworks.”
Having a colt in your room was strictly prohibited, of course, and was punished by a series of detentions so severe that it struck fear into everypony at Buckingham. In all my time at the school, only one pony had been caught before. 
“Hey, this reminds me of that time they caught Pale Rose,” Fly said in my ear, following my thoughts exactly.

“I’d forgotten about Pale Rose,” Miri said, giggling even more. “She was always so stylish.”
My only memories of Pale Rose were as a glamorous and aloof-looking seventh year who had a string of male admirers from outside the school, never showing any interest in the numerous fillies who were totally infatuated with her. She’d eventually been caught with a colt in her room and got the full punishment, but it never seemed to bother her. Looking back, I realised that she was just another pony, but she’d attained a kind of cult hero status at the time.
“Which pony is it who’s in trouble?” Miri asked, a little more loudly than necessary. A sixth year hurried over and whispered into her ear.

“It’s somepony called Fast Forelock. I’ve never spoken to her, only heard rumours that she’s very pretty,” Miri informed the three of us. “A bit like you, Rarity.”
Rarity blushed and looked away. “Oh, stop it Miri.”
“The dorm matron’s coming,” a voice at the back of the crowd said, and there was a sudden buzz of excitement.
“Make way! I said make way!” the dorm matron said severely, almost smacking a few first years with a hoof. The crowd parted and the matron trotted through, heading for the door. I thought I could almost see a hint of a smile on the face of the older mare, probably because she was enjoying the spectacle as much as the rest of us.

She opened the door dramatically, sending it crashing inwards. We crowded around to get a look inside, but we’d barely had a chance to do anything when the dorm matron turned around. “Someone get the Head Mare. You, Miriam, go straight to the front gates and don’t let anyone come in or leave.” The dorm matron set off at a gallop towards the stairs, overtaken by Miri with the majority of the crowd following hot on her tail. Rumours whipping through the crowd, coming from the ponies who had got a good look into the room, suggested that the colt had made his escape through the window with Fast Forelock.

I’d become separated from Fly, so I just followed Rarity as we dashed through the foyer and out into the grounds. Miri was pulling ahead, going at full gallop towards the school gates. I’d never seen her move that quickly before. A few pegasi were taking off and using their wings to get ahead, which made me jealous.
“They’re over there!” a pegasus cried, pointing her hoof towards two ponies who were running for the gates. There was no way they could beat Miri, and with practically the entire of the school’s staff following our giant crowd, Fast Forelock was caught for sure.

It all ended in a standoff at the gates. Miri kept them open just long enough for the colt to run through, getting a look of gratitude from Fast Forelock. The crowd arrived moments later, in time to witness two dorm matrons marching the sixth year away to have her punishment handed down. As she passed us, I did notice that she really was very pretty, with a pink mane that suited her pale grey coat. No wonder she was popular with colts.
“Alright everypony, get back to your dorms. Anypony left in the grounds in five minutes will get detention,” the Head Mare said, panting from the run. “Let’s go, girls.”
I walked with Rarity and Miri on the way back, not sure where Fly had gone. “That was nice of you to let him escape, Miri,” I said.
“I would have wanted someone to do it for me,” Miri replied, smiling, “Not that I would ever be so foolish as to have a colt in the room.”

The chase, however tiring, had been a good distraction from my application letter, but I was sure that Fly would want me to get straight back to it as soon as we were back in the room. 
“Are you feeling any better, Cat?” Rarity asked as we walked. “After your meeting, I mean.”
I nodded. “I think so. I have to go to special sessions to help me get over my nerves, and do another mock audition, and then get my application letter sent off by November.”
“Sounds tough. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about all of this,” Rarity said, tossing her mane a little. “I just have to worry about exams.”
“Lucky you,” I commented, not feeling too confident about exams either. 

“Hey, cheer up! Once applications are done, we get loads of free time,” Miri said, bouncing around to try and get us to be a bit happier. “There are all kinds of fun things to do next term, and we’ve got the dance this term.”
“Oh yes, the dance. I really need to start thinking about dresses...” Rarity added, looking thoughtful.
“Why don’t we just use the same ones we had last time? I’m sure no-one will remember,” I suggested.
“Oh no no no, that would be terrible! Anyway, you’ll need something that complements River’s dress,” Rarity said, tutting at me. “You don’t seem to have been spending much time with River lately.”

I felt a pang of guilt when Rarity mentioned her. I had intended to see her, and it occurred to me that I should probably have tried to see her after my crying incident and reassure her that I was okay, but I just kept forgetting. She really didn’t play on my mind as much as she used to, which made me feel guilty, so I suppressed thinking about her even more.
“Oh, yeah, I’ve just been busy,” I lied, knowing full well that Rarity had watched me lounge around for ages without getting into contact with River.
“Hmm, well, if she wants a dress, I don’t mind making one for her too. You two can have a first dance!” Rarity and Miri made excited squealing noises. “Oh, that’ll be so cute. The two of you together.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose. We’ll see, Hearth’s Warming is a while away yet.”
“Are you not interested in River any more?” Rarity asked, her eyes wide. I could see Miri’s ears twitching, so I made something up.
“No, I am interested, but I want to focus on my application letter and stuff first. I don’t like to get distracted or nothing ever gets done.” The other two ponies seemed satisfied by this, so I relaxed. I couldn’t deal with rumours flying around about my love life at this point. And I didn’t entirely lie; when I got distracted I really did procrastinate a lot, so being distracted with River was not something I wanted. But then I suspected that River probably couldn’t distract me as much as she had been able to the previous year.