//------------------------------// // Things get worse, much worse // Story: Why was I so lucky? // by Artyom the Brony //------------------------------// “What the hay? A shovel? Where did this come from?” A voice with a thick southern accent asked There was a pause, in which I assumed they were all taking their time to look up. There was a collective gasp as they saw me hugging the tree. “Hey, mister? We can see you, and we uh…” Twilight was cut off by a very comforting voice “What Twilight means, is that we would like it if you could come down, and talk to us,” She said “Wait, you mean, you mean you don’t hate me? You won’t judge me like the others?” I was pretty unsure of how to handle myself in a situation like this. “Can you please come down?” How could I say no to a voice like that? “Alright, give me a second,” I dropped down and caught myself on a branch, before dropping again to the ground. Upon turning around I was greeted by six ponies, one of whom looked more like a horse. Standing in front of me was Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, and three others I didn’t recognize. One of them was much taller than the other and had a multicolored mane and tail. Said mane and tail were blowing in the wind more so than the others, like it could do that normally. She also, unlike the others, had both a horn and wings. I had seen stranger things before, somehow, so I just went along with it. “Let us start over. My name is Princess Celestia, what might yours be?” The Princess asked “Lance Corporal Etrius,” I said, if she was going to show off her title then I would do the same. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Princess,” I was starting to wonder if they had forgotten or just didn’t care about what I had told them. “My student tells me that you have killed members of your own race, is this true?” Well fuck… “Yes ma’am,” I decided not to elaborate. “If you don’t mind me asking, how many?” “Three ma’am,” keep things short and simple “Why did you do it?” “Defense of my country, loved ones, and personal being, in that order,” I didn’t know where she was going with this, but at least she was trying to understand. “So you are a soldier?” “Yes ma’am,” “I can tell you have had… not the best of lives… but since we do not know you or your ways, I would like to bring you back to Canterlot and study you. Would you be open to such a thing?” “It would be an honor ma’am,” “Hey what’s all the… Were did he come from!” Rainbow Dash yelled, now hovering ten feet up above us. “I was in the tree,” I said flatly “Oh, that does seem like a good place to hide, nopony looks up,” “Shall we go then?” The princess asked “Can we come too? Uhm, if that’s alright with you, of course…” Fluttershy said I hadn’t noticed but she was rubbing up against me, as was Rarity. How I didn’t notice I’ll never know, but it was awkward to say the least. “Yes wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could spend more time with Lance? Who knows, we might even be able to help you out with studying him,” Twilight gave the two a funny look before speaking. “I agree, I would like to study this human in detail, and I feel that I would have more spare time to do so,” Twilight said “It’s settled then. Lance will stay at Canterlot, and you six shall accompany him,” “Please, call me Etrius, lance corporal was my rank in the military,” “Very well Etrius,” Celestia said I felt an odd tingly feeling seconds after that, like I was being tickled. I was about to burst out laughing when I suddenly felt a sharp pain. Instead I tried to scream, but then I felt nothing. I was about a foot off the ground in some random corridor, with Rainbow Dash on top of me. I fell and hit the ground, and she fell onto my chest. “Hey there,” Dash said, her former annoyed tone now replaced with one of seduction. “Hi, wanna let me get up?” “No, I wanna do things to you,” her smile widened as she leaned closer I had realized by now that whenever I had my mask on, they seemed to act normal around me, but with it off, they got all touchy feely. It was definitely because I was just that handsome. Quickly looking to my left I spotted it, about three inches too far away to grab. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, if we scoot a foot to the left, I will let you do those things to me, ok?” I asked, hoping she would fall for it “That’s it? Ok,” Dash, using both her wings and her hooves shoves me a foot to the left. Her left. “WAIT NO! I MEANT MY…” Dash cut me off with a kiss “I did what you wanted, now you have to go through with it,” Dash had a grin that would make the Cheshire cat jealous. She lowered her body on mine and started to rub her entirety across me chest and legs. She had her eyes closed in what I could only assume was bliss… for her… not me. I took the opportunity to flip her onto her back so I was on top. “That eager huh?” Dash asked “Not really, I’m still deciding whether or not to go all the way with a pony,” I got off her and dove for the mask which was pretty close now. I grabbed it and put it on before Dash could do anything about it. I tightened the straps and flipped back over with a smug grin on my face, not that anything could see it. Dash was back on top of me with a bit of anger in her eyes. “No! You are mine, and you’re not getting away!” “Just give it a second, and then you won’t want me anymore! You’ll go back to your… you can still remember this though so I’m not gonna insult you…” Dash stayed right in her place though. The only movements she made were that of getting closer to you and rubbing herself against you. That’s when I noticed it. OH GOD THE BROKEN LENS! There was still that vapor coming out of that every time I exhaled. There was no way, could it be? My breath got ponies all worked up, most of them anyways, “No wait! I can explain why you don’t want to do this!” “Oh really?” Dash said rather annoyed at my constant resistance. “Yea, you see when humans mate, it’s customary to eat the others…uhh…uhhhhh…ummmmm… EAR! We have to eat each others ear,” “You think I’m that stupid?” “No, I’m just really desperate right now, can we at least get a room?” Stall for time Etrius, just stall for time. “NO! You are going to do me right here right now!” Dash yelled “I must say, this is a surprise,” Celestia said “I’m not going to oppose love in any way, but already is surprising,” “This isn’t love! This is some weird chemical reaction that gets ponies hormones going!” I yelled, Odin must still be looking out for me, otherwise he wouldn’t have bailed me out like this. “Is it now? If he does not want this Rainbow Dash, then you must respect his wishes,” Celestia said “NO! I want him! I don’t care what he wants!” Dash bent her head down and tried to rip off my Kevlar, but as she did so, she was enveloped in a golden glow, lifted of me, and kept in mid air. “LET ME GO!” Dash yelled as she beat her wings furiously to get to me. “Princess I think we need to talk,” I said “I agree, follow me,” Celestia led the way down some very nicely decorated hallways, taking Rainbow Dash with us. “So, I gonna go out on a limb here and say you teleported us?” I said “Yes, but I was distracted for a moment, so everypony went to vastly different places,” Celestia had the slightest of blushes as she said this “Well, thanks for finding me first. Also why are you blushing?” nailed it…. “What? I’m not blushing, whatever gave you that idea?” her blush intensified “Other than the cherry red your cheeks have turned? You got very defensive,” “In here, quickly,” Celestia walked into a room and I followed. The room was nice, a bed, a closet, nothing to suspicious. A very angry Rainbow Dash followed and was promptly released from the glow. She spent a few moments stretching out and enjoying her new freedom. The doors shut behind her and locked. “Heh, heh, nice joke Celestia. You can uh, you can stop now, you got me good…” I said, scared out of my wits “Oh but this is part of studying you! I want to see how far Rainbow Dash is willing to go, and if possible, find out why she is behaving like this,” Celestia had the creepiest of smiles on “Awww shit. Isn’t there some sort of consent form I have to sign for this?” “I must say you are rather ungrateful. To have a mare like Rainbow Dash so wanting, to deny her would be criminal!” “What in the Sam fuck? Oh god you’re on her side aren’t you… Well isn’t this just fucking perfect!” I yelled Rainbow Dash finished stretching and bolted to me. She tackled me and my head hit the bed frame. You would think a helmet would have helped, but those things were not designed to soften gravity induced injuries. In fact, it made things worse. My vision started to go fuzzy as well as start fading to black. “Oh…shit… not now… I gotta… gotta…fuuuh…” I blacked out.