//------------------------------//
// Insight 
// Story: Animal Passion 
// by briantherat 
//------------------------------//


Blueheart was dreaming of his mother again...

He was a just a colt, and his mother was lying in bed while he sat in a chair beside her. Her eyes remained bright, but the rest of her body was bone-thin. She had been sick for many months now, and the medicine was no longer working. Blue and his family were finally coming to terms with the fact that she didn't have very long left. Blue was young, but he understood this. He understood, but part of him continued to have hope; hope that, somehow, she would begin keeping her food down and putting on weight again; hope that her mane would grow back full and thick - the way that it once was - instead of falling out in clumps as it had been lately, leaving her nearly bald; hope that, somehow, her disease would go away and she could be his parent again.

For the past while - especially over the last few weeks - Blue had felt more like the parent, and his mother like his child. He was the oldest, and so it fell upon him to sit with her and attend to her needs. When he wasn't in school, he would be the one to spoon-feed her oat mush - the only thing she seemed able to keep down lately; he would be the one to dab her face with cold water when she was burning up, or wrap her in blankets when she was cold; he would be the one to empty the bucket that she kept by the bed, both for vomit and to relieve herself in. He would wipe the blood and vomit from her face, then go to school and pretend that everything was okay. He needed to remain strong; he needed to be there for his sister, his uncles and aunts, and of course he couldn't let his mother know that he would often lock himself in the bathroom during morning break and sob uncontrollably.

On this particular day, as with many others, he sat with his mother and held her hoof in his own while she slept. He tried to spend time with her as much as possible. He tried to convince himself that his presence might keep her around longer. It might make her feel less pain than she seemed to be in nearly all the time now.

"Blue..."

He turned to his mother as she weakly said his name, "Yes, mom?"

"I'm sorry, Blue..."

"For what, mom?"

"Everything. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better mother to you and your sister. I'm so sorry..."

She had been apologizing a lot lately. Sometimes it was for specific things, like the time she told Blue and his sister she was too busy to take them to the fair, and he missed watching the Wonderbolts perform. Sometimes, like now, it was general things. At first, he would excuse himself to another room so that he could cry without her seeing him; but lately he just kind of felt...numb. He would hear his mother tearfully apologize for everything, and he would just feel void, and empty, and emotionless. He worried that this made him a bad person; that he didn't care anymore. He would listen to his dying mother, and feel nothing. Then, hours later, he would be lying in bed, be overcome with guilt and just cry and cry until he fell asleep.

"It's okay, mom." Blue said, with a sigh. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You were..." he caught himself.

"You are a great mom."

His mother closed his eyes and smiled, then was overcome with a coughing fit. Blue leaned over and propped her up in bed with pillows, and held her until she stopped. After she was done, he dabbed at her mouth and continued to sit by her, awaiting the next apology, or regret, or stream of vomit to come from her mouth.

Blue was at school when he was told that she died. He was called into the headmaster's office and they offered to let him go home early that day to be with his family. When he rejected their offer, they insisted. He remembered walking home, unsure about how he was supposed to feel. He felt sad, but also relieved that her suffering was over. And a part of him was even a bit happy that he wouldn't have to sit with her anymore, cleaning up after her and caring for her. Then he felt guilty about the part of him that felt happy, and he felt so frustrated that he kicked a tree. Then he felt the pain of an injured hoof.

It was all more than a young colt should have to deal with. Somehow, though, caring for his mother over those many months left a void in Blue's heart after she was gone. In the weeks following burying his mother, Blue realized what his purpose in life was and ended up getting his cutie mark: a teardrop falling on an extended hoof. He tried caring for other sick ponies, but it just left him with the same numb feeling that he got looking after his mother.

Then one day, he found his calling. He was walking to the market in the rain, when he came across a family of kittens huddling in a dark alley. Seeing nobody around, he was overcome with an urgent desire to help them, and he realized then that he could find the greatest joy in life by helping the city's most vulnerable creatures. He used whatever money his mother had left him in her estate to open up a place where animals could go, and be assured food and shelter.

Blue threw himself into his work, and gained satisfaction from every creature that he helped, every injured bird that he healed and every lost puppy that he found a home.

But he still felt empty. He felt happy...but he felt that he was missing something in his life. So, despite loving what he did, he said goodbye to his family, packed his bags and prepared to set out on the road to find himself. 

His sister, crying, hugged him as he left his home in the city. He could feel the moisture of her tears on his face.

