//------------------------------//
// The Return of Chaos part 2.5 
// Story: A Guardsman in Equestria 
// by Guardsman_Sparky 
//------------------------------//

	Alexander materialized in a flash of sunlight at the edge of the Everfree Forest.  He took a step to steady himself, and vomited.  
"BLARK!"
Alexander wiped his mouth with a sleeve, then replaced his respirator on his helmet.  Right, concussion plus teleportation equals barfing.  Urg.  He stood up, taking stock of his surroundings.  The Everfree Forest stretched in front of him as far as the eye could see to either side.  Alexander turned to look at Ponyville.  "Holy God-Emperor..."
Ponyville was a disaster zone.  Buildings floated haphazardly, ponies were walking up nothing, completely ignoring the laws of physics...or whatever this place had.  Pink cotton candy clouds zipped to and fro above checkered and plaid hills, the sun and moon bouncing back and forth above and below the horizon like psychedelic yo-yos.  I need to hurry.
Alexander followed the edge of the Everfree until he came to a recently used path.  Yeah, this looks about right.  Plunging into the forest, Alexander followed the path until he arrived at a familiar grotto, a rotting manticore carcass splayed near the clearing's far edge, torn apart by whatever scavengers made the forest their home.  "Well, that was convenient."  Above the trees, Alexander thought he could see a crumbling structure off in the distance.  Making a mental note to check it out later, he returned to the site of his first battle in Equestria.  
Alexander traced the broken ground to the edge of the clearing.  Looking up, Alexander could see a trail of broken branches and deformed bushes marking where he had burst into the clearing.  He checked his laspistol's charge.  Satisfied, the guardsman stepped into the forest.  As he slowly tracked his progress, a thought occurred to him.  It didn't appear that Discord's chaotic influence extended into the forest.  Was it because there were no ponies here to torment?
Alexander stopped.  He couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched.  Watching the woods warily, Alexander continued to follow his trail.  He ground to a halt when a golden eagle with two heads flew by, the symbol of the Imperium and the Emperor Himself.  Alexander was awestruck.  He followed the raptor into a clearing, where it perched on a large grey rock, radiating power.  Alexander approached it reverently.  
"My Emperor?"
"Why do you aid these inferior beings?"
Alexander took a step back.  "Wha-?"
"Why do you grovel at their feet?  You are a soldier of my Imperium.  You are the strongest among these weak xenos!  It is Humanity's right to rule all other inferior races!  You alone survived the test that your regiment failed.  Take control of these soft animals and we can rule over them together!"
Alexander stared at the golden eagle in confusion.  A dark fury overcame the guardsman as realization struck him.  He drew his chainsword, pointing it at the two-headed bird of prey accusingly.  "You...are not the emperor."
"YOU DARE-"
"You are nothing but a false prophet, sent to turn me from my quest.  The Emperor was a kind and just ruler, who mourned those who were lost fighting in his name.  He sacrificed himself to save us all from chaos.  He would never have slaughtered an entire regiment for something as trivial as a TEST!"  Alexander swung his sword with a strangled yell of rage, the sword's screaming teeth tearing through the phony predator.  "RAAAGH!"  The golden apparition evaporated with a screech.  In its place rested a box Alexander had seen once in a library.  A slow clapping stayed his hand as he reached for the box.
"Once again, you surprise me, guardsman."
Alexander spun around.  "Discord.  Why am I not surprised?" he snarled, drawing his laspistol.  
The draconequus sat in a red-upholstered theater chair, a mocking grin on his face.  "I must say, I did not expect you to come here.  I would have thought you would have gone back to the maze."  His jolly expression turned dower.  "Still, I can't just let you run around to interrupt my fun."  He snapped his lion's paw.
Alexander paled at a familiar growl snarling behind.  He spun around to see...nothing.  The bewildered human looked around in confusion before he felt something smack into his shin.  He looked down.
"What the hell?"  
