Celestia cowering from the 'invisible fire-breathing snakes'
Canterlot, Equestria
Following the annual Grand Galloping Gala celebration in Canterlot, Princess Celestia awoke at five O'clock in the morning from a cocaine induced coma, only to hit the snooze button on the sun, roll back over, and puke up the remnants of three pounds of pot brownies laced with methamphetamine she had consumed the night before. The sun princess, recovering from her night of bacchanalians and lewd activities involving a few royal guards, decided once again, to not raise the sun and enjoy another five minutes of peace and quiet before catering to the mundane needs of her subjects, drowning her eternal loneliness in the flesh of nearly complete strangers, and becoming high as balls.
When reached for a comment, Celestia was more than willing to speak with our on site reporter. “Wha-... uggh...” She said. “Gak! Gak! Arghh... Uggh.” Following her statement, the sun goddess proceeded to fall back onto her bed, and expunge the contents of her stomach and bladder all at once. The disoriented princess then, once again, pressed the snooze button on the sun, and went back to sleep.
The sun, which was set the previous night to rise at the set time of five in the morning by a vastly inebriated Celestia, is sitting in neutral just above the griffon empire. This instance of sun neglect have left many ponies wondering whether they should say something to the out of control, party princess. One such pony is Twilight Sparkle, the young apprentice of Celestia as well as Equestria’s newest ruler.
“I’ve tried to host an intervention,” stated Princess Sparkle after once again waking up and thinking it was still night time. “But when I tried, Celestia just ignored me, scratched her nose and asked my brother if he wanted to have a good time. Then she threw up in the punch bowl and demanded that I save Equestria by killing the snakes that were attacking her. I-I’m pretty sure there weren’t any snakes...”
Celestia cowering from the 'invisible fire-breathing snakes'
After the repeated engaging of the snooze button, Princess Celestia finally got out of bed and allowed the citizens of Equestria to bask in the radiant warmth of her magnificent star.
“You’re welcome...” Celestia grumbled before shutting her blinds and going back to sleep.