//------------------------------//
// Chapter 2: Two of a kind 
// Story: Educating Equestria 
// by GnollReader 
//------------------------------//

Celestia watched the airship approach. No matter how often she had seen them during her visits to the human realms before, their sight always reminded her of their impressive ingenuity because unlike the equestrian airships, they worked without magic and flew by technology alone. The huge machine shifted through the air lazily, countless engines and propellers whining softly as it descended towards the great plaza.

"Tell me, professor Penceleigh... who exactly is this Barsley?"

Next to her, Penceleigh gave a sigh as her gaze followed the airship's descent, "He is an institution in the field of experimental physics and applied engineering back home... Actually, it was him who designed the airships, at the age of ten no less."

Princess Celestia gave Penceleigh an astonished gaze, "At such an age? He must be an incredible man then!"

Penceleigh shook her head with a dry laugh, "Incredible is one word to call it... He is ingenious when it comes to his creations, but he is also an eccentric... You would not believe the tumult that some of his theories and concepts have caused." a weak smile crossed her lips, "And you can not imagine the gray hairs he has caused on Henningston's head."

With a last whir the engines of the ship died and it touched ground, countless anchors descending from it as the human crew got to work to secure the ship to the ground.

"What is his relation to professor Henningston?" Celestia asked as she and the ponies present watched the crew's work with silent wonder.

"The first time he showed up at the faculty, Henningston was overjoyed at having one of the most aspiring young scientists under his care. That joy did not last long though..." Penceleigh rubbed her temples, "In Henningston's first lecture, Barsley called him an idiotic fool in front of the whole class and claimed that his latest theoretical works were utterly rubbish and nothing more than a self-adoring toilet lecture..."

Celestia frowned, "I can imagine professor Henningston was not amused."

"Not in the slightest. I have never seen him in such a rage before..." Penceleigh paused, "But what was worse... Barsley was right." Celestia watched her face with surprise, "Upon Henningston's challenge, Barsley stepped up to the board and proved that there was a vital flaw to his theories... the fight that resulted from it lasted the whole day."

"They argued for hours, going over every little detail while shouting at one another like madmen. It was quite a sight, but at the end of the day their rampage had brought forth a completely new field of research. The theories and ideas those two developed in just one day were amazing."

"And they did not become colleagues after such progress?"

"That's what the faculty would have liked." Penceleigh raised an eyebrow, "But instead, they became mortal enemies. Every time one of them would publish one of their works, the other one would come rushing down to their office and stay there until he had proven that the others idea was either wrong or simply useless. After the first month, their fights became so wild that they had to be given separate offices at the far ends of the academy... so their screams wouldn't disturb the lectures of the other professors."

Penceleigh remembered her first day as a professor at the academy. At that point she had still been young enough to be unaware of the ongoing fight between the two famous rivals and she had been excited at a chance to meet her old mentor again. But that quickly changed when Henningston had come storming down the hallway shouting like a lunatic and waving one of Barsley's publications around like a weapon as the students jumped out of his path.

"Is that him?" she was ripped out of her memories by Celestia as a man dressed in knickerbockers and a white shirt with a loose bow tie skipped down the gangway of the airship and towards them with a broad smile on his face.

"Penceleigh!" he called out before she could answer Celestia's question, "It has been far too long!" but instead of walking towards them, he turned and headed straight towards the university, "But not long enough I am afraid! Love the pony, by the way! Those wings look absolutely convincing! Now where is that old goat?"

As he skipped towards the Canterlot university with a happy jump to his steps, Celestia couldn't help but shake her head in disbelief, "That man is a genius?!"

"He is..." Penceleigh replied with a sour voice, "And before you ask, princess, I don't think he's met an equestrian before..."

"But what about my visits to your country? Surely he must have..."

"Barsley only leaves his lab for three things; food, to give lectures if he feels like it, and to annoy Henningston if somehow possible." she sighed, "Don't worry, he'll catch up sooner or later."

Celestia raised an eyebrow, "And what did he mean by, 'not long enough'?"

Penceleigh groaned, "Nothing. He just likes to annoy me since I work with Henningston."

Celestia gave her a questioning gaze, but both of their attentions were drawn to the university as Barsley stopped in the courtyard in front of it, "Let's see now..." he looked over the windows, "That one is still in tact, that one too..." he spotted the broken window, "Yeah, that's more like him."

Barsley took a deep breath and with a happy voice he shouted out, "All theorists are nothing but an irrational bunch of jerks!"

For a moment, there was silence... here and there a few ponies poked their heads out of windows to watch the strange human in the courtyard. But then, one of the windows was thrown open and a gray-haired head poked outside to shout, "And the blasted experimentalists would be better off chained to the bottom of the bloody ocean!" there was a short pause as Henningston put on his glasses, "Is that you, you insufferable lunatic? Did another one of your labs burn down or has the princess gone insane?"

"Who else would come to see a stubborn old goat like you?" Barsley replied with a laugh, "I would have brought your latest publication with me, except they don't allow slabs of stones on the ships these days!"

"Ha! That's a good one! Especially since I have a copy here! Get up here so I can shout at you some more, I prefer the devil himself over these fools any day!"

Princess Celestia and professor Penceleigh watched as Barsley ran into the university, feeling at a slight loss at the spectacle they had just witnessed.

"Pardon me, ma'am." Penceleigh turned around to see one of the crew members approach her, "Where do you want us to load off the stuff?" he pointed a thumb behind him. At the airship, countless crates and boxes were being unloaded at a steady pace, crew members heaving the heavy cargo outside.