Attacking Alexander's leg was a carnifex the size of a chihuahua, its blunted teeth and claws scrabbling at the armor fruitlessly.  The human just stood staring at the pint-sized terror before a laugh brought him back to his senses.
Discord was giggling like a schoolkid who had placed a tack on his teacher's chair.  "Oh, you should have seen the look on your face, priceless!"   He wiped a tear from his eye and flicked it away, the tear exploding in a puff of fire.
Alexander aimed his laspistol.  "Yeah, well you should see the look on yours."  He fired at Discord.  Discord stopped laughing, his face blackened by the las-shot.  He glared at Alexander.
"Well, I was just going to trap you here, but now, you've made me angry."  He jumped out from behind the boulder in the middle of the clearing next to the guardsman.  Alexander swung his sword at Discord, but it turned into powdered sugar before it could touch him.  Discord grabbed Alexander by the face-plate of his mask and pushed at Alexander's mind.
Alexander struggled weakly.  "N-no..."  Unable to cope with the chaotic essence invading his consciousness, his eyes rolled back into his head, and all he knew was darkness.  
Discord dropped the limp human in disgust.  "Such an uncivilized species.  They aren't any fun at all."  A snap of the talons, and a wall of thorns surrounded the clearing.  "There, that should keep him.  Time to spread more delicious chaos."  There was a yellow burst, and the comatose human was left alone in the clearing with a miniature carnifex, delirious laughter echoing through the forest.





Alexander found himself surrounded by darkness.  Floating in a void of nothingness, he began to despair.  Years passed, and nothing changed.  Just as he began to lose hope, a voice rang out.  "Just what the HELL do you think you are doing, soldier?!"
Alexander turned in shock, saluting out of reflex.  "S-sarge?"  There, standing in front of Alexander was his late platoon sergeant, the orneriest, toughest sonuvabitch Alexander had ever seen.
"You are the sorriest piece of shit I ever layed eyes on, maggot!"  Belted Gunnery Sergeant Johnson.  "I THOUGHT I taught you better than to GIVE UP, soldier!"  Alexander was speechless.
"Ease off on the guardsman, Gunney," interjected another voice.  An officer stepped next to Johnson from out of the shadow.  "The poor kid's been through a lot in the past few days, if you recall."
Alexander couldn't believe his eyes.  "Major Minor?"
Anton Minor smiled.  "In the flesh.  So to speak."  He smiled.  "And it's Colonel Minor now, remember?"  Alexander did remember.  He had seen what had happened to the last colonel, been there when the major was promoted.  It felt like an eternity had passed since that had happened. 
"How is this possible?"
"Beats the hell out of me," stated a new voice.  Alexander turned to find a familiar face.  "Steve?"
Guardsman Steven MacDougal grinned.  "Hey kid."
Alexander stuttered.  "But-but, you all died, I saw it happen!  How...?"  His voice broke, and he tried to fight off tears.  Steven took Alexander by the shoulder, sadness in his expression.  "Just let it all out kid."  At this, Alexander broke down, bawling like a child that has learned his puppy has died.  To his credit, the sergeant waited for Alexander to finish before knuckling down on him.  
"Alright, maggot, time to man up!"
Alexander sniffed, drying his eyes.  "How are you all alive?"
The colonel shook his head.  "We're not."  Alexander took a step back.  "Near as we can figure, when we died, we just lingered somehow."  
Steve grinned, "Yeah, it'll take more than death to keep all of us down."
Alexander frowned at his words.  "All of us?"  For a brief moment, Alexander saw a legion of spectral figures standing around him before the mists of his mind closed in again.  He swallowed.  "Is there anything I can do?"
Colonel Minor smiled sadly.  "There's nothing you can do to help us.  We're stuck here until we can fulfill our duty to The Emperor.  And He hasn't deemed it necessary to tell us what that is yet."  