Slowly, as his eyes began to open, his sister's face faded away and was replaced by the worried, tired face of a familiar pink-haired pony staring down at him and dabbing his face with a damp cloth. As Blue opened his eyes further, he saw the Pegasus pony's face break out in a wide smile.

"Oh! Oh my goodness! You're...you're okay!" she exclaimed, and hugged him tightly.

He felt moisture on his neck, and, though he thought at first it must be the water from the cloth dripping down his face, he felt her trembling against him and realized that she was crying against him.

"Fl...Fluttershy..." he managed to say, his voice hoarse and sore.

She pulled up quickly, wiping away the tears from her eyes, "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! I mean, I was just so worried about...well...I'm just so glad you're okay."

Blue pulled himself up in bed and looked around. He appeared to be lying in a bed inside a small cottage. There were little animals running all over the floors, and a rabbit appeared to be stirring a pot of stew on the stove.

"Where am I? How long have I been here?" Blue asked, still trying to regain his focus.

Fluttershy sniffled, wiped away the last of her tears and said, "Well...when you fell down outside of town, you were hurt pretty bad. Lots of cuts and scrapes. You also must have hit your head pretty hard. You...I guess you passed out. Pinkie and some of the other ponies helped me bring you to my cottage and...well...I've been caring for you ever since."

Blue tried to shake the cobwebs out, and ran his hooves over his body. He was covered in bandages, particularly around his head, and one of his back legs was propped up on pillows.

"Caring...for me? How long have I been out?"

Fluttershy bit her lower lip and responded, "Umm...a couple of days, I think. I wasn't actually sure that you were going to make it at first. You were covered in so much blood that I had to bathe you to wash it all off to see how badly things were."

Blue's eyes suddenly opened wide, "B...bathe?"

Fluttershy blushed and looked away, "I'm sorry. I know that I don't know you very well, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. I...didn't look at...that, if you're worried."

On one hand, Blue was grateful that Fluttershy cared so well for him when he was injured, but there was something...strange and violating about the fact that she had bathed him. Despite his injuries, and perhaps his better judgment, he felt a stirring in his loins that this beautiful young mare had seen him in such a compromising fashion.

Fluttershy sat down on the bed beside him and said, "I'm very sorry if you're upset with me. I tried to be only professional with you while you were hurt."

Blue sat up and replied, taking Fluttershy's hoof, causing her to turn toward him, "It's fine. I know that you were only trying to be helpful."

"Oh, I was! I'd never do anything like...well, I mean I look after sick animals all the time, so I thought I'd try to help. When I thought that you might not wake up, though..." Fluttershy's voice trailed off, and tears filled her eyes again.

Blue squeezed her hoof and smiled, "I know, and I'm sorry I was so clumsy and scared you so much. It's just...you kind of startled me, I guess, and I lost my footing."

Fluttershy was quiet for a few moments, and Blue took the opportunity to let go of her hoof and stand up, trying to locate the best place to relieve himself. He wasn't even going to ask how Fluttershy managed to help him with that while he was out.

When he returned from the outhouse, Fluttershy was sitting at the table, silently watching him. There were two bowls of stew at either end. Blue sat down and started down at it. It smelled good, and he assumed he hadn't eaten for a few days, so he started digging in. He was a few spoonfuls in when he realized that she hadn't touched hers, so he looked up at her.

"Yes?"

She bit her lip again and said slowly, "Umm...now that you're feeling better, are you still going to be...I mean, you said that you were just going to stop in for the night before, and..." her voice trailed off again and she looked off with a frown.

"Well..." Blue began, "I'm still somewhat sore, so I'm not really up to travelling yet, I guess. But I don't really have the coins for more than a couple more nights at the inn, so..."

"You can stay with me!" Fluttershy interrupted suddenly, then softly added, "I...I mean, if you want to. I have a spare bed, and...I don't mind."

Blue smiled, "I guess that could work. You have a nice home and...I guess it'd be interesting to learn more about you and the town."

Fluttershy nodded shyly, "Okay...I'd actually like to know more about you too. Um...if you wanted to share, I mean."

Blue nodded and, after another moment of silence, the two ponies began eating their stew. Blue felt something brush his hoof under the table, and while he assumed it was one of the myriad of animals running around Fluttershy's home, when he looked up at her, he caught her looking at him with a peculiar look in her eye. She looked away suddenly, her cheeks flushing slightly.