Penceleigh raised an eyebrow, "Did he actually bring his whole lab with him?"

"More like ten labs if you ask me." the man replied, "The whole cargo is filled to the brim... So where do we put it?"

Penceleigh turned to Celestia, "You wouldn't happen to have an empty lab at the ready?"

Celestia frowned, "If I remember correctly there is a large storage room under the university..." she eyed the growing pile of crates with concern, "What is in all those boxes?"

Penceleigh shook her head, "I don't even want to know..." she turned to the man, "Carry it into the basement of the university, we'll figure out where to put everything once Barsley comes back." the man nodded and went back to the airship with quick strides. She turned to Celestia, "I will go and have a look at that storage room to make sure nothing explodes in the mean time..." she saw Celestia deadpan, "I'd rather not explain that last part. You should probably head to Henningston's office as soon as possible, Barsley is probably giving him a heart attack as we speak..."

No sooner had the words left her mouth that shouting erupted from inside Henningston's office, the angered screams sounding through the courtyard beneath like a declaration of war. Penceleigh rubbed her temples, "You'd better hurry too..."


---


The moment Celestia stepped into the university she could already hear their shouts echoing through the hallways and down the stairs like a storm, growing ever louder as she traveled towards Henningston's office. When she finally reached the door, she paused and listened to the fight inside.

"What do you mean my approach is wrong, you blasted goat?! It is ingenious I tell you!"

"Ingenious if you're an incompetent idiot! You can't just change the boundary conditions to your liking!" the sound of chalk being pulled over a board echoed through the hallway, "See?! It is completely off scale now!"

"Only because you're stuck with those blasted four dimensions! If you expand the problem to six dimension, the whole situation changes completely!" more chalk was pounded onto the board.

There was a short pause, "That..." Henningston's voice thundered, "Is simply idiotic! Springsteen would turn in his grave if he heard such trash! It is against all natural logic!"

"You should be turning in your own grave were it up to natural logic!" Barsley thundered back, "How you even came up with the idea of a vector potential this ridiculous is beyond my belief! I've seen better calculations in cook books! Are you sure you shouldn't retire and leave science to someone actually capable?!"

"Why, you confounded, self-centered..."

"Blasted old goat!"

"Dishwasher! Blasphemer!"

The fight went on, countless curse names being expelled at an increasing pace along with more terms and theories Celestia could not keep track of and making her blush even behind the door as the words became more and more obscene. Soon, new sounds could be heard, and after a moment Celestia realized with a frown on her face that the two humans were throwing chalk at one another during their fight.

"See?! If you replace this functional with this operator the equation no longer blurts out pounds of shit but understandable numbers instead!" a high screech could be heard as chalk was ripped over the board with fury.

"Indeed?! Then allow me to correct that moronic potency on this side, even a child could have seen this was simply utter rubbish!" the chalk was brought onto the board with enough force to make it shake.

Silence.

Celestia eyed the door with worry, had they just killed one another? But then, "Huh... that actually makes sense now..." Barsley could be heard whisper with an astonished voice.

"It does?" Henningston sounded surprised, but after another pause, "Well, I'll be... turns out the devil still knows his handwork..."

"Turns out old goats do as well..."

"Lunatic!"

"Senile old fart!"

"Arrogant arse!"

Celestia shook her head with a groan, pushed open the door and stepped inside, "Gentlemen, I..." she stopped as she took in the scene before her.

Standing in front of one another in a chaos of countless papers with raised fists and red heads, Barsley and Henningston looked like they were about to jump into a boxing match, but what really put Celestia at a loss of words was what she saw behind the two. There wasn't one board... there were five, and all of them were filled to the point of being beyond recognition with formulas and equations... and none of them made even the slightest sense to her.

The two humans looked at her with surprised faces as they noticed her presence, "Yes, what is it?" Henningston spoke up with an impatient voice, "Can't you see we're in the middle of important work?!" not once did the two of them lower their fists.

"Exactly!" Barsley barked, "Don't you know it is rude to intrude without knocking!" he pointed an angered finger at her.

"I..." Celestia began to stammer, completely thrown out of her pace by their response and mentally put back to the last shouting Henningston had given her. Now that she saw Barsley's face though, she couldn't decide which of the two was more scary in their rage. His eyes looked absolutely insane and his voice was a perfect match in ferocity for that of Henningston.

Before Celestia could mouth another word, Barsley pointed his finger to a chair in the corner of the room, "Sit down and wait until we're done!"

"What?!" Celestia replied with shock, "I..."

"I said sit, darn it or I'll give you enough homework to make you miss the next five years!" Barsley thundered with a voice that made her cringe and pointed to the chair again. 

Henningston alone had already been too much for her, but two of the insane humans were more than she could possibly cope with. With her head held low Celestia admitted defeat, went to the chair and sat down on it like a filly punished in school.

"Good." Barsley turned back to Henningston, "Now where we?" he picked up his fists again, "Senile old fart! You wouldn't be able to tell a vector from a scalar without my help!"

"Blithering idiot! You wouldn't be able to come forth with a singe theory if it weren't for my guidance!"

"You call that senseless gibberish guidance?!" Barsley fumed, "Shriveled old dunce!"

"Insufferable idiot!"

Celestia continued to watch, horrified by the wild dispute in front of her and unable to mouth a single word in her shock as the two went at one another without pause. Outside, countless ponies peeked around corners as the humans' fight echoed through the hallways unhindered.

When they went at one another with the fire irons though, swinging them like swords as they continued to curse at one another, Celestia drew a line. She had enough insanity for one day. This time... it was Celestia's voice that thundered through the university like an earthquake.