Alexander was horrified.  That was worse than dying.  Steven chuckled.  "It's not so bad.  We don't get tired, we don't get hungry, we don't have to go take shits, and we get to watch you mess around in some kids' vid-show.  Nice job with the lion-scorpion-bat thing by the way.  A bit sloppy, but not bad."  Alexander smiled in spite of himself, then frowned.
"Wait, you've been watching?"
Steven began to fade.  "Whoops, looks like our time is up kiddo.  Be seein' you."  He slowly vanished, a warm smile on his face.
Johnson grinned wickedly.  "Time to wake up maggot.  Make us proud."  He saluted, his unsettling smile the last thing to disappear.  
The Colonel pulled something off of his belt, handing it to Alexander.  He saluted.  "I think you'll be needing this more than I will.  Good luck, soldier."
Alexander saluted back, fingers wrapped tightly around the colonel's gift as the world faded into white.
"Goodbye..."





Alexander opened his eyes, blinking against the harsh sun.  He was still in the Everfree forest.  He sat up and rubbed his neck, looking around.  The hell did Discord do to me?  Alexander surveyed the clearing, seeing that he was hemmed in on all sides by thorny bushes. He looked down.  No way.  In his hand was the Colonel's power sword, a master crafted rapier capable of cutting through all but the toughest of power armor.  Alexander stood, his mind spinning as he held the awe inspiring sword before him.  
Was it all in my head?  It can't be, the Colonel gave me his sword.  But how is that even possible?  There was only one way to explain it:  magic.  He didn't like that fact, but with what he had seen that day, it was the best he could come up with.  He picked the sword's scabbard up off the ground and clipped it to his belt, sheathing the blade in its home.
Oh crap, the Friendship Reports!  Alexander spun around, and sighed with relief.  The box was still there.  He stepped over to the boulder and picked up the box.  Well, I got the box, guess there's nothing left to do but just wait.  	As if the Solar Diarch had heard him, Alexander vanished in a flash of golden sunlight a few minutes later.

To his credit, Alexander managed not to vomit upon being teleported back to the Canterlot library.  After dry heaving into a wastebasket, Alexander stood up.  Princess Celestia stood before him, concern on her face.  Before she could say anything, Alexander waved a hand dismissively.
"I'm fine, just don't seem to agree with teleportation.  It's getting better though."  He shrugged, then handed Celestia the box of Friendship Reports.  "Here."
She took the box in her magic, relief clear on her face.  "Thank you, Alexander.  I only hope we have enough time."  She sat on a chair and began pulling out neatly rolled scrolls.  As she burned them with an emerald flame, Celestia turned her attention to Alexander.  "Now, please, tell me what transpired in the forest."
Alexander told the royal alicorn of arriving at the edge of the Everfree Forest.  He told her of the apparition sent to waylay him.  He told her of Discord's prank, his retaliation and of Discord's attack on him.  He stopped.  Should he tell her what transpired while imprisoned in his own mind?  After some debate, he brokenly told her of the predicament of his regiment, telling himself that if anyone-make that anypony-could aid them, it was the Princess of the day.  Alexander drew the Colonel's sword.  "And when I awoke, his sword was in my hand.  I grabbed the box, and then you brought me back."
Celestia seemed disturbed at the fate of so many sentient beings.  "I am afraid that your allies are beyond my ability to aid them."  Alexander opened his mouth to speak, but Celestia held up a hoof, indicating that she had more to say.  "I will speak with my sister.  Luna may know something that I do not.  As for the sword,"  She motioned at the rapier in Alexander's hand.  "I have seen magic of the like few times in my lifetime.  Such events have always been dire portents of things to come."  She glanced at the projector screen, smiling at what she saw.  "it appears my faithful student has found herself."
Alexander turned and saw that the projector showed Twilight regaining color.  "Huh, waddya know?  The Friendship Reports actually worked."  Sitting down, Alexander watched with Celestia as the elements of Harmony reunited to defeat Discord, cheering as they returned him to stone and restored reality.